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Drunk Flirts, Insecurity, and the Man Who Mistook Himself for a Lesbian

My (serious, three+ years) boyfriend and I are finally living out our mutual desire to have another woman join us in bed. Hooray! Everyone is getting off, everyone is highly aroused, Saturday night bootie calls are BACK, and we all seem to really enjoy each other's company, which is great. Like dream come true, really. We have successfully (so far) negotiated the bringing-someone-new-into-an-established-relationship-and-how-we-might-both-feel-about-that stuff. So what is my problem? It's not so much a problem as something he and I have talked about and tried to figure out and then concluded that there is not really anything we can do about this, but I still wanted to get your opinion. READ MORE

Coming Out, Hot Friends, and Facebook Chat

I am a 32-year-old lady in a relationship with a dude. I have known I was bisexual for ages now but I am starting to think that I'm actually a dyke. READ MORE

Bisexuals, Clingy Exes, and the Return of the Heart/Vagina

I'm a woman in my mid-thirties. I consider myself bisexual and have for many years, though my sexual experience is limited and I've never had a relationship a woman. It's not because I didn't want to, it was simply a matter of not meeting an available woman I was interested in. I've had sex with two women and both were straight (the first was the adventurous type who will try anything once; the second was trying to spice up her marriage). I've kissed/made out with several women, but for most of them it was typical college experimentation and/or male attention-getting. I enjoyed those experiences, but it wasn't the same for me as it was for them. I always wanted something deeper. READ MORE

Man-Haters, Infatuations, and the Lesbian Litmus Test

I'm a bi girl who has fallen into a state of infatuation with this girl who has a few gay friends but by all means exudes the strong odor of a straight girl. She even has a douchebag boyfriend (ugh and he is a douche) but I find myself really caring about her beyond just admiring her physical attributes, like wondering what struggles she may be going through, what she likes, wondering "what is she doing now" (and imagining her with her douchebag boyfriend), etc., and generally having this desire to make her happy and to see her happy. READ MORE

Kissing, Facial Hair, and Secret Lesbian Techniques

So I'm a chick who mostly likes men, but considers sexuality fluid and has occasionally slept with women (as in, like, twice). My best friend happens to be a queer chick. And in the past, I happened to have been a little bit in love with her. We didn't talk too much about that fact, but it was kind of an unspoken understanding, and I'm about 80 percent sure that she had some feelings for me too, but we never acted upon them. This past weekend, she came to visit me after not seeing each other for seven months. (Important-ish note: she has recently started seeing someone fairly seriously but they're not exclusive yet.) After dinner and a not insignificant volume of cheap merlot, she kissed me. I kissed her back, although I was kind of unsure if this was a good idea, despite really wanting it to happen. Then she stopped, citing "blurred lines." But then, later on, she asked if maybe we should do that again/continue where we left off because she thought we were "both really curious" and "it would be fun," and it "wouldn't mean anything romantic." After kind of agreeing (albeit hesitantly) that yeah, it would be fun, and why not, she then later decided that maybe it wouldn't be a good idea, and she wouldn't want to mess with things. READ MORE

Flirting, Unqueering, and Lesbian Porn vs. Lesbian Porn

I am a queer lady and I'm engaged to a very nice heterosexual man. We've been together for five years and he is fully aware of my queerdom and super happy and supportive in a non-oppressive-voyeuristic "I like girl-on-girl" kind of way. I don't think my relationship unqueers me, but do other people? Does the LGBTQ crew hate me for still trying to claim a spot in the rainbow? READ MORE

Casual Dating, Girls' Night Out, and Listening to Your Heart/Vagina

I'm a gay lady who is starting to date? I guess? Like, actually date. I'm late-20s and am living in a medium-sized city. I've only ever had long-termish relationships (four of 'em), and they all followed the friends > I like you > jk, I love you > full blown monogamous relationship pattern. BUT NOW, I'm in a new place, and I think I'm actively engaging in casual dating. So, I went on a couple really awesome dates with a great lady, and we banged and it was amazing. But we don't chat during the week, and basically I don't know much about her as a person (other than she's fun and pretty). Now I'm talking to this other lady, and we're gonna go on a date, and I'm excited! But what is proper protocol for informing either lady about the other one? How the eff do you casually date, like in general? I feel like such an idiot. BASICALLY TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK CASUAL DATING IS AND HOW DO YOU DATE MORE THAN ONE PERSON. READ MORE

Sexual Roleplay, Gaydar, and "OK, I'll Bite"

I'm a queer dyke who's been dating a string of trans men lately, some of whom pass really well in public. It's nice to know that in queer circles, we're largely read as queer, but sometimes I get all stomach-clenched when I know we're read as straight in the mainstream world. I'm proud of being queer, but I'd never want my lover to sacrifice an ounce of what he's worked so hard to do. How do I reconcile this? READ MORE

Queer Credentials, Reverse Crushes, and a Handy How-To

I want you to treat this question like a naive child, not like a chauvinist adult, but I'm really dying to know the answer. At what point does a girl loses her virginity to another girl? I know, I know, I'm such a boy, everything's about penetration and my junk, but really, as I am specifically a GAY man and have no plans on going near a vagina at any point in the foreseeable future (I mean, I'm a Double Gold Star Gay, I was C-sectioned, I didn't even come OUT of a vagina), I'll be the first to admit that I know zero about sex with girls, especially when it's sex between two girls (which, again, doesn't turn me on like it does straight men). So really, I ask your forgiveness, but I really want to know. Is there a definite definition of biological girl-on-girl virginity loss that was ratified by a three-quarter majority at the Strategies of Lesbianism Convention — which I believe was held down the road from my house in Jamaica Plain — or is this something that's unique to each person? And if it's the latter, how do YOU define when you lost YOUR virginity to a girl? READ MORE

Sex, Exes, and the Bi-curious

OK so what if you're definitely straight but you kind of get really turned on by girl-on-girl and would love to try it someday. But also you don't want to offend anyone by being like, "Oh I'm straight, I'm just doing this for sexual novelty/curiosity." You'd definitely be reciprocal and everything ... just, is it annoying to have a straight girl be like "Oooh me me me"? But like, she really wants to, just no strings attached. READ MORE