Friday, August 22, 2014


What My Mom Wants Me to Blog About

[Suburbs, kitchen table, sometime before 8am.]

My Mom: Good morning! What are you going to write about today? I have a lot of ideas!!!

Me: Oh god. I'm going to need coffee first.

My Mom: No problem! I have great coffee. Which do you prefer – Entenmann's  chocolate donut flavored coffee or this new stuff I got at the mall, decaf cinnamon hazelnut mocha cherry coffee?

Me: [defeated and knows the answer] We don't have any regular coffee??

My Mom: Once you try these flavors, you'll never want to go back to your regular coffee! Trust me. Anyway, I have ideas of what you should blog about today! Can I tell you or do you need to catch up on the news first? [hands me the USA Today]

Me: [makes decaf cinnamon hazelnut mocha cherry coffee] You and Dad are the only people I know that read USA Today when not staying at a hotel near an airport. Ok, just give me your ideas. Let's get this over with.

My Mom: Ok, did you watch the Hallmark movie Stranded in Paradise? The heroine was stranded with her love interest in Puerto Rico! I didn't enjoy the ending, which had the woman give up a Vice President position which was her goal after working for the same company for 15 years! This decision was made for the possibility of love from a stranger. If he loved her, he would go to Denver, her home city, find a job, get married and vacation in Puerto Rico with her!  

Me: What was his job though? I mean, I think the Hairpin readers would definitely like to hear my recap of a TV movie I've never seen, but I need more info. Like was his job at a rum distillery in Puerto Rico? If so, I don't think it's fair to ask him to drop everything to move to Denver for her!

My Mom: You're completely missing the point. These are important issues. What do you feel like for dinner???!

Me: It's 7:30am! I haven't even had breakfast yet.

My Mom: Why didn't you say anything! [takes out an assortment of breakfast cereals I've never heard of with photos of active senior women on the boxes] I have another idea too! What if you blogged about your sister having a baby yesterday? Or what it's like to be disappointed with highlights? Or Geraldine Ferraro??

Me: These are all great ideas. Will do. [My Mom doesn't hear the last part as she starts petting our dog and ignores me entirely]

24 Comments / Post A Comment


My mom would be interested in a blog detailing the latest health fads that “they” say are supposed to be really good for you, wherein “they” = Dr. Oz, nine times out of ten. Her latest dollop of wisdom was something to the effect of “they say that you’re supposed to wait 45 minutes after eating or drinking to brush your teeth so that your toothbrush doesn't embed any stains!” Well, Mom, that’s great for people who have 45 minutes to just sit around between their last cup of coffee and having to actually be somewhere in the morning. Super helpful stuff.


@Katni Actually, you should wait about 30-45 minutes before brushing your teeth after eating or drinking! I read that somewhere then asked my dental hygienist about it and she said it's true. Your enamel is softer after you eat due to acids in the food (and gastric acid too I think)so you can damage it if you brush too soon.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

My mom would want me to blog an invitation for readers to come watch me do my ice bucket challenge - not nominate them, just invite them to watch me get ice water dumped on my head in person, because she thinks that that is the point of the ice bucket challenge. For people to see you do it in person. She suggested that I have ice water dumped on me at my place of work - who cares that there are carpets and computers and nowhere to change into dry clothes? The point is that people see you do it, and that isn't possible any other way but live and in person!


What I'm getting from this is that I really need to find a blog run by women in their fifties and sixties.
Jamie Curtis laughing alone with Activia® for president.


I'm 100% serious. If any one of you wouldn't read the shit out of a blog post written from the POV of one of the Golden Girls, then get right out of here.

Where is our post about compression socks?

What does Dr. Oz think about which cereal has the most fiber??

Can the resuscitated, re-enViewed body of Barbara Walters post a Twitter about this???

What Emoji best represents the feeling of getting your diabetes medication refilled on-time????


@mirablu +1 I need this for the movie synopses alone. Plus maybe there'd be some dog pics. Like a series called "Adorable Puppies We're Ignoring Our Daughters For."


Gimme that Cracklin Oat Bran! mmmm..!


@workerbee I freaking love Cracklin Oat Bran, but that mess is always $6 for that skinny lil box.


I smiled at the photo mrs. Huxtable. This reminds me of the happy times watching television.
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i hope this is a continuing series. please and thank you. xoxo


***ORRR I just want to hear your mom's summaries of Lifetime movies. Can I just give her my email address so she can email me her opinions on made for tv movies?


Wait, what IS it like to be disappointed with highlights? I'm about to get some, and I'm a little nervous.

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I would read the hell out of Dirtbag Geraldine Ferraro.

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Such a well written post. Thanks about sharing.

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