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Thursday, August 14, 2014

12

The Service Was Terrible and I Won't Be Coming Again: A Yelper Reviews Some Dicks

my finest workTim, 29, Los Angeles, CA (✮☆☆): This dick used to be great, like, three years ago. But it’s really taken a turn for the worse over the past yearnow the lines are huge, it takes forever to be served, and when you finally get your dick, it’s usually cold and too salty, but they won’t take it back and get you a new one because they’re “too busy.” I blame the neighborhood influx of hipstersugh, go back to Ohio, you guys! Anyway, I’m giving it three stars for all my memories of how good this dick used to be, but I guess it’s time for me to find a new regular Sunday morning dick. I hear there’s a pretty good new one over in Westwood.

Charlie, 23, New York, NY (✮☆☆☆☆): If I could give only half a star, I would. Super rushed, terrible ambiance, and weird music choices (seemed like Cam’ron’s “Oh Boy” was just playing on repeat the whole night). Will not be coming back.

Phil, 53, Baltimore, MD (✮☆): Super old school! If you’re tired of all the area’s new ultra-slick modern dicks, try this one out. This dick is a total throwback to a more refined era from America’s past, from the cool tumblers of scotch offered at the night’s beginning, to the absolute refusal to wear a condom. Grab a group of your best girlfriends, put on your Mad Men pencil skirts and check out this dick for a fun, retro night on the town! We even heard there’s a secret passage that leads to a small-batch bourbon distillery, but we couldn’t find it.

Bradley, 36, Ojai, CA (): This dick was so romantic, my fiancée and I are now talking about holding our engagement party here!

Andy, 32, Wallingford, CT (✮☆☆): The reservation process with this dick was really time-consuming and involved, so maybe I expected too much. I had just heard it was so exclusive, and I had really high hopes, but it just turned out that Andy went to Catholic school and still has hang-ups and that's why it takes so long. Guess I should have done more research beforehand? Don’t get me wrong, the dick was perfectly serviceable; but I could have gotten the same dick right in my own neighborhood with a lot less hassle, instead of driving across town and spending two hours beforehand discussing the true meaning of Vatican II.

Arnold, 41, St. Paul, MN (✮☆☆☆☆): DO NOT PATRONIZE THIS DICK! Arnold refused to honor my Groupon because it was the weekend, even though the Groupon didn’t say anything on it about how you could only use it on weekdays. There are plenty of great dicks in this city that aren’t liars and actually respect people! Go to those dicks.

Mark, 25, Tucson, AZ (✮☆☆): Not only is the service impeccable, but on Thursdays, happy hour lasts until 10, and that includes two-for-one on jalapeno poppers! My co-workers and I always try to hit this dick up after work. I know some people on here have written negative things about how they don’t like all the moles, or the way it curves to the left a little, but I think those are just some of the quirky little touches that make this dick so charming.

Bill, 27, Savannah, GA (✮☆☆☆): I didn’t try the dickI only had a martini, which was pretty goodbut my friend Claire said she got food poisoning from it.

Terrence, 45, Annapolis, MD (): My boyfriend Mike and I live just around the corner from this dick, but we’ve never checked it out. But last Wednesday, we were just looking to try something new (we usually just order Thai food on WednesdaysI know, I know, old boring couple, what can I say, we’ve been together since college ☺). So we were walking by, and Mike was like, “Why don’t we give this dick a shot?”

Well, let me tell you, it did not disappoint! The presentation was gorgeous, to begin with–the air was full of the scent of fresh sandalwood, the lighting concept was beautiful, and every possible surface was upholstered in tasteful linen. It was a real step up from our regular Thai place, I’ll tell you that much! Given how nice it looked, I figured this dick was going to cost us an arm and a leg, but not only was it affordable, there wasn’t a single corner cut to make it that cheap–the durability, flavor, and even length were easily comparable to dicks that cost twice as much! I almost want to keep this dick my own little secret. It’s so great and I don’t want it to get too crowded. But Yelp is for sharing, and it would be far too selfish to keep a dick like this under wraps! Come by this dick next Wednesday, and you might even see Mike and me there! (we’re doing Thai on Thursdays now).

Adam, 41, Shaker Heights, OH (): This funky, out-of-the-way little dick is a real gem! I was skeptical about checking it out at first, because it was a Sunday night and everything, and also it was in this part of town that I never go to, but my friend Audrey insisted, and before I knew it, I was having the time of my life! They even have a live jug band on Sunday evenings! I am definitely adding this dick to my regular weekend routine.

 

 

Gabrielle Moss is not a dick expert, merely a dick enthusiast, and her advice should not be substituted for that of a certified professional. Follow her on Twitter @gaby_moss.

Photoshop by yours truly



12 Comments / Post A Comment

sarahf

Hahahaha amazing!

eizverson22

Sometimes , people's comments to us is very small, as long as we like just fine.

Hà Văn Quảng@facebook

Man City 3-0 win over Arsenal brought back to the same screen Supercup M88 "revenge" on sweet defeat last season.
But in the absence of praise for the Gunners, experts in the UK m88
always put a "request": Arsenal need to buy a defensive midfielder for the middle class. The "M88 class" here, not just about talent.

Marry Jane@facebook

My name faith i want to give thanks and i will always give thanks to Dr ogboni who brought back my love that has left me for 6years within 48hours, i have said about this last week but i promised to always tell people about this every week end so that those that did not read about it last will read about it this week, i have been looking for how to get this boy back to my life because i love this boy with the whole of my heart, i could not replace him with any body,one day i was watching my television when i saw a lady giving thanks to Dr igbalu and telling the world how he helped her i was so shocked i could not believe it because i never taught that there are powers that can bring back lost love, then that was how i decided to contact him too because i do really need my love back,when i contacted him i told him everything and he told me not to worry that my love will surely be back to my arms within 48hours at first i could not believe because i was thinking how could somebody that has gone for 6years come back within 48 hours,so then i decided to watch and see,unbelievable within the next 48hours i got a call from unknown number so i decided to pick the call the next thing i could hear was my loves voice he was pleading and begging me on the phone that i should forgive him that i should forget all that have happened that he did not know what came over him,he promised not to leave for any reason, that he was really sorry for what he did,i was so surprised because i never believed that this could happen,so that was how i accepted his apology and the next morning he came to my house and still pleading for me to forgive him i told him that everything is okay that i have forgiven him, that was how we started again and now we are married, i promised to say this testimony in radio station, commenting this testimony is still okay but before this month runs out i promise to say this in radio station and i will,sir thank you very much.World please am begging you people to try and thank this man for me,or if you need his help here is his email address:ogbonispelitemple@hotmail.com , you can still contact me through my email to know more about him.this is my email adress:ogbonispelitemple@hotmail.com.

Name:faith

Country USA

micheljhon

email address:ogbonispelitemple@hotmail.com , you can still contact me through my email to know more about him.this is my email adress:ogbonispelitemple@hotmail.com.

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micheljhon

through my email to know more about him.this is my email adress:ogbonispelitemple@hotmail.com...
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micheljhon

you try it but learn your lesson and never go back again because that's your biggest mistake.
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micheljhon

ou try it but learn your lesson and never go back again because that's your biggest mistake./.
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Muhammad Usman@facebook

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