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Thursday, August 21, 2014

23

The One True Guide To Having Curly Hair

c-c-c-curly

This is the only way to tame your wild mane.

1. Sleep on a pillow of cirrus clouds, though cumulus clouds will do if you don’t wish to travel so high up in the atmosphere. Regular pillows will cause an eruption of frizz from your volcano of hair.

2. You may only wash your curly hair once every 6.37 days. If you stray from this timeline, the many oils of your scalp will grossly overproduce and you will perpetually look like a wet dog.

3. Condition your hair with an entire bottle of newborn baby tears. The older the baby is, the less conditioning its tears become. Find one just out of the womb for best results.

4.  As soon as you condition your hair, you must brush it 16 times with a fork made of pure gold. Brushes and combs are for peasants with straight hair.

5. Never touch your wet hair. If there is hair in your eyes you CAN NOT use your own hands to adjust it. The wind will blow it out of your way if it is meant to be.

6. After the drying process, you can use a stick of organic unsalted butter to smooth any frizzies or baby hairs on top of your head.

7. Throughout the day it is important to whisper into your curls that you love them and appreciate how decorative and festive they make your head look.

8. You never want your hair to feel neglected or lacking in purpose. Let her hold a pen or pencil for you, maybe even a packaged snack.

9. Never, and I mean never, style your hair in a fancy manner. No ponytails, no buns, no banana clips, no pigtails, no chignons, no chopsticks. Your hair will react by eating the ponytail holder and bobby pins and giving you a massive headache.

10. If you ever try to straighten your bouncing and bountiful curls that were a gift from the witchy haired goddesses before you, there is a 93.2% chance all of your hair will fall out.



23 Comments / Post A Comment

nairy
carolinaclay

ooo...this is really good..amazing work@y

mirablu

Call upon the doves and spiders to wrap your hair in fresh silk and laurels before you sleep, lest your cloud-pillow create a single tangle with its jealousy. The silk must be fresh, so its heart is pure.

Have you ever heard your hair make a noise as a strand breaks? It has cursed you. A split end will erupt, and it may tear all the way to the cuticle, and finally split in your brain. Do you want split neurons? No? Then you had better not be using any combs with teeth narrower than the prescribed 0.84 inches, hadn't you?

arabellaoh

@mirablu These are the truest words I have ever read. I will meditate upon them when I rise each morning, after the third call of birdsong, and recite affirmations to my curls.

TaffetaDarling

DevaCurrrrrlllllllllllllll all the way.

Krackled

@TaffetaDarling Yes. I actually created an account just to reply to you. My hair was sad, dry and frizzy for the first 25 years of my life before DevaCurl (b.d.c.).

TaffetaDarling

@TaffetaDarling You beat me by a year! I'm 26 and literally for the first time in my life (except, I guess, when I was a wee toddler with wispy perfect baby hair) I have silky(ish), manageable curls. #devashill

mirablu

@TaffetaDarling http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deva_(Buddhism) "A deva (देव Sanskrit and Pāli) in Buddhism is one of many different types of non-human beings who share the characteristics of being more powerful, longer-lived, and, in general, more enlightened and having less desires than the average human being."

A coincidence that this is the name of the company that makes curly hair more manageable? You decide.

Miss Kitty Fantastico

@TaffetaDarling YESSSS I just started using DevaCurl about a month ago, and it's seriously the best thing that ever happened to my head. I can't even believe my hair can look this good (wow, that sounds like a commercial - i promise it's not). I wish my poor High School Aged self had known about it - it would have saved me from many hours of wrestling with a straightener that pretty much only resulted in a burnt-hair smell and more frizz.

TaffetaDarling

@Miss Kitty Fantastico Me too! I looked terrrrible up until, well, a couple weeks ago, when I bought it. I'm actually totally done with my straightener and I love it.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@TaffetaDarling Another new-to-Deva-Curl user checking in - still figuring out how to style it when it's dry, but my curls HOLD like whoa.

tibia

@TaffetaDarling DEVACURL 4 EVER.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

All of this is 100% true, except for the clouds part, because certain clouds may just contain too much moisture, thus ruining the delicate balance that is a curly hair's ecosystem.

EB
EB

THIS IS REAL LIFE. My real life.

pakaian rajut

What you are right about this? because I have curly hair that is dry and very bothered if it feels itchy

JAJohansson

This is the first time I have heard of these tips.

meela

This is a fantastic website and I can not recommend you guys enough. Full of useful resource and great layout very easy on the eyes. 2014 Luxury Cars

Diane Stech

Hi this Diane Stech.Its nice to comment on this blog. Long curly hair is the requirement for every women.

Thanks,
Diane Stech.

tasha gebert

i think thats awsome to have curly hair all the time.

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