Never Bring Your Boyfriend to Brunch
Your friend: [30 minutes before you’re meeting] “Hey, it it cool if I bring my boyfriend along last minute to our catch up brunch we’ve been planning all week?”
You: OK. [You caught that “OK” is text-speak for “No” right??]
Your friend: Yay! We can talk about anything in front of him. Seriously! [Anything except all my relationship (and that weird sex thing he did that I told you about once!!) problems with him!]
You: So what’s…[search for acceptable neutral topic and give up]… new this week?
Friend and Friend’s New Boyfriend: [40 minute long story about a Blue Apron dinner they made. Spoiler: It was such a fun night and it turned out delicious!]
Friend: So what’s up with [something in your romantic life you don’t feel like getting into in front of Friend’s New Boyfriend]?
You: It’s going great…
Friend: But what about [refers to a more interesting part of the story you were saving all week to tell in person at brunch]?
You: Umm, well [continues to tell a very PG version of that story which rivals their Blue Apron story in terms of sexual provocativeness]
Friend’s Boyfriend: [Unsolicited really bad advice]
Friend: He’s so great! He’s like one of the girls, right?!
You: [Orders another drink. Then another.]
Michelle still had a really great time at brunch and was definitely not referring to the time you brought your boyfriend last minute.