Thursday, July 24, 2014


“What’s In Your Handbag?” Submission Rejects

What’s in your handbag, Freyja, Norse goddess of love, sexuality, beauty, fertility, gold, seiðr, war, and death?

Gold eyeliner that a friend gave me because she’s a mortal and she wasn’t sure she could pull it off, empty containers of skyr, that strained Icelandic yogurt that I’m super addicted to, an overdue Comcast bill, Garnier bb cream and SO many treats for the nine magical grey cats who pull my chariot, (gluten-free ones for Helga who has a sensitive tummy). I love these creatures, but they’re useless when they have low blood sugar.

What’s in your handbag, Louka, female Tapir recently relocated to a French wildlife park to pair up with male Tapir Thakeray?

Oof, way too much, I always overpack when I travel! I mean, the usual fruit, berries, and leaves, particularly young, tender growth, since I eat like 40 kg of vegetation a day and I wasn’t sure what they’d have on offer here in France. Plus, some calcium chewables which are super important to keep my chisel-shaped incisors healthy so they can process all the leaves I eat. Also, a little Pantene pro-V since I tend to get split ends in hot weather—I leave it on while I’m checking email over coffee and then hop back in the shower to rinse it off. Works like a charm! 

What’s in your handbag, La Llorona, legendary Mexican ghost of a woman who drowned her children in order to be with the man that she loved?

Stila eyeshadow in dove grey, a portable hair dryer, a gauzy white scarf (I have like a million of them, it’s my signature piece), and a FULL frequent buyer punch card from Red Mango which I plan to cash in for a refreshing treat if I can ever get out of this fucking limbo between the spirit and living worlds! Ugh.

What’s in your handbag, anonymous catalogue model of nurse uniforms?

Yikes, what ISN’T in my bag? Obvi my Kerastase Sleek N Flat spray cause this hair does NOT do this on its own, plus a Lean Cuisine since craft service on these shoots is a joke, and my severed left pinkie toe (long story, I’m an amateur woodworker). Hoping that one of the other ‘nurses’ around here has some actual medical training and can reconnect it after we wrap.

What’s in your handbag, 1890’s bandit and noted train robber Laura Bullion?

Hahaha, my middle finger! Wait, look—there’s two! Ahhhh, I’m just messin with ya. After the last heist I was feelin’ pretty flush and splurged on this real nice Creme de la Mer daytime moisturizer with a mineral sunscreen that also diminishes fine lines around the eyes and mouth. I also cannot live without an extra hair tie or two (it got in my face once as I was leapin’ off a trestle outside of Tulsa and it damn near killed me), plus, of course the gold-plated custom Derringer I got off of a guy after a real lucky hand at poker. I’ve named her Charlene. Wanna hold her? Just kidding, touch it and you’re dead.

What's in your handbag, Ithell Colquhon, Surrealist painter, mystic, and occultist?

A slightly smaller handbag, which contains a slightly smaller handbag, which contains a slightly smaller handbag, which contains a slightly smaller handbag, which contains Alastair Crowley's curried rice recipe.


Previously: Mad Libs: Art House Cinema Edition

Kira Garcia enjoys puns, feminism, textiles, and history. She lives in beautiful Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn with her girlfriend and two handsome cats.

8 Comments / Post A Comment


I love this so much.


Tweet, tweet, tweet BOOM!@k

Ruby Rosa@facebook

my name is Rosa i want to testify about a great spell caster that help me cast a spell that brought my ex boyfriend back to me without any delay. I broke up with my ex with just little misunderstanding hoping we will get back shortly,but things was growing worse until i contacted Dr EBOSA .spell priest who help me with his historical powers to bring him back, without charging me any money for his work but i was only require to provide the items needed for him to cast the spell and after the spell has work i should testify about his good work on any web which i'm doing now,wow i have never believed in a spell caster until i came across Dr EBOSA spell home, Well it will be of great sin if i should go out from here without dropping the contact of this great spell caster,in case you need the help of this great spell caster you can contact him through his email once you contact him all your problems will be over,once again i say very big thanks to you sir for helping me to recover my ex back, and please sir keep your good work cause people need your helping hand in their lives.once more contact him on his email:ebosaherbalremedy@hotmail.com Wow wow....

Sam Se@facebook

Interesting to see ... thank you it's well done :)


nice post


nice post


nice post

Michael Rehan@facebook


We offer private, commercial and personal loans with very low annual interest rates as low as 3% per year to 50 years repayment anywhere in the world. We offer loans ranging from $ 5,000 U.S. $ 100 million. Our loans are well insured for maximum security is our priority. Are you losing sleep at night worrying how to get a legitimate loan lender?

Contact david smith (Loan Services) now with experts who can help you get Loans stop bad credit history find solutions that will win

Please contact us for more information about davidsmithloanfirm@yahoo.com

Creditor: Mr. david smith
Creditor E-mail: davidsmithloanfirm@yahoo.com

Mr. david smith.

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account