If someone moves to make room for you, take up more room.
If someone is looking over there, there's something to see.
If somebody sneezes, run.
If someone brings a bag into your home, look inside it.
If you don't want someone to leave, sit on his suitcase .
Clean between your toes.
Flaunt your full figure.
Hide loose change.
Even though you can take care of yourself, it's okay to let someone be nice to you.
It is perfectly fine to take a nap on the laundry.
If you stand in a kitchen long enough, someone will feed you.
If you're alone in bed, use all the pillows.
Just because it's gorgeous outside, doesn't mean you have to go outside.
Just because you can fit into something tight, doesn't mean you belong in it.
If you trust someone, open yourself like a cheap umbrella.
If you want to be left alone, park yourself in a closet.
If you want to surprise someone, lie in a bathtub and then jerk back the curtain when he sits on the toilet.
If you're not interested, don't look interested.
You don't have to chase every bird that you see.
Helen Ellis is the author of the novel, Eating the Cheshire Cat. She lives with her husband and two life coaches, Big Boy and Tang Tang.