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Thursday, June 12, 2014

90

The bell hooks Hotline: For When You'd Rather Not Give Out Your Number

An anonymous angel from New York delivered a wonderful public service today: "a phone line that automatically reads quotations from bell hooks." From our savior, via email:

The idea came to me after the NYPost printed bikini photos of the woman who "spurned" Elliot Rodgers. Despite the fact that she was only 10 years old at the time they met, she was portrayed as having romantically rejected Rodgers.

The idea is to pass that off as one's own number if you're in a dicey situation, afraid to give out your personal cell phone number or outright reject somebody. The number is 669-221-6251. (We originally wanted 669/UGH-ASIF, but it was taken...)

It will automatically respond to text messages as well as calls! That way, you don't have to deal with a threatening person, *and* they get some free feminist lessons thrown in.

We are thinking of putting up a gmail account too, which would automatically respond with "Thank you for your note. However, I am away on vacation — from the patriarchy."

Give it a try, and then promptly memorize the number: 669-221-6251. [Feminist Phone Intervention, screengrab via Bitch Media]



90 Comments / Post A Comment

Erica Geissman@facebook

Nope, sorry, if you don't want to give someone your number then don't. Surely we can be adults about this.

uemmak

@Erica Geissman@facebook I don't usually give out a fake number, but I have done so twice. The first time I did it because the guy hassled me and followed me home at night from the subway station when I told him no. I don't think that people are being immature- I think that people are feeling unsafe.

466434052@twitter

@Erica Geissman@facebook You're very lucky you've never had to experience the harassment that comes from an aggressor that won't back down from a phone number exchange conversation.

Lucki Grrl@facebook

exactly.

it would be great if everyone were adults and we could all rely on honest answers to get us an appropriate response. unfortunately, we do not currently live in that world.

Chelsea Breher@facebook

@Erica Geissman@facebook some people don't take no for an answer though and get extremely aggressive. I've had a guy try and follow me home because I wouldn't give him my number. Thankfully a bus driver closed the door on him and wouldn't let him on the bus.

taranoire

@Erica Geissman@facebook Telling guys I'm gay doesn't work (and I am) so this is the next best option.

Holly Twentyfourseven@facebook

@Erica Geissman@facebook If you feel that strongly then why are you sorry? Oh yeah that's right...sometimes it's hard to directly communicate and/or we want to communicate resistance despite apparent compliance. Much like this number gives one the opportunity to do.

Theo Kimmel@facebook

@Erica Geissman@facebook omg wowwww you clearly don't understand how awesome this is. Be adults?! Don't harass someone for their cellphone number.

Brigid Leigh Ryan@facebook

@Erica Geissman@facebook it is wonderful that you've never had a guy refuse to take no for an answer. However, I've had far too many for my own comfort. I will be giving this number out if the situation arises again. It would be wonderful if people would just be adults and not harass me for my phone number when I clearly have no desire to give it out. But sadly that isn't always the case. More than once I've had to call security at my job simply because I guy wouldn't take no for an answer.

258079022@twitter

@Erica Geissman@facebook It's not that we're being childish. I've given fake numbers to men because I was afraid of what they'd do to me if I didn't give them some number. I had a guy grab me by the hair when I told him I didn't want to give out my number. Good thing there were some good guys who saw what happened and grabbed him and called the cops. It makes me afraid to go out anywhere. =(

beatrix

AHHH <3 @l

Better to Eat You With

Twice in the last month I've had mystery texts from people who were clearly given my number in a situation like this. How I wish those ladies had had this option.

And as far as "being adults about this," when I've refused to give out my number in the past, I've been called all kinds of nasty names, even yelled at. I'm under no obligation to be nice or honest to such types.

beetnemesis

Giving out a fake number doesn't magically become a mature response just because it contains a literary allusion.

72916783@twitter

@beetnemesis If guys were mature enough to handle a refusal this service wouldn't be necessary.

258079022@twitter

@beetnemesis Sometimes you give out a fake number so you won't be murdered. I've run into some scary men that I gave them a fake number just so I can escape!

Max White@facebook

Because sometimes things get so dicey for women and girls that it's safer to just give a fake number than have a confrontation with some guy with hurt feeling or who just won't quit with the come on.

46607818@twitter

Someone made a gmail account that does the same thing (without the randomization): bellhookshl@gmail.com :D

KevinP

Lets be civil and just say your not interested. It's not easy to put yourself out there. Its worse than a jigsaw puzzle trying to figure out how to talk to women sometimes

Ashley Proulx@facebook

@KevinP maybe you're a nice guy so you don't get this. but some men are pushy, aggressive and scary when rejected. some will just insult you, call you stuck up or not that pretty anyways. some will see rejection as an invitation to grope or follow women. for every nice guy who takes rejection like a considerate human being, there is a guy with a temper and threats. this number is for those guys.

hieropants

@KevinP Women aren't always explicit in their rejections because men have made it unsafe to do so. Does that fill in some missing pieces for you?

Anita Jones@facebook

@KevinP How about dudes who get rejected be civil and not threaten to kill (or actually kill) women? How about dudes learn to take no for an answer? Just because you do doesn't mean all guys do, and trust me, every woman has a story of being threatened or at least verbally abused for saying no when a guy asks for her number. If you haven't been in our shoes, you're in no position to judge.

Kcuf Uoy@facebook

@KevinP Actually it's not that difficult. All you need to do is open your mouth and start talking like a civilised human being. Also, you're not 'risking' anything by asking for a phone number, while many women risk stalkers you at the very best merely harass them.

If you ask for a number and are told no, don't expect to get the woman's real number next time you ask.

vine fruit

@KevinP You say "let's" like there's an "us," haha. It's so nice that the worst discomfort you experience in these situations is jigsaw puzzle-level.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@KevinP and what exactly is the "Mr. D Institute" that you hid a link to in your reply?

isavedlatin

@KevinP *you're

Julia duMais

@KevinP It's also not easy to try and figure out whether the dude I want to say "no" to is going to politely accept that or become rude, aggressive, or flat-out murderous.

taranoire

@KevinP This is for those situations where "no, I'm not interested" doesn't work. So. Yeah.

dottie chang

@KevinP Women are people, not puzzles. Stating that women are uncivil just illustrates how little you understand what a real woman's life is like. I don't owe you anything. If I feel uncomfortable and want to get away without a confrontation, I don't owe it to you do to what you prefer--even if that is just being honest about not having any interest in you. Women do not evade men in this way because it is a puzzle or a game, women do it because they just want to go about their day without getting followed, yelled at, and harassed. I didn't ask for you to hit on me and I don't owe anything to you just because you did.

Less Is More@facebook

@KevinP As a fellow human, I totally understand where you're coming from with regard to the difficulty it takes to muster up the courage to approach someone you find attractive, initiate conversation, and put yourself out by asking for a phone number. The burden of initiating an encounter with the opposite sex disproportionately tends to fall on males, as a consequence of anachronistic social mores and the way men and women still tend to be socialized. It's tough for anyone to display interest in someone and assume the risk of being shot down, over and over again. Rejection stings, and it's not unnatural to even have a deep-seated fear of it.

I also understand your comment about how trying to flirt with the opposite sex, and discern whether or not a person is interested, can sometimes feel like decoding a jigsaw puzzle. Women, in particular, have been socialized to not appear too available or desperate; to hold back and be coy with the males we are interested in. At the same time, we want a clear "no" to be understood as a clear "no." Don't get me wrong, I am not in any way aiming to perpetuate any stereotype about women being unable to understand or clearly communicate their own wants and needs. What am I am saying, though, is that this whole confusion about "mixed messages" /is/ an unfortunate consequence of the social conditioning women receive, handed down from previous generations, vestiges of the Victorian era, etc.

I just wanted to communicate my empathy for you on here, because it seems like you've received nothing but attacks for your comment. That said, because of all the confusion and emotions surrounding the issue of approach/rejection, it can unfortunately sometimes be unsafe or merely too stressful for a woman to simply say "no" and leave it at that. And, I think this whole cell phone number + feminist quotes thing is kinda neat, and allows both parties to save face in the moment, anyway. :-)

258079022@twitter

@KevinP Kevin, you are a rational guy. Not all men are rational.

24750623@twitter

@KevinP Dear Less Is More@facebook, thank you for that reply. I get why people were annoyed at KevinP, because of his apparent obliviousness about how bad situations can get for women to have to use solutions like this. But, while the stakes are of course much less high in the challenges KevinP refers to, and there's thus no direct comparison, there seems to be some obliviousness among the people who responded to him about those as well. The patriarchal nature of society puts men in quandaries as well, and I think that's where KevinP, or other commenters like him, come from. And you articulate them much better than I could.

DM@twitter

@KevinP This is entirely about people feeling safe. If you can accept people saying "sorry, I'm not interested," good job at having basic human decency, because not everyone does, and this is completely for those situations. If you ask someone for a number and they give you a fake number you HAVE to understand that there is a reason behind that, and you should not take it personally. If you do then you are part of the problem, even if you overtly would never harass someone, because you are not recognizing that women feel threatened by men sometimes.

Also, if it makes you feel any better, I am a woman and I don't find it at all easy to put myself out there. Humans in general are complicated and fear of rejection is a thing for everyone, not just men.

Caryn Josepher

How about teach boys to read social cues that a woman is not interested...you know, like when we say, "No, thank you."

Charlotte Brunner@facebook

@Caryn Josepher but that is so hard to interpret dontcha know. We women speak a secret mystery language where "no" could mean at least a dozen things! /heavy sarcasm

Miss Ursula

Are we for realzies hating on women for not handling unwanted male attention "maturely?" What in the fresh hell is all this?

Hannah Donegan@facebook

@Miss Ursula This is not the feminazi bonerkilling I signed up for!

Everett Volksmarchscheißeflut@facebook

@Miss Ursula: Thank you. I find it incomprehensible that these folks believe that giving out a fake phone number is somehow a sign of immaturity or somehow a less viable response than "No, you can't have my phone number." No one (man or woman) is under any obligation to be completely forthright with a stranger, particularly in circumstances where that stranger is accosting them, making them feel uncomfortable, giving off bad vibes, or otherwise giving them the impression that handing out their phone number or outright rejection is a bad idea.

TN
TN

Yes, love all the just say no comments. Have you never been in a situation when saying you're not interested was not enough and the guy persisted in harassing you as if you didn't really understand what you were passing up? Well congratulations, how wonderful.

Anita Jones@facebook

@TN I know! It's like, thank you for showing me that my instincts about you being a creep were correct.

TN
TN

@Anita Jones@facebook On a less scathing note though, it's nice to see more than just a handful of comments on a post, even if it's just because we lurkers felt compelled to come out of the woodwork to smack down the idea that this is just us crazy women, always trying to make things more complicated and lowering the maturity level of discourse.

Ameelz123

I so wish I'd had this when I was single. Also, I'm surprised we're arguing about this on The Hairpin? THIS IS A GREAT THING.

Better to Eat You With

@Ameelz123 I have even needed it after telling someone I was married, when I was out with a single female friend. Because "If you don't want to hook up, what the fuck are you doing in a bar, bitch?"

Kcuf Uoy@facebook

@Ameelz123 It's the #notallmen brigade. Yes, we men do creepy things that make women give out fake phone numbers....

258079022@twitter

@Better to Eat You With That had to have been scary! =( It is why I am terrified of bars. I've had too many scary things happen. There is only one bar I will go to because I'm friends with the staff and the bands who play there. They throw wankers like this out and they will escort you to your car.

Charlotte Brunner@facebook

@KevinP How hard is it to put yourself out there? It was scary in high school, but we're adults now. When you ask a woman for her number, you have nothing to lose except a little bit of awkwardness with a stranger you'll likely never see again. (And hopefully if you've asked her number, it means you're already interacting with her in some way, not just walking up to random women on the street. And hopefully if she says no, you say "alright, it's cool" and move on with your life.)

Also, women are not "jigsaw puzzles". Please move away from of your stereotyped thinking about us.

And yeah, as many have already pointed out: being civil and politely saying "no" is what many women do, and some guys respond to that with creepy and frightening entitlement.

hammer

@Charlotte Brunner@facebook It's pretty damn hard to put yourself out there. And it's really easy to say "you have nothing to lose" but for a lot of people, male or female, the fear of rejection is real and visceral. That being said, if someone says no, obviously that should be the end of it.

Chris Stout@facebook

Great. With this number now posted all over the internet, it's pretty much useless. I agree that women need to be safe, but if you're being stalked, giving a phony number seems to be a bad idea.
The pushy guys will also get this number more than once. When they do, what will your response be when they call you out? Another phony number?

Megan Small@facebook

@Chris Stout@facebook dude, Chris, do you remember that show "To Catch a Predator?" Where they roped in pedophile guys who thought they were going to meet a 12 year old girl at her house? Then when he got there, the show's host came out and the guy was mortified on national TV? Did you know that a couple of those men actually got caught TWICE? With the same scheme? My point is, having this number out there is not going to be a problem. Because the type of men we'd give it to just aren't smart.

gtrachel

@KevinP It is not hard to put yourself out there. I express interest in men regularly, and I've been rejected plenty of times. Move on from it. All you're doing is making an offer of availability, you're not giving someone the keys to your self-worth.

If you have to be pushy to get someone's number? That person isn't interested in you. Bow out gracefully before making an ass out of yourself, or face these very gentle, potentially educational consequences.

I love this idea. I think we should have a variety of such numbers; I'd like some Betty Friedan quotes and some Simone de Beauvoir quotes, too.

AdamM

@gtrachel

Is it so hard to understand that different people experience this situation in different ways? You obviously have a lot of self confidence, I would say obviously more than most people, which is great. Many men do have a strong emotional reaction to getting rejected, even by a complete stranger that they'll never see again, even if they know intellectually that there's no good reason for such a reaction. (Many women too, but by the nature of things women can get away with never or almost never putting themselves on the line.)

hammer

@gtrachel It may not be hard for you to put yourself out there, but it is for many, many people, regardless of gender. This may surprise you, but not everyone experiences the world in the same way you do.

278705379@twitter

@hammer "This may surprise you", but how hard it is to get a date is not the real issue here and the fact that this is what you're focusing on says a lot. I agree that it is very hard for some to put yourself out there, and OP should not have implied that it's not! But that is NOT the issue at hand. That is not what you should be caring about. Boo fucking hoo, it's hard to get rejected. It's harder to not be able to say no to a man, whether or not you're happily in love with someone else. Whether or not you're not interested in men. Whether or not you're just not interested in this particular man for whatever reason. Because saying no get's you hassled, harassed, and sometimes even verbally assaulted. If not worse. Women don't say no because they're afraid of what will happen if they do. If you don't understand that, then... perhaps the reason it's so hard for you to put yourself out there because you're a selfish ass and only care about your own petty feelings rather than the safety of women? Some empathy and basic human decency might behoove you.

(inb4 u claim women only like assholes lmfao)

cgcenet

@278705379@twitter To be fair, @hammer was responding to @gtrachel's condescending assertion that "It is not hard to put yourself out there." But the reality is that for many people, it is. It was @gtrachel who started on the idea of whether it is easy or difficult to get a date. Anyway the sort of people whom women are trying to escape from with fake numbers are not the ones who find it hard to "put themselves out". Personally I find the idea of approaching a total stranger in a bar absolutely terrifying, so when I was single I just didn't go to those sorts of places.

franzia

aw, but usually when I'm getting hassled, they will make me take my phone out of my pocket and text me to make sure it's the correct number. hnnnng still love it

James Rinjii Collier@facebook

@franzia Are you sure that's not illegal?! That sounds a lot like harassment to me....

258079022@twitter

@franzia =( That is scary. I had a guy do that to me when I was about to give him a fake number. I ran away in terror.

HellBooks

Surprise, surprise! Feminists spouting quotes about female agency (acting as empowered adults) in one breath and in the other encouraging women to behave as deceitful lying children when dealing when men who express interest in them! Even more ridiculous is advising them as if it's still 1998 and the guy won't find out till he gets home that the woman who had no problem letting him buy her drinks all night was a scammer instead of running into the highly common practice these days of dialing the number on the spot! Real smart way to avoid an uncomfortable situation ladies! Foolishly naive and shamefully deceitful in a single package! But hey, that's modern feminism for ya! Bravo!

Logan Towsley@facebook

@HellBooks instead of being part of the problem and labeling women as deceitful, how about you get a clue? What would you rather do: Take a risk lying to a man who might kill you when he finds out, take a risk suffering a stalker who might kill you when he finds out you were never interested, or suffer the wrath of a guy who might kill you when you reject him? That is what this is about you priveledged swine.

Kate Kane

@HellBooks Yes, I would feel super safe turning you down with a straightforward no. You don't at all seem like someone who might get at the least verbally abusive. No, not at all!

amilee

@HellBooks Because buying a woman drinks is an investment and you expect a return on it at the end of the evening? Yeah, that's healthy.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@HellBooks
Short of some sort of physical contact, "dialing the number on the spot" is perhaps the most insane and threatening thing I can imagine a man doing. There are two possible results: the number is fake or it is not. But either way, How does dialing it immediately possibly end in a way that doesn't make it clear that you are a terrible person?

AdamM

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll

You dial the number on the spot because then she has your number too, and as an added bonus you can check on the spot if it's fake.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@HellBooks
But if it's not real, then what? What possible helpful next step is there? I suppose it creates an opportunity to harass or humiliate, but I don't find that very appealing.

Jennifer@twitter

@AdamM might be ok if she's not feeling threatened, but ends up being super aggressive if she is. Why not just wait until later? What do you have to gain from "checking on the spot"?

taranoire

@HellBooks Get some help, freak.

hammer

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Dialing on the spot (or texting on the spot) is a common practice so the other person will have your number. I've had women do it to me and also request it (or say things like, "give me your number, I'll call it and then you can have mine"). Obviously if it's done aggressively, it's an aggressive move, but it's usually just a convenience thing. And because it's extremely common, giving out a fake phone number is probably a bad idea.

HellBooks

@HellBooks STOP MISOGYNETISING YOU RAPIST!!!! ;-)

excitedheart

@HellBooks I'd still rather be a foolishly naive and shamefully deceitful child than a murder victim.

HellBooks

@HellBooks
1. It shouldn't be hard for anyone to see why feminists claiming to want women to be strong and empowered and stand up for themselves like mature adults and then turning around and advising them to lie to men and give out fake numbers instead of actually being strong and honest, is a joke. No matter what reason one gives for such behavior it is in fact the total opposite of being strong, empowered or courageous.
2. As I said before, it's 2014 and most number exchanges end with one person dialing the other so this advice is actually woefully stupid and could actually put a woman at an even higher risk when some drunk jerk asks for her number and discovers it's a fake on the spot.
3. Telling women not just to lie and provide a fake number but one that links to a site that will text the guy back some feminist quotes is clearly intended as a childish purposely antagonistic HAHA GOTCHA!! FU!! to the guy who asked for her number. That's not boldness or empowerment. It's a low class petty prank.

258079022@twitter

@AdamM If women weren't terrified of being killed after a "NO" maybe they wouldn't need to give out fake numbers. This is why I am more or less agoraphobic and rarely leave the house. I've had too many scary experiences including surviving attempted murder.

HellSpawn

@258079022@twitter

There has never been a time or place when women were safer than they are today in the United States, and it is men that have made it that way for women. If youre in trouble, it will be a PoliceMAN than helps you, if your house in on fire, it will be a FireMAN that helps you. The vast majority of men have been taught from birth to be willing to sacrifice their lives to protect you, feed you, house you, etc.

If women are terrified of getting killed for saying NO, its because they are misjudging the actual risks.

Plus, when women behave without honor, they are actively participating in creating a world without honor; a world in which more men will not lift a finger to protect them.

As a man I have had many violent experiences. My solution is to study martial arts and be more aware of my surroundings. The threat of violence is a normal part of life for men, and the solution is not to behave like a cunt towards everyone, but rather to behave with honor and mix mostly with honorable people.

I get it that women have a lot of men coming onto them, and that this can become annoying. The thing is, that's what men have to do, and they have to do it, because women don't. Every single women who has even been in a relationship with a man, was come onto by that man - he took the risk to initiate contact, and she accepted his offer. This is the way of the world. Women need to respect that it is a compliment when a man makes an offer, even if that particular offer is unwanted.

Kelly789

@HellBooks
How can I be bold and empowered when I do face a very real threat that my rejection could lead to me being verbally or physically assaulted or worse?

Most men out there are reasonable and decent. However there are a minority who give the rest a bad name but not being able to take "no" as answer.

I have no way of knowing which one you are.

Do I risk you being a potential stalker, rapist or murderer by telling you no? Is that the safest choice I can make?
Do I take your number and never call you (I do that one frequently) only to hope to never run into you ever again?
Do I give you a fake number?
DO I give you my real number and never answer and hope you don't use that information to stalk me?

How can I know that the man in question will act with honour? I would like to say no and that be an end to it, but that is not often the case.

I have told people "no" and it generally only works when I can say I'm in a relationship - that is I "belong" to another man. And that is the major problem. The types of men that make us need to give out fake numbers are the kind that don't see us as individuals with free will, feelings or opinions. We are rewards or trophies.

And it would only be a prank if I deliberately flirted with a man, got him interested and expecting later contact to pull this on him.

This is self preservation.

Kelly789

@HellSpawn

I am not misjudging any risks.

In the middle of the day I was followed off a bus into a train station by some random man who told me I had "The perkiest tits I've ever seen". He continued to try and follow me around the train station until I had to double back, exit the station (while ducking low) and waiting for the taxi I called, all the while watching him walk around and around the station trying to find me before getting into a cab to get to my destination.

Was this guy looking for a relationship? Should I have stuck around and caught the train? I might be letting him potentially follow me further and find out where I live? Or maybe he would have tried to assault me on the train?

Did I also mention I was coming back from my Saturday job of teaching children Martial Arts?

Being hit on by a guy repeatedly who won't take no for an answer is not "annoying" it is scary.

Imagine as a man you have a girl try and flirt with you and ask for your number. You tell no when she tries. Then you see her outside when you leave. And from your conversation you have unwittingly given her information about you. Your name, what you do, the rough area you live. From there she figures out where you work and your home address. From this starts her campaign of "romance" (terror for you)

Waiting outside your house, hang up calls at work, the feeling that someone is always watching you.

Or maybe when you tell her no at the first meeting she starts shouting at you, saying the most vulgar things and pushing and grabbing you.

Does that seem annoying to you?

HellSpawn

@Kelly789

However much fear you generate inside yourself, the actual danger is really low. As a martial arts instructor myself, I have learned over the years that fear attracts violence, almost creates it. I have also learned that having calm courage deters violence.

You can look this up, women are nearly 300 times more likely to die from any other cause, than they are from violence. Of all your worries, a violent death is the least likely way to go.

There was a recent article on Jezabel, about women beating on their men. The thing that permits this to happen is the deep conditioning most men receive that they are not allowed to hit women.

I have liberated myself from that conditioning, and where once I calmly stood while a woman pours a drink over my head because she didn't like what I said, I now throw a punch into their ulnar nerve as they raise their arm. No permanent damage, but it hurts like hell.

I havent been stalked in the way you describe, but I have had people follow me around trying to intimidate me. A frat boy wrestler didnt like me talking to a girl he liked, and decided to try to intimidate me every time he saw me. I put a deposit down on having him raped in front of his girl, and I guess the gangsters I hired let him know a sack of hammers was going to be dropped on him and he skipped town.

Logan Towsley@facebook

Noble effort, and I'm sure some people will appreciate it... But a band-aid cannot fix a bullet wound. Instead of women figuring out ways to stop getting harassed, we need tonfocus on ways to get men to stop harassing women.
Here is one idea for free: Raise your damn kids.

258079022@twitter

@Logan Towsley@facebook Thank you!

James Rinjii Collier@facebook

I can't believe it has gotten this bad. When I've been turned down I always thought, it's better than being someone who is not interested. I honestly don't get it why some guys get it. Seriously something's need to change.

Dr. Bob K

This is delightfully subversive. I've shared it on my Facebook timeline and a number of women of my acquaintance have taken it up and passed it along themselves.

To those who are saying giving out a fake number is immature or a mere prank, seems to me it's more a matter of practical self-defense . . . with some excellent observations from bell hooks into the bargain.

And it's so much kinder than pepper spray.

Seriously, guys. All of this is a revelation to me, too. I really had just no idea women actually have to put up with this stuff. It just never occurred to me because it's never been part of my experience.

Listen to the stories, and recognize what a gift the bell hooks Hotline could be to a woman faced with yet another persistent creep in a culture that still, even now, protects and privileges and propagates the attitudes and behaviors of which that creep is just a slightly more extreme example.

Nguyễn Nam Cường@facebook

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Elizabeth, expat

O.M.G. I am appalled to hear what some woman have been through, are being subjected to, in this day and age. When even one woman is threatened by a man because he wants something from her (or for any other reason, of course), that's too many. And a verbal or non-verbal threat is as bad as a physical threat, because it is backed up by the latter.

@Logan Towsley: "Raise your damn kids": yes, child-rearing is a way to address a large part of the problem at its root, but how? Most kids were raised by people who were raised by people who were raised by people… who grew up in an archaic culture. Still, yes. Public education is perhaps our best hope (although not the only measure to be pursued!), even though it is made more difficult every day by the cutting of funds… (I'll stop here, before I go into the rant that lists everything that's wrong with the world...)

KevinP

Lets set the record straight

1. Of course no one deserves to be harassed. That's dumb to think otherwise.

2. It is hard to approach someone at a bar and talk them (man or woman), if you don't think so, then YOU'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE. Or if you thought it was "easy" then you were probably so drunk that you made a huge ass out of yourself and didn't realize it. Approaching a stranger you are interested in is hard. Point Blank.

3. Everyone calls the number they just got, right back, on the spot. Why? Because bars are loud and you want to make sure you got the number right. After all it just took you 30 mins to muster up the courage to go talk to this woman.

Plus you call her to make sure she has your number, so she can call you if you she wants to hang out the next day. Its her job to initiate the next contact since you did it initially. Why?, Because we don't want to waste my time calling someone who isn't interested. if we don't hear from her in 3 days we move on.

4. No one has ever been killed for giving a guy a wrong number. NO ONE.

5. If a guy is harassing you at a bar, step1: take a couple steps towards the door and grab a bouncers attention. They throw drunk/aggressive guys out all the time. if there is no bouncer, then look for a bartender and repeat step 1.

5. If you are so scared of someone talking to you a public meeting place designed exclusively for drinking and social interaction, then go somewhere else. Go to a movie, or dinner, or stay home. Complaining about someone talking to you at a bar is like going to a Japanese restaurant and complaining about all the sushi.

6.Lastly, there is something better than this fake number, its called Burner App. It allows you to purchase a temporary number that lives on your cell phone for anywhere from 3 days to 3 months. You can text and call from it. you can get rid of it at anytime and get another. Give a guy this number, then burn it on your way home from the bar. keep the number if you are interested in him. this way he doesn't have your real info until you are ready for him to have it.

Federal Contracts

Stephen Churchill@facebook

In a perfect world, this wouldn't be necessary, but having bartended my way through college, I've seen my fair share of shady guys harassing women for their digits. It's definitely incumbent upon any of us witnessing such behavior to take a stand, but kudos to the people behind this for recognizing the need for it.

shavee

I don't know why I clicked on the Esquire link when you straight told me it was written by Ned Hepburn, it is like I was asking for the permission to break my computer.
izdelava spletnih strani

D85
D85

Il portale di riferimento su rimedi naturali, cure naturali, salute e benessere naturale. Visita il sito trattamentinaturali.com per scoprire i consigli utili per curarsi con i rimedi della nonna, evitando le controindicazioni dovute all'assunzione di farmaci.

Marjjay

In a perfect world, this wouldn't be necessary, but having bartended my way through college, I've seen my fair share of shady guys harassing women for their digits. It's definitely incumbent upon any of us witnessing such behavior to take a stand, but kudos vzdrževanje spletnih strani to the people behind this for recognizing the need for it.

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