Quantcast

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

17

Mysteries of Adulthood

That the phrase "rode hard and put away wet" has nothing to do with sex, just horses and having a rough time.

Death.

How can they be your peers if they are reviewing you?

The fine line between “being true to yourself” and “ignoring good advice.”

How you can be so intertwined with someone that they are the soil you’re rooted into deep or vice versa, but then suddenly or slowly you never talk again.

What exactly was supposed to be comforting about The Ugly Duckling or empowering about Jane Eyre.

Cosmo sex advice.

Why so many diseases have pretty names: chlamydia, rosacea, scarlet fever.

That it is entirely possible there was a moment when you were the youngest/smartest/prettiest/funniest/sexiest/most successful/best-dressed person in the room, but you were too busy wondering if anyone would notice if you went back for more chips and onion dip to notice and enjoy it.

The appeal of chihuahuas or Botox or sunglasses with almost clear lenses.

At what precise moment did you go from being a “late bloomer” to “barren”?

How you became the kind of person who falls asleep many nights to “Thunderstorm Sleep” on Spotify.

Likewise, when did getting socks for Christmas become a hoped-for thing?

Why it took you so long to get bangs.

Mutton chop sideburns.

Racing strip goatees.

Why certain men, particularly in Brooklyn, put a barrier of facial hair between themselves and the world.

What went through the mind of the woman your friend’s friend once dated when she had “Welcome to the Boneyard” tattooed just above her crotch? And would it have been better if higher self-esteem had led her to inscribe “Welcome to the Bone Palace”?

Why things (relationships, rather than old cars or blenders) fall apart.

How last week you snuck cigarettes in the woods in high school; yesterday you were in your college apartment insisting to your roommates that wrapping spices in paper towels and hitting them with a hammer was basically the same as having a mortar and pestle so couldn’t we spend the money on extra vodka for the housewarming instead? Now you have an accountant and a lawyer. You are older than your parents were when you were born. You have shushed young people on the subway. They are making sequels to the sequels they already made to your childhood’s iteration of Star Wars. How being young seemed like a ship sailing into what looked like an endless horizon until suddenly you’d run aground in stronger currents near the opposite shore.

Kate Angus is an editor at Augury Books and the Creative Writing Advisor for The Mayapple Center for Arts and Humanities. Her work has appeared in The Awl, The Rumpus, Best New Poets 2010, and Indiana Review. She is occasionally on "The Twitter" at @collokate.

Previously: "Dating Profiles, Edited for Honesty"

Photo via rjcox/Flickr



17 Comments / Post A Comment

idrathernot

As someone who is unduly preoccupied by - and ambivalent about - aging, I loved this. What a fantastic discussion about aging without being cliche, shaming (ie. the ENJOY YOUR BODY WHILE YOU'RE YOUNG kind of warnings), and also being goddamn hilarious.

shalalas

but really someone please explain to me why Jane Eyre is a good thing.

JanieS

@shalalas Nobody could tell Jane shit. She only ever did exactly what she wanted/what she thought was right. That her life choices seem questionable to us is entirely beside the point.

idrathernot

@shalalas So that you can understand Wide Sargasso Sea (Jean Rhys's prequel that expands on the racial implications of the woman in the attic)!

Ellie

@JanieS Yes! Exactly. I don't question her life choices either. She ended up in a happy relationship with someone she loved who treated her as an intellectual equal and vice versa. She had strong moral character and followed what she knew was right for her.

myeviltwin

This was great!

Pear tea

@myeviltwin It really is! I can't pick which part is my favourite, they're all incredibly perfect. The suddenly or slowly never talking to someone hit pretty hard though, it's a sentiment I've been trying to figure out how to articulate myself, but Kate nailed it.

nonvolleyball

@Pear tea yeah, there are plenty of people I don't talk to anymore, but there are a couple I Don't Talk to Anymore, & even if I'm fine with that it doesn't make it any less weird.

Sam I am

@myeviltwin Yes, exactly. Its always made me feel squicky inside, but this description is spot on.

Casanova Frankenstein

I always thought rubella sounded really pretty too.

dontannoyme

@Casanova Frankenstein I know someone called Candida.

india


PENIS ENLARGEMENT Oil IN INDIA (penis enlargement oil )

with 100% safe Ayurvedic Preparation blended with essential

secret aphrodisiac herbs suitable for treating Penis size and erection

problem. is genuine NATURAL PENIS ENLARGEMENT IN INDIA for Longer,

Stronger and Harder Erection.


india

PENIS ENLARGEMENT Oil IN INDIA (penis enlargement oil )

with 100% safe Ayurvedic Preparation blended with essential

secret aphrodisiac herbs suitable for treating Penis size and erection

problem. is genuine NATURAL PENIS ENLARGEMENT IN INDIA for Longer,

Stronger and Harder Erection.


fastcars2

we all interest with cars as adult think

friendofmyyouth

"At what precise moment did you go from being a “late bloomer” to “barren”?" hits way too close to home. But all of this is brilliant.

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account