Talia: Hey guys! Looked out the window and noticed there’s a baby hanging off a branch in the big oak tree. Can someone take care of this? Thanks!
Sean: fyi i can’t do this but best of luck.
Will: I have to do this weird bowling thing but it should be done by 11.
Talia: Hmm OK. Baby looks pretty upset…
Will: ohhhh ok. But anyway I should be able to come by 11!
Rose: Hey! So my sister is visiting with my little nephew so I’m already dealing with a baby, so if someone else could deal with this I would prefer not to. But if not, I can maybe try to make it work. Sent from my iPhone
Matt: Hey guys, for all intensive purposes, I am no longer a member of this friend group. Please remove me from this list.
Talia: …*Intents and purposes
Doug: I think I can do it.
Doug: Oh shit I just realized I have CPR training and meetings literally all day :/. But I could try getting the baby out of the tree Monday afternoon
Talia: Should we just call the police? A bird is like attacking this baby
Rose: I mean, can we NOT call the police AGAIN? The only reason I’m not running out to the tree is because my sister is over AND I have meetings all day. Sent from my iPhone
Simone: Hey guys! Was away from my computer, just saw this. I’m feeling under the weather so I can’t climb or carry anything but I can come for moral support at 10pm. xoxo
Talia: OK guys whatever, I guess everyone is too busy. I’m calling the police.
Talia: Never mind the baby fell.
Previously: Nancy Drew Books You Haven’t Read Yet
Photo via ironrodart/flickr.
Blythe Roberson is a writer and improviser living in Chicago. Her twitter handle / how she explains her name to people is @blythelikehappy.