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Monday, March 24, 2014

15

"PRODUCT DETAILS: This attachment for your bath will hold your beverage in a wine glass while you bathe."

Here is a perfect object. It is sold out, which is understandable: I would pay $20, easily, for such a vivrant thing.

Here is a conundrum: I cannot find anything else quite like it to buy in its stead?! There are lots of wine-themed shower curtains, even ones that say I'd rather be drinking wine, which is a formal construction I find reprehensible: one must truly be about something before one talks about it, we must continue to value action over asininely expressed intent.

There are also plenty of wine trays for the bath, but they look pretty high-gloss for my blood. Wherefore the bath wine accessories for the person who sometimes accidentally squirts pet shampoo into her hand when she's sleepy? Where are the party-for-uno tools that aesthetically insinuate a deep understanding of the fact that comfort is not always fancy but often quite the opposite and that everything is better when it just directly addresses the point?

What I'm saying is, someone please go on Shark Tank with a nice, simple dishwasher-safe suction cup for bath wine and I suspect that at least some portion of the Hairpin readership will immediately be on hand with a bulk order so we can live, collectively, our best lives now.



15 Comments / Post A Comment

sunflowers

I, too, would absolutely and immediately buy this.

KJZ
KJZ

This thing is indeed vivrant.

and it's not even my birthday

@KJZ
I smiled from the inside at seeing someone other than Q-Tip use the phrase in such natural context.

cee
cee

@KJZ special wine, real good wine

halloliebchen

@KJZ this abstract wine goin' abstract far

coolallison

My only fear is that I always seem to have bad luck with suctions cups remaining attached. I'd probably just knock it off the wall and then my bath would be filled with wine. And I hate wasting wine.

stonefruit

@coolallison Yeah the structural integrity here really worries me. Those suction cups are usually rubbish, so unless it's an ultra-lightweight goblet, I'd worry about spillage.

deathcabforcutes

@coolallison I've been eyeing this baby for a few months now:

http://www.roominorder.com/collections/bathroom-organization/products/aquala-bathtub-caddy

rebecca the brave

This is the thank-you-for-being-my-bridesmaid gift of my dreams. Why aren't the weirdo Colorado libertarian one-man-flask factories on etsy making these instead? We don't want pink flasks, assholes. WE WANT WINE BATH.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

A tight-seal travel mug of wine just floating around in there works pretty well.

roseandthen

Mason jar with screw top sealed tight after each sip...floats and/or will not smash on floor when inevitably tipped over edge of tub after ragefully gesticulating while watching bathtime episode of Downton Abbey ruin another beloved(?) character. I have found.

coolallison

@roseandthen Damnit that's genius.

rebecca the brave

damn, i wanna go have a wine bath RIGHT NOW.

rebecca the brave

but i'm just going to have a cup of coffee :(

Diana Happy@facebook

Sold out? Not a problem! Go to the company's front page and you'll see that they just need some money to make more! Support a small business and get drunk doing it: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/wave-hooks

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