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What Tinder Messages Mean

 The sandals aren't worth it

Them: Hey! [Just sat down on the toilet!!]

You: Hi :) [I’m kinda bored at work!!]

Them: Cute pics lol [Care to bone?]

You:                             [No thanks!]


Them: Wow we both like Seamless/Obama/Chipotle! [Why is it so difficult to connect with another human being?]

You: HAHA/Amazing/LOL! [I know, it’s like, we’re all so in touch all the time and yet more alone than ever, right?]


Them: How’s your day going? [don’t mind me, just laying some groundwork…]

You: Busy, but productive!  [I have like nine gchat conversations open right now]

Them: Nice! So…would you say you’re…open-minded? ;) [Would it be cool if I potentially do weird sex things to you?]

You:                                                                                             [Soft pass!]




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