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Ask Baba Yaga: How Do I Keep From Dwelling on the Love I Haven’t Had?

Transcript after the jump.

Dear Baba Yaga,

I’m overwhelmed by a sense of loss for the relationships I haven’t had.  Due to various circumstances, I’ve had very long periods of being alone.  Up until recently, I was seeing someone (the first in a long time) who moved on from me to another person like it was the simplest thing in the world.  Not only am I jealous of the ease with which he establishes romantic connections, but being with him showed me what I’ve been missing out on–sex, emotional intimacy–and I can’t shake my sadness at the fact that this huge thing has been missing from my life.  I know I need to make some changes going forward, but how do I keep from dwelling on the love I haven’t had?


The life of every being has , some vast emptiness in it. Unspeakable, grievous. ;There is a field in the middle of my wood where no one goes. It is the heart of my loneliness. I go there to dance & be quiet. & I love the intensity of its silence. If I were human I would wish to take another there. You must know every contour of yr emptiness before you can know who you wish to invite in.

Previously: Are People Judging Me Because I’m Single and Childless?”

Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. She’s taking questions on behalf of Baba Yaga at


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