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Thursday, February 13, 2014

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Scientists: Death of 99% of Relationships Can Be Traced Back to the Exchange of “Love Coupons”

In a groundbreaking new study at New Jersey University, scientists have determined that the death of 99% of human relationships can be traced back to the exchange of “love coupons.”

Love coupons (also known as love discounts, love IOUs, or love gifts with purchase) are slips of paper, usually homemade, that act as gift certificates for acts that people in relationships previously gave of their own will, such as hugs, sensual massages, or emptying the goddamn dishwasher for once without complaining. They’ve gained popularity on Pinterest and in countless women’s lifestyle magazines as a means of resparking a dying relationship. Love coupons are not legal currency.

“The simple truth is, they do not work,” said Dr. Stephen Stefani, the chair of the committee on break-ups and separations at the university. “Either people don’t use them, or their partners become irritated when they do. They’re empty gestures, and they create resentment on both sides.”

The study surveyed a random group of one hundred adults of varying ages, backgrounds, and sexual orientations. All had been in relationships in which love coupons were exchanged. Ninety-nine of the participants were no longer in those relationships.

One anonymous female participant shared her experience. “I was having a really hard time making rent one winter, and I’d just spent a ton of money on Christmas gifts,” she said. “Why does Valentine’s Day have to be six f***ing weeks after the holidays? I thought love coupons would be cute and cheap. My girlfriend and I broke up ten days later. I ended up helping her move. I don’t even know why I made that one of the coupons.”

The study also examined the residual effects of cheap boxes of chocolate from the drugstore, teddy bears holding hearts, and lingerie left in the Victoria’s Secret bag, not even wrapped or anything. None were as detrimental to a couple’s stability as love coupons.

“They are truly the death knell of any relationship, and every relationship,” said Dr. Joyce Sisters, head of the economics department at NJU. “You can’t put a discount on something that’s free to begin with. Someone who’s been giving begrudging blow jobs for months is not suddenly going to be excited to do it because of a coupon. Trust me.”

“Tragically, there’s something about humans that keeps us always wanting more for less,” she added. “Even if it makes our consumer behavior illogical. It’s why I love BOGO week at Payless.”

Among concerns raised in the study were the issues of consent involved in the exchange of written permission for sex acts. “Consent may be given at the time the coupon is issued, but is it still there when the coupon is redeemed?” asked Dr. Cosmo Tipps, adjunct professor of Women’s Studies at the university. “I don’t know that that’s a given, and that’s why I’m hesitant to encourage these coupons. They create expectations that can be disappointing for both parties. Also, they’re stupid and they’re dumb and I hate them.”

An anonymous male participant agreed. “My ex-wife got me some of these right before our separation,” he said. “I didn’t really get it, to be honest. I think she cut them out of construction paper? One time I tried to redeem one and she snapped at me, all, ‘Not now!’ It was like, whatever, I didn’t even want to take a romantic bath together. I’m more of a shower guy. But then, Karen never understood that.” He shook his head and stared off into the horizon. “Karen never understood a lot of things.”

Still, not everyone in the study agreed. According to Jennifer Burlington, a participant who adamantly refused anonymity: “Whatever. I think they’re cute. I gave some to my boyfriend for his birthday last week and we’re still together.” [Ed.– As of press time, Burlington is single.]

Since the results of the study have been made public, Etsy stores and sex shops have seen a marked decrease in the sale of pre-made coupon books and sexy IOUs. “We can’t get them off the shelves,” said Josephine Chalmers, owner of Cupid’s Love Nest & Adult Video Store. “And we can get anyone off. That’s our motto.” She pointed to a sign behind the register: We Can Get Anyone Off: That’s Our Motto.

The fate of love coupons may be uncertain, but data has shown that sales still remain strong for songs written about girlfriends, boxes full of little slips of paper with things you love about someone, and special seashells you saved from that time you went to the beach, remember? The university intends to study the correlation between all of these items and sexually transmitted diseases.

For their time, participants in the survey received coupons for one free non-sexual back-rub.

Liz Galvao writes stuff and hosts the music podcast I Forgot My Sweater. You can find her on Twitter or in Brooklyn, where the sex shops look like Apple stores.

22 Comments / Post A Comment

Better to Eat You With

I did this for my husband's birthday, years and years ago, before we were even engaged, when we were really poor. He still says without prompting that it's the best present he ever got.

Onymous

So many perfect lines.

henrypmahone

This was perfect. :^)

Marian Gregory@facebook

My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted Dr. OKORO LOVE SPELL and after I explained my problem, In just 3 days my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier more than ever before Dr. OKORO you are the best spell caster. I really appreciate the love spell you cast for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work. Thank you once again Dr. OKORO. You can also contact Dr. OKORO via email address: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com in case you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email is: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com AS HIS POWERS ARE SO STRONG AND VERY EFFECTIVE AND HAS NO BAD EFFECT INSTEAD IT HAVE A VERY GOOD RESULT AFTER CASTING THE SPELL.

Contact Dr. OKORO Via email: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com

Frank Silver@facebook

HELLO i have read testimonies about this great spell caster called Dr. Ekpiku how he helped people to bring their lover back. so i decide to give him a try, i am here today to give my own testimony on how this great man brought my ex back within 48 hours for just to contact him. this girl has broke up with me over 6 weeks but she came back just within 48 hours that Dr Ekpiku said he will make her come back to me. just contact this man and he will bring your ex back here is his email address mail. Ekpikuspelltemple@live.com

pamela55

Am now happy happy and happy, my name is Pamela from UK I believe AMINE now, After so many comments on how AMINE helped alot of people got back their Ex, Jobs and properties, i contacted him and tell my story of how a lady broke my relationship, Been married for 8yrs and with 3kids, suddenly my Husband moved out and told me never to contact him again, i was so heart broken, depressed and sad, after all the story,Amine spell temple told me to put my mind at rest and told me that all my problems will be solved within 2days , i was still hoping until Amine called me again for my husbands picture and told me, i will have to get some items and i did all he asked me, on Sunday morning David came home by himself and knelt down to beg me, weeping bitterly and asked for forgiveness, i did forgive him and i told Amine spell temple about everything and he said all he wants from me is to share the good news with the world so people out there , here is a prove that real casters are still online, for any kind of problems that need solutions, contact him:aminespelltemple@yahoo.com

Marjan Viki@facebook

Getting my Ex back was something that i couldn’t imagine will be so easy. I’ve known speck for years, When we finally got together,things were so weird so we broke up in February 2011.In June 2012, he and I recently got back together and we were together until march of 2013 of which he told me he was not interested in the relationship again, for a reason she didn’t say. During that time my mind was completely at a state of unrest, I wasn’t eating, neither was i sleeping,talking to anyone was even more difficult, I cried,I was so depressed and stressed out that I was scared and was even planning to end it all but a friend of mine named Lucas Scott who passed through same situation adviced me to contact Dr.okakagbe to help me.because I Love and care about him deeply and I just want us to be together again, i contacted him reluctantly. I never used to believe in spell casting but i gave it a try and it was a positive result. Today we are happily married and blessed with two wonderful kids. To you all out there faced with the same problem or similar to this, you can contact Dr.Okakagbe via email address Obalaspelltemple@gmail.com once again thank you Dr. for bringing back my love. call +2348156885231

Marjan Viki@facebook

Getting my Ex back was something that i couldn’t imagine will be so easy. I’ve known speck for years, When we finally got together,things were so weird so we broke up in February 2011.In June 2012, he and I recently got back together and we were together until march of 2013 of which he told me he was not interested in the relationship again, for a reason she didn’t say. During that time my mind was completely at a state of unrest, I wasn’t eating, neither was i sleeping,talking to anyone was even more difficult, I cried,I was so depressed and stressed out that I was scared and was even planning to end it all but a friend of mine named Lucas Scott who passed through same situation adviced me to contact Dr.okakagbe to help me.because I Love and care about him deeply and I just want us to be together again, i contacted him reluctantly. I never used to believe in spell casting but i gave it a try and it was a positive result. Today we are happily married and blessed with two wonderful kids. To you all out there faced with the same problem or similar to this, you can contact Dr.Okakagbe via email address Obalaspelltemple@gmail.com once again thank you Dr. for bringing back my love. call +2348156885231

Marjan Viki@facebook

This is a very joyful day of my life because of the help Dr.Okakagbe has rendered to me by helping me get my ex back with his magic spell. i was married for 6 years and it was so terrible because my husband was really cheating on me and was seeking for a divorce but when i came across Dr.Okakagbe email on the internet i explained my situation to him and then seek his help but to my greatest surprise he told me that he will help me with my case and here i am now celebrating because my Husband has change totally for good. He always want to be by me and can not do anything without my present. i am really enjoying my marriage, what a great celebration. i will keep on testifying on the internet because Dr.Okakagbe is truly a real spell caster. DO YOU NEED HELP THEN CONTACT DOCTOR OKAKAGBE NOW VIA EMAIL: Obalaspelltemple@gmail.com or call +234815885231

Ann Moore@facebook

Getting my Ex back was something that i couldn’t imagine will be so easy. I’ve known speck for years, When we finally got together,things were so weird so we broke up in February 2011.In June 2012, he and I recently got back together and we were together until march of 2013 of which he told me he was not interested in the relationship again, for a reason she didn’t say. During that time my mind was completely at a state of unrest, I wasn’t eating, neither was i sleeping,talking to anyone was even more difficult, I cried,I was so depressed and stressed out that I was scared and was even planning to end it all but a friend of mine named Lucas Scott who passed through same situation adviced me to contact Dr.okakagbe to help me.because I Love and care about him deeply and I just want us to be together again, i contacted him reluctantly. I never used to believe in spell casting but i gave it a try and it was a positive result. Today we are happily married and blessed with two wonderful kids. To you all out there faced with the same problem or similar to this, you can contact Dr.Okakagbe via email address Obalaspelltemple@gmail.com once again thank you Dr. for bringing back my love. call +2348156885231

Ann Moore@facebook

Getting my Ex back was something that i couldn’t imagine will be so easy. I’ve known speck for years, When we finally got together,things were so weird so we broke up in February 2011.In June 2012, he and I recently got back together and we were together until march of 2013 of which he told me he was not interested in the relationship again, for a reason she didn’t say. During that time my mind was completely at a state of unrest, I wasn’t eating, neither was i sleeping,talking to anyone was even more difficult, I cried,I was so depressed and stressed out that I was scared and was even planning to end it all but a friend of mine named Lucas Scott who passed through same situation adviced me to contact Dr.okakagbe to help me.because I Love and care about him deeply and I just want us to be together again, i contacted him reluctantly. I never used to believe in spell casting but i gave it a try and it was a positive result. Today we are happily married and blessed with two wonderful kids. To you all out there faced with the same problem or similar to this, you can contact Dr.Okakagbe via email address Obalaspelltemple@gmail.com once again thank you Dr. for bringing back my love. call +2348156885231

Nacey Tricail@facebook

i from USA i want to share my testimony with the world and also thank a great man called dr malawi racum for bringing joy into my life. it started like this,i hard a true lover celled James brown who promised to love and marry me,we both lived peacefully. one day he met a girl celled Betty and he loved her very much and decided to follow her living me behind,i tried all my effort to make him come back to me but he still decided to be with her.one day i saw an old friend of mine that told me about a great man celled dr malawi racum by name and i said let i give it a try and i contacted him, he told me what i am to do and i did exactly as he said, before the next 48 hours my ex lover came back to me if you need the help of this great man you can reach him on his email address SPELLOFSOLUTIONTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM or contact his cell phone number +2348072371282

Nacey Tricail@facebook

i from USA i want to share my testimony with the world and also thank a great man called dr malawi racum for bringing joy into my life. it started like this,i hard a true lover celled James brown who promised to love and marry me,we both lived peacefully. one day he met a girl celled Betty and he loved her very much and decided to follow her living me behind,i tried all my effort to make him come back to me but he still decided to be with her.one day i saw an old friend of mine that told me about a great man celled dr malawi racum by name and i said let i give it a try and i contacted him, he told me what i am to do and i did exactly as he said, before the next 48 hours my ex lover came back to me if you need the help of this great man you can reach him on his email address SPELLOFSOLUTIONTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM or contact his cell phone number +2348072371282

Nacey Tricail@facebook

i from USA i want to share my testimony with the world and also thank a great man called dr malawi racum for bringing joy into my life. it started like this,i hard a true lover celled James brown who promised to love and marry me,we both lived peacefully. one day he met a girl celled Betty and he loved her very much and decided to follow her living me behind,i tried all my effort to make him come back to me but he still decided to be with her.one day i saw an old friend of mine that told me about a great man celled dr malawi racum by name and i said let i give it a try and i contacted him, he told me what i am to do and i did exactly as he said, before the next 48 hours my ex lover came back to me if you need the help of this great man you can reach him on his email address SPELLOFSOLUTIONTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM or contact his cell phone number +2348072371282

Ann Moore@facebook

Getting my Ex back was something that i couldn’t imagine will be so easy. I’ve known speck for years, When we finally got together,things were so weird so we broke up in February 2011.In June 2012, he and I recently got back together and we were together until march of 2013 of which he told me he was not interested in the relationship again, for a reason she didn’t say. During that time my mind was completely at a state of unrest, I wasn’t eating, neither was i sleeping,talking to anyone was even more difficult, I cried,I was so depressed and stressed out that I was scared and was even planning to end it all but a friend of mine named Lucas Scott who passed through same situation adviced me to contact Dr.okakagbe to help me.because I Love and care about him deeply and I just want us to be together again, i contacted him reluctantly. I never used to believe in spell casting but i gave it a try and it was a positive result. Today we are happily married and blessed with two wonderful kids. To you all out there faced with the same problem or similar to this, you can contact Dr.Okakagbe via email address Obalaspelltemple@gmail.com once again thank you Dr. for bringing back my love. call +2348156885231

Ann Moore@facebook

Getting my Ex back was something that i couldn’t imagine will be so easy. I’ve known speck for years, When we finally got together,things were so weird so we broke up in February 2011.In June 2012, he and I recently got back together and we were together until march of 2013 of which he told me he was not interested in the relationship again, for a reason she didn’t say. During that time my mind was completely at a state of unrest, I wasn’t eating, neither was i sleeping,talking to anyone was even more difficult, I cried,I was so depressed and stressed out that I was scared and was even planning to end it all but a friend of mine named Lucas Scott who passed through same situation adviced me to contact Dr.okakagbe to help me.because I Love and care about him deeply and I just want us to be together again, i contacted him reluctantly. I never used to believe in spell casting but i gave it a try and it was a positive result. Today we are happily married and blessed with two wonderful kids. To you all out there faced with the same problem or similar to this, you can contact Dr.Okakagbe via email address Obalaspelltemple@gmail.com once again thank you Dr. for bringing back my love. call +2348156885231

Ann Moore@facebook

Getting my Ex back was something that i couldn’t imagine will be so easy. I’ve known speck for years, When we finally got together,things were so weird so we broke up in February 2011.In June 2012, he and I recently got back together and we were together until march of 2013 of which he told me he was not interested in the relationship again, for a reason she didn’t say. During that time my mind was completely at a state of unrest, I wasn’t eating, neither was i sleeping,talking to anyone was even more difficult, I cried,I was so depressed and stressed out that I was scared and was even planning to end it all but a friend of mine named Lucas Scott who passed through same situation adviced me to contact Dr.okakagbe to help me.because I Love and care about him deeply and I just want us to be together again, i contacted him reluctantly. I never used to believe in spell casting but i gave it a try and it was a positive result. Today we are happily married and blessed with two wonderful kids. To you all out there faced with the same problem or similar to this, you can contact Dr.Okakagbe via email address Obalaspelltemple@gmail.com once again thank you Dr. for bringing back my love. call +2348156885231

Vivian Maze@facebook

I had a problem with my boyfriend 6 months ago, which lead to our broke up. When he broke up with me, i was not myself again; i fill so empty inside me. Until a friend of mine told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too. i email the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening, not up to 48 hours, my boyfriend gave me a call and he come back to me and told me he was sorry for everything that happen,i am so greatful to this spell caster and will not stop publishing his name on the net for the good work he is doing.If you need his help,you can email him at Obalaspelltemple@gmail.com and he will also help you too Dr.Okakagbe of Obalaspelltemple@gmail.com i will forever be greatful to you. call +2348156885231

Vivian Maze@facebook

I had a problem with my boyfriend 6 months ago, which lead to our broke up. When he broke up with me, i was not myself again; i fill so empty inside me. Until a friend of mine told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too. i email the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening, not up to 48 hours, my boyfriend gave me a call and he come back to me and told me he was sorry for everything that happen,i am so greatful to this spell caster and will not stop publishing his name on the net for the good work he is doing.If you need his help,you can email him at Obalaspelltemple@gmail.com and he will also help you too Dr.Okakagbe of Obalaspelltemple@gmail.com i will forever be greatful to you. call +2348156885231

Alex Fyne@facebook

This is a testimony that I will tell to every one to hear. I have been married four 4 years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another man had a spell to take my lover away from me and my wife left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2 years until I met a post where this man DOCTOR UDO have helped someone and I decided to give him a try to help me bring my lover back home and believe me I just send my picture to him and that of my wife and after 48 hours as he have told me, I saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my wife and she have come to me and the kids and that is why I am happy to make every one of you in similar to meet with this man and have your lover back to your self. His email: udospiritualspelltemple@hotmail.com

Clifford Mary@facebook

My name is CLIFFORD MARY from USA .I am here to give testimony on how got my husband back. My husband left me for no reason 3 years ago. He moved in with another woman, I felt like killing myself, my life became very bitter and sorrowful. Then 1 day, a friend of mine told me about a great spell caster that is very good and does not even charge for his services, he said he gave him some lucky numbers that he played in a lottery and he won. I didn't believe it because I've worked with so many of them and it didn't work. He begged me further so I decided to try this great spell caster called DR OZIL. He didn't ask for anything but he said after the spell works, I can pay anything in appreciation. I still didn't believe. I used the spell he gave me and the next day I received a call from my darling husband Thomas last month. He apologized and came back to me. He even gave me 10,000USD as a means of compensating me. I'm very happy now. Thank you DR OZIL, You can reach him via email:drozilsolutionhome@gmail.com. He can solve any problem like,
(1) If you want your ex back.
(2) you need a divorce in your relationship.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women & men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband & wife to be yours forever.
(8) If you need financial ***stance.
(9) Herbal care.
contact:drozilsolutionhome@gmail.com

Sheila Anne@facebook

With due respect all thank goes to dr.oagala.i will like to share my testimony to you all.i just got married to my husband about 2 years ago we start having problems at home like we stop sleeping on the same bed,fighting about little things he always comes home late at night,drinking too much and sleeping with other women out side.i have never love any man in my life except him.he is the father of my children and i don't want to loose him because we have worked so hard together to become what we are and have today.few month ago he now decided to live me and the kid,being a single mother can be hard sometimes and so i have nobody to turn to and i was heart broken and in sorrow.i went online looking for help,then i saw a testimony about dr ogala,i was afrad because i have never done any thing like this before.so i gave it a try by contacting him. and explain everything to him,so he promise me not to worry that he will cast a spell that will make him come back to me forever. and also he told me that my problem will be solved within two days if i believe.So he cast a spell for me and after two days my love came back asking me to forgive him.i Am so happy now. if you are there looking for help to get back your EX or any kind of problems dr.ogala is there to help you.if you have try all possible means to get your ex back and it failed,is time for you to put your trust in a holy spell dr.ogala will cast for you.contact email Holyspellcast@gmail.com

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