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Friday, February 14, 2014

46

Friday Open Thread

What A Week. In case you missed anything, we've been:

Getting vengeance again, lashing outhacking Anthropologie

• Taking a road trip to Salvation Mountain, dreaming with Shirley Temple, baking Almanzo's apple pie

• Writing YA and reading bad valentines

• Saying "fuck it" and getting Bane Brain

• Making art, not coupons

What do we love today? I love my friends, my dog's floppy ear (the one that stands up has fallen briefly out of favor), warm red wine, greasy pizza, smart people, fantasizing about summer, the struggle-twerking that has replaced all other forms of aerobic exercise in my life, Nicolas Cage photoshops, my recent loss of innocence and the weekend. You? Happy Valentine's Day, singles day, Friday. See you next week.

Photo credit MADDD GRRRL



46 Comments / Post A Comment

adorable-eggplant

Happy galentine's day (after, but hey) y'all:

Anyone got any fun plans? Mine in a nutshell = mini-cupcakes.

coolallison

@adorable-eggplant I had a Galentine's event last night! It might be one of my new favorite things to celebrate.

My husband is going out of town tonight, so I think my V-day will consist of jammies, wine, and probably a pizza. And I will watch ANYTHING I WANT. (Surely there's an SVU marathon on somewhere... right?)

Heather Funk

@adorable-eggplant I'm in a really awkward boat where I'm not single and actually kinda like Valentine's Day and giving presents, but my SO hates holidays and receiving presents, so today's kind of a bah-humbug secret binge on all the chocolate in the office kitchen day. I also work the front desk at my job so there's nothing to do but accept flower deliveries for everyone else and look at everyone's cute V-Day Instagrams. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE FEEL SORRY FOR ME???

adorable-eggplant

@coolallison That is basically 100% the reason that you can set up multiple profiles on Netflix. THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER.

adorable-eggplant

@Heather Funk Oh man, maybe you could team up with a friend who is similarly paired with a scrooge (or not paired, or polyamourously paired with several scrooges) and send each other flowers?

Onymous

@adorable-eggplant I just collected a twenty from a football bet so I might eat out.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@adorable-eggplant I messaged random pictures to a bunch of friends, as symbols of their interests or our relationship. Mostly pictures of nails, some of Beyoncé.

adorable-eggplant

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) That's a brilliant idea! Here's my very favorite random picture, which could be good for sending to 90s friends (hairpin time machine):

ETA: Man, campari! If only I had thought of that sooner.

coolallison

@adorable-eggplant I ended up downing a bottle of wine and then cry-singing along with The Beatles special from last week. I'm calling it a win.

frenz.lo

I did a focus group and got paid with a $100 credit card gift card that expires 90 days from date of issue. I've already spent $26 on bullshit from the drug store. How should I spend my remaining stupid non-money??

Onymous

@frenz.lo Nice conditioner.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Onymous yes!! Go to Sephora and buy some kind of random, expensive, luxury hair thing that you would normally be too practical to spend your own money on.
Or, take yourself out to a $74 dinner.

Jackysaurus Rex

@frenz.lo I second Rookie. Or buy yourself nice versions of things you like anyway. Like a nicer bottle of wine, or super fancy cheese from the fancy cheese store, super nice coffee, etc

As you can see I would spend such money on food lol

Enjoy go forth and be fruitful.

buckachu

@frenz.lo oh goodness, you just inspired me to check the expiration date of a focus group gift card I had (What if we were in the same focus group?!?!) and It expires at the end of this month! I've still got like $60 bucks, so I may be heading to Sephora too!

Onymous

So in what probably makes me a terrible 'pinner, I saw Thelma and Louise for the first time this week.

It's really good.

buckachu

@Onymous I just added it to my Netflix queue, so you're one step ahead of me!

coolallison

I'm gonna rant for a minute. Here I was thinking I would be complaint-free for the open thread this week, and then my boss called me. So, I do improv and have a show next week, AND I'm about to start training for a (very short) triathlon (but need a lot of help/practice in the swimming part). And then he tells me "you need to book a hotel room in XX city next week, and we might be looking at a 4-week project. Thanks for your flexibility." I mean, it's fine and probably a stupid thing to be cranky about, but damnit, I had stuff I wanted to do in town for those next four weeks. Rant over.

adorable-eggplant

@coolallison Ugh, unless that other city is LA and you have an unlimited food budget per diem (San Fransisco? Chicago? Foodies help me), you have every right to be pisssssed.

up cubed

CAR shopping! I am doing it :)
Awhile back I asked about your favorite hatchbacks and got some excellent and helpful responses. I have test-driven them and liked the Fit and the Mazda3 a lot, plus they appear to be very reliable and have great value.
- Does anyone have a preference of the Fit base vs sport?
- What about the Mazda3 sport vs touring?

adorable-eggplant

@up cubed I had the standard Fit and loved it. But then again, I never tried the Sport, so perhaps I was missing out on a world of luxury that I cannot even imagine.

up cubed

@up cubed: "Sport" has floor mats! I can't believe they don't come on the base model.

lemonadefish

@up cubed Fit Fit Fit! I have the base model, and I like it just fine (the floor mats are like $100). My husband often grouches that he wishes it had cruise control, but he rarely drives it, and I don't like cruise control... I think the spoiler and underbody trim are tacky on the Sport. Once in a while I wish I had keyless entry, but not enough to have paid the extra $2500 or whatever.

I have a 2007, my dad has a 2008, my sister has a 2009, her old roommate has a 2010, my MIL has a 2012... we are all very happy with them, no matter the model.

Danzig!

This was my day

http://imgur.com/x0lB4dC

adorable-eggplant

@Danzig! Is that your kitten?

Danzig!

@adorable-eggplant Shamu 2, in the flesh. Got him yesterday.

OhMarie

@Danzig! He's so cute!!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

I started taking a stand-up comedy writing class this week.

I am terrified of performing stand-up and yet I want to do it so badly!

coolallison

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) I did one open-mic night. I was TERRIFIED. So much so, that I didn't tell a single person that I knew that I was doing it, so that if it was horrible, no one would ever talk to me about it. I did... okay. I got some laughs. Not nearly as many as I thought I deserved, but you know. :) That was about a year ago, and I haven't had the guts to do one again. You'll have to keep us posted! Maybe your courage will rub off on me?

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@coolallison honestly, I was pretty terrified (we had to get onstage and introduce ourselves to our classmates) but now that I've sort of gotten to know my classmates, I think the class will be a good space to build up some confidence! I don't know any of these people outside the class and we're all very different, but obviously we all love comedy so we'll be able to be a good audience for each other, I think!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

sports sports sportssssss why haven't we done this in a few weeks?
this week: Olympic sportssss

The Venezuelan flag-bearer should be the international symbol for happy. He made my day, basically, by being so happy about representing his country at the Olympics.
Someone please discuss Johnny Weir's outfits! I was very entertained by how excited he was that the German pairs team went for a throw triple axel at the end of their free skate. (They broke my heart. Their routine was so beautiful and it looked so difficult and different from a lot of stuff I've seen in figure skating before, but there's just no coming back from two falls. The pair that won gold are so adorable, though!)
What events has everyone been watching and who do you love and can we talk about ice dancer Tessa Virtue's arms?

Onymous

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)
I waver between apathetic and outright hostile to the olympics so in other sports news:
Basketball! The L.A. Sparks (who play some of the beautiful ball in the WNBA) were in trouble. Their previous owner got out (she said they were a $12m money pit) and so for the last month the WNBA has been scrambling to find new owners. AND THEY DID! news came out earlier this week that Magic Johnson (and just sort of the Dodgers in general) bought them.

On the downside, apparently the Sparks are a money pit, on the upside last time this happened to another team the team had to fold because they couldn't find a new owner, so apparently that sort of implies the WNBA is healthy(ier).

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Onymous I'll take it! I love basketball and don't watch that much WNBA (I'd probably go to Sparks games if I lived in LA though), but I'm glad that the team has new ownership, and hopefully this will help turn things around - maybe different marketing, etc, to strengthen the fanbase?

Jackysaurus Rex

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

I've been watching the figure skating. I can't wait for the ice dancing. Meryl and Charlie forever!!!

Miss Maszkerádi

So I'm 24 years old and a virgin, not really by choice. I mean it was my choice to not sleep with guys I wasn't into, but it wasn't my choice to never find anyone I was into who was also into me. And I'm feeling extra awful and hopeless about it recently because in the course of this past week I had a married 25-year-old female friend tell me that my virginity was "the most valuable thing about me" and "made me special," a 21 year old single friend absolutely flipped the shit with scandal and horror when I mentioned that a guy I had gone on two unremarkable dates with a few months ago was 35 years old and asked me what was wrong with me that I went with someone so OLD, an older male colleague tried to set me up with his barely 18 year old nephew (with the unspoken assumption that we were at roughly the same level of romantic/emotional development), I got hit on by a 16 year old, and my therapist said to me very sarcastically "You know, this may come as a shock to you but some women actually enjoy sex" when I was trying to get him to help me deal with my fear of intimacy and all the messages about men=sexual predators I internalized from too many scary PSAs on rape culture when I finally got out of my extremely sheltered upbringing and went to college. And it's Valentine's Day, and I can't even get the guy I 10% like and 90% is just my bro to go for a damn beer with me, and it's a slushpocalypse in New York. I've also spent the day being shamed for being unhappy to be single on Valentine's Day, both by people who seem to think it's a betrayal of feminism to wish I had a boyfriend, and by people who say "There are people who don't have mothers on Mother's Day so you shut the fuck up about your nonexistent problem." I NEEDED TO GET THAT ALL OUT THANK YOU and good evening.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Miss Maszkerádi Just wanted to say that your therapist sounds really rude! I mean, people are jerks sometimes and that obviously sucks, but I would expect more from a therapist. That's just my opinion, though.

Also, you do you! Date who you want to, and don't date who you don't want to, and for the love of bacon, do NOT think that other people's opinions on your sex life matter at all. I can relate to some of the stuff you're going through, and hearing it come from someone else really makes me think that everyone who is not me can keep their opinions to themselves.

lewlew

@Miss Maszkerádi I don't want to sound like your condescending friend who said your virginity makes you "special," but I am a bit jealous of you. I became sexually active at 15, but didn't really enjoy sex much til I was 23 or so. I enjoyed some aspects of fooling around but overall, I was too shy and insecure to relax or tell my partners what I wanted. I was also taken advantage of by guys who didn't want to use protection, and suffered the consequences. So even though you're going to lose it at an older than average age, you haven't necessarily missed out on years of fun. Many women I know have way better sex lives starting in their mid twenties anyway! Oh, and I also agree that your therapist sounds a bit insensitive. Sarcasm, seriously?

lemonadefish

@Miss Maszkerádi I would just like to say my husband was a 24 year old virgin when I found him, and it has worked out just fine for us. You'll be fine!

Miss Maszkerádi

@lewlew Yeah, I don't exactly regret waiting this long because a) I was nowhere near emotionally mature enough to even consider it until, basically, this past year and b) all I missed was a lot of really bad teenage sex with gross teenage boys, but I kind of am over the whole being single and lonely and just wishing for the love of god someone would touch me in an affectionate manner because it's starting to be a persistent dull ache all over my whole body like I'm literally starving for something vital I'm not fucking getting. And I'm still completely incapable of going out and finding some cute stranger at a bar to get it over with, but at the same time I don't want to find The One For Forever yet! Ack.

And yeah, my therapist was really helpful in the beginning (he is the first shrink I've ever seen, it's been since October when I finally got over myself and realized I needed some help with some issues) but lately I think he's sort of making things worse. He just lets me rant, and everything keeps coming back to my various resentments and unhappinesses about my parents and my childhood - and it's making me feel doomed and like I had a worse upbringing than I actually did (it was a little weird and mildly dysfunctional but whose wasn't? and there was plenty of good), and it briefly drove a very scary rift between me and my parents who I've always been close to (maybe a little too close, I need to independent-ize myself more, but not being on speaking terms with my mother for two weeks was kind of unpleasant). He doesn't really give me any advice or sometimes even any insight, except last week he had the "insight" to say that I feel ugly and unlovable because, clearly, my father wasn't loving and affectionate enough to me when I was five. Let me say that my father is an excellent human being and was the best dad a weird nerdy sports-playing kid could have ever had. I'm a little drunk and rambling? ANYWAY. Blah. Thanks Hairpin, I love you guys.

Gulfie

@Miss Maszkerádi Your therapist sounds like he's mostly a psychoanalyst type and that might not be the best for you, approach-wise. I'd personally say, if you can stand going through the finding a therapist process again, it might be really worth it to find a better match.

meowmischen

@Miss Maszkerádi This is how I feel about most of your situation: "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
It doesn't matter anymore how helpful your therapist was at the beginning - he's obviously not helping you anymore. I suggest telling this story to prospective therapists and judging them based on their reaction, to start.
Can I ask why you don't want to find The One For Forever yet?

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@Miss Maszkerádi Late as usual, but: It's actually really great that you realized there's a problem so early!

I was going to say something about that very thing on here back when you said you were starting therapy. But I didn't want to spook you and it felt kind of presumptuous because I'd never heard anyone else mention it as a problem... and now here we are!

For me it took a couple years of feeling unsatisfied with my progress, and then a couple more to realize that of course my parents weren't going to change and a couple more after that I realized "Hey, wait a minute! We never even talked about some pretty important problems!" because I never recognized them as problems at the time. That's one of the weird things about therapy in general - why is it based on my impressions when I'm such an unreliable narrator?

And even then, knowing is not even close to half the battle for the things that make it tough for me every day as an adult. They might have their origins in childhood, but they've had all sorts of compensation and rationalization and avoidance layered on them over the years. Yet still, in the end, it felt like the expectation in all the therapy I've had was to both identify and solve the problem by myself - like I'm a $0 bid on a subcontract from my therapist to fix my original shoddy work (or my parents' work, and this metaphor is really out of hand).

I would go into my next round of therapy with my goals pretty clear (like written out on a card I look at before each session (but not inflexible goals (so maybe just in pencil))). That is, once I can afford it. (I'll save my rant about insurance and the popularity of the rigid and scheduled cognitive-behavioral therapy for some other time (it's a complete coincidence that I mention those two things together)).

And yes, the mental health field has it's share of jerks and doodyheads.

...aaand, hmm, I was going to ask you somewhere if you consider yourself an overthinker, because my experience tells me that needs its own therapeutic approach. (Me? An overthinker? (Yes. (You don't say!)))

In conclusion... no, I'm done (even parenthetically).

ru_ri

@Miss Maszkerádi I think you should fire your therapist, he sounds like an asshole.
As for the virginity thing, it really is what you make it. For me it was just something to get rid of, and I have never regretted the way it went (in a field with a guy who dumped me for a cheerleader). Other people feel it's important to share your first time with someone special. How do YOU feel about it? That's what's important.
As for getting physical affection--in my experience chances for this sort of action are maximized when you are open for any opportunity but not actually seeking something. If that makes any sense at all. For example, I will go to an event (say, to see a band) because I am interested in the event. Sometimes there is a person at said event that I feel drawn to, and I'll pursue it and see what happens. If it doesn't work out, no big, because my main goal was to see the band. Sorry if this sounds too dumb or obvious--but it's my main tactic (admittedly I don't get as much action as I would like, but it has worked out on occasion).

Miss Maszkerádi

Also: if anyone here is into soccer, holy SHIT do yourselves a favor and look up video of the goal Mario Balotelli scored today. I'm still picking my jaw up off the floor.

Clara Morena

Once again I have been a horrible pinner. but here is a list of things I did in a matter of two months.

-Applied for full time jobs
- In the after school program I work at, I found out that my student from the class I took over in January ,are for the very first time are at their grade level vocabulary and writing.
- in two weeks, I'm leaving the after school program and I couldn't be happier. I love my students but frankly I have problems with the school.
- I realized last night, I'm more trusting towards women than I am towards men.

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