Here is this weekend's New York Times Magazine cover. (The orbiting objects, if you can't tell: The Friends-of-Bill Black Hole, The Super-Pac Nebula, Huma's Dark Matter, The Chelsea Quasar, The Arkansas Cluster, Katzenberg's Comet, The Patti Solis Doyle Vortex, The Obama Supernova; the bottom text reads "The gravitational pull of a possible 2016 Campaign is bringing all the old Clinton characters into her orbit. Can she make the stars align, or will chaos prevail?" Click here to enlarge.) Here is a chat I had about the cover with my friend and astronomy scholar Claire Webb.
is this a joke?
me: it's real
Claire: no way
me: swear to god
chelsea is a QUASAR
remember i studied those in college
Claire: also, this analogy doesn't make any sense
me: GO ON
Claire: nothing revolves around a planet
me: GO ON.....
Claire: except MOONS
me: tell me more about space
Claire: not, quasars or star clusters!!
lol the obama supernova
guess that makes sense
like, he's dying
me: what planet is she supposed to be
what planet's face is that large
me: do planets even smile???
i'm just saying, the science seems... suspect
Claire: just a lil
i'm just saying, i get what theyre trying to do
but they really botched the analogy
because they are trying to say that all these things are "in her universe"
and like "things revolve around her"
but, a planet is not significant
do you see what i'm saying
me: would it make sense if she were a moon?
Claire: no, that would make even less sense
if she's a planet, everything else should be a moon
it would be better if she were a star
and everyone else was a planet
or like, she could be a black hole
sucking everyone in
this is such bs
me: i guess that would be even more potentially offensive
HILLARY, THE BLACK HOLE OF POLITICS
or, a hole, generally
Claire: "the graviational pull"
what gravitational pull
a planet doesn't "bring anything into its orbit," except moons
me: can a planet make the stars align?
there is no such thing
as stars aligning
me: hmm fascinating did not know
me: what's a nebula
Claire: it's a site of star birth
gas and dust
me: seems like a ..... nebulous theory
idk what else to say about hillary cover
analogy = botched
me: got it
would be cool if planets had faces and, like, personalities, though
buncha planets getting together to drink and talk politics
Claire: lol yes
it'd be amazing
pluto would be the rejected sociopath
juptier would be ... santa-like
saturn would be a sexy lady in a slinky dress
mars would be super aggressive, like getting in fistfights
scrappy and little
me: what about hil
Claire: neptune would be the sadsack debbie downer
me: what planet is most hil
but w/o venus connotations
me: good answer