Tuesday, January 28, 2014


Here Is Lorde's Birth Certificate

How old is the New Zealand singer Lorde, certain particularly obnoxious Internet circles have been wondering over the last few months. (Not without cause: "[The Virgin Suicides] really resonated with me as a teenager," the singer told Rookie's Tavi Gevinson recently. "I mean," she continued, "I am still a teenager.")

The fine country of New Zealand, for $17.02, has provided us with what they say is a copy of Lorde's birth certificate. Lorde's full name: Ella Marija Lani Yelich-O'Connor. Lorde's DOB: 7 November 1996. Lorde, two-time Grammy winner, is 17 years old. The above documentation effectively shuts down any lingering doubts in regards to Lorde's real age, a question that had emerged more actively in recent weeks.

At last, Lorde age truthers, the rumors can be put to rest: Lorde is not old, she is just more talented and successful than you were at 16 or perhaps than you ever will be, really. (She's also quite funny about it.) Lorde is not old, she is just precocious as hell.

31 Comments / Post A Comment


This is such good satire of other self-identified lady blogs that my first reaction was outrage. Well done, Emma. Well done.


Ah, 1996. A great year. For me to graduate from high school :/

Better to Eat You With

@isavedlatin College, here, if I hadn't dropped out for a while.


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I have never not believed her, but she does look she's 35. I can understand why people are dubious.


Ah yes, the time-honored tactic of producing a birth certificate. That always shuts down birthers.


@stuffisthings by the way, I notice that so-called "birth certificate" doesn't say anything about BENGHAZI. What is Lorde hiding???

Emma Carmichael

@stuffisthings Exactly. Keep ~~~searching~~~.




@stuffisthings L O R D E G H A Z I


@stuffisthings This is clearly a fake. New Zealand didn't even have printers until 2007.

Jess Young@facebook

@kateek I must have made up all of those memories I have of printing things out when I was growing up in NZ in the 90s ...


But...but...she looked so old at the Grammys...like Alanis Morissette-old.


@Radio_LJ People grow up fast in the mean streets of Auckland


My daughter was born a month later, and she does think she is 35. In addition: I am super embarrassing, know nothing about how hard it all is, and just don't understand. GAHHD.


nice post, loved reading this.


I love how seriously People.com is taking this: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20780855,00.html
All their commenters are in a tizzy that someone can just order a copy of a birth certificate. What outrage!


@Helvetica WHY did I start reading all of the People comments? Because I hate myself? I am also strangely excited that Lorde and I have the same birthday (not the same year because unlike her I am an old.)

Henry Sidaway

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What about birthtime? hello, need it for astrology


O love her music and thing she has lots of talent unlike some of theses big bosom female POP singers that make their way to the top with absolutely no talent. This girl will go far.


Great Singer and one of my favorite video/song is tennis court if she is only 17 years old she has a voice like someone in their mid 20's. Natural supplements

Jeff Lee

and she's got nice hair!


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This is such good satire of other self-identified lady blogs that my first reaction was outrage. Well done, Emma. Well done
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