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Friday, January 10, 2014

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Friday Open Thread

The first real week of our year is nearly done. How was it for you? Any exciting weekend plans? Last night at the bar I made an impulsive decision to drive to Chicago tomorrow to see a friend, and I'm feeling pretty good about it. Thank you all for hanging out, and in case you missed anything this week, we:

• Talked about ambition with a Genius as well as our in-house witch.

Wrote a check to our haters and threw ourselves all sorts of showers.

• Got sober, stayed warm and learned the secrets to true beauty.

• Sniffed so many candles that we had a fever dream about ICP.

• Critiqued some dick pics and unsealed a Diva Cup from our cervix.

• Went deep on the degenerating Y chromosome and the feminist politics of self-defense.

• Loved our immigrant mothers and our flirty dogs.

Let us know how you're feeling and how we're doing and what you want to see on the site this year! We're listening. See ya Monday.

Photo via jinterwas/Flickr

60 Comments / Post A Comment

celeec4@twitter

Hey 'Pinners, its been a while. I come to you with a question and poll-ish thing. How do you deal with pre-performance (be it public speaking or otherwise) jitters?

Have got a little performance with the rest of my dance class this weekend, and we've been working really hard on it! The choreography is under two minutes and I still want to just lay my head down on my desk and hide a little.

Let's not talk about how bad my jitters are before stuff like presenting my work in PowerPoints.

MrsTeacherFace

@celeec4@twitter I don't know that my approach will be useful for you, but I used to be horrified of any kind of public speaking, and I planned to be a teacher, so that's pretty much required every day. My strategy was to force myself to do something even MORE horrifying (I took a singing class where I had to perform publicly in an auditorium), and after that, speaking in front of a class felt like a minor horror in comparison.

Roxanne Rholes

@celeec4@twitter No matter what happens, by Monday morning it will be over. You do the best you can, and take comfort in the fact that you only have a few more days of stress before it's out of your hands.

adorable-eggplant

@celeec4@twitter This is going to make me sound like a crazy hippy, but here's a trick I picked up doing prenatal yoga with a friend: breathe in, breathe out making a hissing s-sound. It helps lengthen the out breath which activates the parasympathetic nervous system (I'm going to google this to double check that it's true: putting in jeopardy the placebo effect that I have been enjoying up to this point) and can be calming in stressful situations.

celeec4@twitter

@MrsTeacherFace Funny thing, I actually agreed to this because I figured it was a way to get more used to and less freaked out by work presentations. Well, and I like dancing. Swear I was not this bad about public performance before grad school!

@adorable-eggplant I will for sure try that, that and micro-manage the hell out of everything for the weekend. It's a terrible coping mechanism but it makes me feel better-ish.

OhMarie

@celeec4@twitter I get pretty bad speaking/presentation jitters, less bad jitters with physical performance.

I think a few things help--first, the warming up (either with your group or teacher or alone if they don't to that) and if you're changing, the outfit and makeup time can be soothing. Then, if there's downtime, I'll go through the routine in my head to keep myself occupied.

I also try to think of us as a unit, which kind of puts the focus on the whole instead of me and makes me less nervous. I think about how I'm happy and proud to be part of the group, how they worked hard and how they're going to do a great job, and it just makes me think less about my own performance.

myeviltwin

@celeec4@twitter To be honest, despite all the advice that practice makes perfect, and deep breathing, etc., the only thing I have found that helps me to calm down before public speaking is to medicate. Ask your doctor for a beta blocker (there are generics available for not too much $$$), or an Ativan. And good luck.

Lily Rowan

@celeec4@twitter I just heard a great Fresh Air interview about anxiety, and one of the things he said was that top performance is actually in the middle of a bell curve of anxiety. So being a little nervous helps! Debilitating anxiety, not so much.

I have no actual suggestions, sorry.

up cubed

@celeec4@twitter: Watching the Amy Cudder TED video on posture and confidence always makes me feel better.
http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html

stonefruit

@myeviltwin Oh good, at least I'm not the only one. I take a tiny fraction of something in the benzodiazepine family and it works wonders.

celeec4@twitter

@OhMarie Yes, carefully planning the makeup to go with the coordinated outfits we are going to wear helps. :D

@myeviltwin So I'd considered the beta blocker/benzos road, but the Drs at the health center I am at was somewhat dismissive and all, I see you used to be medicated for depression, and I think you're wrong its a depression/social anxiety issue, basically. So uh, I never went for a second appointment. Miss my old psychiatrist. :\

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@celeec4@twitter When I get nervous my stomach tends to react against me, so I might take something for heartburn to help with that, and as a result I'll feel calmer. Maybe that might help you, too?

And a good, solid night's sleep the night before might help put you in a better mindset. So anything that might help you get a good night's sleep is a plus!

I'm not sure if either of these is what you were hoping to hear, but just in case they are, go forth and take some Zantac. And remember that you're going to be great!

leonstj

@celeec4@twitter my go-to for dealing with anxiety (and I have LOTS about LOTS of reasons) is just thinking about how fucking wack & awkward it was to go through puberty, and then I think about the fact that no matter how many kilos of swag anybody has, they had to deal w/ the same shit.

celeec4@twitter

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) Oh, this is great! There's a lot of little things that I'm going to try. And I don't know how I never thought to do something about the stomach, but I really should have. Obvious solution was obvious, thanks!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@celeec4@twitter And if you're worried about sleeping, here's another obvious solution I forgot to mention: sleepytime tea! (I'm mentioning it because I totally forgot about it until my friend reminded me of its existence. It has worked one out of two times for me, if that helps.)

MrsTeacherFace

I'm not due until April, but I am already so ready for maternity leave that I feel barely connected to this semester at all. I'm working as hard as I ever do, but I am much more ambivalent about it.

I'm also applying for a teaching job in a new district, and I'm a little concerned because I am due April 9th and the job fair is March 22nd, so I am going to be HUGE, but hopefully that won't affect my chances for getting the job. I hope that teaching is at least a field, full of woman as it is, where being a mother won't negatively affect my job prospects.

celeec4@twitter

@MrsTeacherFace Good luck with the job application in a new district!

adorable-eggplant

Howdy, the few, the proud, the pinners! How are everyone's resolutions going? I'm mostly on budget and doing pounds of yoga and failing to eat breakfast every day. Successes? Failures? Regale me.

up cubed

@adorable-eggplant Dryuary is going... I thought I'd sleep better, but I'm finding it way harder to wake up in the morning.

adorable-eggplant

@up cubed Dryuary, I'm duly impressed. Maybe it takes awhile to kick in? Perhaps you are sleeping so much better that it's hard to tear yourself away. Hmm. I've heard similar promises about giving up caffeine, but I don't think I will ever be putting that to the test.

celeec4@twitter

@adorable-eggplant I am also, trying to stick to a budget, though it is more along the lines of, self: winter is bland and gloomy and no you do not need any more cosmetics than you already own.

So far, so good? Left myself a bit of wiggle room in that I'm permitting purchases of drugstore stuff (no more than one item a month), or replacements of empty containers.

Am also currently 1/1 (aka 100%!11!!1!) on dance class so far.

phipsi

@up cubed Count me in for dryuary...it's actually been fine. Trying to decide if I will make it the entire month or drink at my friend's birthday party at the end of the month.

Currently trying to decide on an exercise schedule. Last night was my first night at the gym...I had been running up until early December, until the weather started to get shitty and cold in the Midwest. And then holidays and then polar vortex, so yeah. Gym was rough. Need to keep it on the regs.

I feel like I've been consistently making progress on my health/fitness goals over the last few years, so I'm at the point where I don't need to START OVER every January 1. I know the drill. I know how to eat healthy, how to plans meals for the week, how to make satisfying lunches. I just need to get back in the habit of DOING THESE THINGS. It gets easier every time, I think.

up cubed

@phipsi I have been running in the evening instead of having a glass (or three) of wine to relax and separate my day from work. I'm feeling pretty sore, but I'm sure next week will be much better.

buckachu

@adorable-eggplant I made it three days in my Drynuary journey :/ BUT I revised it to allow myself to have one drinking night a week, since my biggest issue is overdoing casual weekday boozing, and I have been going strong (6 days?)on that! Ya win some, ya lose some....

celeec4@twitter

@buckachu Don't be :\ about your modifications to Drynuary. Personally, I'm of the opinion that absolute bans/sudden changes often don't work well. And besides, don't they say its 40 days to a new habit? So keep it up and maybe keep it going even after Drynuary ends?

Hot Doom

@adorable-eggplant ugh, my resolution was to not buy any shoes in 2014 and it's already bumming me out. SO many sales and amazing deals! But I DON'T NEED NO MORE DAMN SHOES. However, I would absolutely love to justify a life or death reason why I need canary yellow peep-toe heels in Britain, where it rains and I have to walk everywhere. But I neeeeeed them :c

phipsi

@buckachu True enough...even limiting myself to a few drinks on the weekend would be a pretty good adjustment. Perhaps that will be my February after taking the month off. Right now, the lack of alcohol calories is helping my other resolutions :)

@up cubed Yeah, I'm hoping it won't be so cold this weekend and I can get in some outdoor runs with the dog. Mostly it complicates things with dinner schedule, since letting Mr. PhiPsi loose in the kitchen doesn't always produce the healthiest options (although it will be delicious!)

yrouttasight

@adorable-eggplant I'm on the Drynuary wagon as well. THIS IS A SECRET, BUT: I had a beer while out bowling with friends last Saturday. One beer, went home early, haven't had anything else since. I'm chalking it up to "waste not, want not", because it was a free beer that a friend bought me not knowing that I was dry. I might go an extra day to make up for it, but I'm considering one drink in a month a damn victory.

adorable-eggplant

@Hot Doom Maybe you could develop a system, like, "Sell X number of old pairs of shoes on Ebay, use cash to buy a new pair of shoes." It could be a net-zero shoe year.

@yrouttasight Sounds like a victory in progress to me. :)

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@adorable-eggplant I don't have a resolution per se, but a couple months ago I did set a goal to go a year (or as long as possible) without buying new nail polish or beauty products unless I legit need them (like if I run out of something and need to replace it). So far I have not bought any nail polish even though there are polishes that I want so badly, you guys!
Beauty products will be easier to deal with, I think, since I've got a mental list of things I'm allowing myself to buy, and a pretty good idea of current makeup inventory to deter me from buying anything I don't need.

OhMarie

@adorable-eggplant I have been walking in the morning. It's kind of amazing because I work from home and am not a morning person, but it's working. The only days I've skipped so far were Tuesday (POLAR VORTEX) and today (freezing rain coated everything in ice).

celeec4@twitter

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) Re-organizing and putting my makeup inventory in clear containers where I can easily see everything helped a great deal with the urge to purchase new colors/items to try. Something to think about. :)

RNL
RNL

@adorable-eggplant LOL! I did not set any resolutions, but probably should have, in January so far I have derailed my "get credit card balance down to zero" plan (which was achievable by end of month) by buying knee-high Fryes and surprise Coachella tickets for my boyfriend's birthday! Woops! But my life is pretty dope.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@adorable-eggplant That's a pretty good idea, thanks! Right now I have makeup all over the place, so maybe if I need a new storage solution I'll find a clear container for it all.

ru_ri

I thought this was a particularly outstanding week on the 'Pin. Thanks, guys, for your continued excellence! I especially liked the interview with the Genius and the piece on self-defense. and of course Baba Yaga. Great stuff!
I am thinking of going to a bonfire party on Saturday but feeling mild social anxiety about it.

adorable-eggplant

@ru_ri Man, I am over the moon about the Baba Yaga column too.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@ru_ri Loved the self-defence piece. There was a definite really strong tone to it that we rarely see on the Hairpin, but I thought it was so great. Susan knew what she wanted to say and just went for it.

RNL
RNL

@ru_ri Yup, I agree! After some growing pains, this 'Pin is dope once again! I just wish all the commenters would come back...

up cubed

@RNL Yea- what made the bergie bits cry this week?!!?

ru_ri

Also did anyone see the fantastic thing Carolita did for Cosmopolitan? It is amazing and wonderful and now I can't find a link.

lasso tabasco

@ru_ri http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/10-outfits-of-my-love-life

ru_ri

@lasso tabasco Thank you! Off to reread...

supernintendochalmers

@ru_ri This is so good.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

Okay so I have a second date tomorrow with the boy who bought me flowers. I like him so much but as a friend! I really fear that I'm falling into every possible cliché about that awful "friend zone" garbage.

I think my plan is just to calm myself down and stop worrying, and just have a good time tomorrow so I'll have a better idea of whether or not I have feelings for him and what I should do next. Is that a good plan to have?

celeec4@twitter

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) That's totally a good plan. Don't worry and have fun, then evaluate?

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@celeec4@twitter okay good, that's what I'm going to do. That was sort of my plan for the first date, but my nerves kind of got in the way, and I was also completely disarmed by how nice he was to me (and in a very genuine way, not just like a first date kind of way.) Plus it is definitely going to be fun!

leonstj

Any dude worth liking as a friend or otherwise doesn't worry about awful "friend zone" garbage ever. Just go and enjoy the company, and be however you feel like, and the vibes may just mutually work themselves out!

I feel like a lot of time nobody needs to "say" anything, it becomes obvious where who is at & all, ya know?

adorable-eggplant

@leonstj Completely agreed.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@leonstj This is very sound advice, and thank you. Just for the record, all of that "friend zone" stuff is entirely the narrative that's going on in my head, and I very much doubt he'd ever say such a thing. (Which is a part of why I feel so awful that I somehow don't have feelings for him yet!)
I hadn't really thought that things might just work themselves out, but if they do, then it'll save me from this internal monologue I've got going.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

you know what we haven't had in a while?
talk about SPORTSS SPORTSSS SPORTSSSS katiemcgillicuddy where are you for SPORTS

Hairpin Football League is over :( I had fun constantly making stupid picks!
How are your NFL teams doing, y'all? I think I came to the realization that I'm back to being a Packers fan, and then I fell asleep and missed half of Lambeau On Ice and they lost, so I guess that was fun while it lasted. But it looks like I might be done with my open relationship with the Jets. We'll see who I want to win it all and how I feel next season.

Base ball people: HOF vote thoughts? It's not my wheelhouse so you all have to discuss.

It was over a week ago but who watched the Winter Classic? It wasn't my favourite, possibly due to, y'know, Leafs, but it was fun! (And then my sick ass fell asleep and missed the end)

also: Olympic hockey rosters and general are you excited for the Olympics?

OhMarie

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

My usual football teams are all out of the running so I'm starting to sort through my weird, unfounded feelings about other teams. I like the Packers for some reason so I'm gonna go with that for this week!

I loooooooooove the Olympics but I am not crazy about hockey. I like watching the skiing and sledding type stuff. I only watched one curling match last time (women's gold medal) but I got REALLY into it so I'll probably give that a shot again.

Onymous

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

The 'Hawks game last night was awesome. Lynch was in great form, the weather was dramatic. Hell the saints even put together a hell of a series there at the end.
And Earl Thomas, christ, he just straight up jumped over like 3 receivers to bat down passes.

As conference rivals I have to want the 9ers to lose horribly tonight but I really want a third Hawks/49ers, one more for all the marbles before the rosters change.

Chareth Cutestory

I started watching The Returned this week (thanks Jia and AHP!) and it is SO HAUNTING and SO GOOD. Only two episodes in but I can't stop thinking about it!

j-i-a

@Chareth Cutestory yayyyyyy

Gin-tastic

So an update on the whole boy situation I posted about a few weeks ago: @OhMarie and @adorable-eggplant, you guys were right and I received a text from him on the 6th. Basically, he's away for work until the end of January and he wants to see me when he gets back. To be honest, I feel as though I'm becoming more and more indifferent to the situation (other than it would be nice to get laid again). Boy am I fickle. Thanks so much for the advice!

OhMarie

@Gin-tastic WHAT CALLED IT.

Understandable that you're indifferent, though. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder in new relationships.

adorable-eggplant

@Gin-tastic Bam. Genius. Me. Ditto, OhMarie on the absence thing, but who knows, maybe when (if you decide to) see him again, you'll be like, "Oh yeah, this dude was cool. I'd totally forgotten."

flashcrash

So my second semester at grad school starts again at the end of the month and I'm dreading it. Is that bad? I'm doing well academically, but I really dislike my classmates. It's a 2 year program, and most of our work is group work. Has anyone else experienced this? I loved undergrad, and now I'm thinking I was spoiled for being around so many smart interesting people.

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