Or, at least according to The Sweethome, which tested 13 of the best-rated sheets over 60 hours and found [drumroll]:
After testing thirteen of the best sheets on the market, L.L. Bean’s 280 Thread-count Pima Percale sheets are the ones I’m keeping on my bed. They outpaced every other sheet in all of our tests and are a dream to sleep on. They are made of Pima cotton, which is a variety of extra long staple Egyptian cotton commonly grown in the US and Peru and, while the thread count may seem low to those of you familiar with sheet shopping, these are quality sheets. I found them to be super comfortable, very breathable, easy to care for, and durable too. They’re the best all-around sheets I’ve ever owned.
This will (likely) end my proud young adulthood tradition of calling my mom in the middle of the day to ask "what sheets are good" and then getting exasperated by her very informed, lengthy answer. We both thank you, Sweethome. [The Sweethome]