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Friday, December 27, 2013

12

Thank You, Dinosaur Erotica

I would like to salute the women who created dinosaur erotica this year. Most of the very short e-books are about cave-women-type people who engage in various types of sex with dinosaurs. Not because they have dinosaur fetishes (at least not that they know of, at first! ahhhh I love it), but because they get caught in unexpected hunting situations, etc. (putting aside that people and dinosaurs didn't live at the same time. PROBABLY). For instance, the opening of Taken By the T-Rex:

Drin!! Can you guess what happens? Haha ahhhh, I just love it so much. I love it, I love it; it deserves the Pulitzer Prize. They can rename the Pulitzer Prize the Dinosaur Erotica Prize, for ingenuity and entertainment. Maybe dinosaur erotica existed before, but there’s something perfect about Kindles for making it feel sneakier.

There’s also something feminist about these, maybe?? Because it’s not like porn is going to disappear, and if some women can get turned on by the idea of being fucked by an actual DINOSAUR, then maybe it spreads porn empathy (“Babe? I saw … on your Kindle … ? Is that ... what ... you ...?”). Presuming that everyone loves dinosaur erotica, which they should and must, right?! It’s also hilarious.

Anyway, the women who write it, Alara Branwen and Christie Sims (pseudonyms), are students at Texas A&M, supposedly, and they seem fun in this interview on The Cut. “And that is how we became the dynamic duo of monster porn!” It’s also possible they’re just dirty old men pretending to be sweet college women, and the more I look into it, the more that actually does seem like it could be the case (“Hi! I'm just a plain old, everyday Midwestern girl that lives a normal life”), but who cares! Putting joy into the world!

All right, I’m going to go read Taken By the Pterodactyl now. Wait oh my god they have AUDIBLE versions!? Hahahahah oh my god these books. Bless LITERATURE! [time passes] Okay I just read Taken by the Pterodactyl, and it is amazing. It’s about a young woman named Dianne, although sometimes it’s "Diana," who lives in a colony somewhere away from earth, and she has to protect her family’s field of sheep from the pterodactyls that fly past every afternoon. Until one day, etc. My favorite line: “Sure, she loved her parents, and she had a good life at home, but what the pterodactyl had made her feel was unlike anything she’d ever felt before.” Mmm hmm. Yup. Yes. Put that on my tombstone. Please.

Edith Zimmerman is the founding editor of The Hairpin.

12 Comments / Post A Comment

PaperbackLady

I spent a very entertaining evening reading the Amazon reviews for these books. "Accurate and relatable".

iceberg

We've missed you Edith. Oh man, I really want to read some of these now, but don't want it on my work Google history? DILEMMA.

Ophelia

@iceberg I'm having almost as much fun making it up in my own head. I'm going to have to read this on my phone...

MisterHippity

Scientists conclude that dinosaurs had "a (relatively) small penis."

The key word, in this instance, is "relatively."

Edith Zimmerman

@MisterHippity I like the idea that they all shared one, sort of like the Olympic torch!

Statham

For my birthday, my friend recorded a video of her reading "Taken by the T-Rex" for me.

During this video, her roommate's Japanese boyfriend comes in, and he interjects questions because he is interested in all aspects of American culture. Even Dino erotica.

sarahspy

oh my gooooooooodness

Jerbear

I'll just leave this here.

http://www.businessinsider.com/monster-porn-amazon-crackdown-sex-fantasy-bigfoot-2013-12

Thomas James McGee@facebook

will it spoil the fun by pointing out that pterosaurs were not dinosaurs?

Megasus

Oh man, I need to be in a dynamic duo of some kind of weird porn. 2014 goal!!

Ophelia

@Megasus I mean, if you need a second half for your duo...

meetapossum

I have very distinct memories of my friends and me looking at clips of an old porno (80s, maybe) that was just dudes in dinosaur costumes having sex with women. It was something else, to be certain.

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