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Thursday, December 12, 2013

25

Realistic ModCloth Descriptions

As a high school sophomore, you’re constantly on the go from flute practice to doing homework to doing more homework. The Cute Baseball Player Finally Fingered Me dress will take you everywhere you need to go and help you remember that anticlimactic night in his older brother’s ’86 Mazda. Pair it with a silver headband and a shiny new pair of fingernail clippers! - $149.99

Flowers sometimes smell like shit, but let’s be honest, so do you when the President’s Physical Fitness Test falls on the heaviest day of your period. The Mum’s the Word dress, with its abstract, blotchy, out-of-focus red designs, is perfect for those days you forget tampons. - $79.99

When you gave your big three-minute presentation on the history of the rail car, no one was really paying attention. But at least your sweat stains weren’t visible, thanks to the strategically designed Dance the Polka Dot dress! You look so cute, it almost distracts you from the fact that your so-called friends forget to ask you later how your presentation went and you’re eating a two-day-old tuna sandwich. - $44.99 


The gentle swaying of the tree branches overhead in the wind remind you that you still need to mow the lawn, even though your dad probably forgot you promised him that and you’d much rather watch Netflix on your cheap Dell. That is, if your little brother will stop downloading porn! The Easy Breezy Cuticle top, with its finger-skimming design, is sure to get sucked into the lawnmower should you ever do your chores. - $54.99

“What the fucking hell!” you screech as you drop your freshly painted diorama onto your parents’ most expensive rug. Whether cussing or crafting, you certainly put your heart into it! As you slam your bedroom door and slip off the Expletively Awesome blouse, you’ll swear its tiny unicorn-shaped buttons were made just to cheer you up. - $18.99

 

Holly Richmond is a mod piece of cloth. Sometimes she tweets.



25 Comments / Post A Comment

youresmalltime

You'll really shine with the cheap elastic waistline, see-through unlined skirt, and shoddy serger-machine construction! $129.99.

OhMarie

@youresmalltime This dress is actually a tunic!

Hellcat

@OhMarie By mistake, I read that as, "This dress is actually music." Which… actually sounds like something ModCloth would say.

carolinaclay

Incredible:)very nice@y

distrighema

Our "fake office wear dress" may look like it's ideal for work when it's floating on a white background on our website, but in reality the skirt is only six inches long and it has a weird cutout (not visible in photo)that will prevent you from wearing a bra. Perfect for your next halloween costume: "sexy employed person."

lookuplookup

@distrighema This comment could not have been timed any better as I was JUST BEMOANING the weird cutout in this dress: https://www.madewell.com/madewell_category/DRESSES/waistdefineddresses/PRDOVR~08738/08738.jsp

Amphora

@distrighema I didn't know they made dresses specifically for sports bras.

pollypeachum

My favorite review I've ever read on ModCloth was for a flower crown, and it went something like: "I thought it was pretty, but my boyfriend said I looked like Jesus."

aphrabean

@pollypeachum I just laughed out loud at my desk, genuine, full-bellied, LOL style.

missupright

@pollypeachum This is SO amazing I just logged in to thank you for sharing.

Hellcat

Ahahahhahhaaaa! I confess, I love ol' Mod but, YES--those names and descriptions! And I am not too proud to say that sometimes, I do not even get the pun.

(Does anyone know how I can stop getting logged out every 30 seconds?)

I smell burnt toast

@Hellcat Years ago, I used to understand every pun. These days, it takes me a couple of tries, sometimes sounding it out loud, and at times not even then. Was it me who changed, or was it Modcloth?

missupright

All this makes me feel better that the customs charges are too much for me to ever buy anything from Modcloth.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@missupright I learned that the hard way! Luckily my black Vintage Me Heel shoes were a great fit for the 1920s night my friends and I never had, and the Oxford Smart wedges I bought fit me after I put insoles in them and now I can wear them to the museum with Audrey Hepburn pants, a snappy blazer, and some cute oversized sunglasses!

DoctaJones

@missupright If there's something I like, I search the image on Google or use the similar options on Polyvore to see if there's some place else that sells it for less. I found a shirt once at Wet Seal that was about $15 cheaper than Mod Cloth.

cosmia

I do own a fair few things from Modcloth I'm happy with, but holy shit yes, those descriptions are two twee steps away from Anthropologie's (who still take the hilarity cake - Anthroparodie is one of my favourite things on the internet)

adorable-eggplant

@cosmia I did not lol until Bathing Maxi. But then I lol'd heartily and it was worth it.

epsk

The reviews for hilarious products are also pretty great: http://www.modcloth.com/shop/hairaccessories/claws-for-celebration-headband?view=reviews

Because cat ears are totes a must-have-classy-chic accessory every girl needs.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@epsk (I would totally want that headband, but don't tell anyone)

adorable-eggplant

@epsk Is there a reason everyone bought them for a Taylor Swift concert? Does she wear cat ears? I do live under a rock, so this might be obvious.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@adorable-eggplant I had no idea either, so I googled it, and she wears a cat ears headband in one of her videos. And now I'm upset, because cats are MY thing, Taylor, and playing glittery guitars is YOUR thing, and I can't one-up you by winning more Grammys than you or writing a song about Jake Gyllenhaal or none of that stuff

adorable-eggplant

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) Take heart! I feel like there isn't an upward limit to the number of songs that can be written about Jake Gyllenhaal. If my guitar wasn't borrowed from a friend (who may want it back someday?) I would certainly have put some glitter on it by now.

Cliterary Device

Taglines still on the drawing board:

A dress made to turn heads! With its trendy zipper sewn inside-out on purpose, you'll wonder how this ever made it off the assembly line.

You'll be in the lap of luxury in this frock. Constructed with cheap synthetic fabric for built-in fly up protection. With its static cling, never worry about the wind showing your treasure to the world.

Gird your loins! Are you ready for the thinnest, most flimsiest gossamer fabric cut improperly across the fabric grain? Introducing a MadCloth exclusive: The FUPAnator! Now you can display your food baby and camel toe the classy way... with a nod and a wink. ;-)

crisisalert

Haha my friend actually works for Modcloth and writes these descriptions! She usually tries to sneak in references to her favorite movies and TV shows.

commanderbanana

Blarf, seriously. I parodied some of their descriptions on my now-defunct-blog. I caved and ordered a skirt from them, which is cute but really was too much for how it was made (the rolled waistband isn't secured, so it flips up at the top when you wear it). Their stuff really is super shoddy, unless you're ordering something they carry from another brand, like their Rago shapewear or whatever.

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