Monday, December 9, 2013


Get This Kay Jewelers Commercial Out My Face

Let's all make a blanket agreement that, no matter how much this commercial auto-plays on Hulu, we will never start to become subconsciously convinced that any part of the behavior exhibited by the three monsters on camera is an acceptable way for even a monster (for we are all monsters) to behave.

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Funny you should mention this as we saw this commercial last night and I told my husband I was waiting for the follow up commercial where the guy gives diamond studded collars to the family dog and cat. For a few brief horrifying seconds my husband thought I was serious and there was such a commercial. Now I'm kinda hoping there will be so I can see his look of horror again.


@latenac omg i would so much rather the guy give a diamond collar to the dog/cat because the dog/cat cannot be indoctrinated into the disgusting system of trading diamonds for unquestioned loyalty


@j-i-a I would so much rather the woman give the guy a diamond collar while the cat and dog are watching.


@OhMyGoshYouGuys wait





@OhMyGoshYouGuys Bless this comment.


@latenac I quit working at shoprite and now I make $35h - $80h...how? I'm working online! My work didn't exactly make me happy so I decided to take a chance on something new… after 4 years it was so hard to quit my day job but now I couldn't be happier. Heres what I do,...WWW.PERFECT23.COM


thank beautiful@n

Better to Eat You With

God, yes. Their commercials are all dreadful, but this one is the worst.


@Better to Eat You With at least when it airs on Hulu you can give it a negative review. I get a lot of joy out of clicking "No" to the question "Is this relevant to you?". Which is kind of the least they can do for you, considering how many commercials you have to sit through on Hulu


Every time I see that "open heart" design, I immediately think of butts. THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE OKAY!


@stroopwafel yeah it is seriously.... I mean, I am guilty of being entranced by diamonds (SHINY) but this design is just ugly :( Apart from everything.


@stroopwafel 1000% it's a butt necklace


@stroopwafel It is T&A. Boobs on top and butt on the bottom. Jane, WHY did you design a necklace to be a curvy torso?


@stroopwafel When I see a lady wearing that necklace (at least twice in my life) I get really sad for her. Like "oh shit dude your husband sucks"

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@stroopwafel See, I see snakes, and then think, "Stay away, Slytherin dudes. Do not want."


@stroopwafel Ugliest necklace ever.


@stroopwafel My main reaction to these commercials is always that the people have AWFUL TASTE in jewelry.


@stroopwafel You obviously didn't get the deeper meaning... Jane Seymour -> butt jewelry -> -> ->


They want everyone to Seymour Butts. That's the only way I can find this even remotely less horrifying.

Ee Gads

@stroopwafel Hahaha, me too. Every time I see these commercials, I imagine Jane Seymour saying the words, "Tell your story with my Two Butts collection." And I die. "Two Butts."

And my boyfriend just stares at me. He says he doesn't see it, butt I think he's just being a turd.


I hate this commercial almost as much as I hate the Yoplait one where the mom swaps her daughter's snacks for yogurt. No. No no no. Also any/all commercials that suggest a new car is a normal christmas present.


@SmartCookie For some reason, the way the daughter says "orange creme" annoys the hell out of me.


Does anyone remember the creepy commercial (I believe it was Kay's) of a man and woman at a cabin where the camera angles made it look like there was someone in the bushes outside the window and the dude was all "I'll always be here to protect you" or something. Soooooo creepy.


@OhMyGoshYouGuys I do! I was sooo horrified that I thought I must've imagined it, because REALLY who approved that?


@adorable-eggplant And by the way, that commercial is the first result from a Google search of "creepy Kay Jewelers commercial."

And from Jezebel: "Ah, creepy, creepy co-dependent psychopathic cabin love."


@OhMyGoshYouGuys I hate that commercial so much. Key is hands-down the worst part of being forced to watch football all fall. On the upside, I now get to demand diamonds from my husband every time it thunders (although he has yet to give them to me).


@OhMyGoshYouGuys Dare I rewatch it? No, I daren't. Forever traumatized. Will always associate diamonds with vaguely threatening situations.

ETA: Did anyone else feel like he had lured her there? That was my suspicion.


@Devushka *Kay. How do I never see the typos in time?

Better to Eat You With

@OhMyGoshYouGuys I could be remembering wrong, but I don't think the woman ever speaks in that one. (I'm not about to watch it again to be sure.)


@Better to Eat You With She doesn't need to talk.
This ad should be referred to as "The Cabin in the Woods" commercial.


Also, which commercial was this? The video is down. Was it the one where the creepy stepfather gives the little girl the necklace? That's the one that really stuck with me from this weekend...


@Devushka Judging by the tags, it is that one. Which is the worst. Second place is the moving grand-dad into the house one. Third worst is a tie with all of them.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

I was just telling my ladyfriend that whoever is responsible for the dialogue in the Kay commercials should have their fingers crushed and never be allowed to write again.

A. Louise

So I thought this commercial was another Kay jem (PUNS) and I wanted to share it but then I rewatched it and it's honest to god not for jewelry but for FANCY FEAST:


(Still pretty epic though)

My boyfriend and I used to have a whole banter about how he was going to buy me a necklace that was made out of the heart necklaces just so it was awful enough for me but now we've seen the commercial so many times it's just an active, hateful yelling at the TV.

tater bug

@A. Louise so i just watched that fancy feast commercial and i almost cried because i thought it was adorable but also i'm PMSing and i want my boyfriend to propose (and tying the ring to our cat's collar would be a totally acceptable way of doing so). but i normally find the kay/jared/etc. commercials dreadful, tbh.


@tater bug FOR SERIOUS I just about started crying. It's totally ridiculous, but somehow the inclusion of the kitten makes me die a little inside (in the good, way, not in the bad way like all the jewelry commercials ever). And he built a whole room for the cat! Ugh!




@j-i-a I can see it, though the very beginning kept cutting off for me, so I actually thought the man was saying "i'm so happy to be married to your mom, though i know it hasn't always been easy for you" (as opposed to, "i'm so happy to *be marrying* your mom.") as in, "Mom and Dad have been having horrible marital problems and maybe almost divorced, so thanks for sticking with us, kid - and here's a necklace!"

makes the actual commercial look better.


@j-i-a Youtube became sentient and hates it even more than we do and caused it to self-destruct.


@j-i-a i replaced it with another stream i hope they took it down because they realized it was evil and bad

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

I always think of this when I see these commercials:

vine fruit

Yeah hey guy don't symbolically marry a child, that's disgusting.

isabelle bleu

@vine fruit You just *know* that this dude is going to try and talk his new family into letting him take the daughter to a Purity Ball.


Godalmighty, the instant puke-rage these commercials put me into ... and the one with the stepdaughter is GROSS AS FUUUH. WTF is wrong with people?

I've told Mr. Gleemonex many times, btw, that if he ever gets me jools for a present, I'll know he's cheating on me. That is SO not either one of us ... like for instance, he got me a 1974 Fender Mustang bass for my upcoming birthday. THAT is a man who knows me, y'all.

Regina Phalange

Man, maybe I'm way off base, but I think it's kind of sweet. My mom remarried when I was in elementary school, and there was no real acknowledgement of the relationship between me and my stepdad. He basically saw me as his wife's annoying roommate, who wouldn't be moving out until the lease was up (in another 10 years or so). A conversation like this would've meant a lot to me. Caring stepdads for the win!

(I think it spoils little to say the marriage, and the eventual divorce, were disastrous.)

Rose Camelia

@Regina Phalange I am sorry you lost the stepdad lottery. That sucks. The commercial is awful, but the conversation between new step-parent and child is important. I know a man who married a woman who had 3 daughters, 2 in their early teens and 1 at 10ish. The girls were their mom's wedding attendants. The groom, as part of the ceremony, made a detailed promise to the 3 girls to be a good stepdad. He then presented them each with a small semi-precious stone set in young-girl-appropriate bracelets. Everyone at the wedding cried. It worked, but I can see how it could have come off creepy. But he had already established a good relationship with the girls. They are now grown women and all 3 agree they have an excellent stepdad.

sulpicius subuculus

oh god oh god i hate this so much. this tag is everything: DON'T GIVE A MAN A FISH JUST TEACH YOUR DAUGHTER HOW TO FISH FOR FALSE EMOTIONAL SECURITY VIA MEN OFFERING HER SHINY OBJECTS TO REPRESENT HER VALUE LIKE IT'S FUCKING BIBLICAL TIMES. however it doesn't fully express the ick of the commercial, because it's not just that it's a diamond, it's that it's JUST LIKE YOURS, MOMMY (i've memorized it out of pure outrage and also because it plays every ten fucking minutes).

but what about the one with the man who runs the mistletoe company!?!?!?! how come no one's mentioned that? i think it wins for pure annoyingness.

Jackysaurus Rex

I swear I'm not trolling. But I really don't get what's wrong with the commercial. Maybe the little girls likes jewelery? Maybe she saw her mother with the necklace and commented on it. So the step dad got her one too to make her feel included in the process.

I would really appreciate more insight as to what makes this so bad?


ugh yes good lord this commercial skeeves me out. let's have nice little incestuous anti-feminist life lessons for all children of single mothers. SUCH FUN.


What would Sarah Haskins say?

Michelle Pittman@facebook

This is the exact plot of Web of Dreams. Do not base your feel-good family time commercials on V.C. Andrews books!



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