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Monday, November 25, 2013

68

Now That I'm Married, I Only Use Crystal

Dear family, friends, and plus ones:

On our one-year wedding anniversary (what what!), Eric and I would like to officially thank you for helping make my special day so special. There were wayyyy too many of you to send individual cards so I thought this group email was perfect! It’s also an opportunity to share how all of your gifts have impacted our married life, and possibly remind some of you that there are still a few items available on our registries at Neiman-Marcus, Bloomingdales, Crate and Barrel, Tiffany’s, and the British Museum. Thanks so much!!!

When Eric and I got married, it changed everything. We had been living together for three blissful years in our one-bedroom ninth-floor walk-up. Everything we needed we got from Target or as hand-me-downs from friends, and we were happy eating cereal for dinner. Then he finally put a ring on it! Our wedding was magical. After dancing the night away in the banquet space behind Villa Maria’s, I turned to him and said, “The only thing that could make this day more perfect is things.” Now that we’re married, I literally can’t imagine a day when I don’t touch silver.

I didn’t believe in it until it happened to me, but there’s just this mystical transformation when you “get hitched.” The second I was somebody’s wife, living a high-quality lifestyle just became really important to me, like when I got engaged and getting thin became really important to me. Every single day I think about using all the professional-level cooking equipment I made you buy me. Our kitchen would not be complete without the $379.95 Le Creuset French Oven in Flame that Eric’s mom gave us (what up mother-in-law!), and the $500 KitchenAid Mixer in Raspberry from Eric’s stepmom (what up stepmother-in-law!) is such a great accent piece on our counter.

I don’t expect my unmarried friends to understand this, but since Eric and I have been husband and wife, one of our favorite pastimes is hosting elaborate dinner parties. (Lol at my mother saying the crystal was “a bit much,” also what up Eric’s mother-in-law!) I’m so happy to say that the $200 set of Waterford Crystal “Lismore” Martini Glasses looks awesome on our shelves, thank you SO much Eric’s cousin! And those Baccarat “Mille Nuit” Wine Glasses come in SO handy. I want all of you who spent $155 for each glass to know that they’re worth every penny. We have only broken three!

It’s crazy to think that I used to squeeze the plastic bag from a box of Franzia to get the last drops into my face. Marriage has actually turned me into somewhat of a sommelier! That’s right: I know what a chardonnay is now. (It’s wine.) Thank goodness for that $289.95 Dual Zone Thermoelectric Wine Cooler from Eric’s brother Tom and his partner Steve, who were so generous even though they can’t get married in their state (which is like so awkward and, ugh, c’mon government!). I literally don’t know what we would do without having 27 bottles of wine at all times, regulated at their optimal temperatures via digital climate control. Equally necessary was my cousin Jessica’s $80 Kate Spade Top Hat Ice Bucket, which is exactly what it sounds like. And can you believe the price? Jessica, you bargain-hunter!

My home is my castle, and as we all know, high thread count is crucial to a castle. Eric and I could not be more pleased with the beautiful $375 Queen-Sized Duvet from the Calvin Klein Sapling Collection that his Aunt gifted. I wish we could afford the whole set! (Hint, hint. Haha JK!) Once you “take the plunge,” your home really becomes your sanctuary. I wish I could think of a way to explain it to my single friends and cousin Sarah, but it’s so hard to remember life before I was a “Mrs.!” But Sarah (what up Sarah!) I know you’ve been hinting, so let me try: You know how, when you go home at night, there’s nobody there and your apartment is just kind of empty of love and you eat in front of the TV off of Ikea plates? Marriage is basically the opposite of that :) But don’t worry Sarah, we are making great use of the French Kitchen Marble Cheese Dome, which seems like such a steal at $59.95!

What is a cheese dome? If you have to ask, you’ll never get married.

It’s the little things that make all of the difference. Like the $498 Argentinian Candy Jar Mandy got us, the perfect ethnic detail for our kitchen. I’m too scared to open Millers with Aunt Maddy’s $250 Tiffany Bottle-Opener, but it looks really impressive on the counter. Furthermore, Julie’s $60 Hand-Braided Apple Baskets have been as essential to my post-engagement life as my bridal hashtag. Even though I spent my pre-engaged weekends drinking all day, now that I’m married, we apple-pick, as is required.

I’ve always been the kind of girl who’s a little ahead of the curve. That’s why I favored a more traditional registry experience: old is the new new! And let’s be honest, experiential registries are tacky, and you can’t just ask for money! (No offense Dana and Brian lol! Your wedding was actually really cute.) I’m so grateful that everyone came out and supported my bridal shower, lingerie shower, and shower shower (still using Kaitlyn’s amazeballs monogrammed soaps!), because I definitely came out for all of your wedding events, and probably totally will for those of you who have yet to “settle.”

And I just have to say, for the record: Why should I feel guilty for wanting to get (and totally getting!) my money’s worth? I’ve spent ten grand going to weddings in the past five years. Enough is enough! It was totally my turn to upgrade my kitchen stuff, and it was your turn to cough up the cash. Or not! I probably wouldn’t have cheaped out on a $25 beer stein if my really close friend had already spent half a paycheck flying out to my weird destination wedding in Ireland. I definitely at least would have tried to go in on something nice with one of our loaded friends, like Mandy. Erin, it’s fine, but you’re dead to me.

So thank you guys so much again for your love and support. Eric and I definitely couldn’t have done it without you!!!!!!!! Oh, and if you didn’t include a receipt with your gift, could you please send that in case we want to exchange it? Thanks!!!!!!

Love love love,

Mrs. Erika Barnes <3

P.S. If anyone is still waiting to make a grand gesture of support, this would be such a cute conversation piece for our bathroom!

Liz Galvao writes stuff and hosts the music podcast I Forgot My Sweater. Her blog advent calendar I'm Down For The Holidays starts December 1st. You can find her on Twitter or in Brooklyn, where she was once delivered someone else's wedding gifts for three weeks straight.


68 Comments / Post A Comment

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

Registries are so irritating to me. I'm with Judith Martin: there's no excuse for expressing irritation about people in the street asking you for money they probably need if you tolerate your friends and family begging for things they don't need through the pretext of "registries."

allendaniel

Awesome Loved it...@a

muddgirl

And here I am eating cheese off a wooden cheese plate like a chump, all covering it with saran wrap!

I find it endlessly hilarious that we Americans want to mince around the whole act of giving and asking for wedding presents. It's such an impossible etiquette dance - don't ask for anything, but make sure to have a registry so you get what you want. Don't say you don't want gifts, because that acknowledges that gifts are expected (which they are). On the other side, for heaven's sake get someone a gift that precisely captures what the couple means to you... but make sure it's off their registry or you are a monster.

I much prefer the pockets of American culture where Honeymoon registries and dollar dances are the norm.

highfivesforall

@muddgirl I've only been to a wedding with a dollar dance once, but I loved the idea! A little friendly competition, actually getting to speak to the bride or groom for a minute, giving as much or little as you want and it's totally okay... just makes so much sense.

MissMushkila

@muddgirl Pretty much every wedding I have ever been to had a dollar dance. I did not realize that this is a regional custom... I loved dollar dances as a little kid because it was the only time I wasn't intimidated to talk to my cousin (or whoever was getting married) who looked all fancy and weird.

muddgirl

@muddgirl Yeah, my husband's cousins all had dollar dances, but no other wedding I've been to has had them! It's definitely cultural.

StandardTuber

@muddgirl Had a dollar dance at my wedding and the waiter stole all the money.

nerdshares

Parody or New York Times Vows piece?

StandardTuber

@nerdshares ZING!

lobsterhug

God, I couldn't imagine putting together a registry like this. My relatively modest one gave me enough anxiety.

Myrtle

There isn't a "Mrs. Erika Barnes" unless there's a "Mr. Erika Barnes." It's "Erika Barnes" or "Mrs. Eric Barnes." I'm sending you an autographed copy of, "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior" you'll love it!

Blushingflwr

@Myrtle There is if Mr. Barnes is dead, though, right?

hoo:ha

Serious question: What do you think of a combination of new puppy fund and two charities (cancer research and FGM prevention) and a small amazon registry of cheap (like 10-25 quid)traditional items as options for guests who would like to give something. Also, what is the best way to convey that this is sincerely not mandatory or expected? Plenty of our relatives will WANT to give something, but I don't want our poor artist friends to think they have to shell out a penny to come to our wedding. My worst nightmare is to come off like this fictional nutjob, but I also don't want to end up with a bunch of gifts we don't need that will surely arrive if we don't specify anything.

Jaya

@hoo:ha I mean, "traditionally," gifts are never mandatory. For anything. Full stop. So there's no real need to say that it's not mandatory. But on our registry we have wording like "the greatest gift is your presence at our wedding, but if you feel so inclined..." etc.

And honestly, registries are useful. It was hard for me to get over the idea of accepting gifts, but all of a sudden we got two waffle irons and all this PRESSURE because people wanted to give and didn't know what and then started buying us ridiculous things (crystal candy bowls, hello). So we registered, some for everyday kitchenware because we drink out of pint glasses stolen from bars, some for charity, some for honeymoon experiences.

hoo:ha

@Jaya I like the wording "if you feel so inclined."

Caitlin Podiak

@Jaya @hoo:ha Ha, I starting working on our wedding website this past weekend and included the following, verbatim: "Your presence is the best present we could ask for, so please do not feel obligated to give us a gift. However, if you feel so inclined, we have registered for a few items..."

or Elsa!

I've become much more sympathetic to (what I previously viewed as) over-the-top registries since our wedding. Lots of people (and I mean LOTS of people) put pressure on me* to register so they'd have some damn idea what to get us.

When we finally capitulated and started to compile a modest list of things we'd actually find useful, well-meaning loved ones pushed us to register for more, bigger, better. In the words of my not-remotely-materialistic best woman, "No one wants to buy you this piddling stuff."

It was a little flabbergasting: you want us to register for gifts we'd like? But the gifts we'd like aren't sumptuous enough? So you're pressuring us to register for lavish gifts we don't even want? THIS IS SILLY.

So we skipped the registry. But if we'd been younger and less accustomed to standing up to family pressure, I'm sure we would have ended up with $300 and $400 gifts** on our registry, too.

*And I do mean "me," not us, even though The Fella and I split wedding-planning duties. For the months before the wedding, I got a daily helping of social pressure to make it perfect; he got congratulations for being SUCH A HERO as to be interested in his own wedding (and a soupçon of gendered ribbing for caring about it at all).

**Those high-ticket items made more sense to me after I learned that many registries offer a completion discount: after the wedding date, you can buy yourself registry items at a 10% discount, so often couples put big household purchases on the registry with the plan to take advantage of the discount.

Blushingflwr

@or Elsa! Yeah, a childhood friend of mine got married and my mother was sad that nothing on the registry seemed special enough. Of course, back in her day, you didn't register for KitchenAid mixers, you registered your china and silver patterns so that people would get you stuff that matched

This is my new username

@or Elsa! Also many people often give gift cards to couples for the place they registered, so they sometimes use those gift cards + the above-mentioned discount to get that big ticket item later.

newquynh

Hey buddy,this is one of the best posts that I’ve ever seen; you may include some more ideas in the same theme. I’m still waiting for some interesting thoughts from your side in your next post.
The 30 Days To Success Challenge Review

audreyhorne

I want to laugh, but it's too accurate and too frightening.

Lucienne

I know this is a joke, but I really don't think my life will be complete if I can't register at the British Museum.

meowmischen

@Lucienne Get the Amazon Wish List extension for Chrome, and add things from any website to an Amazon registry. Bam, you just registered for a £2750.00 Egyptian cat sculpture.

Caitlin Podiak

@Lucienne If it's any consolation, you can register at the MoMA store.

Jaya

If anyone is interested in the history of wedding gift giving and etiquette, this is the best book. http://www.amazon.com/All-Dressed-White-Irresistible-American/dp/014200216X

Registries can be intimidating, but it's basically taking the place of the bride's mother, who was supposed to be responsible for telling everyone in town what the bride wanted. And how awesome is it now that you can register for shit you'll actually use instead of a fussy china set that'll gather dust or just sit at your parents house because you can't fit it in your apartment? (Or get china, because that's cool too).

Ten Thousand Buckets

@Jaya My great-grandmother's entire china set is all boxed up at my parents house for me because not only can I not fit it in my apartment, I don't think I could even transport it all to my apartment in one go unless I rented a van. :(

However, I do have a mini-set of china at the apartment. It's just odd numbers of matching plates (I think I have 7 dinner plates, 4 salad plates, and like 18 side/dessert plates), but it's nice to have some good dishes for special occasions. (My everyday dishes are those old corelle ones everybody's parents had, with the little mustard colored flowers on the edges.)

wealhtheow

I absolutely thought the $250 bottle opener was a joke, but no! It is real! My worldview is shattered.

rosaline

@wealhtheow Me too. I think that was the worst one!

maebytonight

Utterly brilliant. This made me guffaw.

beeline96

This is great. I think the ONLY way this could've been better is if this fictitious Erika Barnes threw in a line about her upcoming gender reveal party at the end.

The Dilettantista

This gives me so much anxiety, especially since I am in the process of registering, and I have registered for some beautiful (expensive) things. Yes I've registered for every day stuff that I need (I don't have a single plate or bowl without a chip in it so there's a simple Crate and Barrel set on my list) but I also registered for fine china, and will probably register for silverware and crystal too. Yes, my mother insisted, but honestly she has a point--some of my favorite childhood memories are preparing for Thanksgiving or Passover by hanging with my parents and sister and chatting while we polished the special silverware, or cleaned the nice plates. It meant the occasion was special and we got to use the special things, and my parents have had their china for 30+ years. So my pre-husband registered for a gorgeous set that we love, and we think we'd love for 30+ years.

So yes, it is stuff, but it is beautiful stuff with which I hope to make memories with my new family, and I hope to one day pass it down to my future kid(s). Maybe this makes me a horrible person? I made sure to put on our registry page that the best gift a guest could give is their presence at our wedding, but I also know I have a lot of family and parental friends who are definitely on the "want to get the bride and groom nice things" list. So I guess it assuages my guilt a bit that the parental-aged professionals with secure two-income households and adult children can do the $$$ gifts, and my friends can just show up and drink and have fun.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't--pre-engaged me would have loved this but engaged me is somewhat displeased with the judgmental tone.

Mira

@The Dilettantista Oh, I don't think the tone is judgmental. We all know people like this, and they're funny/infuriating.

People who love you usually want to know how to get you things to celebrate your wedding that you will actually love and use. Nothing wrong with a registry for that exact purpose! I think the people who use registries for eeeevil are the ones who (A) only register for extremely $$$$$ things or (B) expect their guests to give them certain stuff. That's the person this piece is mocking, not you! Registries are fine, really!

(Can I share a story here? I have a friend who was a bridesmaid for an extremely fancy woman - we all met at a very fancy college where some people were middle-class and some people came from Serious Money. The bride came from Serious Money and the least expensive thing on her registry was an $800 cake knife.)

The Dilettantista

@Mira Thanks for this--makes me feel a little better, I'm just aware that people can be very judgey! My mom said the following two things which are part of the reason I am registering for fancy things:

"Your generation takes this way too seriously. Register for things you would like. It is an old tradition to have people help you set up your new home. This is the one and only time this will happen for you."

And also the following which I found touching because she isn't very sentimental (to set the scene a bit more--she is definitely not a stay-at-home mom type, she's an attorney and a career woman who broke down the glass ceiling in her firm by being the first female attorney hired back in the 1980s, now the firm is probably 50% lady attorneys and she's one of the partners): "Even though I do not take mine out that often when I do and set a pretty table for my family it makes me happy. One day I hope it does the same for you. Sappy mom."

Also wow, $800 cake knife, that's intense. What happened to registering for a range of items in lots of price ranges.

CheddarBiscuit

@The Dilettantista I'm right there with you on your reaction to this! Since my fiance and I just spent yesterday afternoon setting up our registry, I read this and thought "clever, but also TOO CLOSE." I think the hard thing with registries is that everybody has a different standard for what's a necessity v. an absurd luxury, and some people can be very judgmental about it. We made sure to register for good quality items that we'll really love in a variety of prices (almost all under $100), but I'm still afraid that someone will focus on the single $300 cookware item and think I'm a horrible person for even suggesting it.

The Dilettantista

@CheddarBiscuit As someone who received $300 or whatever Le Creuset cookware as a birthday gift a year or two ago, I can say that it is TOTALLY WORTH IT. I got a dutch oven, a small sauce pot, and a big saute pan, all in the enameled cast iron, and I use those three pieces of cookware more than I use almost anything else in my kitchen. Sometimes that expensive cookware is WORTH IT. But mostly our feelings right now should be YAY WE ARE GETTING MARRIED amirite?

George Templeton Strong

@The Dilettantista The Le Creuset oven is the best and I, like half of Manhattan, own a KitchenAid mixer, but not in raspberry, because I don't live in Katy Perry's world, or wherever this came from.

Register guilt-free. The dirty little secret is that wedding guests like me, and I've been to more weddings than I can count, literally, often consider the wedding gift the price of admission to the reception and it removes some hassle. "Here's my budget," thinks I. "Hmmm, five soup bowls are left out of the 12 you registered for. I'll take those! Use them in good health!" And my family is close enough and honest enough that we just give cash at weddings. "Here's a check. Buy the LeCreuset French oven (I would) or buy some snow tires; the world is your oyster!"

NotFace

I was embarrassed and appalled at the whole idea of registering, but my mother-in-law pointed out that she would be inviting all her old fogey friends to the wedding (we got married in her home town) and they would just buy us ugly shit we didn't want unless we told them otherwise. So now I am the proud owner of a perfectly nice dinner service that (15 years later) still has the labels on it.

George Templeton Strong

@NotFace Your mother-in-law was right, as they infrequently are, but when they're right they're right. I am now the proud co-owner of a dinner service for 12, gravy boats, shrimp forks, a couple of accoutrements that I believe were meant to be ashtrays, the works. She didn't come from a family with any money at all and in the early 1950s as a young-ish black woman her whole extended network of family and friends gave her this as a communal wedding present. When her son and I FINALLY bought an apartment she boxed it all up and sent it to us. I am a white male.

bowtiesarecool

@George Templeton Strong That's kind of sweet and weird and amazing all at once. I hope you throw some bizarre 1950's cocktail parties with those shrimp forks and gravy boats.

George Templeton Strong

@NotFace The "service" is amazingly formal, porcelain, silver, gold leaf, everything weighs a ton, and I was reliably told that since the set is complete and pretty much in mint condition certain museums (!) would probably put bids in for it. So no 50s cocktail parties for us. But if, God forbid, Downton Abbey stops filming I'm thinking of having a series finale party. Who wouldn't want to be sat at a place setting that could contain nine different pieces of silverware? The only thing that the service doesn't have is wine glasses, but coincidentally I inherited these hulking cut crystal goblet-like things that I think are Edwardian, certainly pre-Prohibition. The only problem is none of this can go in a dishwasher (which didn't really exist when this stuff was made) so I would have to spend the better part of a week carefully cleaning all this stuff by hand.

rebecca the brave

I appear to be the only one who assumed from the title she was referring to crystal meth. And that is good.

zeytin

@rebecca the brave Just came here to make this same comment...you are not alone. "Now that I'm married, I only use crystal meth!" sounds like a legit 50s housewife drug ad...

Alli525

@rebecca the brave Nope that was me too. Amazing.

rosaline

This was amazing. Some of those registry items are UNREAL.

jane lane

Am I correct in a assuming that a bachelorette party is a gift-giving occasion? What do you get someone (specifically, a coworker you've known for 6 months) for that? The cost involved for weddings from all parties is dizzying; I live in constant fear of the day my actual friends start getting married (thank god for my fellow late bloomers).

bowtiesarecool

@jane lane I was under the impression that it's not a gift occasion, but I have been told by more than one person that I do weddings wrong, so I guess if you want to? I kinda figured you showing up and buying a round was your contribution.

That being said, at mine someone brought truffles, and having candy for breakfast was awesome. So you can never go wrong in any social occasion if you bring candy.

commanderbanana

@jane lane I always thought that for the bachelorette party you bought borderline-naughty stuff, like lingerie? For my BFF's bachelorette, which I couldn't go to, I bought her some nice undies with "Mrs." on them. But that would be weird for a coworker! When in doubt, bottle o'wine.

RNL
RNL

@jane lane I don't think the bachelorette is a gift-giving occasion. I've never been to one where gifts were given. If people are getting into bachelorette gifts, I'm throwing my hands up at the whole thing.

KatC

@jane lane no gifts, find out who is planning and pitch in a couple of bucks. Her food and drinks should be covered by her guests.

509331430@twitter

Okay, but I actually like that top hat ice bucket. But seriously. I am having a private, immediate family-only backyard "quickie" wedding. That is about all my fiance and I can handle. My future MIL (and to some extent my own mom) insist that we should register for things, because people will want to buy us stuff. I think it's totally inappropriate, since we're not actually inviting anyone and my fiance and I are already living together (and consequently have most of the stuff we need). I'm also not having a wedding shower. We ARE however going on a kick-ass honeymoon to Ireland. What should we do? I am pretty set on not having a "stuff registry."

muddgirl

@509331430@twitter Just don't register? My husband and I didn't register. We some unexpected cash. We got some incredibly sweet, unexpected gifts from family members who wanted to give us gifts. We got some booze. It all worked out.

RNL
RNL

@509331430@twitter My friend is registered at her travel agent! Try that. I think you can even register for particular events on the honeymoon, like a dinner or a flight or whatever.

You could send nice thank yous with pictures of you two doing fun Irish things.

KatC

@509331430@twitter do a registry, if your parents think you should have one, then chances all your relatives are expecting one. Make a wedding page at one of the sites and have pictures and information for the big day with registry information at the bottom.

RNL
RNL

In related news, I recently discovered I have a whole bunch of airmiles! And it's very exciting. Of course I will go on trips, but a little part of my wants to use like half of them on a stand up dyson vacuum that, if I were getting married, I would totally want to register for.

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Chibi Chiki@facebook

I can only admire and appreciate the talents of the participants, after all, this contest is not for me. I just don't have any talent with guitars. But, I like this video for having such a great show
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Chibi Chiki@facebook

I can only admire and appreciate the talents of the participants, after all, this contest is not for me. I just don't have any talent with guitars. But, I like this video for having such a great show
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sidney01

The only thing that the service doesn't have is wine glasses, but coincidentally I inherited these hulking cut crystal goblet-like things thatbuffet infantil niterói

Wartsey

You woman think that marriage is so big but it maybe yeshua who puts that in your mind. I guess in the old day is that the only thing woman could look for is marriage. Even Jesus signifies the importance and the rebelmouse is the same thing on their site.

so what?

This might be a good place to ask this question: If I'm standing up in a wedding, am I supposed to buy a gift for the couple as well? I've always thought that being a part of the bridal party was your "gift" since you spend money on lots of things for that (especially as maid of honor), but my best friend was a bridesmaid for a childhood friend over the summer and she bought a gift off the registry. Now I don't know what I'm supposed to do and I'm feeling stressed out about it.

KatC

@so what? Did you have to buy a dress or shoes etc? also if the wedding is destination then a nice card or something is all that is needed. If you want to do a little more you can feel free to go home made or heartfelt (aka think outside the registry) since you're one of those chosen as close to the couple. Chances are you already have some idea of what the couple would like, so the registry is not really for you.

KatC

I don't post often, but I see a lot of actual serious questions on here from people working on their own weddings, so I thought I might share some info. For most of you this will probably be a major TL;DR, but if you are worried about your registry it might help.

I actually work at Bed bath and beyond and am a trained 'bridal consultant'. Part of my job is to help couples put together their registries. We see couples of all kinds, a few are a lot like in the post, it's both funny and sad when you get one like that, but the majority are terrified of what their friends will think of them if they put anything expensive on it. If I do my job right the couple gets a registry that balances what they think they'll need and want with what their guests are equipped to handle cost wise.

Wedding gifts are one of the few times someone walks into a store knowing exactly how much they are willing to spend. If you know your friends and family are $30 people, then you will need a lot of $30 items. That said, if they're the type to try to out do each other, go nuts. For most of us, they're a combination, so you should have a combination of items. If nothing on you registry is under $20 or above $100, chances are you've done it wrong.

While the store is def. in it for the money, they don't pressure us to get the big ticket items on the registry. That said, most of the more expensive items come from a desire for quality. We'll recommend china, porcelain, or the corell glass (the corell is actually very cheap and durable fyi, one drawback is that it can be hard to replace lost or broken pieces, so you might want to put on more than you think you'll need) for everyday plate sets because it's considerably more durable than the alternatives. Also keep in mind that if a nice china place setting is around $40 each, your guests are only spending $40, whereas if you go for one of the cheap stoneware 45 pc. sets for $75, one of your guests now has to spend $75. We also try to get people to register for appliances that are of a high enough quality that they will still be working ten years from now.

When you're putting your registry together you should try to have around fifty more items on it than you do invitees (keep in mind that often people that can't make it to the big day will still send a gift). This is to give people options, because it's true that no one is going to feel good about getting you a junky little broom for $6.

A great place to help your guests out is towels and rugs for the kitchen and bathroom. Some one can put two or three things together and have a very respectable gift for around $30. Also keep in mind that you will always need towels, so feel free to add more than you think you'll need. Placemats, cloth napkins, napkin rings etc. are also great inexpensive items, and people like to think of seeing their items used if they come to see you.

As far as haw to tell people, I recommend a website. Simply add the address to the invites or save the dates, and at the bottom of the page have the places you are registered at listed. There's really no need to put in any kind of disclaimer, people that are going to get you a gift will get you one no matter what you do, and people that can't afford one will swipe a $100 dollar gift card and then pretend there must have been some mistake when it's empty.

One warning, if you only really want one thing, and it's a big expensive thing, don't make it the only decent thing on your registry. From experience I can tell you that it is genuinely insulting to the people who can't afford it, but had wanted to get you something nice. It will make them feel like there's nothing they can afford that you will actually want.

I'm sure this is more than anyone ever wanted to know, but I hope it comes in handy for those with questions.

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