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Friday, November 15, 2013

177

Friday Open Thread

It's Friday! We did it! Thank you for joining us in Hairpin Corner, where we've been busy:

• Talking to Allie Brosh of Hyperbole and a Half and to Sarah Bessey, "Jesus Feminist."

• Seeking advice from a three-year-old (Are you a monster?) as well as from our newly returned Baba Yaga (This rabbit can't; be killed, it lives in yr tunnels always).

• Taking life lessons from the classically scandalous Pola Negri, who "prostrated herself at the foot of [Rudolph Valentino's] grave and arranged for a fake note from the doctor to declare that his last thoughts had been of her."

Battling Norman and rocking Rob Ford.

Going deep on Lily Allen's latest video and this "banner year for white women treating black women as props."

• Getting a second, heartening Herpes Surprise; maybe having orgasms and maybe not having orgasms but almost definitely rereading Piers Plowman; taking a quick trip to the Red Light District; peeing on a stick with Carrie Matheson.

• Coming into our own as Hunger Games super-tributes and "female-female spiritual transsexuals."

May all of our weekends be free of fighting and full of cache monet. See you guys on Monday.

177 Comments / Post A Comment

adorable-eggplant

Dudes! Talking about YA fiction was fun. So much to read, so little free time. :(((((

In other news, still obsessed with my crockpot. Cheesy rice tonight. I'm going to wing it with what I have in the pantry, so wish me luck!

What new in your worlds?

cabber

@adorable-eggplant Oh man, I just got a new crockpot (old one was used for slowly cooking off old lead paint) and I don't know if it's the new one or if my tastes have just dramatically changed since last winter when I last used a crockpot, but everything I've tried this fall has been blech.

So, that's a long way of saying, tell me more about cheesy rice please....

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@adorable-eggplant Wait, weren't we discussing crockpots and you didn't have one? And I was embarrassed about how many I own? Well, anyway, last week we put a pork roast in there with onions, garlic, various spices and chicken broth and it was so amazing and versatile! Slather it in bbq sauce and it's wonderful! Add it to tacos and it's wonderful!

adorable-eggplant

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I didn't!! And that was part of what tipped me over the edge. I've had my crockpot about 2 weeks now and have made approx a billion quarts of food (porridge, applesauce, eggplant parm, ragu, hot chocolate, seven layer queso) all of which was fabulous! [except I messed up the applesauce]

Pork roast is on the list! Maybe this weekend, if it stays cold, as that would be perfect. :)

@cabber Well, so far it's just a concept involving leftover cheddar nubs, leftover rice, probably onions, butter, shallots... if it works, I'll come back and post an actual recipe.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@adorable-eggplant Dude: Homemade applesauce + pork roast = MMMMMM

adorable-eggplant

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose That would be awesome, except that I put too much vinegar in mine. :(( (also, foolishly thought that subbing rice wine vinegar [what I have] for apple cider vinegar [what the recipe called for] would be no biggie)

OhMarie

@adorable-eggplant WHERE IS THE YA FICTION DISCUSSED? I was out of the loop this week because I was traveling for work but I love me some YA fiction.

adorable-eggplant

@OhMarie Right here: http://thehairpin.com/2013/11/get-these-white-boys-out-my-childrens-books So many new books on my to-read list!

Onymous

@adorable-eggplant

Dove tailing nicely into my truck post:

So as a kid I read A Wrinkle in Time, probably my first real book. Then A Swiftly Tilting Planet, An Acceptable Time and Troubling a Star before getting lost in the Dune series and sort of abandoning YA.

Finally getting around to getting through the Time Quartet though. A Wind in the Door feels like an old friend.

adorable-eggplant

@Onymous Definitely read A Swiftly Tilting Planet, but cannot for the life of me remember what it was about now. A Wrinkle in Time though is wedged firmly in my brain.

I went from that series directly to Tamora Pierce and then maybe Animorphs? I read like a madwoman as a kid, but it's mostly a blur now.

Onymous

@adorable-eggplant A Swiftly Tilting Planet is Quantum Leap with Charles Wallace as Scott Bakula and a Pegasus as Dean Stockwell.

stonefruit

@Onymous hoooooooooooooooly moly, dome blown.

1960473698@twitter

@adorable-eggplant "Can you have some spare time to sit back in your chair having your laptop with you and making some money online for some interesting online work “said Jenny Francis in the party last night ....see more what is for you there to increase your pocket money ... .. http://www.bay91.☪om

yeah-elle

guys guys guys

i dunno if you've been following my friday open thread ongoing saga of my brain-eating crush on a friend...but anyway, after ages of agonizing and chickening out, i FINALLY ASKED HIM OUT. and he said yes!!!

i chose perhaps the most embarrassing, ridiculous way to do it, though. we were hanging out and when we parted ways, he went to a cafe, and about 2 minutes after saying goodbye, i was like, nope, i can't do this anymore. so i went to the cafe, busted through the door, tapped him on the shoulder, and was like WANNAGOOUTONADATEWITHME. hahahaughh wow it's lucky he said yes.

anyway our date is tomorrow and i'm about to expire from nervousness and excitement even though i've seen him twice since i asked him out and there's a lot of shy smiling at each other and general giddiness, phew.

adorable-eggplant

@yeah-elle You did it! Yay! I have been following the saga. :)

jazzloon

@yeah-elle !!!!! that's adorable. have fun!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@yeah-elle That's pretty much the most romantic way to ask him out. Way to go, you!!

stonefruit

@yeah-elle eeeee! I'm so excited for you guys! Please do report back, we're all going to need details.

cabber

@yeah-elle Yay! Enjoy!

yeah-elle

thanks, guys!!! i seriously wouldn't have done it without y'all (and my in-person friends. and my mom.) being like, "DO IT, DO IT," haha.

ahh he also got the biggest, goofiest grin on his face and said "yeah!" right away. every time i think about it, i get the stupidest, sappiest smile just planted on my mug.

i really hope it goes well. caring is scary, man! IT'S SCARY.

katiemcgillicuddy

@yeah-elle Niiiiice, that's a pretty baller way to do it!

Banana Stand Money

@yeah-elle Bravery YAY!

honey cowl

@yeah-elle OMG!!!!!!! Tell us how it goes!

meetapossum

@yeah-elle YAYYYYY! THAT IS AWESOME!

meditatinglemur

@yeah-elle I don't know you, but OMG SO EXCITED FOR YOU!

flashcrash

@yeah-elle yes!!!!

theotherginger

@yeah-elle commenting so I can be alerted with the response. I hope it was amazing.

yeah-elle

it was good and i had a lot of fun just getting to hang out with him (for like, five hours) and then he kissed me goodnight and it was GREAT.

conclusion: i definitely recommend getting the nerve up to ask out the person you have a crush on.

jazzloon

YOU GUYS. BATKID.

pajamaralls

@jazzloon BATKID!

adorable-eggplant

@jazzloon (assuming I found the right story) That warms the cockles of my cold, cold heart!!

As did this: http://www.buzzfeed.com/maycie/little-girls-first-walk-on-ice

stonefruit

@pajamaralls This is culminating directly across from my office and I could not be more excited.

BATKID!

honey cowl

@jazzloon Fuck. Yes.

Blushingflwr

@jazzloon I cannot read about it because every time I do stealth onion-cutting ninjas creep into my office.

Mlbunt

How do I wear just enough perfume, but not too much perfume? And if I do wear too much, how do I rectify it?

adorable-eggplant

@Mlbunt Some people do the spritzing in front of themselves and walking through the cloud method. I'm not sure how effective that is as a strategy for avoiding overpowering scent, as my own sense of smell is sadly on the wimpy side.

cat o'clock

@Mlbunt I am very interested in the answer to this question.

yeah-elle

@Mlbunt i spritz once on my wrist and then rub them together and then dab my wrists below my ears. i think this is okay? i can still smell it subtly for the first few hours at least but i don't know how to wear any less!

rectifying = showering, i guess?

Banana Stand Money

@Mlbunt I usually spritz once on one of my wrists, rub it onto the second wrist, then rub both of those wrists somewhere just below my boobs. This is perhaps overkill, but half of my perfumes are overpowering if they get on my skin near my face.

I have no solution to accidentally too much. Maybe rub some table salt on the affected area and rinse off?

harebell

@Mlbunt

personally I do a tiny spritz on the side of the neck, and one on the back of the knee. That way, you have some perfume wafting its way up to you all day from your knee, but it's mostly for you and shouldn't be too much.

even easier, if you are worried, is getting a perfume with a little roller ball instead of a spritz. or a bottle of actual perfume without the spritz top. Spritzing is actually a terrible, wasteful way to put on perfume, but it's easy, and that's why do many bottles have it.

celeec4@twitter

@Mlbunt So, I'm kind of a giant nerd about things I'm enthused about, and perfume is one of them.

Step the 1st, what concentration/how concentrated is your perfume? Eau de parfum is the most concentrated, dab the least on, eau de toilets are much more dilute, you can put more on. Google will lead you to many sites that will tell you about how concentrated your perfume is.

Step the 2nd, and I do this for every new perfume I get, I dab it on according to what I would guesstimate to be an okay amount on in the evening after a shower, and see if I'm right. Sometimes, I'm not, because even though knowing EDP/EDT/cologne helps, its only a range.

Rectifying- isopropyl alcohol on a cotton ball, won't work if you walk through a mist, but if you're dabbing on very specific patches of skin, it can get some of that perfume off. Downside is, of course, it makes your skin really dry. But sometimes you just gotta get that horrid sample off and there's no time to shower.

TheJacqueline

@Mlbunt No perfume is going to cover up the gobbled skier smell!

celeec4@twitter

@Mlbunt The paranoia step requires you to grab a really good friend. Everything else I try to do is basically calibrated to how I feel/smell about a perfume. Once in a while I'll idly ask really good friends upon whom I can count upon for brutal truth if I'm wearing too much perfume.

redridinghoodrat

@Banana Stand Money This is also my technique. My only solution to too much has been to scrub my arms in cold water and unscented soap from finger tips to shoulder, towel vigorously, then stand for twenty minutes in a strong breeze.

Myrtle

@Mlbunt If you're out at a club, rubbing a wedge of lemon on the area then rinsing, will bring you back to acceptable.
My grandmother used to say perfume should whisper, not shout.
Also see the first 10 minutes of the Jude Law version of "Alfie." Except, maybe not perfume on genitals, I think.

Onymous

So Clarice the terrible truck started 16 out of 17 times this week, which is excellent. (knock on wood) This morning I only started out for work 15 minutes early instead of 30.

Though that means I only got through half a chapter of A Wind in the Door while waiting in the parking lot.

adorable-eggplant

@Onymous Terrible trucks! We bonded over having the same model, right? I miss/don't miss it so much!

And I need to get on rereading me some Madeleine L'Engle. It's been too long.

iceberg

This week with the BBs:

You haven't seen cute until you've watched three toddlers sharing Nutella toast by taking bites and passing it around. Gently admonishing each other not to drop it and politely asking for their turn. Ridiculous.

Adventures in Raising Feminists:
"Diva, girls can do anything boys can do. You can do anything you want."
"... I want wee-wee."

Started wearing dangly earrings again, now that the kids are older. Diva's reaction: "Ooh your earrings pretty! I want earrings like you mama!" Dimples, apparently interpreting the invitation to look at my earrings as a threat to forcibly pierce her ears, tearfully: "I no want holes!"

stonefruit

@iceberg Which one is Dimples, again?

iceberg

@stonefruit The formerly Quiet One! :)

honey cowl

@iceberg bbbbbbbbbbs <3

iceberg

@honey cowl Oh also the other day I wore a mini and knee-high boots and Diva looked at me and said indignantly "You can't wear shorts! It's too cold! You'll get wet!"

JanieS

@iceberg How do you stand this level of cuteness in your life?

Hellcat

OK, this has nothing to do with anything (hi, everyone!) but I am so embarrassingly excited to report that, last night, my BF alerted me to the fact that there will soon be...

a Lifetime version of Flowers in the Attic!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Hellcat Oh my god, the Flowers in the Attic movie was part of the Netflix "Halloween Movies" suggestions. Terrifying indeed, but also really fun to explain to ladyfriend who hadn't heard of it before. "Why is that one scary?"
"Incest."
"Oh. OK."

pajamaralls

@Hellcat Kiernan Shipka is in it!

Hellcat

@pajamaralls I know! I actually wrote this on my calendar, you guys.

pajamaralls

@Hellcat Right now, January seems so far away.

stonefruit

@Hellcat you guys but I re-read it recently and it was truly, truly terrible. It'll be better on screen, right?

Also, Kiernan Shipka, my goodness. She's so lovely and natural and I just have to assume she and Ellen Burstyn will just somehow transcend the source material.

TheLetterL

@Hellcat Yessssssss. Themed party thoughts, anyone? I'll bring the powdered donuts.

JanieS

@Hellcat THIS IS EVERYTHING THAT IS BEAUTIFUL AND RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.

Jinxie

@stonefruit Well, the Lifetime movie at least can't be any WORSE than the book (which I love despite how terrible/horrifying it is).

Hellcat

@Everyone It's terrible but it's the very best kind of terrible! I was so disappointed that the original movie was a whole different kind of terrible than the book. And I love how just about everyone in my age group has pretty much the same story about reading it--whether clandestinely or openly because their parents paid no attention to that sort of thing: we all kind of happened upon it, got totally sucked in, felt scandalized but fascinated, and then headed into adulthood with fond memories even though we know now that it's crap!

2168133374@twitter

@Hellcat It is the best kind of terrible!

Full disclosure: the Flowers in the Attic books were the first books my mum read in English when she came to the UK! I'm not sure if she remembers the terrible things though, because when I came home with a mangy old copy at age 10 she was all, 'Beam! Vir-zhiniya Androuz! This was the first book I read in English!' instead of, you know, telling me to wait a few years, hehe.

camanda

Okay, so, visualize: this house has two levels. The upstairs is street level and is the main part of the house. The downstairs is one-quarter basement and three-quarters in-law apartment, which I live in by myself.

We had an electrician working in the house today, mostly in the basement, and if he never comes back, it will be too soon. He was on at least three personal calls and stopped working to take them, one almost as soon as he got inside. Which is an issue for my dad to take up, but I'm mostly annoyed that he chose to take the third one in my kitchen. He also used my bathroom without asking when there's a toilet (behind a screen, mind) in the basement, and I didn't turn around and look, but I'm reasonably certain he wasn't finished getting his pants back together before he came out, because I could hear him fiddling around behind me. And he left the seat up, because after all that, why wouldn't he?

I know, whatever, but seriously? You make your living working in strange people's houses, how is it you haven't developed the basic courtesy to ask if you can use a private bathroom? What is it that makes you think it's okay to use a 26-year-old woman's bathroom without bothering to ask her and especially when you aren't even working in that area? And I've been here all day, it's not like I wasn't around for him to ask.

So severely creeped out askflaksklsjagasjlk

adorable-eggplant

@camanda Ooof. People in my space uninvited drives me bonkers.

celeec4@twitter

@camanda Skin...crawling...ERK.

harebell

@camanda

it would be good if he had better manners, but maybe he was in need?

I do see where you're coming from, and how it would be annoying, but sometimes it's not great to judge people too much without having all the facts.

also, the issue is that he should ask before using a private bathroom, not the mere fact that he used "a 26-year-old woman's bathroom," don't you think?…we're all just people.

camanda

@harebell Oh, of course. I don't mean to imply it's less rude or indeed creepy under other conditions.

And as someone with IBS, a frequent cause of emergencies, I can say my first question in a strange person's home would be which bathroom I can use. Again, this is his livelihood, it can't be the first time. Plus, again, there's a toilet in the room he was working in. Mine is kind of a hike away in comparison, and it isn't visible from my door, so that adds to the oogy factor of someone creeping in my personal space.

TheLetterL

@camanda If I'm understanding the layout correctly, his alternative was to do...whatever nature asked him to do...behind a screen? In a room that the owners could possibly freely walk into at any time? If that's the case, I probably would have gone in search of a private bathroom as well. Of course, if anyone was around, I would have checked to be polite.

But I can sympathize. In one apartment, I used to joke that my only sign that maintenance had come by (unannounced) was that I would come home from work to find the toilet seat up. *tiny screams*

camanda

@TheLetterL It's in a corner and the screen goes around the other two sides. You can't see anything from either side of the room. It's more private than it sounds, I should have noted that. And the screen is opaque, of course.

Onymous

Also can you like sprain a lymph node? Yesterday morning the right side of my jaw suddenly spasmed and moving my tongue around kinda hurt and felt weird. Then at break I realized the fleshy bit of my jaw on that side was swollen as fuck. Groping it I felt a fairly big lump. I'm not entirely sure the lump is shrinking but the swelling went down.

It seems unlikely that it's like cancer. I don't think "sudden onset cancer" is really a thing. None of my teeth/gums hurt, and while my right ear felt a little funny yesterday I don't feel sick so infection seems unlikely.

... fucking bodies, why do we even have these things.

Madeline Shoes

@Onymous As someone who has had lymphoma in the form of a lump you could feel, I would guess you're ok? Mine was rock hard (like a golf ball) and kind of came about slowly.

I did, however, get an abscessed tooth one time that came on the way you described. It felt totally fine and then I was eating some mac & cheese and suddenly I had a giant lump on my jaw and my tongue hurt and felt sort of paralyzed at the same time. I went to my dentist when it didn't go down after a day or so and they fixed it up pretty quickly/painlessly.

ETA: My dentist could never figure out what caused it! I've never had a cavity and it healed really quickly and it's never happened again.

Onymous

@Madeline Shoes
ugh...

Alright: HEY AUSTINITES, if this doesn't go away who's a cheap dentist?

Beaks

@Onymous This rec is a few years old, but my old dentist was Mark Castor- he's down south off of Ben White, and I really liked him. The office was super, super good about telling me how much stuff would cost up front before they did anything and were really cost conscious, checking what my insurance did and didn't cover, etc.

Madeline Shoes

Guys! My boyfriend and I are going on vacay in January and he asked me if I minded if we put off our anniversary dinner until then (3 years!) and THEN was like "I think vacation might be a good time to have a conversation about the next step in our relationship". (He's big into planning important conversations)

I AM TRYING SO HARD NOT TO GET TOO EXCITED, GUYS. My rational brain is like... 95% sure he's not going to propose, but even if we just have a "yes we would like to get married sometimes in the not too distant future" I am going to be so happy!

I cannot get too excited about this.

jazzloon

@Madeline Shoes eeeeeeeeeeee then I will be excited for you! My boyfriend of two years and I have had this conversation. Even though marriage is a long way off, it's deliciously fun to talk about.

Madeline Shoes

@jazzloon @jazzloon It's kind of a given that we're going to get married someday? We've had very round-about conversations about it, but I've just been dropping hints lately that I would like it to be sooner rather than later.

Boyfriend is a big thinker and talker and I'm sure there's going to be some kind of big conversation where we officially decide to get married before there's a proposal. He doesn't ever just do anything! We always have to discuss it first. When we decided to move in together, it went like this:

Me: DROPPING HINTS ALL OVER THAT WE SHOULD LIVE TOGETHER
Him: (in March) When we're on vacation in June, would you like to talk about moving in together?

In July we found a place. I'm imagining this is how the marriage convo will be. So much planning and thinking! At least I always know he's sure about his big decisions?

honey cowl

@Madeline Shoes GAHHH I FEEL YA. My BF and I have been together 3.5 yrs, my ring finger is getting itchy. I would stroll on down to city hall and put a ring on it tomorrow if he'd let me, but he has Grand Ideas about Having Our Lives Together and Getting Down On One Knee, which I can't really begrudge him that, but dude.

Edit: we just recently had the big conversation where we're like "Yeah dawg let's be together forever yo" but the ring-purchasing aspect.... it is fraught.

Madeline Shoes

@honey cowl what is this??? I always want to go "things are so great WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT???"

I've even told him that I don't even really care about a wedding or a ring*. F the wedding! I'll walk down to the courthouse and wear a plain band, just get to the committing already!

*not 100% true I a little bit care about these things... just not as much as I care about the commitment part.

jazzloon

@Madeline Shoes that's exactly how I go about things. So the Type A planner in me says it's coming soon!! Eeeeee yet again

honey cowl

@Madeline Shoes Hahha well, I admit that I do care about things like rings, I am just that kind of lady. But he has this idea that he must get down on one knee in a grand gesture, and he must not allow me to pay for half a ring, and that we must have better jobs and make more money before he can get to all that. What can I say, the patriarchy hurts men too, by putting these foolish expectations on them.

(that was a rather flippant comment so please no one take it way too seriously)

Madeline Shoes

@honey cowl yes! Hahahaha I care about rings too (if I had 100% choice: cushion cut solitaire on a thin gold band; wedding in the park near our house catered by our favorite restaurant not that I've planned this in my head or anything) but he doesn't seem to care? So I kind of feel like... ok fine! It's not that big of a deal...

I totally understand what you mean though - my boyfriend is very... unusual. I can't imagine him getting down on one knee and proposing, so I keep trying to make it clear that I don't expect that of him. I imagine it will be more of an agreement, which sounds unromantic but is very much the way he is. Sometimes I worry that he thinks I expect him to make some grand gesture, which would make him uncomfortable.

flashcrash

@Madeline Shoes OMG My boyfriend and I just bought tickets for a 3 year anniversary vacation too! I, on the other hand, really don't want anything like a ring to happen. I'll cross my fingers for you!

crane your neck

My family dog was put to sleep last night. He was the biggest-hearted pup in the world. It's been a hard week.

Banana Stand Money

@crane your neck
I'm so sorry for your loss! Was it a lingering thing, or sudden-onset?

yeah-elle

@crane your neck i'm so sorry. saying goodbye to a pet is one of the saddest things. sending good warm thoughts your way.

Hellcat

@crane your neck Oh, I am so sorry. Pets...

cabber

@crane your neck I am so sorry. We had to put our wonderful, beloved, too young to have to go girl down in August and it's been really tough. I hope you can find comfort in your memories of your guy.

crane your neck

@cabber Aw, I'm so sorry to hear it! I hope you have another wonderful dog in your future someday.

crane your neck

@Banana Stand Money Thank you! It was gradual--sad, slow-growing tumors. But he made it to thirteen, which is pretty impressive. It's just hard to imagine home without him.

cabber

@cabber Thanks. We actually sort of crazy-reacted to our grief by rescuing two puppies within weeks of her dying which was completely stupid, but is also super awesome. While it has not at all made me miss my girl less, it has been really fun getting to know these two new pups and realizing that even though we always miss the ones we love and lose, we find new loves. I hope you and your family will too. Just don't do two at once.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@crane your neck Ah, I'm sorry to hear it. You know what they say: A dog's only fault is that it doesn't live as long as its people.

supernintendochalmers

@crane your neck Oh no, that is so awful. I'm sorry for your loss of your pup. Grief is the price we pay for love.

Aspiriationally Natalie

I've been feeling super super blah the past few weeks; I don't know if it's the fact that it now gets dark at 4:30pm or that I haven't had anything exciting going on in my life as of late. Any ideas on how to get myself out of this weird funk I'm in?

cabber

@Aspiriationally Natalie No ideas,but if you figure something out can you pass it along?

adorable-eggplant

@Aspiriationally Natalie Hot tea? Super indulgent stuff. I wish we could just fast-forward through winter. Or that it would be cold and picturesque, but there would still be natural light at reasonable times.

Madeline Shoes

@Aspiriationally Natalie I started taking a kick boxing class and now I feel less bummed out and more energetic? I always thought people were being dumb when they would tell me to work out to get out of a funk, but I feel 1000% better.

I still hate that it's dark when I leave work, though.

meetapossum

@adorable-eggplant It can snow if I can surround myself in a temperature-controlled bubble.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Aspiriationally Natalie It gets dark at about 4:30 where I live too, and here's what I've done: If the sun does peek out at all, try to get out and stand in it for a few minutes; weightlifting with more regularity; going to GameStop and buying used games that involve lots of traipsing and questing; getting all my vitamins. It doesn't always make me feel less SAD (seasonal affective disorder) but it reminds my body that it has a job to do (be alive) and makes my brain produce happy chemicals.

adorable-eggplant

@meetapossum Yup. All the longjohns in the world don't fix that weird bone chill feeling I get when it dips below freezing.

celeec4@twitter

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Yes, standing outside for a bit does seem to help. I have to remember to start doing that again.

...I'd settle, though, for not being freezing at work. SO COLD at work.

aphrabean

@Aspiriationally Natalie There's a ladies'-only spa in my neighborhood that charges $20 for 3 hours of sitting in the sauana/hot tub, and they have a quiet room with little napping nooks and bookshelves of feminist literature where you can stay all day post-heating, if you want, and this is the only way I'm going to get through the goddamn winter. Well, that & visiting the various conservatories around town. Find some place hot and sit there, and find some place green and sit there too, basically, if you can. Maybe it will work?

OhMarie

@aphrabean Oh god, this sounds so glorious I want to open one. Do they have franchising opportunities?

harebell

@aphrabean

that sounds so great! we have two options around here, a japanese hot-tub place (where you have to wear a swimsuit) and the sauna, whirlpool, steam room at my ladies-only gym (where you definitely don't). they are both relaxing, but there is no place that feels comfortable for napping or reading before you go out into the cold, dark world out there again, and i really miss that!

harebell

@Aspiriationally Natalie

personally for that i would do something that really resets the system. so: either a hike or trek out in nature, all bundled up, or else something intense like a good live rock concert in venue that's standing-room so you can dance.

cabber

So my husband's good buddy is currently getting a divorce, but still resides in the house he and his wife share while they try to sell. I've many thoughts about some of the decisions he's been making recently (all of them pretty terrible) but am just trying to be supportive and at least outwardly non-judgmental. Well, my husband asked me earlier this week if he could crash with us for the weekend as his wife's boyfriend is in town and he isn't comfortable staying at the house while he is there. Of course I agreed. Well, NOW my husband just texted me that he wants his 21 year-old girlfriend to stay over as well. It's really bugging me and I think it's because I'm a jerk and even though she's a nice young woman, I mean, please, this "relationship" is ridiculous (but again, outwardly supportive and kind). I'm just not interested in my home being some crashpad for all of this crap. Is there a way to kindly say NO or is this a suck-it-up moment?

cabber

@cabber Also, nothing wrong with 21-year old women, but trust - we are not in an age range/life stage where this is particularly appropriate.

adorable-eggplant

@cabber I'd just say No in a firm, but unapologetic way. Perhaps like so, "No, that's not the situation that we agreed to." Maybe there will be some whining, but really you aren't obligated to get drawn into the drama. Or be host to it or anything.

I'd rather say no when I mean it, then say yes and quietly stew, but then again there are factors I don't know: like, doesn't she have her own place? Why isn't he crashing there?

That's my take, anywho.

OhMarie

@cabber Oh definitely say no. I'm a big conflict avoider, so if you want to be like me, maybe say you only have room for one even if two would be fine. Better yet, just tell your husband no and let him figure it out.

cabber

@adorable-eggplant Her own place is a dorm room. Which she shares with another girl. So.

Thanks, you are right. I'm trying to be too nice about a situation which I've been finding increasingly absurd and dramatic and which I want no part of. My husband doesn't have a ton of close friends, but this dude has done a 180 over the last 6 months and I know my husband has tried to talk to him about some of his decisions, but it may be getting to a point of a, "We support you, but not your decisions" conversation.

adorable-eggplant

@cabber Yeah, that sounds like a perfect storm of dramz and shutting-it-down sounds like the best way to avoid all of it, or as much of it as possible.

fabel

@cabber "I'm just not interested in my home being some crashpad for all of this crap." <-- I feel like you should say exactly this? Maybe say it nicer, but I think it's a totally legit reason, & not to categorize men as all One Thing, buuuut in GENERAL men like legit-seeming reasons? And I mean, he has to realize his friend is kind of spiraling into the dramz, too, right?

supernintendochalmers

@cabber Yeah, you should not feel guilty about refusing to host the girlfriend. Even in the best circumstances it can be a pain to host a couple. I would be annoyed at the friend for even asking. It feels like this went from "emergency crashpad" to "hangout house for the weekend."

Blushingflwr

@cabber You agreed to one houseguest, not two. It is incredibly rude of him to impose upon your generosity by trying to bring his girlfriend along. It is perfectly reasonable for you to say "Friend, I am happy to allow you a place to crash, but I am not comfortable having this other person in my house. [Possibly also include something about how you're sure she's lovely but you do not know her and thus are not comfortable having her in your home]"

adorable-eggplant

@Blushingflwr Also, "I know what you're planning to do, and it skeeves me out."

cabber

@all YES. My husband was awesome and took care of it. We're sitting here with wine, two puppies, a pizza on the way and NO houseguests.

adorable-eggplant

@cabber Heaven is a place on earth!! Congrats on side-stepping that mess.

honey cowl

@cabber badass husband. get it. I hope you love your victory pizza!!!

Clara Morena

hello lovies! It's been a awhile.

Well, FOUR MORE WEEKS TILL I AM DONE WITH UNDERGRAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I haven't been posting since I got a part time job working with kids.
I'm wondering if Archeology boy wants a relationship since he is in grad-school and maybe/kinda/i dunnno should pursue a relationship with him.
On a different subject, I'm loving the articles that are being posted on the hairpin today.

adorable-eggplant

@ clara morena CONGRATS!! I say it's worth signaling some interest in Archeology dude (maybe on the last day of class, so it's low risk) if you're curiosity is piqued.

Clara Morena

@ clara morena awww, thank you! I think I'll give it a shot or try.

stonefruit

OH LAWD you guys there are repair/construction men in the space between my floor and the next, and they are sawing and hacking and hammering and yelling, and I know this because it's all going on directly over my head and it is SO DISTRACTING, how am I supposed to work when it seems entirely likely that one of them is going to come crashing through my ceiling!

milominderbender

So I met a guy who's great and totally into me and now I feel the destructive compulsion to pick him apart because I'm freaking out (gives me too many compliments, too attentive on text messaging, does not tell the same story the same way twice, etc.). Talk me down, friends!

cabber

@milominderbender Guys like that do exist! And they don't give you TOO many compliments, they compliment you. They aren't TOO attentive on text messaging, they are attentive. They don't tell stories the same way twice because they're not just regurgitating the same "Let me tell you this story to make myself sound super cool and hip", they are just telling great stories. They do this because they are genuinely interested in the likely very cool, engaging person that you are and because they don't need to play games. It's super refreshing isn't it?? I'm married to the dude I thought was too good to be true and it took me AGES to realize that he didn't have some sinister motive or something. I almost screwed it up because I couldn't believe it, but again - good dude - he worked with me on it! Good luck and just enjoy the ride.

Clara Morena

@milominderbender “If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will. That being said, you need to be careful if at finding fault since that will mess up your view of the person. There are people who are kind and sweet and like your because of you. This guy seems like an pretty nice guy and so you should enjoy his company!

pajamaralls

I had an interview on Wednesday. It was short but we talked about being bad Sam's Club employees and how teaching isn't something you can half-heartedly do. Overall, it was good. She told me I was over-qualified and she even said she would check to see if there was something more suitable.

Anyway, we don't have a house phone and I don't have a cell-phone, so I use my uncle's home number since I'm over here every weekday and if not my mom is and she can take messages. Yesterday she had a funeral to go to and due to some confusion I didn't have to stay with my uncle. So this morning I check the caller ID and call the staffing agency - turns out they had called yesterday (Thursday) to offer me the job but since they couldn't reach anybody they had to go to the next name on the list. Which, logistically I understand. But from a "are you fucking kidding me?" life stance - ugh.

adorable-eggplant

@pajamaralls UGH hugs, man, that's rough.

crane your neck

@pajamaralls That's awful! So sorry to hear it!

pajamaralls

@adorable-eggplant @crane your neck Thanks, y'all.

I ate some apples with caramel dip and had some soup, so I'm feeling a bit better about it.

polka dots vs stripes

@pajamaralls Wait someone wanted to hire you, and immediately crossed your name off as soon as you didn't pick up the phone once?!?! I played phone tag with my to-be boss for nearly a week when he wanted to make an offer, that is so ridiculous! I'm glad you can understand, because I certainly don't, and I am very >: at them on your behalf.

pajamaralls

@polka dots vs stripes Yeah, she said she'd been calling all day. And I'm nowhere near as understanding as I sound.

I guess since it's a staffing agency there's more of a rush? I don't really know.

harebell

@pajamaralls

maybe for the future, you can get one of those super-cheap prepaid mobile phones -- the burner type -- so that you can control the getting-of-calls yourself?

but that's awful -- i can't believe they just went to the next name on the list -- ugh, lots of sympathy.

zamboni

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, Y'ALL, and I am not in my 20s anymore.
Also, Chicago, I will be all up in you until Wednesday. I've been a few times, but tell me what's good!

cabber

@zamboni Happy birthday! Welcome to your 30s. It's awesome here.

pajamaralls

@zamboni Happy Birthday!

Jenn@twitter

@zamboni Weird, it's my birthday, too. Conceived on Valentine's high-five? ;)

jazzloon

@zamboni @jenn@twitter Happy birthday!

garli

You guys. I had a super verbally abusive / gaslightly / manipulator boss for the last 6 months (he was new, I've been here for years) and I complained to HR AND NOW HE'S FIRED.

My life is suddenly 1000 times less stressful.

adorable-eggplant

@garli GET IT. That's awesome and awe-inspiring.

celeec4@twitter

@garli AMAZING. That's really awesome that HR is responsive? Anyways, super glad that life is less stressful for you. :)

garli

@celeec4@twitter It took over a month from when I complained the first time to when they got rid of him, and it was super mishandled (aka, he knew that I had talked to HR about him) so the last 6 weeks were nightmare fuel, but it's all worth it now.

Madeline Shoes

@garli oh man, this is a response to your first post and I am SO JEALOUS! I left a job I loved for a so-so job because of an abusive, mentally ill boss who I'd made multiple formal complaints about with HR. A month after I left they fired him and had already filled my position so I couldn't go back and I still feel bummed out. This was a year ago.

Congrats so so so much! I'm really happy that it all worked out for you. Good luck on your stress-free future!

Myrtle

@garli WELL DONE. Im with Madeline Shoes: I'd complained about sexual harassment and drug use by managers at my work. Corporate straightened it out with some firings and reassignings and left me dangling, wouldn't transfer me, everyone somehow knew it was me, and the retaliation was intense; suddenly I was not promotable or worthy of a raise... I didn't know I should have lawyered up while still employed there, it's too late now, seems like (I've checked) But good on you for getting em out, so many people won't. Not all jobs are as slack as my HR.

Jenn@twitter

Well, over the last, um, month? my relationship has imploded in a bad way and I'm moving into my own place in less than a week (I get the keys next Monday or Tuesday). it's my 26th birthday today and I admitted in therapy (which I've ended up in, again) that my partner is abusive.

I'm supposed to go out with friends tonight. none of them know about my partner. it's going to be "fun".

adorable-eggplant

@Jenn@twitter Oh man, I am so sorry to hear that. Keep on going to that therapist and getting support and all that. Maybe let your friends know that you're having a rough time and would like to do something low-key? I'm sure they'll want to be maximally supportive.

jazzloon

@Jenn@twitter oh shit. I'm so sorry. A big hug to you, and I think you're being incredibly strong.

pajamaralls

@Jenn@twitter So many props for getting help and admitting what was happening. And I hope you're able to have a bit of fun for your birthday.

chevyvan

@Jenn@twitter So so so sorry. This sucks so majorly bad. And having an abusive partner is so isolating b/c he wants it to be that way. Lean on your friends. Let them care for you and help you have fun even when you don't feel like it. It will be emotionally difficult to be alone for a while, but you can look forward to the calm and serenity that will wash over you after being without him for a couple months. Take care of yourself, okay? Best of luck to you.

we all want to be big stars

@Jenn@twitter Sending all the good wishes and support - and yes, you can tell your friends that you're having a hard time without telling them everything, if you're not ready yet. It helps a lot just for them to know SOMETHING is happening. (My wise bestie learned this and I've been passing it on ever since.)

victorian rose

Coming to you live from my phone because THE HAIRPIN IS NOW BLOCKED AT WORK. since like today? Ohhh so sick of this place.

adorable-eggplant

@victorian rose Have they no humanity?!?!

ETA: Also, send this article to someone (in IT, whoever magically does this blocking): http://thebillfold.com/2013/11/if-you-are-reading-this-to-waste-time-good-job/

victorian rose

@adorable-eggplant They give no fucks. They want 110% productivity 100% of the time (and only because they won't authorize overtime).

I tried a few other non-work blogs and they all went through. I guess I'm being singled out. :(

adorable-eggplant

@victorian rose That is so hella lame. >:[

MrsTeacherFace

Baby Teacher face is a girl! We now have a pronoun!

My husband: "I'm going to buy her a toolset and convince her that her husband needs to take her last name."

I'm so excited!!! 20 more weeks to go....

adorable-eggplant

@MrsTeacherFace Start with these! (at toddler age, I presume) http://www.pureandsimplebaby.com/PlanToys-Tool-Belt.html Look at that tiny level! *squeeee*

Also, CONGRATS!

JanieS

@MrsTeacherFace EXCITEMENT!

honey cowl

@MrsTeacherFace CONGRATS! Also your husband is rad.

Madeline Shoes

@MrsTeacherFace Yay, wonderful!!! Congrats!!!!

Clara Morena

@MrsTeacherFace congrats! I luv that pic!

supernintendochalmers

@MrsTeacherFace YAY! That is awesome!

ladybee

Ahhh! Did I miss everyone?? I'm headed to Austin on Monday with le boyfriend and I'm wondering if any pinners have suggestions. Food, sights to see, etc. We are both nerds who plan to peruse a few book shops and see the LBJ library, if that helps paint a picture of what we are looking for.

adorable-eggplant

@ladybee THE LBJ library is amazing! Other nerd sights nearby include the Bob Bullock Museum (http://www.thestoryoftexas.com/) and the Blanton (a TINY but loveable collection). The halfprice books on north lamar is pretty fun because it's a converted grocery store, i.e. big floor plan. And Bookpeople has some fun author chats sometimes, so maybe see who they have on the line up?

How long are you staying and how many margaritas do you plan to drink?

loren smith

@ladybee I just got back from an eating and drinking weekend in Austin! We didn't do anything really besides that, but we did enjoy dinner at Sway, a pizza at Homeslice, and some drinks and vegan food at Cheer Up, Charlies. Sway really blew me away, if you like Thai.

Beaks

@ladybee The Umlauf scuplture garden and the Zilker botanic gardens are nice and low-key (also inexpensive)

I really love the drive down 360 where it crosses the colorado river- the bridge is really cool. Take 2222 from Mopac for optimal driving enjoyment (assuming you like driving curves), then head south on 360.

Guerros for margaritas and tacos. And about a zillion new restaurants I haven't been to yet.

a piece of pie

@ladybee If you're going to BookPeople, definitely have lunch/breakfast at 21 Diner (maybe also peruse Waterloo Records, which is a few shops down?).

Myrtle

@ladybee I was not prepared for what a lovely city Austin is, but I was there long before it got hip and known about. I was astounded to see the love people have for the Capitol building and that it was a date destination. Lots of strolling around the interior. Also a very dressy city. Have a great time!

ladybee

Oh those sound like great ideas! A grocery store bookshop?? Yes, please. We will be there Monday through (unspeakably early) Thursday. If I can just have a margarita in my hand at all possible times, I will consider it a success.

adorable-eggplant

@ladybee Sweet! Hope y'all have a blast. :)

siniichulok

THIS F*CKING WEEK. First, my husband was offered an interview in his home country that would involve an unsettlingly fancy job in the U.S., and his would-be boss asked him to go for the interview next week rather than next month, just as I was deciding that I'd better take that Zoloft for my postpartum depression after all. Then, as I was freaking out over that, I went to see a new endocrinologist because my usual one is awful, and this one (who resembles a senile, mumbling, Czech Ent--like from LOTR--) promptly informed me that I have a "nodule, cyst, lump, something," on my thyroid and sent me for an urgent ultrasound and blood test. He refused to tell me WHAT the tests were for, or actually answer any of my questions about anything thyroid-related, so I googled, and, naturally, they could be for cancer. I called the next day and he said he had the ultrasound results back--"you have big lump"--but not the blood test results, and again he wouldn't say anything else about it. At least now my husband decided the job looked fishy and he's not going, otherwise I'd be trying to decide whether new-Zoloft-while-alone-with-a-baby or no-Zoloft-while-alone-with-a-baby for a week is worse, all while waiting for potential cancer news. But now I don't have to do that by myself, which is a plus! And the senile mumbling Ent dude did not call today and it's been 48 hours, so my fingers are crossed that it's not serious, rather than another way the otherwise-lovely-I'm-sure Canadian healthcare system is letting me down. I'm just ready for some kittens or some puppies or for my napping baby to wake up or something else cute to take my mind off The Stuff. At least my husband seems to be feeling better (you may recall my kvetching about both of our indifferent mental states), courtesy of the potential interview and his decision not to do it.

loren smith

@siniichulok That is all so tough - sending good thoughts your way. I don't know which province you are in, but Ontario and BC have "myehealth" where you can sign up to view lab results on line. Best wishes :)

siniichulok

@loren smith Thanks!! I did check out myehealth for Ontario, but I think I'm going to wimp out and not figure out how to sign in, because even if they DO have my results there, I may not know how to interpret them, and I could just freak myself out further over the weekend. But it's great to know that such a resource exists!

victorian rose

In other news. Protracted friend drama: she got mad at me and said she didn't want to be friend anymore and said some NASTY things to me; I reached out, apologized and gave her space; she finally said she was ready to talk, but flaked last minute; now says she doesn't want to talk about what happened but just "let it be"; I haven't responded yet partly because I feel she owes me an apology; she just emailed me to invite me to an event and is acting like everything is normal. Umm what?? She's also moving cross country in a month.

In other, other news: supposed to meet the ex for a friendly lunch tomorrow, but neither time nor place has been decided yet. Feeling anxious that he'll cancel last minute. (I also wouldn't mind getting back together with him, so yeah.)

Hope you're all enjoying your friday evenings with your person and beverage of choice!

Matilda D'Ephemera

@victorian rose I'm sorry you're going through that with your friend. She wants to just "let it be" wtf? So she gets to say nasty things about you and declare your friendship over, then you apologize to her and everything's supposed to go back to normal?? I had a kind of similar situation with my best friend as a teenager, and I still regret my willingness to just "let it be" when she had really, really hurt me. I don't know how close you are with this friend, or what you expect/want for the friendship after she moves, but in my experience it can be really damaging to the friendship and to you personally to try to sweep that kind of crap under the rug. I'm sorry and I wish you luck.

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ClaireGrons5533

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