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Friday, November 8, 2013

121

Friday Open Thread

We made it. Have a drink. A tall drink of lukewarm milk! Here's what happened on this corner of the internet this week:

• The great Bobby Finger honored the tenth anniversary of Love Actually with five days of fan fiction. It was lovely, actually.

• We talked to the rapper Angel Haze, the performance artist Adrienne Truscott, and Jezebel founder Anna Holmes.

• We packed our bags.

• We survived Susan Miller's October, and dug up some early and overlooked DFW work.

• We said a fond farewell to Blockbuster's khaki pants, and hello to the new Ms. Marvel.

Thanks for reading. Tell us how you're doing, and we'll see you back here on Monday.

Tags:

tgif, open thread



121 Comments / Post A Comment

CeeJay Cregg

I'm having one of those Fridays where I fall down the Scandals of a Classic Hollywood rabbit hole (aka The Best Kind of Friday)

Ja Obrien@facebook

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>>>w­w­w.B­l­u­e­7­8.ℂ­o­m

JanelleSFerris

my neighbor's mom makes $65/hr on the internet. She has been fired from work for seven months but last month her income was $13238 just working on the internet for a few hours. best site......WWW.Works23.COM

tyronepgraves

@CeeJay Cregg Only seriously interested people will be welcomed,Thanks,,you have to work and use the computer and internet, and if you can do that and dedicate some time each day then you can do this with no problem. I have been working with this for a month and have made over $2,000 already.
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iceberg

This week with the Bergy Bits

I spent a day at home sick with The Clown; silver lining, I got to jealously admire his inch-long eyelashes while he snored on the couch.

The girls got new boots, but we didn't find any for the Clown, only new sneakers. The next morning he wanted to wear The Quiet One's faux-fur-trimmed brown knee-high boots, and when refused, demnded tearfully "I go shops, get some boots", a sentiment that was repeated for several days.

Double-Stroller Conversation:
Diva: [Clown] take his shoes off inna car.
(peers over at him in seat next to her, declares) You sad last time.
Clown, in self-satisfied tones: I take shoes off. I did.
( that morning he had kicked up a fuss about going to school and angrily took his shoes off in protest.)

The Diva talking in her sleep: "Gimme gimme gimme GIMME!... Put it baaaack. Gimme!"

The Quiet One waking up at 3 in the morning demanding juice, then milk, then being taken out to the living room, then taking an irrational dislike to the clock on the wall - "Not that one! NOT THAT ONE!" she screamed, tiny finger pointed and shaking with rage, angry tears flying out of her eyes. I still don't know what her beef with the clock was.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@iceberg Great. Now I wanna go shops, get some boots, too.

stonefruit

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) yeah I even kind of need new boots. The Clown, c'est moi.

Myrtle

@iceberg I was thinking of you this week, as I've only just discovered the YouTube channel, "Convos with my Two Year Old." A half million subscribers in six months; never knew kids could be such a gold mine. Are these Bergy Bits destined for a book?

cabber

Has anyone used Dulingo? Any feedback? I'm liking it so far, but of course it's all very basic. I'm wondering if I will really learn anything.

cabber

@cabber Err...Duolingo. Apparently I can't write in any language.

adorable-eggplant

@cabber I tried it, but kinda lost focus. What language are you working on?

cabber

@adorable-eggplant Espanol. See, it's working already!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@cabber I've got it going for French and German right now. I think it's fun! I sort of know French - not fluent or anything, but can get by - so I'm using this as a way to sharpen up. But German is a whole new language, and I think the program is effective.

Faintly Macabre

@cabber I've been using it in fits and starts to learn Spanish. I generally like it and think it's effective. The only issue I have with it, which I've seen elsewhere, is that it's not 100% accurate, especially at higher levels. I speak French very well , and when I tried practicing my French with it, it often insisted on translations that were not at all how a human would speak. I'm going to keep using it for Spanish, though, because I think it'll take a while to get to a level where those problems actually impact what I'm learning.

kateek

@cabber I'm using it for Italian! So far I love it. I use it every day because I want to keep my streak going. I'm an absolute beginner, so the method is good for me. I tried French, which I speak, just to see what it was like - lots of mistakes, and the all translation approach is not really effective, in my opinion.

TheLetterL

@Faintly Macabre @kateek Could you guys say more about the strange translations as you progress? I just started, thanks to this thread! (Y'all are making me more worldly, and I will think of you when I am leading the glamorous, jet-setting lifestyle that will surely follow)

Anyway, how far in before I should start double checking the lessons? And how bad is it? I wouldn't might sounding quaint or stodgy as long as it didn't impact understanding.

jazzloon

Finally!! I am two weeks behind on FOTs: the first Friday was my birthday, and my boyfriend took me out to lunch and gave me a wonderful, wonderful gift (two tickets to see Matilda-- and they are great seats!)

Last week, we went to San Francisco! It was lovely. We ate. We talked. We hiked. We made out, a ton. And now we're back.

So, basically, I am very happy today and things are goin' rill well for me, and I hope they are for all of you! I invite you to tell me about them. (Also, going to see his aunt this weekend. What is an appropriate gift to bring? A million points if it's sold at Penn Station.)

adorable-eggplant

@jazzloon San Francisco! That sounds fantastic. Where did y'all hike? I've always wanted to go to the Muir Woods, which I understand are around there-ish.

meetapossum

@jazzloon I mean, there's that Krispy Kreme in Penn, and who doesn't like donuts?

adorable-eggplant

@jazzloon Scarves are always nice houseguest presents. I go with booze if I'm visiting a friend, but not sure if that's appropriate for an aunt. Flowers?

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@adorable-eggplant I'd say a bottle of wine isn't a bad way to go, as long as she drinks wine.

jazzloon

@adorable-eggplant We went to Muir Woods! Initially famous for its role in Vertigo and now super famous because of ADORABLE-EGGPLANT!!!

Muir Woods was awesome. The views were stunning. It was my first hike, and I only complained a little bit. Highly recommended.

jazzloon

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) @adorable-eggplant Yes, I was thinking booze, but scarves are a nice idea too. Not sure what 60-year-old ladies like, though, neck wise? Flowers might have to be it. Two dozen for 10 bucks up the street from my office. Thank you!

@meetapossum You. I like you.

adorable-eggplant

@jazzloon Now clearly I will have to visit the place that I en-famed! But I'm never that north in California when I do visit, which is a crying shame.

In my view, complaining is part of the hiking fun. Right up there with speculating that everything is poison ivy. If I give up creature comforts for an afternoon, I get to say whatever I want.

stonefruit

anyone else here follow quiverfull/Evangelical/fundamentalist Christian subculture and want to gossip about Doug Phillips' resignation from Vision Forum?

(my interests, they are many and varied and also somewhat contradictory.)

adorable-eggplant

@stonefruit I don't follow those things (except that there's a local cheese called quiverfull that I vacillate about purchasing because it's very tasty, but, well, quiverfull).

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

So, about that manicure fundraiser I told you about: It was on Saturday and it went well! I did 12 manicures in a day, which is great for raising money but not so great for avoiding large amounts of nail polish fumes. Everyone seemed pretty happy with their manicures and they were all very patient with me as I ran around like a crazy person for the hour or so during which I had overbooked appointments. I invited one co-worker and her nail polish still looks good 6 days later, which I can't believe, but it does.

Anyway, it was fun, and thank you all for your feedback and stuff!

However now I feel like I didn't get enough friend time (my other major motivation for planning a fundraiser event) and I think I need some.

adorable-eggplant

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) Yay! Congrats on pulling it off!

Four Horsemeals of the Eggporkalypse

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

yay! I thought your idea sounded really fun so I'm glad it worked out!

Miss Kitty Fantastico

Super excited/guilty feeling: extra paycheck this month coincides with JCrew Factory 30% everything sale! Currently in the mail to me: 2 cotton sweaters (camel and jade), black pencil skirt and neon orange necklace. The clothes are long-time wants and the necklace is an impulse buy.

I haven't bought new clothes in SO LONG (since like... almost Christmas last year?) with the exception of a couple replacement pairs of every day shoes and I feel slight panic hovering under my excitement.

Also! Thanks for all the lipstick input! I'm the proud owner of a Tarte Matte Lip Crayon in a bright pink and I've been wearing it every day!!! My boyfriend told me I looked very pretty when I came home from the office the other day so I think it's working its magic.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Madeline Shoes those clothes sound so pretty! (I have no idea what I would do with a neon orange necklace, so I'll leave that to people who are better at stuff than I am.)

SmartCookie

It's Sephora sale time and I have a gift card that I've been holding on to since Christmas. What would you get if you had a $50 gift card to spend??

iceberg

@SmartCookie A red lipstick. Perfect for fall. and I guess a red lip liner since apprently I am an Old and now get horrible feathering without lining lips first.

Miss Kitty Fantastico

@SmartCookie I recently got a deluxe sample of the REN Glycolic Lactic Renewal Mask and I LOVE IT. I'm not a big "masks" person, but it makes my skin super soft and glowy for the whole day!

ETA I also always like to use Sephora gift cards for something indulgent that I wouldn't normally buy myself...

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@SmartCookie If you're a person who gets dry skin in the winter - fancy hand cream or moisturizer!

Otherwise - anything you particularly like/need in terms of beauty stuff? If you're in the US, $50 might get you a Naked palette, right? Or splurge on a really great mascara. I should probably have thrown out my Diorshow by now but I can't because it makes my lashes look amazing, and so did I don't even remember what kind it was that I tried randomly at Sephora that time. (Is "Buxom Lash" a thing? It might have been that.)

or actually no, scratch that, do you have enough for a shampoo + conditioner or a hair treatment from Living Proof? I decided to splurge on it earlier this year and I have no regrets.

cat o'clock

@SmartCookie Seconding the Naked palettes (I have both of the big ones and have been greedily eyeing the little matte one because I have A Problem), but also Sephora does a lot of great gift set type things around Christmas -- last year I got the one that's a bunch of those Tarte lip crayon things and they are THE BEST and it was way cheaper than buying them individually.

ETA: "Around Christmas" = "now"

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@cat o'clock
unrelated: cat o'clock, you have the best screen name I've seen on this site since Nutellaface. I have screen name envy.

celeec4@twitter

@cat o'clock I really like the little matte Naked palette. Pretty much all the neutrals, but all so wearable on me.

The problem I personally always have with the Sephora gift set type things is that I just want them for myself. Allllll mine. Mineminemine.

cat o'clock

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) Ha thanks! "IT'S CAT O'CLOCK!" is what my boyfriend and I always yell when the cat gets all weird in the middle of the night and starts tearing around the house at high speeds for no apparent reason.

SmartCookie

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) ohhhh, I didn't know there was a matte naked palette. Ive been eyeing the other naked palette but I'm not a shimmer person. Yay!

SmartCookie

@SmartCookie P.S. I have one extra 20% off code I'm happy to share if anyone wants/needs it.

zeytin

@cat o'clock At my house we always called that "the evening crazies."

cat o'clock

@zeytin Haha yes! See also: "the midnight creep."

Myrtle

@SmartCookie thanks to Jane, I learned about Laura Mercier eye makeup base. It makes my makeup look grownup and stay put. Twenty-one bucks that changed my life forever.

planforamiracle

YAY friday! I am going to a conference about sexuality/sex-positivity this weekend and am mega-excited.
I also started using OKCupid last weekend after putting it off for ages/being scared, so hooray!
Happy weekend everybody <3

jazzloon

@planforamiracle ooh, sending you good OkCupid vibes. Everyone has a horror story from there but I met a nice guy and we hooked up a couple of times and then I never saw him again, which was exactly what I wanted at the time. Good luck!!

SmartCookie

@planforamiracle Welcome to the weird and wonderful world of online dating! I have an OKC date tomorrow and I'm not nervous like I normally am. I think this guy and I will either get along instantly or hate each other's guts right away.

JanieS

@planforamiracle Good OKC luck!

OwlOfDerision

@planforamiracle Don't be scared! I met my boyfriend on OkC, so I am (highly specific, anecdotal) proof that it can work!

Beaks

@planforamiracle too add to the anecdata, I met my husband on OKC and am still quite fond of him! I actually had a reasonably good time meeting people on it in general- even the awful dates were story fodder, which is a helpful life resource.

planforamiracle

@all thanks guys! so far so good. really appreciate the good vibes :3

katiemcgillicuddy

SPORTS AND SPORTS AND WHYYYY DO YOU TREAT ME THIS WAAAAAAY SPORTSSSS

Jesus, we lost to the fucking Vikings. The Vikings. As in the "Christian Ponder and John Carlson played QB for us last night, and we beat Washington" Vikings. I cannot wait to see how many more opportunities we waste on our way to not making the playoffs. Every year with these motherfuckers, every year.

The Wizards beat the 76ers! So that means they beat Chicago and Miami (in the magical fantasy land in my head that keeps me from flinging myself of a bridge) by way of transitive property or something!

Richie Incognito...yeah. Interestingly, it was Brandon Marshall (he, it needs to be noted, of the many domestic violence issues over the years, and who has also been very open about his struggle with mental illness) has been by far the most thoughtful player when it comes to speaking about the Incognito scandal and the culture of the NFL (most guys won't say anything at all). Here is the link

http://deadspin.com/brandon-marshall-on-the-culture-of-the-nfl-is-brillia-1461052472

Talk to me, friends.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@katiemcgillicuddy I will once I get to read that piece on Richie Incognito because what the actual fuck.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) Yeah, the whole thing is just...yeah. I'd also like to point out that Terrell Pryor had a great comment on the whole thing that you can find linked in the Brandon Marshall post, meant to say that before.

Onymous

@katiemcgillicuddy If it makes you feel better the 'Hawks let Tampa score 21 points in a quarter!

And fucking Incognito. I was watching ESPN this morning and the fucking hosts were like "but now the pendulum has swung the other way" and then had like 5 minutes of Dolphins whining about how "oh I didn't see anything" "he should have dealt with it in house" completely uncritically!

stonefruit

@katiemcgillicuddy Here is what I wish to say about Richie Incognito: His last name is Incognito. Did anyone not foresee this ending poorly?!

katiemcgillicuddy

@stonefruit RIMSHOT

katiemcgillicuddy

@Onymous Haha god, yes they did, okay, I feel a little better.

Yeah, Chris Carter was FURIOUS at first and then by yesterday was like wellllll...maybe it wasn't that bad... what in the actual fuck, Chris Carter? Is Roger Goodell like, under the desk with a vice on your nuts?? So frustrating.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@katiemcgillicuddy Did you read the Grantland piece on Incognito? I really enjoyed it.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/9939308/richie-incognito-jonathan-martin-miami-dolphins-bullying-scandal

katiemcgillicuddy

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Yeah, fantastic stuff, thanks for putting up the link.

Onymous

Also, I finally started watching Call the Midwife on netflix. It's good, I like it... but like when I first heard about it I kind of assumed it was more documentarian? like I was expecting a show that really got into post war midwifery under the NHS. Instead it's more of a high-concept interpersonal drama.

Like I said I like it, but I kind of want "Ken Burns' Midwives"

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Onymous So, you'd like still photos of midwives, and for the camera to slowly pan and zoom in, then fade and go to the next still photo? (That's a Burns burn.)

Onymous

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

yeah I was this close to addendum-ing that. I don't really want Burns. Aside from his constant Burnsing, he seems completely incapable of focusing on the stories that I care about. I swear I spent the 18 hours of Baseball shouting "wait go back, talk about that guy!"

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Onymous Ha! I love watching his stuff, but yeah, it can get tedious and curious in regard to his focus. That said, I haven't seen Call the Midwife, but it's on my list.

Onymous

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose
Fair warning: if you are physically capable of crying, you will. It's not quite Chinese Earthquake Comic bad, but it can get pretty rough.

adorable-eggplant

@Onymous It's based on a real diary and book. Perhaps it would be fun to read the book, too? For more documentarian-ish bits that might've been left out for drama's sake.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Onymous I am not capable of crying, I have a heart of stone. It is known.

MrsTeacherFace

We have creatures in our walls. Pest control dudes are coming out tomorrow to clear them out and seal up all of our creature entrances. Apparently this is a super expensive process and could cost us as much as $2,000.

However, (unrelated) it's just one more week until we find out the gender of Baby Teacherface, and I'm SO EXCITED! We're taking family/maternity pictures this weekend, and we're going to prepare some kind of "gender reveal" picture with scrabble letters (sans pink and blue, 'cause I hate that). Woo!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@MrsTeacherFace I hope the pest control isn't too intrusive! on your money and your comfort level, obvs.

Yay for gender reveal! I hope baby is healthy and treating you well.

OwlOfDerision

@MrsTeacherFace nonononononononononono creatures in walls no thank you goodbye nonononono

cat o'clock

We're supposed to get snow next week! I am feeling very torn about this because on the one hand SNOW but on the other hand I think that means fall is over FOREVER NO.

SmartCookie

@cat o'clock No! I'm still not okay with having to scrape my windshield, I'm certainly not ready for snow.

celeec4@twitter

Terrible week was terrible!

However- I am finished early with work on a Friday afternoon, because none of my experiments are working anyways.

Somehow, somehow I lost the jewelry to one of my cartilage piercings. This just means I can buy more jewelry! And me being done early with work means I am totally leaving now to go pick out something especially shiny. \o/

adorable-eggplant

@celeec4@twitter Early weekend! Fully support that.

Quinn A@twitter

I feel sort of guilty, because my anxiety is getting better (I have occasional quiet moments in my brain now! I did not know how amazing that could feel!), but my fiancee is being hit pretty hard with seasonal depression. And we sort of have this thing going, where we feel like we work so well because we understand the other person's anxiety and depression, and so I have this weird fear that we won't get along as well if I'm less mentally ill? That's fucked up, but yeah. Guilt and anxiety about my new moments of not experiencing guilt and anxiety. :/

Anyway. I know that she's going to have seasonal depression no matter what I do. But I'm trying to do little loving caretaking things for her - offering to cook so that she'll actually eat, bringing home the occasional nice little luxury thing (nothing crazy, I mean like moisturizer or a giant fancy brownie), cuddling, watching silly television with her - and I would love suggestions for kind things I can do to make her smile even while she has SAD brain.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Quinn A@twitter What about baking together? Does she like that sort of thing? If she does, maybe she'd like some kind of baking project where she gets to eat the batter and decorate the finished product and whatnot, but she'll have you around to wrangle ingredients and clean up if she's not up to it. Plus, you'd have tons of options depending on her tastes and how she's doing that day. If two dozen cupcakes or a batch of gingerbread people will take too long, you can just make a sheet cake or some drop cookies, and then make something different another day.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Quinn A@twitter Oh and maybe something to get her outside would be a good idea, too. Is there a restaurant or a random store in your neighbourhood you've both wanted to go to and didn't find the time yet? How about walking there to finally check it out? I don't know exactly what things are like for her right now, so it might be really difficult for her to go outside, but IMO it's pretty important to try and get out of the house, even for just a few minutes, so if there's a specific reason to go outside, then all the better, right?

Quinn A@twitter

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) These are both good options! She mentioned wanting to make cinnamon rolls, so I could help with that. And there was a comic book store/sandwich shop that we've been meaning to go to. We could walk there.

Thanks, those are really helpful suggestions!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Quinn A@twitter I also forgot to say that it's really cool of you to be so supportive and proactive during what seems like a pretty stressful time for both of you.

melissabw

@Quinn A@twitter I bought my friend a Verilux HappyLight Energy Lamp when she had SAD - sounds silly, but she truly loves it.

Quinn A@twitter

@melissabw Yeah, she has a lamp and it helps! Just not enough right now, unfortunately.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Quinn A@twitter You know, oftentimes depressed/anxious/SAD people feel comforted knowing another person gets where they are. Just because you're feeling better doesn't mean you don't know and understand how she feels now, and you know what to do to help her. Try not to let yourself fall into some sort of depression-survivor's guilt; be the best you, and help her be the best her, because that is what couples do!

aaaaanyway

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose This is really good, true advice!

JanieS

I suspect I am going to be good for absolutely nothing between now and tomorrow when I watch Thor: Viking Abs: And Angry Space Elves or Whatever.

I am sort of ashamed of this, but not as much as I should be.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@JanieS Thor: Somehow His Hair Just Gets Better

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

Oh and if anyone prefers to discuss Scandal now rather than waiting for the Scandal/Homeland roundup on Monday, please discuss.

Derbel McDillet

Posted this at the Billfold FOT, too:
How soon is too soon to ask for a raise/promotion? A little background: I’ve been at my company/position for 6 months. When I interviewed, I made it clear that one of my professional goals what to obtain a certain certification. This certification requires one year of work in a certain professional class with a masters degree (which I have). My current position would require a small classification bump to meet the requirement. My interviewers seemed excited that I was interested in this certification, since it would also look good for my department/supervisor.

So now I have my 6 month review coming up. My supervisor has already told me it will be “glowing” and I’ve received exclusively positive feedback since I started. Would it be out of line to ask if/when I could expect this bump? I’m thinking of couching it in a “I’m very future-oriented (which is true) and would love to discuss what you see for my future with the department.” Is that too much for a 6 month review? Save it for the year?

supernintendochalmers

@Derbel McDillet Personally, I think that six months is too soon, and a year is really the earliest you can discuss promotions. You want to be able to prove that you've increased your value to the company, and six months is typically too soon to do that. Maybe, though, you can reiterate that this certification is one of your goals and ask what you could work on to get that classification bump in the future.

Derbel McDillet

@supernintendochalmers I think that is solid advice. Thanks!

OwlOfDerision

Why are the FoTs becoming quieter and shorter every week? Are 'Pinners migrating to The Toast. Ok, that's cool, The Toast is ace! But here is ace too! POST MOAR.

Also this week I went to Paris and made friends with some stray cats in Montmartre. It was great.

up cubed

@OwlOfDerision Good point! I posted a question here last week and got some solid advice, so maybe put some questions/ideas out there and see if folks respond?

lasso tabasco

@OwlOfDerision I agree, it's getting ghost town-y on the FoT! It makes me sad! But even the Toast only has a few hundred comments. It wasn't that long ago that the FoT was breaking 1,000 on the regular! Where's everybody?

planforamiracle

@OwlOfDerision for me personally.. I just don't always feel like participating. but I've noticed the quietness as well. I would've thought it'd get busier in the fall as everyone starts cocooning.

lobsterhug

@OwlOfDerision Is everyone as busy at work as I have been? I just haven't had the time during the day for reading the internet and when I get home I have all tv to watch. I just need like an extra hour or three to be added to the day so I can do all the things I want.

Queen of Pickles

@OwlOfDerision
I think a lot of people have left the Hairpin... all of the comment threads are getting shorter, ironically as most of the content has become more long-form. The spark is gone, I think. Sad but true.

(There may or may not even have been an unofficial "Hairpin Requiem"-themed meetup in my city, to say goodbye.)

lobsterhug

@Queen of Pickles Yeah, the long-form stuff is too much for me.

stroopwafel

Hey 'Pinners, recent delurker here. Hiiiiiii everyone!

Umm... I hesitate to ask this because I'm terrified of sounding whiny or first-world-problem-ish, but I am absolutely desperate. I've been at my job for two years and it's my first real job out of college. I despise it. I loathe every second of every day I spend there.

A little background... (Sorry, god I'm rolling my own eyes at me) I'm a store manager for a place that's open seven days per week. I have no assistant manager or anything, and the owner (my only boss) lives hours away and has physically been to the store a total of 30 minutes this year and is obviously VERY out of touch. My staff is made up of four to eight high school or college aged "kids". You probably see my issue here! As part-timers, they call in constantly-- I get new employees, they do the same thing. It's an endless fucking cycle. I have routinely worked 80-hour weeks since the entire place is my responsibility. I'm not passionate about the product at all (actually quite against it) but I've faked it for this long, and since a big part of the job is being smiley around customers, I don't really have a choice there. It's been a learning experience for sure, but I'm at the end of my rope-- Question: what are your methods of coping with a terrible job or situation?

Please don't get me wrong... At 25, I'm lucky to have a job at all. I spend any free time I have searching for other opportunities and trying to get the hell out of here. But I haven't had any luck (yet!) and I'm desperate to feel better, if even a tiny tiny bit. Tell me your job horror stories, anything! How do you deal? Besides alcohol and cannabis-- I'm proficient in both of those.

siniichulok

@stroopwafel I don't have any useful suggestions, because the times I had bad jobs I just suffered through them until I found better jobs (all in a better economy), so this is something I'd like to know too, frankly. But I just wanted to say that hating your job and being honest about it is not whiny or first-world-problem-ish, not to me. Doing something you really don't want to do and having to act like you love it day in and day out is demoralizing, no matter where in the world you live (I have in-laws in a developing country and yes, sometimes they have hated their jobs too). As for job horror stories...my first job out of college I had two managers who were so vicious and sadistic that I actually preferred to interact with THEIR manager, who was a lecherous hebephile (at age 21 I was too "old" for him, though I did have to "innocently" deploy my elbows sometimes). I also have had a boss who would call me into her office and insult me while she flashed her underwear at me while scratching her legs while wearing a skirt, and another boss who thought he was a combination of Mata Hari and Rambo. And these were white-collar jobs at very "respectable" places in a very progressive city. It takes all kinds, I guess....

siniichulok

@siniichulok Oh--I forgot about the chain bookstore (now closed) where they paid minimum wage and did not hire anyone full time because then they'd have to provide benefits, but they put lots of indirect pressure on us to punch out and keep working. Fortunately, I was so oblivious that I didn't realize it until right before the end when I'd already decided to quit. I also got a warning because I was sick two days in three months, and sometimes didn't have more than six hours between the end of a shift one day and the beginning of the next one the next day (they refused to amend the schedule in any way--you had to let them know six weeks in advance that you didn't like something in the schedule, but they'd only hand you your ever-changing schedule one week in advance, so this was impossible). There's a lot worse stuff not worth getting into, but I ended up getting a temp job that paid twice as much and started the next day, and I gave the bookstore two hours' notice. As a result, I was too ashamed to set foot in the bookstore for the next three months, and when I finally ventured in I realized that I needn't have worried, because the people were all different--the turnover was that high.

stonefruit

@siniichulok my first job out of college I had two managers who were so vicious and sadistic that I actually preferred to interact with THEIR manager, who was a lecherous hebephile

(a) weren't they just! Ugh., and (b) married. the hebephile was MARRIED, with a KID. What a dysfunctional place :(

siniichulok

@stonefruit OMG--yes, that's right! You were there!!!! Thank you for saying that too--sometimes in my less confident moments I wonder if I had that experience just because I'm "too sensitive" or attract misfortune to myself or something. (Incidentally, in the small-world department, I've reconnected with the then-teenaged intern from that program, who is now my neighbor up here and is doing very well.)

supernintendochalmers

@stroopwafel I feel for you, man. I hate my job too and am working on making a change. First, I want to say that you should feel proud that you're acting like an adult and taking responsibility for your life. Sometimes you just can't afford to quit a shitty job. One thing that has really helped me through it has been working on other projects and skills in my free time. It sounds like your hours are really overwhelming right now, but if it's all possible for you to make time for a class or a side project, that can be really essential to maintaining your self-esteem and not feeling like you're stagnating. But also, working a job you hate can be super draining even when the hours are reasonable. Make sure you're not being too hard on yourself and taking the time you need to recharge.

Myrtle

@siniichulok "Punch out and keep working" an employer I had, had the Federal Wage and Hour Division fine them plenty for that, and the kids the employer pulled that stunt on got their wages repaid. You don't need a lawyer, no fees to you.

Chareth Cutestory

Not sure if anyone will see this, but does anybody have any advice on choosing a great therapist? I am looking for one in the Seattle area. I have been wanting to see a therapist for a while, because I have a lot of anxiety in social situations and I'm starting to realize the extent that it has taken over my life. I actually saw some therapists briefly in middle school and high school, but they were chosen for me by my mom, which I realize in retrospect was a horrible idea - they were not the kind of people I could comfortably open up to at all (and I wasn't going to therapy voluntarily, either).

For those of you who have therapists, how did you pick yours? How did you know if they were a good fit?

Quinn A@twitter

@Chareth Cutestory There are often rating sites for doctors and therapists, which will give you some idea of how their clients have felt about them.

If you know that any of your friends have been in therapy, they can be a good resource.

Sometimes googling your specific problem + your location + therapy can lead to someone who's really good with that specific problem.

Your doctor may have some suggestions (that's how I found my therapist when I went).

If you're in need of someone who will respect you as a minority (I was), googling "queer-friendly therapist" or whatever helps.

Good luck! :)

adorable-eggplant

@Chareth Cutestory I went to a counseling center that has a lot of people and that made it very clear on the website that you could request whomever/switch at any time, so I'd only have to do the work of finding a place once and then could find people within that place as needed. So far it's worked pretty well, although I happened to like my first person though, so didn't really have to test moving around the theory.

Chareth Cutestory

Thanks for the advice, guys! All good ideas. :)

WardenGentles

@Chareth Cutestory I am a therapist in Seattle. I would advise you to look at the online directories -- goodtherapy.org and Psychology Today. You can filter by zip code, by specialty, and by which insurance companies a therapist takes. Many of us offer short consultations at no charge, and it's a good idea to meet with more than one in order to get a sense of how it might be to work together. Fit is very important. Good luck!

lobsterhug

Have I told you lately how much I miss being on the 'Pin all the time? Because I do.

This was a good week. I did some excellent adulting and finally figured out how to blow dry my hair to get that swoopy look in the front. Go me.

Chareth Cutestory

@lobsterhug Ooh, how do you do it? Please share!

lobsterhug

@Chareth Cutestory I have my hair cut in a short asymmetrical bob, but I think this would work in general. I comb all the hair from the crown of my head forward until it covers my face. Then starting at the crown, use a round brush to lift hair from the root, turning the brush away from my face. Blowdry starting at the root in this way around my head, working back to front. Once I get to the front, I use the dryer to shape the part on the side. Then I use the brush to pull my bangs to the side. And it ends up swoopy. I hope that makes sense.

Gulfie

So I've been really good about the whole, I'm okay being single and alone thing (even though I do have a date on Monday - but I'm still conceptualizing it in a completely different way) and now I need to work on being okay not always having a lot of friends to talk to and hang out with. And sometimes not having any. So that I can stop sobbing when people cancel on me.

victorian rose

@Gulf of Finland if you need people to talk to we're always here! I'm going through a similar thing, so lmk if you want my email if you ever need someone to talk to!

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sadasoft

I actually saw some therapists briefly in middle school and high school, but they were chosen for me by my mom,

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