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Friday, November 22, 2013

63

Interview with a Big Dick

How did you first realize that you had a big dick?

It was something that people had always kind of said to me. And for a long time I assumed it was just something women said to a man to flatter him, to be nice. But then I started sleeping with men sometimes, and my dick was always bigger. Also—how do I put this—there were circumstances with some people in which, mid-coitus, we would have to stop having sex because it was painful. Obviously that's not somebody trying to flatter you.

Are you comfortable stating your size?

I actually never measured it.

How can you have a penis your entire life and not measure it?!

I don't know. I just never did it.

I can never believe guys when they say that. If I had a penis, I would measure it every day.

That's like guys saying, “If I had tits, I'd feel myself up every day.”

But I do feel myself up every day.

[LAUGHS] Well that probably feels better than measuring your dick.

So how does being a Man with a Big Dick figure into your identity?

It’s kind of fraught, because, like any element of physical attractiveness, you're flattered when people comment on it, but you know you bear no direct responsibility for it. And obviously it’s a really normative idea of what it means for a man to be good at sex, or to be attractive—“Oh, you have a big dong!”—and obviously that excludes people.

OK, but norms are norms. Has it increased your sexual confidence?

It definitely has, but I feel like I still have a lot of sexual hangups. It's not like it's turned me into a straightforward fucking machine. There have totally been times when I've been too drunk, or too depressed, or not into it enough to get hard.

Definitely during sex, or even just before having sex, it's kind of a nice thing to know. Because I think it'll make them feel good. I dunno, it's kind of this knowledge that...

...That they're not going to be disappointed?

Yeah. But it took me a long time to become good at sex, beyond the size of my dick. It took me a while to learn how to properly how to go down on somebody. And knowing that I'm good at that, for example, is as confidence inducing as knowing that I have a big dick. I finally understand that there's more going on than sticking a dick in a vagina. [LAUGHS]

Or an ass!

Or an ass.

Or a mouth!

Or an ear.

Wait, you've done that?

No, I've actually never done that. Have you done that?

What's the point in doing that?

I don't know. One thing I just remembered, there've been a couple of times when—and obviously I'm taking their word for it—but I've been having sex with a woman and she's been able to orgasm internally for the first time. Um. So that obviously feels nice to know. And was also a sign that maybe I was bigger than most people.

It's funny, because you’re telling me this, there's an implicit boast, but you're kind of embarrassed about that, and you're trying your best to mediate between these two competing instincts.

Well that's why this whole interview is kind of funny. Because obviously I'm a shitty dude [LAUGHS]. I want to talk about the size of my dick. But also I'm aware of the kind of implicit male ego involved.

So you’re progressive, you grew up around women, you’re a sensitive man. And you seem to have some wariness and possibly contempt for, like, the male way.

Yeah.

But you are male-identified all the same. Do you feel like you have the qualities one normally associates with manhood?

There are a lot of trappings of “classical man” that that I’ve never really identified with or felt comfortable with—I’ve never been really athletic, and it took me a long time to feel at all comfortable with my body because I was always skinny and gawky—but I definitely have a lot of them. I’ve worked not to be a really shitty prototypical, patriarchal dude.

How so?

I used to talk a lot more than I do now. In undergrad classes, and in political meetings, organizational meetings and that kind of thing, I used to just take up a lot of space. And I grew out of that, intentionally and unintentionally.

How conscious were you of your gender at the time?

I don’t think I was very. Obviously you’re just learning a lot about yourself and your politics when you’re a naive undergrad, so at the time I thought I was being politically strident and standing up for what I believed in. But it’s only over the past few years that I’ve realized just how pointlessly argumentative I could be, and how maybe that silenced people in a way that I wasn’t aware of then. I think whenever a man takes up space in that kind of setting, there is obviously kind of an implicit disdain.

Are there things that you like about being a guy? Do you ever just get psyched up about being a Big Dude with a Big Dick?

I mean, obviously I like my dick. I like having sex with it. And I do have a couple of close male friends, and it is kind of fun to just normatively bro out with them.

“Normatively bro-ing out” sounds like the least fun thing ever. Like the gluten-free vegan brownie of male bonding.

Just hanging out and talking in an obviously gendered way about dating or sex or women or our intimate lives, in a way I don’t necessarily talk around female friends. But a lot of my male friends are considerably less bro-y than some of my female friends. I have a couple of male friends who, when we get together and talk about relationships, it’s all about feelings. And then I get together with some female friends, especially queer female friends, and it’s just like, Pussy pussy pussy!

Can you give me an example of a sentence you might utter during normative bro time?

No. I don’t know. Like what?

“Her pussy was so wet, but it was kinda loose.”

See, you just did it!

Is that what you say?

Maybe not literally talking about the individual qualities of particular pussies. We’re just, like, talking about “chicks” and talking about sex. I just feel like some of my close queer female friends are able to pull off being a bit more superficial and sexually flippant than a self-aware progressive man.

Do you think that having a big dick has helped your dating life, beyond just the kinetics of fucking?

I think it just means that it feels good to have sex with me, so people want to keep doing it [LAUGHS]. Maybe. Maybe otherwise they’d become aware of my many flaws and kick me to the curb faster.

But has it changed the way you approach women?

I honestly don’t think so. When I’m interested, I don’t think, “I have a big dick. She’ll like it.” It’s taken me a long time to become OK with my body and my appearance, and also to know that I’m an OK lover, so I’d say that’s more what I bring to it than the knowledge that I have a big dick.

Has it shaped the way you relate to other men?

I can’t think of any time I was like, “Fuck this guy, I’ve got a bigger dick.” Or a time since high school that I had a conversation about dick size with a straight male friend.

But in times when you felt like another guy was more attractive or whatever, maybe it’s your ace in the hole, so to speak.

I definitely have male friends who I think are better looking than me, or, you know, have considerably more active sex lives. I guess it’s nice to know that at least I have this going for me.

So aside from its use value, it feels good to be a man with a big dick.

It does feel good. It’s nice that it makes people happy. And it’s flattering to hear. Also, it’s weird when you become aware that it’s something people talk about without you. I was once at a party, and I got a booty call, and somebody I’d never slept with said something like, “Oh, does she want that huge dick everybody talks about?”

OK. If someone offered you a million dollars but you had to give up three inches, would you take it?

[LAUGHS] Fuck. That’s a good question.

Is it, really?

A million bucks is a lot of money. No, I couldn’t do it.

What about true love.

Cut off three inches?

Not, like, cutting. No pain. It’d just shrink.

I dunno. I don’t think true love necessarily works that way.

Obviously it doesn’t work that way. This is a thought experiment. No one’s going to shrink your penis and give you a girlfriend.

[LAUGHS] Uh... no. I don’t think I would.

Really?

I don’t want to change my body that way. It’s shitty.

It’s not a matter of body acceptance, it’s purely hypothetical.

I mean, true love would be nice. But I dunno. I dunno.

OK. You could be the most successful person in your field or keep your big dick.

This is hard! True love and professional success are both very inviting. So you’re saying I lose three inches?

Let’s say you become smallish to average.

Oh, fuck it. Sure.

Yeah?

Yeah. For success, sure.

Success, but not love.

Well I don’t know. Now I’m changing my mind. Now I feel shallow.

Alexandra Molotkow is a writer and senior editor at Hazlitt Magazine.



63 Comments / Post A Comment

fabel

Dicks! yay. Also, before everyone gets into a nuanced conversation about how size isn't everything, & the way women orgasm (will that conversation happen? I don't know) I just wanna be like, big dicks are seriously great.

OhMarie

@fabel Or when it just fits like a glove the first time (so big but not big enough to give your cervix what for) and it's like YES JACKPOT.

SmartCookie

@OhMarie My first was a jackpot dick and I was so young and naive I just assumed that how they all fit. All future dicks have fallen short. Pun intended.

2210822972@twitter

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allendaniel

They are really very good , thank you@a

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

What about six inches for true love AND professional success both? Jia, how did that question go unasked??

stonefruit

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I mean, it's not Jia's interview, so presumably that answers your question and mine (which is about Jia's least favorite word).

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@stonefruit
Whoops!

The interviewing (otherwise) was SO GOOD, one too easily assumed it was Jia's. Anyway, needs a do-over so this can be addressed.

j-i-a

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I have been thinking, however, of what sort of sorceress's bargain I would want my boyfriend to say okay to if he were to have to lose some length. My answer is, no bargain, unacceptable, his career will work out fine

Onymous

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I don't have six inches to trade but assuming my true love is okay with a ken doll for a partner I'm willing to throw in some lower intestine to make up the difference. and maybe a couple fingers if I get an additional million dollars tax free.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Onymous
"Will Onymous throw in an extra three inches to add to what he's already won and take home ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN CASH?"

Gilgongo

I have personally found that the bigger the dick, the better the lover. And I'm not even talking about straight intercourse. You would THINK it would be the opposite. Like "I have a big dick, I don't have to work on my other sexual skills," but I have found it to be quite the reverse. Weird.

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@Gilgongo The first couple of big dicks I came into, ahem, contact with were attached to dudes who didn't really know what they were doing. I don't even think it was a matter of "I have a big dick and am therefore a sex god." I think they were just inexperienced, but their inexperience was a lot more painful than the inexperience of an average-sized dude. So I was meh on big dicks for a while. But then I experienced what you're talking about, which I think has more to do with confidence than anything else, and YOWZA.

smartastic

@Gilgongo TRUE! I think it's a confidence thing.

Mariah Mantis@twitter

@Gilgongo I found the opposite - like the guys thought all they had to do was unzip and I was going to start cumming. There was zero effort put into foreplay or any of the rest of sex. I guess, like everything else, it's hard to generalize :)

Gilgongo

@Oliver St. John Mollusc To be fair, I was over 30 when I had sex with a big "above average" (IT WAS A MONSTER!) dick. So it also might have been an age/experience thing too.

Titania

@Gilgongo Oh ugh yes. First really big one I ever encountered, in college. It was like he'd unzip and get and be like, "okay, I did my part, the rest is up to you!" Even as a college freshman I was pretty unimpressed with the overall experience, to the point where for a long time I thought I preferred average-size ones. Then I met a guy with a really big one who knew how to use it, and well, we all know how that story ends.

Big Dick

@Gilgongo i have a big dick and a tumblr if you'd like to get to know each other, just google: biggestdickinLA :)

bibliobotic

I read the first half of this interview thinking it was a really well-written mock interview with the dick-rock formation in the picture. So that happened.

OhMarie

@bibliobotic Me too! Like the old interview with [an animal] articles.

lobsterhug

I...I just...I think my ovaries exploded?

This interview was amazing and he seems like the perfect combination of big dick and progressive and sensitive.

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@lobsterhug Something definitely exploded, but it wasn't my ovaries. Eyo! *high five*

lobsterhug

@Oliver St. John Mollusc Ha! God, if I wasn't at work, the things I would write!

Big Dick

@lobsterhug hi, i saw your thread. i have a big dick as well and would love to know you. you can contact me on my tumblr, biggestdickinLA. i hope to hear from you :)

Apocalypstick

"Obviously it doesn’t work that way. This is a thought experiment. No one’s going to shrink your penis and give you a girlfriend."

I love you, and cannot stand people who refuse to answer hypothetical questions.

Blushingflwr

Oh, men and penises. Some of the guys I've fucked who have been the least secure about their dicks have had the nicest ones.
Also, when I was a phone sex operator, I don't think I EVER had a single customer say that they were 6". They were all either 8+ or <4.
People who know my sexual habits tend to assume that I am a size queen, but I am not actually all that picky about it. Presumably you have hands, so if I find myself in the mood for something large, we're still good. (Having said that, my boyfriend's penis is pretty much perfect)

Emby

@Blushingflwr You presume too much

☹—<

Blushingflwr

@Blushingflwr Well if the guy doesn't have hands, I do. Plus there is the entire Internet from whence to order lots of toys.

slutberry

@Blushingflwr Can we talk about what average IS, for those of us who have not sampled a wide variety? Because my partner is the average 6" at last measurement, but feels plenty big/bottoms out/needs large-size condoms.

up cubed

@Blushingflwr I just whipped out a ruler to confirm, 6 is biggish. However, I'd suggest girth is a bit more interesting than length.

slutberry

@Blushingflwr Girth is VERY interesting, indeed.

SmartCookie

@slutberry There was a study published last summer (that I'm not going to google at work) that found that the average erect penis length in the US is 5.57 inches. But that was self-measured and self-reported so I believe that not at all.

Blushingflwr

@slutberry - the numbers I have always seen are 5-6". But I think you could argue that the reason it is the average size is because that is the "optimum" size. Most people are in the middle of the bell curve on any given measurement, therefore most women are going to find the average penis to be a pretty good size. Bear in mind that while the vagina expands during arousal and varies in size (length, particularly) throughout the month, vaginas come in different shapes/sizes too. I can't really speak to the condom comment, as I do not know what it feels like to wear a condom on one's penis. Condoms DO expand quite a bit, but it is also one of those things where trying different brands/styles is a good idea. And if he is hitting your cervix and it is uncomfortable, you might consider trying different positions (but if he is just filling you up nicely, that to me seems like he is exactly the right size).

@upupandaway - While I agree that girth is more interesting than length, I would disagree that 6" is "big". I am looking at a dressmaker's tape right now, and 6" is about the length of an average ballpoint pen. Maybe what you are saying is that 6" is too large for the measure of the average penis; I am not an expert on the subject. My sample size is not large or random enough for useful statistics, and my judge of "how big is this dude" is usually based on how much of him my hand covers or how much I can take into my mouth easily.

slutberry

@Blushingflwr Oh yeah, comfort isn't an issue -- I was more curious about the condom sizing thing, since I think of my dude as somewhere on the larger size of average, not like MONGO, but he fills up a size-large condom pretty solidly. So, like... are there XL condoms???

Blushingflwr

@slutberry there are!

Big Dick

@Blushingflwr hi, i loved your post. i have a big dick and would love to get to know you. you can contact me at biggestcockinLA on my tumblr :)

mollpants

I'm having a hard time believing he hasn't measured it. My intel (read: boyfriendz) says that most dudes have gotten around to doing it at some point...from the rest of the interview, he seems like kind of a bashful, thoughtful dude, so my gut tells me he knows but doesn't wanna say.

With that said how big is it, seriously we won't tell

Onymous

@mollpants Look even if he hasn't actually taken a ruler to it he's gotta know roughly, just by comparison to his hands.

maxine of arc

@mollpants Dude, the first time I encountered a big dick--and not even like, porn star big, just bigger than average--I was like "Let's measure it! I'll get my sewing tape!" I can't believe no one's measured this guy's.

Better to Eat You With

I once had a co-worker whose legendarily large dick had gotten him nicknamed Horse Cock. He always seemed kind of sad about it, though somehow all the other dudes at work thought it was really funny.

mollpants

@Better to Eat You With That's...a pretty aggressive nickname, not gonna lie.

Urwelt

I don't think I've ever been with a guy with a REALLY big dick (probably for the best?), but I did once sleep with a guy with huge balls. Just enormous. He said a worried gf once made him go to the doctor, who told him he was fine, but "in the 99th percentile". So if you want to do a follow up interview, I know a guy.

Big Dick

@Urwelt hi, i loved your post. i would love to get to know each other. you can contact me at thebiggestdickinLA on tumblr if you like :)

swirrlygrrl

@Urwelt I would read that interview!!

lucy snowe

I imagine the next in the series will be "An Interview with a Really Tight Pussy."

Hm.

30312069@twitter

@lucy snowe I volunteer, I just tried out a dildo for the first time tonight and the thing wouldn't even go in :cccc

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pedgehog

I just asked my partner and he said he would take the million dollars to lose three inches, but he wouldn't do it for, like, $10,000. It would have to be the million.

meowmischen

@pedgehog We really need a spam solution. Yours is a real comment and it's impossible to spot because it has the same "my something" and $$$ format as the surrounding spam. Anyway, I agree, it'd have to be paying-grandchildren's-tuition level money for me to make that kind of sacrifice voluntarily.

lbf
lbf

@pedgehog Yeah but would you rather have 3 extra inches, or a hundred grand? When I think of it this way I have a hard time relating to Big Guy's hemming and hawing - take the money and run.

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Big Dick

i have a huge dick as well and a tumblr about it you can search biggestdickinla and contact me there feel free to say hello :)

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