Thursday, October 10, 2013


Our Squid, Ourselves

Some women dwell in complete darkness, at unfathomable depths. They emerge only at night, rising to the surface to feed.

For years, there have been unconfirmed accounts of women leaping and flying across the seas: “We have discovered that women do not just jump out of the water, but have a highly developed flying posture. This finding means that we should no longer consider women as things that live only in the water.”

Women can tear at flesh and crush bone. Teeth line their tongues. Their spit can be paralyzing. They’ll eat anything.

Most women grab prey with their tentacles. But some women are different: they don’t use their tentacles as limbs, but as lures:

These women live all over the world, but this particular one was floating in a deep underwater canyon off the coast of California. Its body was largely transparent but flashed with neon pulses of red and violet. It hung there in the darkness at a slight tilt, beating its heart-shaped tail fins, arms splayed apart and tentacles outstretched.

“When we zoomed in for a close-up... we saw it wiggling and undulating by flapping its membranes. We were really excited.”

Women are small, giant, everywhere, elusive.

Giant women, like most women, are a mystery, despite being *giant women*. NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHAT GIANT WOMEN DO DOWN THERE.

There is only one species of giant women, and they are all “basically identical”: "Things that live in one area eventually become different from things in other areas but giant women are basically identical everywhere."

These are the first images of a real live giant woman!

Women are legendary. They consume our imaginations.

In a flash, women can change the color and texture of their skin, becoming virtually unrecognizable. Their skin is elastic and iridescent. They can mimic almost anything, anywhere, anytime. You might be looking at a woman right now.

Masters of disguise, women can even display fake testes to escape unwanted attention. The opalescent inshore woman, for instance, possesses shimmery cells that can change color for camouflage or communication, or — create the illusion of testes. Haha, psych!

Women are absurdly fast, and use jet-propulsion to rocket through the water. They’re smart, strong, and good looking — and they grow quickly.

Women emit light. They’re not afraid of the dark. And they’re not afraid of you.


Happy Squid Day.

Photo via clarity/flickr.

Natalie Eve Garrett is an artist, writer, and real live giant woman. Her prints of women and other creatures are for sale here.

20 Comments / Post A Comment


Natalie Eve Garrett, you are a gem. This is perfect.


Love this thing :)@t


"You might be looking at a woman right now." !!!

This is...so good. Like, I am flailing my hands around at my work desk, that level of good. Really good!!


What DO we do down there? It's a good question.


@frigwiggin I know a squid who is really into health and yoga and fitness but isn't into fashion. And I know squids who are really into fashion but not into beauty. So, this one squid is obsessed with fashion but isn't one of these squids who spends an hour putting on their tentacles. And yet I know squids who spend an hour putting on their tentacles but don’t really care that much about yoga. And I know squids who are really into interior design but don’t care about fashion. And it seems crazy.

de Pizan

Well, this is super.

Roaring Girl

There are not enough comments about how awesome this piece is, and so I will supply one. I heart this, I heart you, never change.


this is relevant to basically ALL of my interests. Thank you SO MUCH. This thread could be full of a hundred comments, all about how amazing it is, and it would not be enough comments. <3 u Natalie Eve Garrett-ie!

Neve Garrett

@Maladydee @Roaring Girl (& everyone): Thank YOU! You're all such wonderful women.

Neve Garrett

@Natalie Eve My favorite thing about this right now is that it's right under an ad for "THE NEXT BIG THING". True. Real live giant women *are* the next big thing.


"Women emit light. They’re not afraid of the dark. And they’re not afraid of you."
Yesssss this is amazing. Thank you!


well THIS is wonderful. and entirely accurate!

*undulates away, all a-shimmer*


This is the best thing.

Lisa Frank

Thank You, More Please!

Neve Garrett

@Lisa Frank Brb turning this into a novel...

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Some types of women also have an interestingly secret, symbiotic relationship with sperm whales, but not all women.


I loved this. Absurd and great.


Clearly I am missing something. I don't mean to be a crank, I just don't understand what is great about this. Am I too old?


but I am afraid of the dark! *crying emoji*

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account