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Friday, October 4, 2013

287

Friday Open Thread

The weekend is here! Elizabeth Bishop said it right in her Robinson Crusoe poem (Just when I thought I couldn't stand it/ another minute longer, Friday came). How are you guys feeling? Have you staved off the Roosh? If you can stand it for one minute longer, come spill. We're listening carefully to everything you guys are saying, and as always, we want your feedback anytime.

This week, in our Internet corner:

• We ventured into the clearance section, and to the Nashville Whiskey Festival.

• We wondered what some esteemed New Yorker writers would wonder about poor Huell.

• We welcomed the Affordable Care Act by deciding to finally get that mole checked out.

• We talked to Professor Shoelace, and had a long chat with Estelle Freedman about race, suffrage and redefining rape.

• We learned what to expect when expecting a sea monster, and took some advice from our temporarily departed Baba Yaga: if yr heart spoils, give it to a dog.

• We ("we" being "our ex-girlfriend's baby tooth") came out.

• We improved our abdominal muscles through exorcise.

• We learned how music and Manx cats changed one man's life with autism.

Thank you for spending your time with us this week; we are the most fortunate of cookies.

Photo via James Vaughn/flickr



287 Comments / Post A Comment

[sic]

Frigwiggin!

I got your mix, and it's great! I really liked Coyote Grace, My Terrible Friend and especially 'The Heartache Over Innsmouth': I love Lovecraft-themed music. Do you know the H.P. Lovecraft's Historical Society's 'Scary Solstice' albums? They get a lot of play at my place around Christmas. They also did a version of Fiddler on the Roof (titled, naturally, 'A Shoggoth on the Roof'. "How does it stay there? - Tentacles! Tentaaacleees!").

And that ASW comic is one of my favorites: I even made a magnet of it.

yeah-elle

@[sic] hijacking this to say: @funfetti! paging @funfetti! i have your mix, i just need to take it to the darn post office! i will soon, i promise.

frigwiggin

@[sic]

Excellent! I'm so glad it arrived and that you enjoyed it! I really liked both the mixes you sent me--I'm going to be listening to them a lot, I can tell--and the earrings got hella compliments when I wore them on Wednesday. (edit: And I'm not familiar with the HP Lovecraft Historical Society, but I am looking them up in a hot second, that sounds amazing.)

I also received @Thuja's mix the other day and I am going to listen to it right...NOW! I hope other people have been getting their mixes out!

funfetti

@[sic] hey no worries! yours is BURNING AS I TYPE. also, can you mail it to the first address instead? i haven't moved quite yet xoxo

yeah-elle

@funfetti i might not make it to the post office until midweek (wednesday, probably)...with a few days for it to travel, will that be enough? i don't want it to arrive at your old address right when you've moved away!

funfetti

@[sic] yes, totally. not moving until thanksgiving now =)

vittoriama

such an amazing article @v

iceberg

BBs, why are you crying this week?
I don't want to wear pajamas! (tried to get her into her nightie for about a half hour and then gave up and threw a blanket over her sweaty, sleeping body)
Bite my apple (the skin is too thick). Oh my god don't bite it like THAT! Bite it! (I still haven't really figured out what this one was about)

In other news:
Dimples worked herself up into a state of extreme distress one morning desperately asking where her Nanna was at and repeatedly being offered bananas instead of the answer (Nanna/nana sound VERY similar). Once I figured out what she was asking she was perfectly content with the answer that Nanna had gone in an airplane back to Australia.
One thing that doesn't necessarily cost a great deal of money with triplets: *entertaining* them. They spent like twenty minutes throwing acorns into a deep puddle, and when I said it was time to go: "We're not *finished* Mama!"
The Clown singing: "Twinkle dar, twinkle dar... Up inna sky, twinkle dar... a diamond, twinkle dar." (complete with hand motions)

laurel

@iceberg Wait! Which one is Dimples?

iceberg

@laurel Oh shit. The Quiet One. Haha. I have a different nickname for her on Facebook.

laurel

@iceberg You mean you talk to people other than us about your babies?! THE NERVE.

/Pictures quiet little girl with dimples, lies down and dies from cute.

stonefruit

@iceberg I was worried for a moment that you actually had quadruplets but hadn't had the heart to tell us.

Lily Rowan

@iceberg A friend of mine just posted a picture on Facebook of her toddler freaking out because she would not let him touch the hot stove. I thought of you immediately!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@iceberg "Twinkle dar" is probably the cutest thing I've seen or read all week, and I have seen multiple pictures of kittens this week, so yeah.

iceberg

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

When he sings Incy-Wincy Spider it's just "Spider, spider. Spider, spider." with vaguely similar hand movements to the diamond in Twinkle Dar.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@iceberg awww! My coworker's 2-year-old (mostly) knows the Spiderman theme song, and he always ends it with a big finish, like two extra lines and a loud, concluding "SPIDERMAN!"

Rose Camelia

@iceberg I love you, your writing, and your adorable trio. But I gotta say I'm a little annoyed right now. I can't get it out of my head! This ear-worm: "Bergy-Bitsy Spider crawled up the water spout . . ." again and again. aaaaaaaaaaaa! Make it stop!

j-i-a

hey guys! if anyone has a question they would like to ask a cool dietitian, feel free to post below?

adorable-eggplant

@j-i-a Woodear mushrooms: I heard a rumor they're good for cholesterol, is that true? What are other things that are good for cholesterol? Let's say I'm interested in lowering my blood pressure: how can I do that without giving up queso?

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@j-i-a Dear Cool Dietician - I've got a couple of questions. One, is there a distinguishable difference between animal and plant proteins? I've been drinking smoothies and juices with more regularity, and I always add a shot of protein to them, because if I don't, I will feel silly hungry later. Usually, these powders are of the plant variety - hemp, being one. Does my body process these differently than say proteins from a steak?

Question 2: My vices are carbonated drinks, usually sodas. I'm working on getting rid of weird stuff in my diet, like aspartame (what even is that), but I love me some Diet Coke. Have you got any suggestions for pre-made carbonated drinks I could try? I've got a Soda Stream at home (I am in love with it), but when I'm at work and have forgotten it, I usually resort to a weird energy drink or my forbidden lover, Diet Coke.

coolallison

@j-i-a I don't eat meat, and I'm a distance runner, and I'm trying to lose weight, and I feel like I can only pick two of the three... because nothing I do results in any sort of weight loss whatsoever. What might I be doing wrong, diet-wise? Too few calories? Not enough protein? Eating too much on non-workout days? Eating too little on workout days? I might just need to go pay a dietitian... my issues are vast.

up cubed

@j-i-a: Do I need to worry about the cholesterol in egg yolks and shrimp if my cholesterol levels are normal? What vitamins/supplements do I actually need to take? How much wine (with dinner) is too much?

siniichulok

@j-i-a Dear Cool Dietician: Is there a postpartum healthy weight loss diet for the mildly hypothyroid? I lost all my pregnancy weight in three days postpartum, but not the remaining 25 or so pounds I gained rapidly within a month, two years before I became pregnant (I was diagnosed sometime in my 2nd trimester). Also, if I ate pure rye or pure spelt bread and reindeer deli meat and fruit soup every morning for breakfast before, with unintentionally good weight loss results, should I try it again, or is it really bad for you? (I may have to pay a dietician IRL, because this is a lot--sorry.)

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@j-i-a Dear Cool Dietician: What can I eat other than carbs?

(Specifically, when I have feelings)

iwearaFEZnow

@coolallison

I second this question because 1) Hi, Twinsie, I've got your same problem (and probably your dependence on hard-boiled eggs in place of "lean meats"?)

and 2) In the rare circumstance that I DO manage to lose weight, I feel great for about 3-5 days (better runs, better thinking, better life!!); and then I feel like death. Like, dizzy, unfocused, but not even hungry death. Which I know is a sign of some sort, but I don't like it. So, yeah, any advice would be appreciated.

stonefruit

@siniichulok (how do you have a hook-up to reindeer deli meat, tho'.)

RebeccaKW

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose My mom drinks Diet Rite. It has 0 calories, 0 caffeine, 0 sugar. She says it tastes just like Diet Coke.

supernintendochalmers

@j-i-a Is it really horrible to drink a beer after a workout? Because it feels sooo good.

apples and oranges

@j-i-a Is there something missing in my diet that I am constantly craving SALT

siniichulok

@stonefruit That was when I lived in Finland! I miss it...I guess I could do elk instead if I get the green light.

Mae
Mae

@coolallison I second this question! I do eat meat a couple of times a week, but I really struggle with adequately fueling my runs. I feel the best and have the best workouts when I eat a ton of food (especially carbs), which keeps me at higher weight than I'd like. Is there any way around this?

roadtrips

@j-i-a I get frequent yeast infections - short of a full-on cleanse are there any things that are worse than others, diet-wise? I know some of the really obvious ones, like sugar and alcohol, but I'm wondering if there's a middle ground. Is it better to eat unleavened whole grain bread, for instance, instead of a home-made sourdough? I know when I did the cleanse before, I cut out fruit, but obviously some fruits are less sugary than others. Is it better to drink wine than beer? Just trying to get a clear idea for foods to definitely avoid and others that may be OK in moderation. Also, an opinion on the candida cleanse in general would be helpful.

Passion Fruit

@j-i-a Is it the Fat Nutritionist? PLZ PLZ PLZ?? I love her!

Away Laughing

@j-i-a I've heard some people say that most Americans get way more protein than needed, and that it's not something you should worry about, while other people say you need very specific amounts of very specific kinds of protein. Which is it? Are vegetarian people supposed to have spreadsheets to deal with this?

Plant Fire

@j-i-a This is a little late but I have a question for a cool dietician. So basically, I was diagnosed with insulin resistance, and in my case it's likely genetic. I was told that it wasn't severe enough for medication but that I do need to do something about it and that the best way to control it was through exercise and a low carb diet.

I'm fine with the exercise, I currently don't do anything more than walking to and from the subway each day (15 minute walk) and I was planning to start doing more anyway. The issue is that the low carb part. Any kind of restrictive diet tends to be super unhealthy for me (physically and mentally), and the only way for me to prevent it is to not restrict my eating. So I wanted to know...is going low carb really that important for insulin resistance? I couldn't really ask my doctor because he kept talking about not eating so many cheesy pizzas and sugary drinks which was weird because I don't eat either of those things and so I can't tell if he's basing this recommendation on my actual eating habits (which he didn't ask me about) or what he imagines my eating habits to be.

FWIW my diet is mostly veggies and fish and sometimes poultry (occasionally beef, but not often) and nuts and oils. It's just that usually once a day or every other day I like to have pasta topped with sauteed veggies or some kind of sandwich/wrap and I want to know if that's still ok. Occasionally I'll also have a stir fry with rice. My diet is already limited by being lactose intolerant and if I have to cut out bread and pasta it's going to be hard for me to eat normally. Plus my stomach feels better when I eat a wider variety of foods (something a gastroenterologist recommended to me when I was having stomach issues a few years back). Basically I'm wondering if it's ok to ignore my doctor this one time?

adorable-eggplant

I love that photo! Ultra futuristic! Also, I've gotten obsessed with concept of budgeting. Anyone want to talk about successes you've had? Systems you use?

farowl

@adorable-eggplant I'm terrified of budgeting, but I've heard from friends that the Mint app is very cool. It hooks up to your bank account and you can set savings goals. I might try it when my financial situation is less awful.

adorable-eggplant

@farowl I'd actually suggest looking in to YNAB. It's an app based on the envelope system, and it looks like it would be really good for times when you're in the red or near the red, because it's about coming up with savings by shrewdness and careful allocation of limited funds, basically. Mint always stressed me out, not sure why, but the people on the YNAB forums are a) really laidback and b) honest but hopeful about some seriously tough situations.

districter

@adorable-eggplant I use Mint to categorize and track my expenses on a regular basis. I have a few set categories [car insurance, internet, rent] and then a few flex categories [home goods- cleaning supplies, toiletries, shopping - any personal goodies, and amusement - a random tag for going out fun money that includes bars or restaurants or movies]. At the end of the month any money I saved (to make it easy I pick a base number in my checking account, and transfer out anything above that number at the last day of each month) gets moved to my 'high' yield savings account. And then I have a google spreadsheet where I track and divide what I save every month. I have a column for cash savings, IRA contributions, and then vacation money (which is excess savings above my goal for the other two).

adorable-eggplant

@districter Wow that sounds really straightforward! Much less work than my spreed sheet, same basic process (minus the saving part, so far).

lasso tabasco

@adorable-eggplant I, too, use Mint. It has completely saved my financial life, because now I know exactly where every penny is going and I don't hold my breath every time I swipe my debit card.

like a rabid squirrel

@adorable-eggplant You mean there are other budgeting systems than realizing you haven't been winging it as well as you hoped this month and then doing furious post-it math to determine how much you're allowed to spend every day/week until the end of the month?

Mostly kidding. I just started using Mint, and it seems okay, but I'm still getting the hang of it.

crane your neck

Thanks to all for partner-in-grad-school advice last week. It sounds tough, but I appreciate all of your stories.

klemay

My aunt is coming to stay with me this weekend, which I am really looking forward to. However, I was under the impression that she would be arriving at my apartment around 7 or 8pm, giving me a solid 1-2 hours of cleaning time before her arrival. Nope, turns out she's getting in at 5, when I will still be at work. AHHHHHHH!

adorable-eggplant

@klemay Just text her: "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. HAHAH the apartment is messy. XOXO." She'll understand.

klemay

@adorable-eggplant You are 100% right! This is my first apartment post-college and I was hoping to show her what a Responsible Adult I am, and also maybe to impress her with how nice the place is. I know, it's silly. But she will understand that life gets in the way of cleaning sometimes.

jazzloon

@klemay Ah! In the same boat. My little sister is visiting this weekend, and I was under the assumption she was coming Saturday afternoon. Nope-- tonight. There goes happy hour. Enjoy yr weekend!

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

CHICAGO!

Next weekend is a cat show and a couple of us are going! You can RSVP (in a way) here or get in touch with me through the "Hairpin Meetups" link at the top of this page. I expect that it will be fun except perhaps for the allergic.

farowl

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I'm incredibly sad that I am not in Chicago.

nina!

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I hope there will be pictures + article after the show.

bessmarvin

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I went to a cat show two weekends ago and it was a very good decision. The calicos with the smushed faces!!!! I love cats that look super snobby.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@bessmarvin
http://catsthatlooklikeronswanson.tumblr.com/

bessmarvin

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll omg thank you

farowl

Happy weekend! I finally faced reality and went to a dermatologist! Has anyone used Differin (or whatever generic brand I'm using)? How long does it take to work, in your experience?

camanda

@farowl I used Differin in high school and early college, so I can't be really precise and this may not be too helpful. That said, I remember it working quickly. Once I stopped needing it daily, I kept using it as-needed when I had bad breakouts, and it would wrestle things under control in no time. Good luck! I had a really good experience with it.

celeec4@twitter

@farowl Word of caution, retinoids? Your doc is not kidding about side effects, if you are pale and don't already have a good daily sunscreen habit, try to get into it. Or your skin will peel in awful ways. X_X

silly*goose

@celeec4@twitter - Oh my god, seriously. I am pale/sensitive-of-skin, and retinoids = a six- to eight-week period of hideous peeling and redness before the good stuff kicks in, even wearing a 50+ SPF every day.

nina!

So, I had a birthday last week and was a bit bummed that I didn't have a job by then. (It was an invisible deadline I had in my head?) But it was a great birthday with cosmic bowling and swordfish tacos! I'm trying to remind myself that it's pretty normal for it to take many months to get a job... and interviewing regularly is a really good sign!

Fall in the Midwest is gorgeous. Just unspeakably gorgeous.

I also got my wisdom teeth out this week and have been eating lots of ice cream. (WONDERFUL, though I have been craving sandwiches and non-mushy foods.)

allofthewine

@nina! congrats on the birthday party! it sounds AWESOME.

re: wisdom teeth, try avocado with lime aka fake guacamole to mix things up. I got reallllly sick of applesauce and ice cream when I had mine out.

crane your neck

@nina! Invisible deadlines are the worst. And it's hard to find good work--best to cut yourself a break. You deserve that ice cream! We all deserve ice cream.

Onymous

@nina! I some times feel a bit cheated about my wisdom teeth they came out easy and the surgeon was really good (maybe?) so I was eating solid food that night.

nina!

@Onymous Lucky! I feel fortunate to not have a lot of pain, but man, do I wish the swelling would go down a little bit faster.

@allofthewine Fantastic suggestion. I think I'm going to the grocery store to pick up ingredients to make a deconstructed burrito.

@crane your neck Thank you. Sometimes it's nice to hear that encouragement from someone else. :-)

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@nina! Happy belated! (You can also eat mashed potates)

meetapossum

Hooray for an early Open Thread!

I have/am getting a crush on one of my friends, and it is horrible and stupid.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@meetapossum But getting a crush is so fun. And horrible. And fun.

yeah-elle

@meetapossum CRUSH COMMISERATION TIME

Yeah, I developed a crush on a friend and it has been horrible. The worst was the moment where I realized, NOPE, this isn't the kind of crush that will fade away and I'll laugh into my drink about in a few months. This is the kind of crush that lingers and festers into an unholy mess of unrequited lust and affection. Greaaaat.

Then of course the stupid thing where you are friends and start to micro-analyze every single interaction you have. Whew, that's fun.

meetapossum

@yeah-elle "This is the kind of crush that lingers and festers into an unholy mess of unrequited lust and affection." YES THIS IS EXACTLY IT and why it is horrible.

And to add more horribleness, we hooked up once, like, 3 years ago and I sort of had a crush then, but then he moved away for a short time and I got over it, and then he had a girlfriend, so you know, I didn't even think about it. But then we hooked up again this week, and now I'm twitterpated, and it's totally lame and I see only overthinking and pain ahead.

PomoFrannyGlass

@meetapossum Oof unrequited friend crushes are rough. And honestly I am a little jealous, as I doubt my emotional capacity for that sort of thrill on the daily.

Real reason for posting not at all related to your thread: Your mix CD is in progress! "Spooky" has been interpreted liberally, the playlist has been assembled, and I promise I will edit and order and burn it this weekend! I am so sorry it took so long! But props to figwiggin for noting our enthusiasm for theme mixes and pairing us up.

meetapossum

@PomoFrannyGlass Yesssss! Ditto! I was excited to see you had gotten mine. Yours is being slowly put together, so no need to rush!

A. Louise

(Whoops, went to edit my comment and deleted it...)

Yay early FOT! I had a pretty good week, I had my review and even though I was nervous wreck it went pretty well and got a wee baby raise. It makes me feel better about the job situation and my confidence level here.

What's everybody being/doing for Halloween? Does anyone else spend as much time thinking and prepping? (I'm actually behind schedule this year, usually I've got things started by the middle of September, but I don't have any parties or plans this year so I'm dragging my feet.)

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@A. Louise Oh my god, this is the first year I've been excited about decorating for Halloween; usually I'm like, "Ugh, whatever, stay away kids," but now I live in a neighborhood where the kids just FLOCK on Oct. 31. We're already stocking up on bags of candy, and we've put out some light-up Jack o' lanterns, and some ghosts on sticks for the yard. Also, I've added some pumpkin-esque lanterns to the porch. As far as costumes, I haven't really thought about it; I intend on being home, watching Hocus Pocus, and handing out candies.

lookuplookup

@A. Louise I normally go to the Halloween covers show at the Beachland, but I'm not super into the lineup this year. Last Halloween I lived in an apartment and this Halloween I live in a house with neighbors who have kids, so maybe I am just going to be at home handing out candy?

Mae
Mae

@A. Louise Hey, I had a review and got a baby raise too! I don't know what I'm going to be for Halloween yet but I'm open to ideas.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Six months sober today, Hairpin. I honestly didn't think I'd make it this far sans booze, but in retrospect, it seems like it's been a lot easier than it actually has. I've picked up some new hobbies, including getting better video games and the guitar, as well as lifting more weights. So, oddly, breaking up with booze has apparently turned me into a teenage boy? Whatever, it's better than what I was turning into before. Cheers.

stonefruit

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose between this and your super-special bone marrow cells (is that what they were?), you have been killing it lately. Go you!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@stonefruit Ha, yeah, these stem cells just don't quit! Funnily enough, "killing it" has been my standard response to when people ask, "How's it going today?" or "How are you?" Like, general strangers or front desk people. Tends to take people a little by surprise, but it's more fun than saying, "Well, thanks."

Lily Rowan

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose You are totally killing it! ::air guitar!!::

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose
Air guitar! Air AC/DC shorts!

yeah-elle

Ugh, I am on day 2 of a 9-days-straight work schedule. I have a whole week ahead of me! I'm used to 6 or 7 days straight, but 9 is just butts.

What else? I am casually dating (?????) someone, and I think they're cute and all, but really I'm only doing it to distract myself from the giant brain-eating crush I have on a friend. Which makes me feel like a horrible person. But things are so casual and not-super-feelings-y, that I don't feel like I'm really leading dude-I'm-dating down a deceitful path, either. But I still feel bad, which means I should just cut and run and hide under a blanket, probably.

I did get a haircut this week though and the back is super buzzed and mmm it feels so nice.

capturethecastle

Terrible week at work, but seeing some light at the end of the tunnel 'cause I'm looking more seriously into MSW programs for the fall of 2014. Any folks in the field have advice? I do not currently work in a social work environment, though all my volunteering has been.

capturethecastle

@capturethecastle perhaps more important, however, is the realization that the boy i have recently started dating is not using the phrase "me likey" ironically

nina!

@capturethecastle I can't offer a ton of advice, but quite a few of my friends are happy at the University of Michigan's program. (And it's such a lovely campus! #iambiased)

laurel

@capturethecastle Oh dear, that is a singularly unfortunate expression.

Faintly Macabre

@capturethecastle I don't know much at all, but my friend is doing hers at Boston College and loves it so far.

PomoFrannyGlass

@capturethecastle I've had friends do the programs at Smith and Salem State (in Mass.) and they both loved them.

DUMP HIM.

WardenGentles

@capturethecastle I HATE "me likey". So hard.

Amphora

@capturethecastle Shameless plug for Chicago! U of Chicago is a great school too.

Gulfie

@capturethecastle I was an English major with mostly unrelated experience and I got into mine! It's not a very well known fancy social work school but I love my program so far.

Derbel McDillet

@capturethecastle I just graduated with my MSW in May and loved the experience. I didn't have social work experience besides a year of AmeriCorps when I applied, but I was accepted into my program and did well.

My internships with harried, perpetually on-call social workers made me realize that I wasn't really willing to do the self-sacrificing work that many social work positions involve.I ended up taking an HR job with the university I graduated from. I got the job because of my degree, but it's not particularly social-worky (which is fine by me at this point).

bessmarvin

Totally relapsed and started talking to my ex after seeing him at a party. My calendar has 2 weeks of gold stars and then some scattering of gold stars mixed with D: D: NOOOOs. Today is especially bad. His girlfriend got back from 5 months out of town and so I can't stop being psycho today. also period. He's been cheating on her with me sporadically over the summer and still won't stop with the 'our sex (with new gf) is only lukewarm and ours is a super nova,' 'you are my favorite,' 'I love you so much more than her.' Today he sent me a message that said "I think about you in obsessive ways I feel like I'm under your spell. I wonder sometimes if our love is so crazy and obsessive that I would really be better off with someone who doesn't trigger such mad love. And with (new gf) I get to enjoy a very steady, measured companionship. But its like closing your eyes after a laser light show and seeing residual flashes and trailers." And he also said "WHEN we get back together." but she is staying at his house omg. what's wrong with me. I CAN'T STOP BEING SUCKED IN. I Claire-Danes-sobbed in front of three tours of undergrads today, at various times. I don't know why I'm posting this because you all already gave me advice that I am obviously terrible at taking. Just having a psycho day, I guess. WHY DO I HAVE NO SELF-CONTROLLLlllllllllll

bessmarvin

@bessmarvin just got a "I have such passionate feelings for you, nothing could measure up" text. Is this him just trying to make sure I am still 'locked in' in case things don't work out with her?

bessmarvin

@bessmarvin Also my apologies for always oversharing all over thehairpin's comment section!

adorable-eggplant

@bessmarvin OHMYGOD I HATE HIM. Just face-meltingly hate that manipulative bastard. He's playing with your feelings (and I'd bet good money he's saying things about his 'crazy' ex to his current girlfriend, which serves as insurance for him in case you ever did come clean to her because then he could [will] say, "Man, I've told you she's crazy. These are all lies because she's jealous of our LoOVoe." UGH.

Back on the stars, gurl.

adorable-eggplant

@bessmarvin Yes. Maybe he pulled that quote from a Pickup Artist forum. It sounds suspiciously neggy.

yeah-elle

@bessmarvin YES. the answer to your last question is yes. This guy is toxic, etc etc, you already know this.

Take a step back. Everyone messes up, stumbles, has bad days. Just start over and aim for a solid row of gold stars again.

nina!

@bessmarvin And more importantly! Don't beat yourself up about talking to him. Look at all of those gold stars you do have. They show you're more than capable of not talking to him! When you have so many emotions involved, progress sometimes takes time and that's okay. You can do it.

cabber

@bessmarvin Don't beat yourself up. It's really hard. One thing I've learned after some of my own spectacularly self-destructive "relationships" is that love isn't actually all that hard. When I fell in love with my husband, I was just coming out of the fog of "LOVE" and it was so weird to just spend time with someone who just wanted to spend time with me. It was SO EASY (and mostly still is, many years in). I think sometimes we build these crappy situations up into these epic, passionate, heartbreaking love affairs when it's really all just bullshit. Worry about today's gold star today. Wake up tomorrow, be kind to yourself and worry about tomorrow tomorrow. You really will be alright.

cabber

@cabber And I hope that didn't sound as if I am dismissing your very real feelings. Just wanted to share that with the joy that is time and hindsight, you will eventually see this very differently than you do now.

adorable-eggplant

@cabber Yes, it takes some time (and distance!) to figure out that a lot of the big, grand romantic gestures and whatnot are actually pretty self-indulgent and more about the fantasy in the person's head than actual feelings. I had a friend who dated THE WORST for a few years, and he'd do these things like play guitar under her apartment window at 4am to win her back after dramatic fights, which then meant that she a) was constantly taking him back b) was too tired to go to work or class or do the life things that she needed to get done the next day.

The things he's saying to you show a distinct lack of character. Why would someone say negative things about a person they're in a relationship with? Why would he put her down to someone she would probably feel really vulnerable about? Who does that??

If you don't have his number memorized, delete it from your phone and don't answer calls from unsaved numbers. Nobody has good self-control, so that's why we have to let our smart selves make choices on behalf of our future (probably going to have a few weak moments) selves.

bessmarvin

@cabber Oh no, not at all! It is so helpful. Because it IS bullshit. It has to be. I think maybe I watched too many teen dramas and read too many dramatic historical romance novels because the epic love thing is just giving me headaches from crying too hard and getting super angry. And it's because he's my first boyfriend. And it is so hard to realize that your first love is a narcissist who maybe does not mean what he says???

I have been dating. And I'm just worried that the whole epic-love thing has spoiled me forever. But this feeling? The whole wow my face is stiff from salt water, looking dully at my coworkers while blowing my nose into a napkin thing? Love shouldn't have to feel like this, right?? I believe you guys when you say that! I just have to act like I believe it and then maybe everything will be okay.

I can't stop raving about how wonderful hairpin commenters are on facebook chat. you are all so insightful and kind and warm and the way it is combating my crazy misery brain is just very helpful. <3 <3

Rose Camelia

@bessmarvin Don't be so hard on yourself. You and everyone who cares about you, including this stranger-on-the-Internet, agrees you are better off with zero contact with this a**hole. But when you can't help but respond to him, how about responding with a rote mantra. Maybe: You are manipulative and I deserve better. Or: You trigger my bad habits and I deserve better. I feel sure someone else here can improve on this idea. Pinners, what say you?

bessmarvin

@adorable-eggplant Aghhhhh I know, it's SO MESSED UP. The whole sonnet-writing grand romantic gesture thing really got me. And he makes it seem like it's so unique! Like I'll never find anyone else to make me feel this way. Today he said "I love you tons; you know I do; I'm the only one; That's why you need me." which I can recognize as psycho talk while at the same time being like 'awww well maybe he's right!'

THE WORST is right and sometimes I just really want to tell her, like just forward her one of these emails, but I know that is bad and just getting more involved when I should be flying free like a free bird and not thinking about him. It's like I can't hate him. I just keep remembering how happy I was and the way he acts now just seems like a blip. Like if I can just get him to remember how to not be horrible everything will be fine. I can't just steel my mind and be like THIS GUY SUCKS i'm now going to GET MY LIFE TOGETHER

I'm not usually so into caps lock. This is a new thing

I have tried the changing the saved number to a mean thing and that didn't work. I deleted the number and then just type it in when I have an irresistible impulse because I do have it memorized. But I do think the extra typing helps because it gives me extra time to think? I just have to remember to delete the number from recent calls so I can't just click on that. So your advice is sound -- it is just really up to me, and I haven't been good with self-control lately.

Thank you so much for your kindness!!!! Honestly it is so nice to hear people say mean things about him because in my city, he is like the most popular man and everyone loves him. He's locally famous for his music. I just want people to side with meeee and it really shouldn't matter that much but it drives me insane! He is 7.5 years older than me and yet hangs out with my friend group and no one thinks it's weird. So I appreciate the solidarity!!! You guys are so nice omg I can do this

adorable-eggplant

@bessmarvin Yes! It doesn't have to feel that way! Don't worry, though, about being ruined because we all have first loves. You'll have other epic loves. And snuggly like a sweater loves. Make space for those new loves by cutting ties with this guy.

The less damage he does, the less he betrays your trust and enables you to do things that conflict with your conscience, the more you'll be able to look back on him with affection (mixed with a healthy dose of repulsion, because he's already demonstrated his untrustworthiness and meanness).

supernintendochalmers

@bessmarvin This guy is a manipulative jerk! Of course he's working the torrid love saga angle because he knows he's hurting you. Log into your cell phone account and block his number. You can't stop yourself from feeling things about him, but you can limit his access to you. God, if someone were texting me things like that, I'd have trouble resisting, too.

And the epic love thing... Hollywood aside, I have never looked at a friend's drama-tinged relationship and been jealous of the passion. Yet when I was in one, it felt like the most romantic thing in the world to me. I moved on. Now I'm in the best relationship of my life and it's because my boyfriend is my friend first. And friends don't pull this kind of crap.

Spider MacGowan

@bessmarvin wow, you could be me, except the genders are reversed, and she's actually *living* with that guy and engaged to him. Right down to the "I love you more", and "our sex is so much better" messages. I do have the control not to initiate contact, but completely lack the control to not respond when she contacts me. But yesterday I sent her a final "goodbye, you're an asshole" text, and blocked her on gchat and on my phone. We can be comrades in arms and today is a new day rising. Good luck.

adorable-eggplant

@bessmarvin "That's why you need me."

The just stupid untrueness of that is so, so horrible. Nobody who actually loves somebody would EVER suggest that they are the only person who could love that person. That's so twisted.

Dude, you are loveable.

RK Fire

@adorable-eggplant Perfect gif.

aphrabean

@bessmarvin Everyone else has said so many great and smart things, but I have a little bit to add from my own (hard-won, lived experience) of shady yet popular & compelling paramours. The hardest thing for me was not responding to that incredibly addictive yet unsatisfying high of this super charismatic person who was so obviously dishonest with me & every other lady in his life. (Still don't know how many! But I suspect there were a lot!) So to me the thing that had to change the most, was I had to sort of reevaluate my entire effing value structure. Once I was able to say to myself, hey, integrity is important to me in a friend or lover, and mean it - well, it became much easier to look at this man giving me the big soft doe eyes and the can't-help-himself-in-the-face-of-my-desirability-talk and say to myself, "This is not what integrity or honesty looks like." For me, this was the real desire-killer, this is what put it in the ground when all the terrible, inconsiderate, manipulative behavior couldn't. Like, this is not the kind of person I would want to be, right? So why would I want this person's genitalia near me. It's really hard, I know.

Now, I still have to see him socially every so often, and I do not have good feelings towards him but they are about HIM and his general character, not about US. If that makes sense.

Hot Doom

@adorable-eggplant That gif is perfect AS ALWAYS.

@bessmarvin Really, just think of that when if he weasels his way into your life and says shit like "you need me". It reminds me of that part in Bridget Jones' Diary when her fuck-wit ex says "if I can't make it with you, I can't make it with anyone" which is the audience's and Bridget's cue to say oh bugger off to hell, fuckwit ex! How dare he offer himself up, as a cheater, as someone you need? It sucks to have this bullshit dropped on you when you feel most vulnerable, but it IS possible to climb out of his shitpile. Imagine how you would feel if you were the girl he is talking about. If your BFF's boyfriend was pulling this shit on her (like, saying he loved someone else way more than her, or alternatively, played mind games with her like he is with you) what would you say to her? Cut his sorry ass off, no explanation. You can do this!

And anyway, maybe you had great sex (did you? pretend like what he said about the supernova thing doesn't exist, was it really that great?). Because ok, I get the missing the sex part, but you know what? You can have supernova sex with someone else, and you'll feel awesome about it.

WardenGentles

@cabber Agreed. I am a therapist and often tell my clients, "yeah, relationships are hard...but they don't have to be THAT fucking hard."

OhMyGoshYouGuys

Tomorrow I'm breaking up with long-term boyfriend (in person) as I mentioned last week.

What I do have to look forward to is that next week I get to drive to the east coast to celebrate my niece and nephew's first birthday.

farowl

@OhMyGoshYouGuys I wish you the best of luck! Those situations are never fun, but from what I heard, it's the right decision. And, although there will certainly be Difficult Times, I imagine it's going to be a huge relief.

Also: have fun on the east coast! It's beautiful out here!

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@farowl Thank you. I think it'll be a huge relief. And smiling babies will make me feel better. As will the peak color season in the mountains.

coolallison

Cool things to do in and around Denver next weekend, once I've recovered from my beerfest hangover. Aaaaand go.

Biketastrophy

@coolallison The one thing I really remember from Denver is HBurger at the end of the 16th street mall made one of the best burgers I've ever had. Also eating at Earl's on the open air section that overlooks the mall street. Earl's is on the pricey side of things while H burger is what you'd expect from a place with burger in the name. Oh and theres a great sit down pizza place/bar that has a shroom based name that I forget. Good pizza though (coming from a east coaster to get your pizza frame of reference)

Apparently I didn't do much outside of eat, it was a business trip though.

TheBelleWitch

@coolallison Ooh ooh.

-Dinosaur Ridge for REAL DINO PRINTS. And nearby Red Rocks for pretty and low-key hiking. They've also got a little geology/music museum, as you do.
-Boulder is having an Open Studios event that weekend, opening artists' studios to the public from noon to 6pm, I believe.
-The Highlands neighborhood across 25 from downtown is chock-full of awesome food. Another kick-ass burger place other than HBurger is Park Burger, and they have a location up there.
- Check out The Tattered Cover bookstore!

cabber

Just got this text from my aunt regarding her son's wedding. "Can you guys make it? They need to know because they have a B-list."

We got the invitation on Wednesday.

allofthewine

@cabber looks like your aunt belongs on a b-list

(sorry that was mean, but come on, for REAL)

coolallison

@cabber "It's not that it wouldn't be great to see you, it's just that there are some people on the B-list that we might rather see. In fact, we should have B-listed you, except the whole 'you're family' thing. Hope you're doing well!"

Sorry, I always read things with probably way more passive-aggressiveness than intended. Maybe it's why I think my nice-in-person boss is a mega-bitch via email.

cabber

@coolallison That is totally what this is. My guess is they know we have NO intention of attending seeing as my last interaction with anyone on that side of the family was to politely request that they refrain from sending me racist email forwards. But man. I almost want to go just to screw up their B-list. Oh, who am I kidding - we definitely will not be attending! Now, can I decline and NOT send a gift? Because that just feels right.

allofthewine

@cabber You should get them all this as a gift.

stonefruit

@cabber I always say, weddings bring out the best and the worst in people.

Lily Rowan

@cabber Gifts are never required. NEVER!

Rose Camelia

@allofthewine Partner and I enjoyed that very book while planning our low-key wedding. We read it to each other aloud, just for the laughs. The most memorable was a letter, something like, "Dear Miss Manners, For my wedding I want to have flowers, and X, and X, etc. But everything is so expensive. What do you think is the minimum a bride needs?" Miss Manners blew us away with her answer: "a bridegroom". Judith Martin is the coolest!

Spider MacGowan

@cabber gifts are not required. If a gift was required, then it wouldn't be called a "gift".

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@cabber Reply: "Do you want us to come? Because we have Netflix and some microwave popcorn to stay at home with."

(I have such a love-hate relationship with weddings)

she came in through the bathroom window

@Rose Camelia Just wanted to agree that Miss Manners is ridiculously awesome. When I was unemployed, I went to the library and pretty much read all of her books -- I don't know why, they cheered me up!

supernintendochalmers

@Rose Camelia God, I love Miss Manners. Don't go, don't send a gift unless you want to. People are horrible.

BoatGirl

@cabber Since they're racist, make a donation in their honor to something like the NAACP or the Anti Defamation League. Then send a nice card saying "So sorry we couldn't attend, but to celebrate the joyous event, we're donating X amount in your name to (anti-racism group). Love and Kisses!"
Then enjoy imagining their horror at receiving it, and inability to respond.

Miss Kitty Fantastico

Lip Stains. I need help. I'm trying a new look (I call it "a Young Professional Gets Up On Time and Wears Makeup to Work"). I've got the tinted moisturizer/blush/eyebrow pencil/blackish eyeliner down, and I'm struggling with the lip aspect of this. My lips are really dry and flaky (less so now that I made an effort to drink more water), but regular lipstick always smears and flakes off and I forget to reapply and have a ring around my mouth.

Does anyone have a stain they really like? I'm not even sure where to start! I'd like something bright since the rest of my makeup is super neutral, and I mostly wear dark colors with bright jewelry. Help! Being a lady adult is a lot of mystery.

Katie Heaney

@Madeline Shoes i love hourglass's lip stain! (personally, in flush, but there are three options!) it is the only of MANY that i've tried that actually, you know, stains. (i mean i still put it on several times a day. but that's better than 200 times a day.)

iximox

@Madeline Shoes I just bought a Revlon Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain and it's pretty great. It's a big twist-up crayon, and it's way less drying than other stains I've tried. I also haven't noticed the ring around the mouth issue (which I totally get with lipsticks).

I bought the nude color but they had some brighter shades that look pretty cute too.

Mae
Mae

@Madeline Shoes I'm fond of hybrid lipstick/balm combos. I have this one from Origins, which is really nice, and I know Burt's Bees and some of the natural makeup lines have them too. They don't have as much staying power as a stain, but you can reapply them throughout the day like you would chapstick, and get a punch of color.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Mae Yes to a hybrid thing! Lip stains might dry your lips out. I have a Clinique Chubby Stick and it's alright. I think I bought the wrong colour, though, so I can't completely rave about it. If you want bright then you should probably go for their newer line of Chubby Sticks, which have more pigment in them or something.

knockout

@Madeline Shoes Seconding the Revlon balm stain. Affordable and kind of moisturizing. There's also one from Tarte that I like - Lipsurgence, I think. Oh, and also the Fresh tinted Sugar balms.

loren smith

@Madeline Shoes solidarity! My lips are like that too, and I really want to be a grown lady who wears lipstick. If you feel like spending some money, Clinique has a lip treatment that is helpful - I use it over night.

Clara Morena

@Madeline Shoes I used(no joke) diluted food coloring and put it an empty lip gloss container and then applied lip balm/ Vaseline. There is also tinted lip balms burt's bees. I love NYC lip stains but I use lip balm or Vaseline since lip stain can be drying. L'Oreal - Colour Riche Caresse Wet Shine Stain is good but I never tried it. I loved clinque chubby lipsticks.

Miss Kitty Fantastico

@Madeline Shoes Thank you all!!! There are so many choices and I get overwhelmed any time I go to the store... I think this weekend will be a lipstick buying weekend!

bessmarvin

@Madeline Shoes Benetint is so good! I just bought a full bottle and lost it and my heart aches so much. It works well and looks cute & natural though.

harebell

@Madeline Shoes

you might be all done with suggestions already, but... Tarte is great. Long-lasting, good colors, you only need to use a little bit, and no wonky chemicals.
(I too aspire to "a Young Professional Gets Up On Time and Wears Makeup to Work", haha).

celeec4@twitter

@Madeline Shoes Oh man, lip things. I adore them and probably own too many. Tinted lip balms are great for lazy days- Fresh lip thingys in Cherry or Coral pop really nicely on me. Sephora generally has minis in kits on sale around holidays, so that's a decently low cost way of trying them out.

As for lipsticks, there are two that I will always have somewhere. Guerlain Rouge G or Ellis Faas stuffs. They are pricey yes, but I find that even when I forget about reapplication, the color wears off very slowly and weirdly evenly. Your mileage totally may vary on the smell of Guerlain lipsticks, though.

Derbel McDillet

@Madeline Shoes I usually hate lipstick and sometimes stains can highlight flakiness, but I've really loved Maybelline Color Whisper. Cheap, feels really light (not waxy at all), and the Made It Mauve (or something similarly dumb) actually looks decent with my skin, which alternates between pale and ruddy.

Lurkasaurus

I had an interview today. The best thing to come out of it was that my interview clothes still (barely) fit and that I didn't cry. So that's...done. Can I start drinking yet?

crane your neck

@Lurkasaurus All interviews are good experience! Go easy on yourself. I wish there were a way to pass you a drink through the FOT.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Lurkasaurus Both of those are actually very good things! And I second that all interviews are good experience.

Cheers!

Faintly Macabre

@Lurkasaurus Hey, me too! And same result.

It's really nice when people tell me I'm smart and have a nice resume and that I'll get a job someday and all that, but it would be much nicer of one of them actually gave me a job. I'm thinking of making a list of people who are allowed to ask me how job-hunting is going and tacking it to my shirt.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Faintly Macabre
Why are people so faux-supportive of others' job searches? I mean, I like the reinforcement, but it irritates me when people are so passive about it. It kind of makes me wonder how hard they work at their (higher-paying, more satisfying) jobs.

supernintendochalmers

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) @Faintly Macabre Ugh, I know, and then there's the totally useless advice from people who took five minutes to find a job. One girl told me, "Just apply to jobs!" Yeah, thanks. I get that that's how it works.

funfetti

I am off work early (thank the lord, because it has been a STUPID week) and I am currently drinking a Stone Fence:

1 part rye whiskey (or dark spiced rum)
3 parts hard cider

LilRedCorvette

@funfetti MY GOD THAT SOUNDS DELICIOUS. If I ordered it at a bar, would I get looked at like I'd grown a second head, do you think?

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@funfetti Cheers! I want what you're having.

crane your neck

@funfetti Whoa, this sounds easier than the complicated way. Which is also delicious.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@funfetti That sounds fantastic. I have to remember that it exists, and then find someone who loves both cider and whiskey like I do.

funfetti

@LilRedCorvette I've ordered it at my local fancy cocktail hangout, but I had to explain it to the bartender. He (and his manager) loved it and added a version with baked apple bitters to the chalkboard.
http://www.greenbar.biz/BAR-KEEP-Organic-BakedApple-Bitters

nina!

@funfetti That sounds delicious. I can only imagine what that might be like with a cinnamon sugar rim... hmm...

farowl

Has anyone ever dealt with parents/family being not cool with tattoos? I found out that the tattoo artist I want to use is moving across the country in November, so I need to make a decision soon. I'm ostensibly an adult and therefore feel ridiculous asking this, but I have a feeling that parent (dis)approval never really goes away.

klemay

@farowl My parents tend to be more liberal than most parents, so maybe this isn't very telling. However, they used to be pretty staunchly anti-tattoo, but then I got a fairly small/simple one with sentimental meaning that they could appreciate. They learned to like *that* tattoo, and are less anti-ink in general now.

LilRedCorvette

@farowl I've hidden/"hidden" my tattoos from my parents for...four years? So, I guess when you ask if anyone's ever "dealt" with it, the answer is "NOT ME!"

Quinn A@twitter

@farowl My parents don't approve (they still don't know about my most visible one or my most recent one; just about the first one), but my sister and I both have them. They both said the exact same thing to both of their daughters: "well, that's pretty. I hate that it's on you, but it's pretty", and that was pretty much the end of that. Once it's done, it's done, y'know? Removal is not a realistic option for most people, given how expensive and painful it is.

Unless you're planning to put it in a place you can't reasonably cover with clothing (which I do not recommend for a first tattoo regardless of parental disapproval. Most tattoo artists won't do face/hands/neck/whatever for first-timers anyway), your parents don't necessarily have to know. And if they do find out, it's okay to just say "it's not up for discussion" and change the subject. That's how I deal with my parents a lot of the time.

Lily Rowan

@klemay My story is somewhat similar! My parents approve of what's behind the tattoo, so that helps. Also it's not that visible.

blueblazes

@farowl I don't see my folks more than a couple times a year, but I think they have filed my tattoos (and my husband's piercings and tattoos) under "things we can't change so why fight about it."

lookuplookup

@LilRedCorvette I'm in the same sitch and have concealed a rather large tattoo on my right thigh through many a sweltering Cleveland summer just because I don't want to hear my dad say, "But why would you do that to your body?"

Miss Kitty Fantastico

@farowl My mom was... not thrilled when she found out about mine. By that point I'd had them for a few years and she only found out when I had to have emergency surgery, so I think that softened the blow a little. Mostly it was a couple of weeks of snide remarks and now, several years later, the occasional exasperated "I still can't believe you have tattoos..."

I guess my advice is that if you have an overbearing, image-conscious mother (like mine!) and you get something visible, you might have to put up with the occasional comment. They'll probably forget about it most of the time, though! Mostly I recommend starting with something you can cover and just don't say anything...

megeliza

@farowl a few years ago i got a tattoo on my wrist that i was SURE my grandparents were going to flip out about it. 3 years later, my grandma drags my by the wrist to show her friends (the tattoo partially represents her maiden name) but like yea, the elders adjust... at least in my situation. so if you feel it - do it! good luck :)

RebeccaKW

@lookuplookup I have one on my foot and any time my dad sees my bare foot, he'll grab a tissue or napkin and rub it, then say "that marker still won't come off." I'm not actually sure if he dislikes it or thinks he's being funny.

jazzloon

@farowl I got my tattoo and then told my parents in an email, with an attachment of a photo of the tattoo and the story behind it. My dad was very upset-- he has two tattoos, and he's been wanting to get them removed, which I didn't know. We had a candid conversation about them, which got a little hard and I felt incredibly guilty at first, but I came around. It's YOUR decision and you should do what makes YOU happy!

Harriet Welch

@farowl
My former cheerleader/hawaiian tropics model mom and my staunch and conservative dad HATE my tattoos. My mom rolls her eyes and sighs every time she sees them and suddenly becomes much more critical of EVERYTHING. She had me in tears one day by their pool until she asked "What if you meet The One and they say 'wow, you're really great except I don't want my children to have a mother who looks trashy with her tattoos'. "
Then I laughed and carefully explained to her that there was no one that would be The One if he thought my (thoughtful, artfully placed and gorgeous tattoos) were trashy.
Now I'm married (to a man who loves my tattoos) and pregnant so all of her fears have been nullified. My dignified dad just doesn't say a word. After an initial joke about me being a sailor, he gave up and just pretends they don't exist.

It's highly likely that you'll get a snide remark/sigh/sad face then they'll be consigned to hating them in private.

blueblazes

Mr. Blazes and I are trying to buy a condo, and it is TEDIOUS. Other people's decorating choices are so hard to overlook. Warning if you are selling a place in Portland right now: I have been to your open house and I am JUDGING YOU.

Quinn A@twitter

@blueblazes Ugh, I remember that pain. I would walk into condos and just be like "well...it's the right size. The location is nice. EVERYTHING ELSE IS TERRIBLE OH MY GOD."

I did find two lovely move-in-ready places eventually, though! I'm sure your home is out there waiting for you.

harebell

@blueblazes
ahahahha!
It goes both ways. The real estate agent who "staged" my parents' house for me when I sold it made me get rid of 3/4 of the books and bookshelves, not because it looked in any way crowded, but because "people have to be able to imagine themselves in the space and they won't be able to with all those books in there!"
If I remember rightly, I think in the end I took all the furniture out and she put in her own furniture that was specially chosen for open house "staging." it's crazy!

Best pun ever.

My old (and so far irreplaceable, sigh) FWB arrived into town yesterday for the weekend and so did my period and nightmare cramps. Sadface!

I also found out that I have the opportunity to work in a different country for six months starting soon, but it will mean I won't be able to get my IUD in time. I have been a crampy, weepy mess since I got off the pills and now I'm not sure what to do because the brand that worked for me (non-US) has been completely recalled. Why, uterus, why?!

lemonadefish

@Best pun ever. I don't know if this is your issue, but you can totally get an IUD at any point in your cycle. If you do it at the "wrong" time it will hurt more, but you can still do it.

themegnapkin

Can we talk about the US government shut down? It is not affecting me personally except that it is making me CRAZY that a radical segment of the Republican Party can hold the whole country hostage.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@themegnapkin As a Canadian who thinks that healthcare is just supposed to be something you have, I don't understand it at all. Don't any of these people want to be re-elected? Or will they be re-elected regardless because of the factions of people who agree with what they've done?

blueblazes

@themegnapkin I feel terrible for all the govt employees who were living paycheck-to-paycheck and now don't even have that. Also for the people who genuinely welcome ACA/Medicaid expansion as an answer to their prayers. I'm not religious, but it is really hard for me to understand how radical Reps, many of whom call themselves Evangelical, can justify hurting so many poor and downtrodden people in the name of small government.

Also, my Facebook feed is so packed with ignorant opinions, it is hard to keep ignoring these people.

themegnapkin

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) as I understand it (I don't follow politics that closely), the most radical Tea Party Republicans are virtually guaranteed to keep their offices because the Republican Party has gerrymandered their districts so effectively. So they can take these crazy and destructive positions without risk to themselves.

Biketastrophy

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)
They'll be reelected regardless because they're from states that always vote republican, and the party won't pull them out for following party lines.

allofthewine

@themegnapkin It's affecting me directly! My fiance is furloughed and applied for unemployment today, which is really cool since we're getting married in five weeks. Really really exciting times!!

it's completely horrific that a small faction of one party can do this and that they don't even seem to care a bit about the havoc they're wreaking

pajamaralls

@blueblazes This Stephen Colbert quote came to mind "If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it."

stonefruit

@pajamaralls yes. love that quote. love him.

RK Fire

@themegnapkin I live in Maryland, work in the nonprofit sector and it feels like 75% of my friends, family, and social network is either 1) a federal employee/contractor or 2) has a loved one or friend who are. This shutdown and the quotes from people in the hardliner Reps' districts about how the shutdown isn't affecting them at all makes me rage so, so much.

ALSO, DC gov't might have to shut down if this lasts longer than nine days because their budget is required to have congressional approval! Even though they are basically autonomous and collect their own taxes! WTFFFFFFFFF

harebell

@themegnapkin
This might make you feel better. Elizabeth Warren manages to say it all so well! And she's senator now, so hopefully she will be successful in redirecting this otherwise insane national conversation.

coolallison

@harebell I. Love. Her.

RebeccaKW

@themegnapkin Well, according to a Facebook friend, the shutdown is "what all you who voted for Obama get for electing a Muslim." I need to pare down my Facebook friends.

coolallison

@RebeccaKW I have a friend who created "delete-a-friend Friday" and it's very satisfying. I think I know where you can start.

celeec4@twitter

@themegnapkin This is terrible for my liver. I'm currently not directly affected, but a great number of friends and family are, and pretty much every evening this week has been bleakly catching up on news while downing G&Ts.

My facebook feed is basically full of woe right now. As for work, we're currently relieved that we weren't planning on applying for any grants with the NIH this funding cycle anyways.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

On Monday a bus driver asked me for my phone number.

It was very flattering, considering that it happens to me almost never (like seriously almost never), but I have zero interest in him and don't know what to do about all this.
It did, however, motivate me to leave for work at least 10 minutes earlier every day so I'd be on a different bus.

victorian rose

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

say you're seeing someone? or not interested in dating? or your parents betrothed you to another as an infant?

idk idk idk.

victorian rose

Is it just me or is OKC disproportionately full of animators/artists/3d artists? Or is it just that I tend to attract those types? Or is it the city I live in?

The ex is one. Started talking to a new guy who also is one. Then found out he went to the same school as the ex, studied the same thing, and they graduated within two years of each other. So chances are pretty astronomical they know each other, and facebook stalking confirms they have mutual friends. How do I tell an otherwise ok-seeming dude that I can't talk to him because I don't want to be in constant fear of running into my ex? (obvs am not over ex.)

PomoFrannyGlass

@victorian rose I live in Brooklyn and though I've been told there are many i-bankers on OKC I only ever seem to find writers and artists. And comedians, but that's an immediate dealbreaker for me so I kind of just mentally filter them out.

That sounds kind of stressful but since they aren't directly FB friends I wouldn't worry too much right now? If you guys are still in the just-talking (or emailing) phase at least meet him and see how you feel?

I'm over my ex but I still live in constant fear of running into him and his tiny young girlfriend (this actually happened once already; he tried to pretend he didn't know me. We lived together for 8 years.).

victorian rose

@PomoFrannyGlass
Yes! Writers, artists and comedians. I'm in LA, so I guess comes with the territory. I fortunately don't match up with the scores of actors.

Wow, your ex sounds like a douche. Sorry. :( Although that would rile me up so much I would promptly march up to them and make my presence 100% known.

I just don't even want to be in the general ambit of the ex. Not right now anyways. It feels too close for comfort.

zamboni

@victorian rose There are lots of people in my city and from my school programs that I never run into or hang out with, even though a similar Facebook analysis would make it appear likely. I really don't think you have to worry about it yet.

victorian rose

@zamboni Gah maybe. This program graduates like 20 students a year though. Tooooppps.

I think it just brings up too many reminders and memories of the ex. And I'm torn between wanting the ex to know I'm dating and not wanting him to know anything about me ever again.

like a rabid squirrel

@victorian rose I was on OKCupid in a college town that also had a large government contractor, and I went out with a perfect 50/50 split of grad students and engineers while I was on the site. As far as I could guess it was a match of geography and general interests/education level? Did definitely have some strange overlaps though (coworkers, friends-of-friends)

                      O

@victorian rose I'm a little late to this party, but I just wanted to point out that if you're not over your ex and still need time to grieve, that is totally fine. Aside from the stuff about whether dating this new dude could potentially put you in a weird situation vis-a-vis your ex and the small-ish circles they might run in, it sounds like maybe you just aren't ready to date yet, which is completely normal and totally fine! Just throwing it out there. Feel better, dear.

victorian rose

@victorian rose I'm not sure I need time to grieve as much as just getting back out there to meet people. I need to know there are other people just as kind and special (in their own ways) who will be attracted to me and I to them. I'm afraid my grieving period will stretch out as long as I indulge it. And I don't want to get stuck in a "woe is me, I'll never find someone to love me" phase. Yes it's a bit painful and grueling to be dating now, but I fear the alternative.

victorian rose

@drydenlane err replying to myself doesn't work.^^^^^^ see above. ^^^^^^^

Gulfie

@PomoFrannyGlass Ahaha comedians are a deal breaker for me too.

Harriet Welch

@victorian rose

I think it's geography and interests.
I met my husband on OKC and went on a lot of dates with scientists or tech start-up types. It seemed to be all that got thrown at me. I live in a college town with a pretty well-funded/well-rounded research scene and a disproportionate number of tech start-ups.

PomoFrannyGlass

Hairpin, do you have stories of magickal luv? Like maybe you had given up all hope, not in a sad tragic way but in the sort of numb resigned way that comes after sad tragedy and you're basically all good and having nice dates and not even worried (that much) about dying alone and your cat eating your face - and maybe then your totally amazing life partner emerged out of nowhere and blew your mind and made your heart beat and you remembered how feelings feel and they were even mutual feelings?

I mean that can happen, right? I'm not going to be cheerfully dead inside forever? TELL ME YOUR STORIES I need them like a witch needs innocent souls.

adorable-eggplant

@PomoFrannyGlass We met on OKC so there's absolutely no cute story, but today he sent me an email with an emoticon of a bowl of soup on a campfire: ~~D~~X and I love him so much it's surreal.

PomoFrannyGlass

@adorable-eggplant Haha, definitely doesn't need to be a meet-cute, I just need to know there is hope I will one day feel actual emotions for another human again. That is an excellent emoticon, I hope it means you are going romantic camping this weekend. Or is just random and nonsensical, because that is equally adorable.

A. Louise

@PomoFrannyGlass I got out of a relationship in college which I pined much, much too long for and kind of came to terms that I'd never be one of those "relationship" people and most likely would live my life alone. Didn't get my dream job out of college, moved back in with my mom, and started working out / working on projects I was interested in / living my own life and becoming a happier person, albeit slowly and kind of miserable at the time.

Started seeing a guy who eventually dumped me over gchat, but at least taught me that while a guy could be crazy, having someone buy you dinner and take you on actual dates was a thing that can and should happen, and a thing that I deserved.

About 3 days after being g-dumped my best lady friend took me out and got me drunk and we went dancing at the local seedy dance bar with the goal of "finding a guy to hit on me so I could yell at him", and that's where I met my current boyfriend. I picked him up by staring at his beautiful beard from across the room and smiling and saying "hi" all drooly Liz Lemon style.

He got my phone number and asked me on a date 2 days later. Best date of my life. And when I get mad about the day to day stuff that gets us down I think about that date and what would have happened if we hadn't met and how that's just an impossibility, because I could not have dreamed him up if I tried and we met when I was finally ready to meet him, and people still look at us disbelieving that we met at that awful, shitty pickup bar and we smile

(and god, that FUCKING BEARD, UNF)

and my totally amazing life partner emerged out of nowhere and blew my mind and made my heart beat and I know how feelings feel and they are even mutual feelings

AND OH GOD I'M GOING TO BARF WITH HOW SAPPY I'VE BECOME BUT I DON'T EVEN CARE BLARF

blueblazes

@PomoFrannyGlass Not only that, but he will recognize that you have trained yourself not to feel anything, and he will call you on it constantly. He will see that you have rendered yourself basically incapable of emotional intimacy because of all the bullshit that came before him, and maybe he won't exactly understand, but he will make a point of being absolutely worthy of your trust because he can see what will happen if he isn't. None of your friends will approve because he is so completely unlike anyone you've been with before. He is not "cool" in any sense. They want you going out with another semi-employed hipster d-bag, bro or whatever because those guys fit neatly into your demographic's desires according to The Media. You will begin to wonder if indeed he is wrong for you because he doesn't fit any of the categories you thought you wanted. But he will wear you down with his relentless support, friendship and cuddling. Really, it will be more than you can handle most of the time, but he will keep saying that you deserve it, so OK, you just go with it. Also, this happens in Fall because fall is the perfect time of year to fall in love and transition into watching sappy xmas movies together under a blanket.

Quinn A@twitter

@PomoFrannyGlass That is pretty much exactly what happened to me and my fiancee. I feel like I talk about how great she is all the time, and I've told the story of how we met a couple of times, so I won't go into detail again, but yes, it's totally possible and you will not be cheerfully dead inside forever!

victorian rose

@blueblazes Damn. Way to make a girl feel all weepy.

RebeccaKW

@PomoFrannyGlass My lonely soul is with you. I was working on something for my parents' 40th anniversary and I started crying because I will never have that. I'm 35 and I haven't been on a date in a year and a half. At this rate, even if I meet a guy, we won't live long enough to have many anniversaries.

PomoFrannyGlass

@blueblazes and company: Thank you guys.

@RebeccaKW I used to have this awesome boss who was very attractive and successful and had a sexy husband and an adorable, brilliant daughter. She got married at 36. She told me that to make me feel better when I got divorced at 31 and I was all GAWD I WISH I'D WAITED. That is still true.

Honestly I am not sure which is worse, not meeting anyone, or meeting people who are perfectly nice and would probably be quite suitable as life partners and still knowing in your heart that you could never feel about them the way you want to feel, and wondering wtf is wrong with you and if the thing you want is even real. Both are terrible in their own ways.

Gulfie

@PomoFrannyGlass Thank you for this thread! I also need to hear these things right now.

@blueblazes I want this hard.

Harriet Welch

@PomoFrannyGlass
The year all of my friends died, I was in a nihilist style weird fake-relationship where we threw dice to decide how long we were going to be in love.
When that weirdly blew up in our faces (and HOW!?), we eventually became drinking buddies and writing soundboards. Then I went on OKC dates 30% to find a mate and 70% to have writing fodder for a project with dreamed up with said writing soundboard.

Coincidentally, my dice-throwing partner met his wife the last night of our dice roll, when we elected to end it. I met my husband the night of their moving-away party. Big time loves all around.

Life is weird and you can't really anticipate the stuff that happens.

adorable-eggplant

@Gulf of Finland I also loved reading everyone's stories: great work, @PomoFrannyGlass! And we do camp, but that was just something out of the blue. :)

realtalk

@PomoFrannyGlass I got out of a soul destroying relationship and spent four months having enthusiastic no strings attached sex until I got sick of people I was sleeping with not giving a shit about me. I traveled for six months and learned a new language and did stuff for me and came back content to wait, just not interested in making the effort. and then I met a friend of a friend while visiting family on the opposite coast and just. it's everything. it's everything I never could have described wanting. I've never felt so safe and supported and loved and cherished just for being me, I've never felt so beautiful, I've never felt so passionately about all of the amazing things that my partner does and is. he's so smart! and so kind! and so thoughtful and creative and caring and I want to know every single thing about him, and it's mutual.

being in a relationship again is bringing up some mucky stuff from the bottom of my soul pond and he's excited when we talk it out, and I feel so safe exploring that, figuring out what pieces of my past aren't useful to me anymore, figuring out which ones I need to come to peace with. I probably COULD do it without him, but I'm so glad he's doing it with me. and the other great thing is that THAT is mutual too.

plus, you know. best sex of my life. the only downside is we live 3000 miles apart. y'all. I can't even deal with how much I'm in love with him. brb running away to brooklyn so we can hold hands and kiss all the time.

Gulfie

@realtalk This was the best way to start my morning
<33 so happy for you

camanda

I don't even know this place anymore I am never here I work all the time help me

It's Christmastime as far as my store is concerned, which is how I've managed to work 40 or more hours every week for over a month. 50 last week and 48 this week, even. Would be 56 next week if I weren't insisting on taking the entire long weekend plus Friday off for my birthday, so it's "only" going to be 40. tl;dr I'm tired and I have a headache.

But! I bought a gorgeous Ralph Lauren dress for the princely sum of $25 last week, and I did get my Wii U as I relatively-long-ago mentioned, and it's pretty great. So there's that. I live for the little things.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@camanda Hi welcome back happy early birthday!
Work sucks. I hate busy seasons. I think mine (aka summer) might finally be slowing down.
twenty-five dollars? Teach me your secrets

celeec4@twitter

@camanda Happy early birthday! And welcome back to the FOT. *pats* Take some ibuprofen and lie down till the headache goes away?

My wallet quakes in fear of late October and games. How about you? Or are you too wrapped up in WiiU so far?

camanda

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) My "secret" is I've had my eye on this dress forever and kept waiting for it to get cheaper and then accidentally found out it was on special and I bought it. Not much of a secret! Persistence, I guess? Anyway, it was this one, and I love it.

@celeec4@twitter Thanks! My wallet is quaking in fear, all right, but November is the real problem -- Super Mario 3D World and The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds come out ON THE SAME DAY. /sobs What are you looking forward to?

celeec4@twitter

@camanda Mostly Pokemon and Ace Attorney later this month, but there are also a lot of other good games that have been our for a bit? And the prices keep dropping. I don't have the time/money for this, but it is all so very tempting.

camanda

@celeec4@twitter Ace Attorney is on my list (haven't spent that FE13/SMTIV credit yet, woo!), and Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag. I think that's it for October for me. I've skipped a couple here and there that I'd go back and pick up in a lull...but there will never be a lull at this rate. Oy.

celeec4@twitter

@camanda The problem is that there is so much I want to play, and a decent number of games I've idly pondered have now dropped a little in price. And it's like, nooooooooooooo. Want? Want? orz

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

Okay, pinners, two FOT conversations that I started and loved, and one of them can make a comeback if you all want, so which should it be?

1- What is my coworker EATING and why is it so LOUD?

2- TV talk with new series and season premieres and such (like maybe we can talk about Scandal, I don't know)

I'm indecisive, so choose for me!

coolallison

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) I fear that I'm the loud coworker. I didn't realize I was such a problem child until someone mentioned the other day how loud it is when I shake my salad. I don't mean to be a bad coworker! I promise!

blueblazes

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) Did I even mention the co-worker who clipped his fingernails at his desk mere feet from me and sometimes the clippings would go flying onto my desk? The sound of fingernail clippers still prompts my gag reflex.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@blueblazes I have a feeling that a girl who used to work with us once clipped her nails at her desk. We could all hear loud clip-clip noises and didn't know what it was, but since she spoke, sneezed, coughed, and exhaled loudly, we assumed it was her. Suffice to say that her in-office habits resulted in her contract not being renewed.

@coolallison Someone is complaining about you shaking your salad? Do they realize how easy they have it? I've got people gnawing on salads, squishing kimchi, and (unproven theory) eating chips into a megaphone. I would be more than happy if all I had was a salad shaker!

coolallison

@blueblazes DAMNIT. I had to clip a fingernail at my desk yesterday because it did that thing where it kind of tore on the side and kept hanging on my clothes. THAT MEANS I'M NAIL-CLIPPING GUY, TOO. I had no idea I was such an awful coworker.

TheJacqueline

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) I recently bought earplugs because the woman I share my office with chews so SLOWLY and LOUDLY (she even DRINKS in an absurdly loud manner) that I was going to lose my mind from pent up rage. Or my own lunch, from nausea.

boysplz

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) Sleepy Hollow! It's delightfully zany and just got renewed so you get at least two seasons. The premise is Ichabod Crane travels to 2013 and fights the apocalypse and there are witches too so it's just ridiculous. The writers know how to keep it just campy and self aware enough though. Also it's a network show with a black woman as a lead which is awesome too. Everyone should be watching it!

[sic]

@coolallison "Shaking salad" really sounds like a euphemism, now.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@boysplz I've still only seen the pilot but I like that the main character is young, black and female, and seems pretty realistic, too! She doesn't want to take crap from anyone, but she still seems very human. And her race only came up once in the pilot, and her gender and age simply help to establish that she faces some challenges in the workplace (which seems pretty reasonable and realistic, imo.) I just hope that they didn't decide to make her female just so she and Ichabod would end up together. I mean, I'm all for tension between genders, and I would actually like to see some more interracial relationships on TV where one partner is white (instead of sticking white people together and sticking minorities together, as network TV often does) but I don't necessarily want EVERYTHING to turn into a love story, you know?

It's a beautiful day outside so maybe I'll charge up my laptop and sit on the balcony to catch up on it (and everything else I've missed lately)

LacunaKale

Inspired by yesterdays whisk(e)y post, I have broken open the nip of Balvenie single wood that has resided in my pantry forever. I was saving it for a special occasion, but hey surely surviving wisdom tooth removal counts.

On that note, my mouth holes are almost completely healed. Anyone have opinions on how long until the rest of my face will stop hurting? I had the surgery last Wednesday and they were jammed in there good.

celeec4@twitter

@LacunaKale It took about two weeks or so for me, they weren't super-jammed in, but I had all four out at the same time? Fortunately, I was spared chipmunk cheeks.

LacunaKale

@celeec4@twitter I had more of the Hapsburg jaw then chipmunk cheeks. It was super cute.

celeec4@twitter

@LacunaKale Ate so much fro-yo the first couple of days. So much.

Also, yay painkillers.

nina!

@LacunaKale Together in wisdom tooth-removal solidarity!

Faintly Macabre

For far longer than is reasonable, I've been trying to decide between a leather jacket (probably a bomber, because I'd feel kind of ridiculous in a motorcycle jacket) and a trench coat. At this point, I'm thinking of buying both if I can find cheap enough options.

For leather jacket owners, how annoying is the upkeep? Can you wear them in the rain if you treat them?

Also, has anyone recently bought a Wilson's leather coat? They're having a sale on eBay, and the exact kind of bomber I want is $123. I remember someone recommended Danier a while ago, but they don't have any bomber jackets at the moment, sadly.

Quinn A@twitter

@Faintly Macabre I have done literally no upkeep on the jacket I've worn for three years. I just treated it once and have worn it in the rain and snow. It's not quite as wonderfully soft as it was when I bought it, but it still looks great.

victorian rose

@Faintly Macabre Leather jacket!

I've had my eyes on a completely impractical BRIGHT YELLOW moto jacket which on 50% off sale is still $320.

But just LOOK.

Faintly Macabre

@Quinn A Thanks for the input!

@victorian rose Haha, I've heard that yellow is surprisingly versatile! And that style is super cute--the moto jackets I'd look silly in are the double-breasted zipper-coated ones. TJ Maxx and Nordstrom Rack have had a bunch of fancy leather jackets for pretty cheap lately--I think $200 for Michael Kors and $300 for some fancy weird designer.

victorian rose

@Faintly Macabre
Silly why?? Don't the double breasted ones often mimic the lapels in a blazer? When it's not zipped of course. I think this makes them quite versatile!

I actually bought...and returned...the yellow jacket earlier this year! Nordstrom's had it marked down to like $280, but the size I got was too small and of course they didn't have the size I needed. But now I'm tempted to buy it again because this site has the size I need.

Be careful with the Nordstrom Rack and TJ Maxx ones. Even the brand names are not the same quality you'd get a department store. I purchased a Michael Kors one a few years ago from Nordstrom Rack but had to return it because the tanning/dying/painting process left it smelling like paint! Even after letting it air for 2 weeks it still reeked.

Faintly Macabre

@victorian rose I guess the more mainstream ones would look ok on me, but I've found a couple genuine motorcycle jackets (millions of zippers, waist belt, side lacings) on eBay and Goodwill, and I think they're just a bit hardcore for me.

Thank you for the advice! The Michael Kors ones I saw didn't seem that great, not that I know much about leather. I think I'm just going to buy a trench now and wait on a leather jacket until I find a good used one in person or can afford a really nice one.

Jenn@twitter

I am so over being sick, you guys. I am also over people who think that meeting for dinner = date. I invited someone out Tuesday for what I thought was a friendly get-together (since, you know, I specified, "THIS IS NOT A DATE"), and they spent the entire time trying to get into my pants, followed up by a text the next day: "I didn't feel any real chemistry between us. It doesn't seem like you're into me." I sneezed on them. I hope they caught it. >:(

rubia

Good news: today is my last day at my job! I'm starting a new (and hopefully more awesome) job on Monday! Also, one of my best friends is visiting for the weekend!

Bad news: saw my ex boyfriend at an event last night for the first time since we broke up two weeks ago, and now I miss him again.

milominderbender

I just had to fire someone. Blech.

Clara Morena

@milominderbender *hugs* sorry to hear about that.

jazzloon

I am never around for FOT; my Fridays have gone from deliciously lazy to uber-busy, since The Promotion. The issue is put to bed and we're all running around like crazed chickens (that's mostly me, though).

So, what's up? I booked an AirBnb apartment (in San Francisco! Give me tips on where to go!!) and had a really nasty, under the skin pimple. Scratched the shit out of myself trying to pop it. Wah

up cubed

@jazzloon SF has excellent public transit, but there are some less accessible areas. Where are you staying and what activities do you like (indoors, outdoors, food, art, etc)?

WardenGentles

@jazzloon Mr. Bings! Chinatown/North Beach area.

jazzloon

@upupandaway Vistacion Valley! So a little further out, but we will have a car. I like eating, drinking, dancing; boyfriend wants to go for a good hike.

vurtyou

@jazzloon I'm in SF and partial to my 'hood, the mission district but parking is terrible feat. Hiking in the city or out of the city? Since the gov't. shutdown, a fair amount of the parks are closed but I'm happy to provide suggestions for hikes, eating, drinking:)

whethertheweather

Long-time lurker, delurking, hello! Did anyone else's Jewish mother send them this article and point out the stats on intermarriage and raising your children Jewish? Because, agh. http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2013/10/01/us/pew-research-jewish-americans.html?src=recg

siniichulok

@whethertheweather Hello! That's the kind of thing my Jewish mother would do if she were alive, because my husband is Muslim, and it would be very hypocritical because my father is not Jewish either. But really, Jewish communities have to start accepting children of interfaith marriages, otherwise they are kind of shooting themselves in the foot here and have no right to complain about dwindling numbers. I mean, every Jewish community I've tried to join has called my Jewishness into question at some point due to my heritage and nothing else. It's really annoying! Also, American Jewish guys have to stop being rude about the purported unattractiveness of Jewish women and how they just don't want to be with said women, AND stop being all accusatory when Jewish women marry non-Jewish men. I know not all American Jewish men do this, but I've met enough and heard enough from others that it appears to be something of a Thing. Anyway, I guess I have Feelings about all this! I feel a little guilty about raising a non-Jewish baby, but from a purely pragmatic standpoint, he has a better chance of being accepted by most Muslim communities than he would be if I tried to integrate him into a Jewish one.

I do have two Jewish female friends with non-Jewish spouses (one Hindu, one Catholic), and we go as a family to their places for various Jewish holidays. One of them has issues with the idea of G-d, so we had a really interesting secular Humanist Passover....

adorable-eggplant

@whethertheweather "Jewish communities have to start accepting children of interfaith marriages, otherwise they are kind of shooting themselves in the foot here and have no right to complain about dwindling numbers." I think this is such a true observation. I dated a guy whose parents would make (not so) subtle remarks about my non-Jewishness and general unsuitability to carry on the line, so to speak, and it was terrible. Especially weird because his mother wasn't Jewish, and maybe his dad felt some guilt about that which went into a big vat of feelings and leaked out as unkind teasing. I 100% do not miss that.

ETA: And it made me feel defensive and resentful, which are like the worst feelings to have in a relationship.

garli

@whethertheweather I'm sure my mom would have loved to but since my father is Catholic and I'm a born atheist she would know in advance how I would react.

lasso tabasco

Help, I just got Netflix and I am overwhelmed by the choices! What should I watch? I've seen and loved HoC and OITNB already, and I like classic movies and dark comedies and historical documentaries. Suggestions please!

nina!

@lasso tabasco I am really enjoying "Call the Midwife." It's a lovely BBC series about midwives and nuns in 1950s London. Other than the beautiful fashion, it deals with many women's issues head-on.

lasso tabasco

@nina! starting the first episode now! Thanks!

apples and oranges

@lasso tabasco Second "Call the Midwife" nomination!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@lasso tabasco does historical documentaries = dinosaurs? Because I just found out about Walking with Dinosaurs, and it's pretty cool. Great animation to show you what the dinosaurs and environments would have looked like, and narrated by Kenneth Branagh!

Jinxie

@lasso tabasco Oh, man - Netflix recommendations are so tough, there's so much to pick from! I'll just give you a sample of what I've been watching lately:
Miss Marple (the original, 80's Miss Marple)
Ken Burns documentaries (I think the latest one I started watching was The West? But most of his stuff is there and there's nothing better for lazy/half snoozing watching, and I mean that in the most complimentary way possible.)
Merlin (terrible, but fun).
Supernatural (ditto)
Top of the Lake

So much to watch! It's like Netflix wants me to never, ever leave my house.

Queen of Pickles

Here is my Hairpin wishlist! I'd love to read about any of these things (written in a non-ironic, non-sarcastic way). I also love posts that are mostly set up so we can all share specific types of stories: the first job you had, how do you make work friends and what are your work-friend rituals, what do you dream about, etc. (Anyone else have a wishlist?)

Nell Gwyn!
Mimic octopus!
Mitochondria!
NASA funding!
Precognition!
Forgotten Russian novels!
That time thousands of gallons of Prohibition alcohol were poured off of a pier, and bootleggers collected the briny dregs with buckets under the pier, and there were glass shards in it but they didn't care, and that's where Long Island Iced Tea comes from! (?)
Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire!
Octopuses have brain cells IN THEIR ARMS, can see WITH THEIR SKIN and can taste WITH THEIR SUCKERS
Codex Seraphinianus!
Invented languages!
Gene expression (SO EXCITING you guys)
Slang dictionaries!
Having conversations about feminism with men (and if more women need to ask more men to have conversations about feminism with men)!
Secret societies!
Subversive monks!
Science in the 1600's!
An interview with the ghost of Lyndon Johnson about food stamps!
Cognitive bias!
"Ask an Economist!"
"Ask an Attorney"!
"Ask a Librarian"!
"Ask a Politician"!
"Ask a Dermatologist!"

nina!

@Queen of Pickles This is brilliant.

Interesting bus rides
Travel stories focused on food
Quirky local festivals o
Funny horoscopes (in the strange, brilliant vein of Ask Baba Yaga?)
Living on houseboats
Interview with an archaeologist

Clara Morena

@Queen of Pickles
Ask a college professor
Ask a Mortician
Ask an Anthropologist/archeologist
More WOC and Feminism posts(maybe something that focuses on immigrants and feminism)?
Vintage cook books!!!!!!!!
Savage minds cross post!!!!!
more cooking posts!

Mae
Mae

@Queen of Pickles I would read the shit out of an interview with the ghost of Lyndon Johnson.

Hot Doom

@Queen of Pickles Love these! Write an email to the editors about it! I had forgotten how much I miss many of the Ask A... columns that would bring out the pintariat in the comments. Ditto for pieces that engage the commenters in some way, like the way Jolie used to with the make-up-the-bed-challenge, or Jane's bargain bin, or the discussion of books with Nicole.

Precognition is a great one!
More ghosts!
Cooking with booze!
Ask a vintner!
Ask a brewer!
Ask a farmer!
Intersectionalism in practice, in everyday life, or how/why it's hard to do it and choose one's battles.
Piggybacking on @nina! 's suggestion of quirky local festivals, how bout quirky local stuff in general? There are enough pinners around the US and the world to talk about interesting local things.

[sic]

@Queen of Pickles Ooh, I second the "Forgotten Russian Novels" one.
Or maybe "Russian Comic Novels"? It's so aggravating that all people think about when they hear "Russian novel" is "brooding 19th-century aristocrats who die at the end".
I'd comment the shit out of that.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Queen of Pickles
Sports! I know I can get sports coverage anywhere, but I want my Hairpin and my sports to intersect sometimes, and I know I'm not the only one. It can be about women's sports or men's sports, or maybe even just personal essays.

I also kind of wouldn't mind more Let's All Make... type stuff, about either cooking or crafting.

Interviews with women who have cool jobs, like the one Jia did with the abortion doctor last week, or the Nails Y'All interview (I can't remember if that was on The Hairpin or a sister site)

Also, I own a couple of vintage cookbooks that I've barely touched, so I'd be willing to open them up and see if there's anything good in there.

Onymous

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)
The Toast's sports week was a lot of fun.

Emma Carmichael

@Queen of Pickles This is awesome. All noted. Thanks.

Mad as a Hatter!

So I got a call suddenly yesterday evening from my former mentor/current friend. A laboratory was looking for someone and she had recommended me. Better pay, more responsibilities, and the very real chance of managing it within two years! I called this morning, they had me come by, and by this evening I had an offer. I'm so scared of all these sudden changes but I'm worried that if I don't take this opportunity that I'll always regret it.

victorian rose

@Mad as a Hatter! Take it! No regrets!

Jobs don't fall into your lap very often. :)

adorable-eggplant

@Mad as a Hatter! Sounds like you'd be a great fit! Take the plunge [assuming all other factors point to yes]! Congrats!!!

nina!

Pinners, what books are you enjoying right now?

adorable-eggplant

@nina! Ahem, it looks like I announced it out of the blue now, because I didn't hit the reply button, but as I say down thread: Eleanor & Park was really, really good.

nina!

@adorable-eggplant Your recommendation plus the author interview on The Toast means I definitely have to download it now!

                      O

@nina! People of Paper, the Baron in the Trees, the Nimrod Flipout.

[sic]

@drydenlane Alastair Campbell's diaries. So 'enjoying' may not exactly be the right word, but I'm certainly working on my biceps just lifting them.

Harriet Welch

@nina! Binging on Greg Iles books.
Southern Set murder mysteries that are less formulaic, but just as easy to read, as Grisham.

Also I am pregnant with a zombie baby that is eating my brain, so trashy mystery fiction is pretty much all I can hack right now.

siniichulok

@Harriet Welch I'm three months postpartum, and 30's screwball comedy-style light romances set in Regency England are pretty much all I can handle at the moment! I sympathize. And congratulations!

harebell

@nina!
In the middle of Brothers Karamazov, Wolf Hall, and John Horne Burns's novel The Gallery about US pilots in occupied Naples in WW2. I'm bummed because so much reading, so much work, it's hard keeping up a sense of continuity. But they're all good!

adorable-eggplant

Eleanor & Park was so good it made me weep!

Elleander Morning

@themegnapkin
Re: shutdown
I'm a Fed and so is my husband. He's emergency essential - and in the Middle East - but still won't be paid until the government re-opens. Various things making this shitty for us personally:
1. Must keep paying for daycare or lose spot, even though I'm not at work
2. Six months pregnant
3. We can swing this financially, but only by using the downpayment on the house we were going to buy.

Perks: at least my insurance is still working. Because no one should be without good, affordable insurance, TEA PARTY.

In my personal experience, zero furloughed federal workers believe any of the people telling them they are not being paid because Obamacare. Zero percent.

adorable-eggplant

@Elleander Morning That sounds really freaking tough. Glad that you have a little emergency wiggle room. I hope that this is resolved quickly and you can drop all the backpay into the downpayment fund right away. :)

LaLoba

A date late as always, but is anyone around to give any advice about getting an English masters and then going into a PhD later??

In better news I celebrated national taco day yesterday.

Harriet Welch

I wonder why I am NEVER stalking/posting/reading FOT on F.
I feel like my Fs are filled with happy-hours (where I can no longer drink) and then sleeping.

Anyway- I worked a whole, actual, grown-up work week. Even a couple of weeks of overtime thrown in. I haven't done that in a while. It's been even longer since I've done it for pay (as opposed to teaching internships). I'm so fucking tired. I have also been eating crap, annoyed at my messy house and not finding the extra money worth it. C'est la vie. At least I was doing it because I love my job/bosses and they needed help. Does anyone else have the part-time job full time family care-taker/money-saver role? Or can everyone else do the care-taking/money-making AND work? I feel like I should be able to. I can't.

The zombie baby is eating my brain. We're just under the halfway point of human gestation and I have never felt dumber in my life. So, it's a great time to start grad school. Right? Cuz I am. This month.

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