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Things I Could Do with My Ped Egg Foot Shavings
1. Use with macaroni and glitter glue to make someone a thoughtful handcrafted birthday card.
2. Fill a piñata!
3. Place between the pages of 17 copies of The Fountainhead; leave in public spaces.
4. Stuff into a burlap pillowcase to control the dreams of my enemies.
5. Sprinkle on pasta for a hearty homemade meal.
6. Combine with dandruff collection; have Christmas in July with tiny, meltless snowmen.
7. Create a sacred circle to ward off the undead.
8. Stir into night cream and test on the elderly as a possible youth elixir.
9. Mix with fertilizer so that my plants will know the taste of human skin.
10. Throw over my shoulder into the river where we grew up, and wish that you could come home.
Photo via ebolasmallpox/flickr.