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Tuesday, September 17, 2013

14

Probable Upcoming Female-Centric Trend Pieces

I Had it All Till I Leaned In to Opting Out

Link Found Between Early Death and Women Who Pursued Post-G.E.D. Education

Studies Say the Sound of a Woman’s Voice, Especially When Discussing her Feelings, Career, or Taste in Music, Lowers the Potency in Sperm Count
Report: Quitting Jobs to Stay Home to Churn Butter and Work a Loom Linked to Happiness

Studies Show Work/Life Balance Achieved Through Crying in the Bathroom

Science Says Men Like Blowjobs More Than Exclusivity Talks

Uteruses Will Age Five Minutes Further from Optimal Childbearing Years by the Time You Finish Reading This Piece

How Breaking Up with Someone in Your Twenties will Lead You to Spending Your Forties Living in a Women’s Collective in the Catskills and Singing Backup for a Carole King Cover Band

Studies Say Women Who Pursue Fulfilling Careers Increase the Risk of Producing Children Who Also Seek Fulfilling Careers in Children

Study: Women in Their Thirties Age 50,000 Times Faster Than Their Male Counterparts

Why Dating Like You Did in High School and Faking Orgasms to the Dave Matthews Band is the Smartest Decision You Can Make

Millennials' Fertility Are Slipping Through Their Dick Pic Receiving Fingers

The Curious Case of Men’s Fertility: How Men’s Sperm Increase in Desirability and Potency as it Ages

Science says Pursuing College Degrees Linked to Uteruses Aging Four Years

Why Internalizing Trend Pieces on Your Waning Fertility Actually Makes You Less Attractive to the Opposite Sex

 

Previously: An Imaginary Conversation With My Potential Child When I Tell Her About Hanukkah

Photo via zenangie/flickr.

Michelle Markowitz is a comedy writer and storyteller in New York. She can be found subtweeting Cory Booker @michmarkowitz.

14 Comments / Post A Comment

Emby

"How Breaking Up with Someone in Your Twenties will Lead You to Spending Your Forties Living in a Women’s Collective in the Catskills and Singing Backup for a Carole King Cover Band"

Wait, would this apply to me, too?? If so, I have less than a year to break the news to my poor gf :( But, you know, the Catskills and the Carole King Cover Band call to me.

RNL
RNL

@Emby That's what I thought. I'm in!

aphrabean

@RNL I didn't realize that's what I wanted to do with my forties till this very moment.

City_Dater

@Emby

Downloading guitar tab for I Feel The Earth Move and Natural Woman even as I type this...

coolallison

Pssh, I don't need to read "Studies Show Work/Life Balance Achieved Through Crying in the Bathroom." I'm already an expert.

Ophelia

Wait, have I missed my chance to live in a women's collective in the Catskills and sing in a Carole King cover band??? Because that actually sounds awesome.

[sic]

"The Curious Case of Men’s Fertility: How Men’s Sperm Increase in Desirability and Potency as it Ages"

"Amidst the dust of [testicles], wide dispersed
And never purchased there by anyone,
Yet similar to precious wines, my [sperm] can wait
Its time will come."

Onymous

"Studies Say the Sound of a Woman’s Voice, Especially When Discussing her Feelings, Career, or Taste in Music, Lowers the Potency in Sperm Count"

I am positive I've already seen this one.

leonstj

Comment from man who misses joke and explains to women how simple it is if they just, ya know, "don't mind the social pressures and be themselves", not realizing (a)how much of an asshole he is for saying that as if it's n.b.d. & silly li'l ladies just never thought of it or (b)that he calls himself a feminist mostly because he wants more women to let him touch their butts, even if he doesn't admit that to himself

adorable-eggplant

@katiemcgillicuddy Because I cannot hear that without thinking this:

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

It's true! Exclusivity Talks really don't care either way about blowjobs!

Who has two thumbs and loves lexical ambiguity? THIS GUY

prefer not to say

Thirteen-Year-Olds Wearing Low-Cut Tops Still Not as Big of a Problem as Global Warming

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