1. “I bet you fall in bed too easily with the beautiful girls who are shyly brave.”
2. “You said things I wouldn’t say, straight to my face, boy.”
3. “I can’t believe you had a life before me. I can’t believe they let you run around free.”
4. “Everything you say is so obnoxious, funny, true and mean, I want to be your blow job queen.”
5. “What ever happened to a boyfriend, the kind of guy who tries to win you over?”
6. “I’m looking for something from you. Just one fucking measly clue. Any shitty little tip off would do.”
7. “He said he liked to do it backwards, I said that’s just fine with me. That way we can fuck and watch TV.”
8. “I swear this one is gonna last and all those other bastards were only practice.”
9. “Fuck and run, ever since I was 17.”
10. “I’m just an ant in Alaska to you.”
11. “I know that I don’t always realize how sleazy it is messing with these guys.”
12. “Don’t worry, Mom, I met him at a restaurant and all this time I’ve been getting to know him.”
13. “It looks like shit and it must be America.”
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Kate Mooney is a writer living in Brooklyn. Sometimes she feels disgruntled, sometimes not. You can follow her ups and downs @yatinbrooklyn.