Monday, September 9, 2013


Ask a Three-Year-Old: How Do I Deal With My Jealousy?

Dear Three-Year-Old,

I have had the misfortune of having to meet five of my boyfriend's exes. Some of these women are my peers whom I encounter frequently in social settings. Although I recognize everyone has a past, I experience various negative emotions when I am forced to encounter these women. How do I deal with this gracefully?




Dear Green,

Do you have apricots in your shoes? Yes or no, Mommy? No apricots? No, you DO have apricots in your shoes! I put them in there yesterday! But don’t worry, it’s okay, Mommy. Take off your shoes, and then you shake-shake-shake. Like this: shake-shake-shake, shake-shake-shake, shake your bod-ette! Shake your bod-ette! Shake your bod-ETTE!


Photo of a different three-year-old via benmcleod/flickr.

Three-year-old is three years old. Do you have any questions for a three-year-old?

13 Comments / Post A Comment


I'm sorry, this is all I can think about right now:

♩ ♪ ♫ ♩ ♪ ♫
Shake, shake, shake, Senora
Shake your body line
Work, work, work, Senora
Work it all the time
Dance, dance, dance, Senora
Dance it all the time
Work, work, work, Senora
Work it all the time

♩ ♪ ♫ ♩ ♪ ♫

Your turn!


Favorite.. cool!!!@l

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

SHAKE YOUR BOD-ETTE, GREEN. That's a v serious order.

(But, furreal, if you're having to deal with these women frequently, what's to stop you from actually getting to know them? Sure, you may find out they are cool people, which might not stanch the jealousy, but you might also find out they are real people, not just upsetting ideas. If that doesn't sound pleasant, I suppose you could chat with your boyfriend about your feelings, and he could help you maneuver these social situations. And if that doesn't work, it's helpful to understand that jealousy is a normal human emotion, and there's nothing bad about it. It's what you do with it that counts. So sometimes we just have to grin and bear it.)


@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose This is a sane response. There's no reason to feel bad about having various negative emotions when you see these women, especially if you're self-aware enough to think, "I'm experiencing some jealousy right now, huh." Also, if you see them frequently, the reaction will subside over time.

apples and oranges

I've only been in that situation once (and only with one ex - not five!) but I just tried to be as friendly with the ex as I'd be with any other person at the periphery of my social circle. Not trying to be her best friend or get down to serious emotional conversation topics, but talkative and nice. It is weird but you just gotta force yourself to do it and then it gets easier! Eventually I realized she was nice and a cool lady and then I stopped unjustifiably hating her. Still didn't want to be close friends or anything but on good terms/generally liking and respecting her as a person.


@kangerine My boyfriend has a couple of exes hanging around! Mostly it's totally fine, if a little extra effort to seem friendly and nice (the engaged and pregnant one doesn't feel threatening).

The other one hates me and is constantly trying to assert her dominance socially. I just stay the fuck away. It's settling down now, but it was a little rough for a while. And now she's moving a block away! Blergh.


So the exes are apricots in your shoes and you just have to shake them out, right?


In some ways, don't we ALL have apricots in our shoes?


Also, OP, your boyfriend needs to start dating out of his circle, sheesh! I mean, other than you, obviously.

Briony Fields

The "Hello yes" alt text kills me every time.


In the very early, early stages of pre-dating my bf, there was a girl in his friend circle that almost made me back off--'cause it seemed like she had a crush on him and I couldn't tell if he liked her as well. Turned out he actually liked ME [flips hair], but the worst part was that she and I have the same first name, and when he told his friends that he was now dating Muggles, a few of them went, "Oh nice, man! I was wondering when you two were gonna hook up!"

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha so great so funny ha ha


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So the exes are apricots in your shoes and you just have to shake them out, right? strawberry blonde

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