8 Headlines That Sound Like Upworthy, But Are Simply Attempts To Express My Withering Contempt For That Collective of Neo-Liberal Douchebags

Watch These Astonished Cattle Ranchers React When A Brave Vegetarian Tells Them That Cows Are Animals And Not Just Plants That Shit A Lot And Can Also Walk

 

You Are Going To Think These Poor Kids Playing Soccer In The Dirt Are Amazing. We Dare You Not To Cry When You Realize They Don’t Have Feet

 

What This Vietnamese Nail Salon Worker Says To The White Woman Who Told Her “Uh, The Detailing On My Flower Sucks” Will Make You Realize Working In A Nail Salon Could Be Awesome

What Inspiring Line From A Classic French Novel Was Beautifully Tattooed On The Flank Of This Newborn Baby?

 

They Told Her That She Wasn’t Good Enough. They Were Right. If You Get To 5:34 Without Quitting Ballet And Purchasing A Hot Yoga Studio In Petaluma, You’re An Idiot

 

A Grown Man Gets Teary-Eyed Watching A Doe And A Fawn Standing On His Lawn At Dusk. The Way He Uncovers The Truth About What He Sees Will Change How You Look At Weirdly Shaped Tree Stumps Forever

 

Infographic: 30 Percent Of Our Dads’ Balls Have This Totally Solvable Problem

 

This Guy Seems Super Annoying. Then He Gets Even More Annoying. Then You Start To Think He’s Really Awesome. Then You Realize That Your First Assessment Of Him Was Correct. What Happens At 1:49 Will… OK. The Guy Poops His Pants. Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You

 

Sarah Miller is the author of Inside the Mind of Gideon Rayburn and The Other Girl. She lives in Nevada City, CA.

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