Tuesday, September 10, 2013


5 Ways to Engage Your Core

1. Take your core to Central Park, cover it with your hands, and whisper, “Will you marry me?”

2. Surprise your core with a choreographed Flashmob. When all the dancing is done, have all your friends breathlessly watch as you ask for your core’s hand in marriage. Tip: Your core will probably be crying, so bring some Kleenex!

3. Go to Jared—not the store, that creepy guy that sells pot to high school kids. Smoke some and wait until your core is really relaxed before you ask it to spend the rest of its life with you.

4. Go to all of your favorite spots in the city. Draw clues on doorways, sidewalks, and bus stops of things that your core loves. Have a friend film the process so you can put it on YouTube after your core says “Yes.”

5. Get together with a good friend who knows both of you. Film a romantic comedy “trailer” that tells the story of how you and your core met, but leave the “ending” to be continued. Then take your core on a date to the movies, where you’ve gotten your local theater to play your clip during the previews. As the preview ends, turn to your core and pop the question.


Previously: The Best Time I Went On a Candida Cleanse

Kendra Eash is a copywriter in NYC. She tweets @jeriblank.

12 Comments / Post A Comment

Quinn A@twitter

Take your core to a room full of insects. Get down on one knee and present your core with a ring inside the mouth of a terrifying and hilarious puppet.

Later, your core will take you to a magic show. The magician will call you up on stage, put his own ring on a rope, ask you to hold the ring, and tie the rope around your hand. He will then ask your core if it knows another way to tie a knot. Your core will say yes, come up on stage, untie the knot, and reveal your ring in your hand.


Well, that's the way we did it, anyway.


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Thinking happy thoughts.@l

Cat named Virtute

Never change, dear Hairpin.


My core cries all the time, flashmob or no.


Forget to pull out of your core and rush it down to the Justice Of The Peace as soon as that stick turns positive.


Stay with core for six or seven years. Be fine with not engaging core, as you don't need formalities to prove your feelings for core. Break up with core. Engage new core within six months.

fondue with cheddar

Why can't I just do these instead of the actual things you need to do to strengthen your core?

RK Fire

@fondue with cheddar You can strengthen your core by reinforcing it with steel girders.


@RK Fire New, from Spanx...

lucy snowe

Mm. I'd tried using letters cut from sandpaper to engage my core. Funny. I guess she's not a tactile learner.


Forget to pull out of your core and rush it down to the Justice Of The Peace as soon as that stick turns positive.

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