"Straight men feel bad about themselves when their girlfriends succeed." [The Cut]
men, success, a study has found, straight men feel lol yea right, lean the fuck in
WE ARE NOT A MONOLITH!!!!!111
@Emby I wish they would stop saying men and start saying "23 male undergraduates [and 99 female undergraduates]" (who are probably doing this study for credit or 8 dollars or a snack).
Psychology get your research methods game together.
@adorable-eggplant And while I absolutely believe men get butthurt when their gf's do better than them (isn't that like the plot to every 3rd episode of every family sit-com?) I'm also a bit dubious of their method of measuring self esteem.
@Onymous Anything self-reported makes me raise a big old eyebrow. Survey that primes people about the quality of their relationship and then answer questions about self-esteem... hmmmm.
every time one of these stupid things pops across our attention, my boyfriend turns to me and says "feel free to make more money than me". i mean, really, think of the sweet vacations we could go on!
@karenb Right? My husband (who works super hard) is always like "When are you gonna make enough money so that I can go surfing every day?"
Maybe it's different when you share money?
@karenb yeah for real my boyfriend and i are both like "hey when are you gonna do ____ and get super rich" and both of our answers are
@garli Funny, my husband just asked me if we could move somewhere cheaper than Boston so he wouldn't have to work anymore. He routinely tells me how psyched he is that I make big bucks as a corporate tool so I can keep him in the style to which he's become accustomed.
(Get over yourselves, other boys.)
well shit, I could have told you that.
In all seriousness: is this result altered once the partners are married or otherwise lifelong-committed? That, I would be curious to know.
In more insightful comments, this actually hits a bit close to home. The gf and I are both applying for jobs right now, and so far, she has heard a lot more responses than I have; I've interviewed for one job, she's interviewed for four. I'm incredibly happy for her and proud of her, but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't knock my own self-esteem down a peg or two. Mostly because I feel like I'm letting both of us down by not succeeding more. But of course, I realize these are my own feelings to sort through. If anything, it's increased my (already great) respect for her.
@Emby I think what you're feeling is totally normal - if it were one of your friends getting more responses, you'd be happy for them and a little sad for you. It doesn't sound like you're being a big pouty baby about it or making her feel bad for getting more responses/interviews. Job searching is just hard. Hope something good comes up for you (and your gf) soon!
Haha, good title.
Pooooooor babies. Although, I dunno, I get jealous of everyone having more success than me, regardless of gender or whether or not we're dating (why does no one want to hire me? :()
@Megasus That is how I would interpret the results.
[makes Nic Cage rage face] You don't say?!?!?
From the study: "The mean age of participants was 18.9 years."
I feel like this could explain a lot.
@cuminafterall oh, no kidding! there we go. teenagers are all idiots, no? (sorry underage 'pinners, but i was an idiot teenager, too)
@karenb I hated getting dismissed as an idiot teenager when I was one, but now I'm all GET OFF MY LAWN. Idiot teenagers, enjoy this time of your life when you get to be an idiot and everyone expects it. I can't rightfully hate on 18-year-old boys who are jealous of the success of their girlfriends, since their brains are still growing and all.
@cuminafterall So by "successes" clearly they meant "were you jealous that your high school girlfriend got into Yale and you didn't?" because I'm not sure what other major career successes 18.9 year olds are having.
At first I was like, gross, did they survey just 30 jackholes or something?
Then I saw they surveyed more than 600 people.
edit: 600 18 year olds, at least.
Yep. It isn't exactly a newsflash that insecure guys flip out over stupid shit. It's just a lot less sad when the subject is 18, rather than say, 42.
@yeah-elle man I feel the opposite though, because their girlfriends are also 18 rather than 42 and being told your boyfriend wants you to be second-class hits harder when it is a newer sensation.
It is like the Margaret Atwood thing about how little girls only seem cute to adults, but to each other they are life-size. To teenage girls, teenage boys are life-size too.
@queenofbithynia Ugh, this is true.
I wonder how the feelings of inadequacy play out in real-life interactions, though. Just because I occasionally feel like a giant butt when my friends do really cool things that I feel incapable of doing doesn't mean I'm not excited for them or don't encourage and support and congratulate them.
Sadly, I don't really have the same expectations from teenage boys (ughhhhhhhh) but still.
@yeah-elle oh I felt such rage as a teenager whenever a boy -- not even a boyfriend necessarily, just any of those fuckers -- did something, anything, better than me. or I would have, had that ever happened. But I would not have tried to deride them into failing to make me feel better since that would have let on I cared, and superiority is only valuable when it is effortless.
so, teen boys just have to try harder to be more like me and everything will be fine.
@yeah-elle One of the most satisfying days of my life is when I took a male grad student to swim laps with me. He got out of the pool and was like "Ok, up until this point in my life I have always assumed that I could do anything athletic better than any girl, but you just owned me"
1. I'm at most a very mediocre swimmer.
2. I have some much more impressive athletic accomplishments but that one sticks out as a win.
@garli Grad student?? Ugh. Better than any girl? WHAT ABOUT PROFESSIONAL FEMALE ATHLETES YOU MONSTER. Can he run a 100 metres in 10.49 seconds? No. I didn't think so. Ugh. UUUUgh.
ETA: Congrats to you for besting that dummy. Ugh.
@adorable-eggplant Yes, grad student. In engineering so while highly educated not like, some one who had been exposed to a lot of women's studies classes?
@garli Temptation level for walking over to the engineering building, throwing down a gauntlet and crushing them all at arm wrestling: High.
(I did ten burpees yesterday. I am drunk on power.)
@yeah-elle This is tangential, but I think 600 is still way too small [to satisfy Daniel Kahneman].
Why is everyone being so negative? Maybe the reason these young men are feeling bad when their girlfriends succeed is because they have seen how hard it was for the women they love to reach the same levels their male friends have considered as birthright and stepped into, and the knowledge of the patriarchy from which the benefighgflgtrhjigldkhg
sorry, I almost choked to death trying to say that with a straight face
well it is good that this is just dumb 18 and 19 year olds, because adults that age don't need to make any important decisions about whether to attend college, which college, how difficult a major to choose, whether to join the military, or what kind of a job or internship to apply for, and they certainly are not susceptible at that age to making or changing those decisions based on what will make their boyfriends happy.
I have spent the last four weeks doing all of the cooking and cleaning while waiting for my new job to start (next Monday) and also found myself flicking through The Stepford Wives in a bookshop yesterday. This is not helping my underlying feelings of paranoia and despair.
@Verity (I offered to do the cooking and cleaning - my boyfriend and I have just moved in together and there's a lot to do, and he's at work all day whereas I am not. And he cooks at weekends and does the washing up and is great. But arrgh, I hate it and it is making me very angry and sad, so this is not really improving matters.)
@Emby I wish they would stop saying men and start saying "23 male undergraduatesThong cau cong nghet tai Hue [and 99 female undergraduates]" (who are probably doing this study for credit or 8 dollars or a snack).
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