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Tuesday, August 20, 2013

104

The Online Dating Lorem Ipsum Text Generator

Hairpin reader and programmer extraordinaire Lauren Hallden's created a lorem ipsum-style text generator with dating profiles as the source of the word soup. Plug in the length you need (4 paragraphs, for example), and you'll get:

Glass half-full using my farmshare jazz cafes local sports teams. Netflix my eyes Woody Allen if you think we have something in common stepping outside your comfort zone, if you're still reading this medical school happy hour too many to list tattoos. I'm just a regular guy video games I enjoy making lasagna from scratch pickles fascinates me.

Myers-Briggs is pretty awesome On The Road making people laugh. If you're still reading this open-minded I'm a big fan of Woody Allen someone who shares my sense of humor, recently moved back my beard passionate about chilling at a bar with friends grilling. I'm a big fan of sushi grab coffee or a drink my goofy smile I'm not good at filling out these things Neutral Milk Hotel.

Game of Thrones Game of Thrones food Indian food. Family is very important to me vinyl records I'm a big fan of my beard grilling, Neutral Milk Hotel video games introvert exploring the city Game of Thrones. What to order off of the menu I'm not good at filling out these things honest and direct extrovert making people laugh making lasagna from scratch.

Family is very important to me Vampire Weekend just looking to have some fun if you like my profile. Ethiopian I'm a big fan of really hoppy beers The Daily Show only looking for something casual, Netflix Indian food it depends on the night local sports teams tattoos. Trying different restaurants beach days if you think we have something in common Portlandia happy hour glass half-full.

I'm a big fan of sushi grab coffee or a drink my goofy smile I'm not good at filling out these things Neutral Milk Hotel. This is brilliant. Splice a couple grafs and submit them to your poetry workshop, crib a few lines if you're looking to regress your own OKCupid profile down to the mean, or forget about online dating altogether and just get direct with your whale watcher of choice.

[Online Dating Ipsum]

104 Comments / Post A Comment

Clare

Single father raising a beautiful daughter Madasyn up for anything but rap with my dog partner in crime.

Martha33

I guess we just take lorem ipsum for granted -- although I know about it and I don't qualify as a pro designer by any means, this was just an incidental, small job I took on because we didn't have any UI guys available. What really stirs my stew is that I did explain in line 2 more (it's not going there in the end, you can replace with your own in the end, etc.) and it just didn't register...@me

Jolly Darling

Not exactly, When a worked at best buy (circa 2004) the company would bring in special models of popular tvs just for black Friday, These were the same "brand" but were usually stripped down versions of the more expensive model of the same size and design, but given a weird model number not normally carried in the store. You couldn't return them afterwards, only exchange or get a credit. @cook

rosaline

My beard full-contact at least once a day at least once a day I should have grown up in the 40s if you have to look it up don't bother.

j-i-a

@rosaline omg i straight detest men who say "i should've grown up in the 40's" i have never met a single one who's not white and ultra-libertarian

fondue with cheddar

@j-i-a ...and into Mad Men.

stuffisthings

@j-i-a I kind of want to have lived in the early 70s? Mainly I imagine myself chain-smoking in a polyester suit with a big droopy mustache in an avocado-colored room somewhere writing articles about Richard Nixon on an early-gen word processor and it wouldn't be too weird if my wife grew an Afro.

j-i-a

@stuffisthings that's legit as shit

stuffisthings

*NOT a HST fantasy btw, I'm thinking more of a Robert Redford as Bob Woodward meets Serpico kind of thing.

rosaline

@j-i-a Ahhhh none of the comments are getting sent to my email! (Not in my spam folder either.) Thank goodness I thought to check back or I would have missed @stuffisthings glorious imaginings.

bocadelperro

@j-i-a I don't understand this. You wish you would have come of age during the most destructive war to date? Do you have a death wish?

I'm sure it has more to do with zoot suits or swing music or vargas girls, but MAN.

fondue with cheddar

@rosaline Emailing of comments has been broken for awhile. It's not just you! I've been periodically going back via my profile page to comments I've made to see if anyone has since commented on the thread.

Unfortunately this doesn't work for the ones that don't have a title. :(

kallitropos

"For real though a fairly successful career in sports is probably a conspiracy don't waste my time."

Followed directly by this, which sort of needs to be set to music:

"Crying in my bathtub crying in my bathtub my hobbies include heyyy I starred in my own reality show, you should message me you will love it I'm too honest you will love it if you dress up like a pin-up doll for me."

fondue with cheddar

@kallitropos I read "crying in my bathtub" to the tune of "Mirror in the Bathroom."

kallitropos

@fondue with cheddar Yeah, that definitely works!

KatieBarTheDoor

@kallitropos Ok, that second one is pretty amazing.

Atheist Watermelon

@kallitropos apropos of nothing, i just have to say oh my god, <3 your avatar SO. MUCH. :-)

kallitropos

@Didldidi :D I assume you are familiar with the source? http://socks-studio.com/2012/05/19/the-unplayable-score-faeries-aire-and-death-waltz-john-stump/

I made a couple of livejournal icons based on it years ago, but this was by far the one that got the most uses.

cuminafterall

Lol I'm kind
of a genius Libertarian

nubile
ask your mother,

in my birthday suit that just proves
my point
I'm the last
of a dying breed I'm an enormous
man-child working
on my screenplay.

lipsmovetheysay

i'm strongly considering filling out my okcupid profile using this. i'll likely get better results.

SERIOUSLY LAUREN THIS IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN.

j-i-a

@lipsmovetheysay it's soooooo good

stuffisthings

Fixing up my house chilling at a bar with friends just looking to have some fun short-term dating I'm just a regular guy, bored at home thinking about trying yoga.

DONE. SUBMIT. (j/k I'm married, sorry for all you poor daters out there)

(ETA: I mean sorry you have to deal with OKCupid not sorry I'm not on the market. I'm not sorry.)

Lauren Hallden@twitter

@lipsmovetheysay Thank you!! I just finished it last week and put it up on facebook, and a few days later I noticed I had traffic coming in FROM okcupid; some guy had indeed used it to answer one of his profile questions. I think I made online dating worse?

ach_so

@lipsmovetheysay I am definitely filling out my profile with this.

RK Fire

Game of Thrones Game of Thrones food Indian food.

Finally, someone gets me!

fondue with cheddar

@RK Fire That is a winning combination.

SarahP

I feel like I used to see profiles like this back in my online dating days.

PistolPackinMama

Beekeeping shotgunning beers with lots of self-respect because I am a paradox.

Hell yes.

Slutface

"my beard"

That reminds me, I need to get back to creating my one-a-day calendar of dudes with beards reading on the train.

ayo nicole

SHOCKED that there is no mention of the wire

lora.bee

@ayo nicole ahahahaha

stuffisthings

if you have to look it up don't bother crying in my bathtub.

stuffisthings

no robots posing as real people beekeeping.

meetapossum

@stuffisthings The second sounds like a great horror movie.

zamboni

If you like my profile extreme I don't really keep a budget I grow a creepy mustache every February. Ayn Rand full-contact females polyamory you should be clean and intelligent, living on sailboats a fairly successful career in sports I will tell you stories forever I am oddly aroused by I'm kind of a genius. When I picked this username I didn't realize I couldn't change it if you have a BMI under 25 that means I am wonderful cosplay one time in middle school I am oddly aroused by.

- My lizard tongue well-built friendzone chivalry is not dead

ColdFinger

@zamboni I just realized what this reminds me of. The Tourettic meanderings of the narrator in Motherless Brooklyn!!!

frigwiggin

Part of one I got:

years ago I discovered crying in my bathtub

Lauren Hallden@twitter

@frigwiggin I once got "years ago I discovered my wife." AWKWARD.

fondue with cheddar

"Netflix Indian food" accurately describes my ideal Friday evening.

Lucienne

@fondue with cheddar Monday-Sunday.

fondue with cheddar

@Lucienne I can get behind that, it's just that I don't get paid enough to eat Indian takeout every day. But if I did...BLISS.

amirite

This is missing the words "fun-loving" and "easy-going," words that appear in every dude's profile ever.

Seriously, dudes. Nobody hates fun, or claims to be uptight on their dating profile. You are not unique in your love for fun or your need to be perceived as carefree.

Lauren Hallden@twitter

@amirite "laid-back" is in there, but you're right, needs way more repetitive insistence that okc guys are chill.

Blushingflwr

@amirite Oh, man I had one the other day where when I finished I just wanted to say "dude, have an opinion. On something, anything at all. I've got plenty to spare if you want to borrow one." His entire profile was about how open-minded he was and willing to try anything. Take a fucking stance on something, buddy.

Lemonnier

"The Game nubile work hard play hard I'm a nice guy I am a gentleman first and foremost don't waste my time." JUICEBOX ALERT JUICEBOX ALERT

fondue with cheddar

@Lemonnier "I know shirtless pics are a no-no, but my deep, manly voice....I'm kind of a genius chivalry is not dead wildly attractive doesn't hurt" ANOTHER ONE DING DING DING

leonstj

haha oh man i just gave up on okc last week and i miss it already now (i mean, not at all, but i actually did always meet very nice ladies)

amitygardens@twitter

@leon s Who could resist Leon S Kennedy?

Statham

"When I get drunk there's no such thing as a typical Friday night - heyyy (in my birthday suit)."

"Bald is sexy I'm kind of a genius."

Man, these are hitting pretty deep yo.

Statham

@Statham Wait. Hold on. "There's no such thing as a typical Friday night Juggalo."

BOOM. That is profile worthy if I do say so.

teaandcakeordeath

I would so grill that guys beard.

fondue with cheddar

I'm just in town for the night I don't really read much these days I know shirtless pics are a no-no, but my deep, manly voice. On the first date with lots of self-respect no robots posing as real people working on my screenplay you will love it, well-built shotgunning beers if you like my profile clubbing is pretty awesome. Be my partner in crime really only soft drugs I'm kind of a genius chivalry is not dead wildly attractive doesn't hurt if you have an innie belly button.

Lauren Hallden@twitter

Hey, Lauren here! So glad you guys are getting as much of a laugh out of it as I did coding it. Could not stop giggling the whole time... while shotgunning beers crying in my bathtub, of course.

What phrases am I missing?

Statham

@Lauren Hallden@twitter I didn't see it, but "bro" and "bros".

stuffisthings

@Lauren Hallden@twitter You should make every one end with a line about their/there/they're

Lauren Hallden@twitter

@stuffisthings ugh, yes. Someone requested a nod to the Great Oxford Comma debate as well.

Clare

@Lauren Hallden@twitter You are doing the Lord's work. Here are some of the phrases I see a lot:

anything but country
anything but rap
partner in crime
pride in her/my/your appearance
Sunday funday

wee_ramekin

@Lauren Hallden@twitter Do you say anything about "not being into drama"?

Faintly Macabre

@Lauren Hallden@twitter "My car" and "my iPhone/smartphone" (things they love) if they're not already there.

leonstj

omg i just got 'i attract girls who are very good looking' and i'm wondering who goes on dating sites to explain to the people who they hope are attracted to them how the people who are attracted to be attractive

KatieBarTheDoor

Work hard play hard motorcycle collection my hobbies include I won't bite without permission. Because I am a paradox I'm kind of a genius Juggalo no robots posing as real people making people mad.

Well, that sums up... something.

adorable-eggplant

@KatieBarTheDoor Too Real.

meetapossum

In my birthday suit trapped in a sexless marriage trapped in a sexless marriage bald is sexy.

I also got " I will love you forever living on sailboats" which sounds like the beginning of a love poem.

hungrybee

Doctor Who bacon fascinates me.

adorable-eggplant

AHAHAHAH I AM DYING:

"You could say I'm old-fashioned really only soft drugs complete lack of shame most cats eventually love me in my birthday suit years ago I discovered."

Judith Slutler

@adorable-eggplant oh... oh dear...

adorable-eggplant

@Judith Slutler Cats love me in my birthday suit. (eventually)

Statham

@adorable-eggplant I discovered (but how and why?)

KatieBarTheDoor

You guys have to stop with the hilarious commenting here because trying not to shriek-scream at work is killing me. (/don't really stop, never stop)

adorable-eggplant

Oh, this is making me sad for humanity: "Finishing my novel full-contact making people mad the fact that you are even considering schooling me giving massages, my beard it's very hard to meet quality women on my fetish list if you have a BMI under 25 I'm a nice guy. Work hard play hard really only soft drugs is pretty awesome I am currently addicted to finishing my novel I'm really good at."

Lauren Hallden@twitter

@adorable-eggplant wow. That one does get a little heavy.

adorable-eggplant

@Lauren Hallden@twitter Yeah, I didn't mean to bring down the party. Here's a tidbit to lighten the mood:

"I only smoke when drinking ask your mother that's what she said snapchat."

Judith Slutler

@adorable-eggplant I'm really good at making others feel good that was a joke, by the way friendzone performance art. o_o

adorable-eggplant

@Judith Slutler Hahah, 'by the way'...

Judith Slutler

I'm really good at thinking about trying yoga.

Betsy Murgatroyd

"There's no such thing as a typical Friday night my wife I'm an enormous man-child be my partner in crime."
"Fixing my scooter sleeping late really hoppy beers bacon fitness Arrested Development."
These sentences sound like lyrics to songs I would listen to.

[sic]

"Most cats eventually love me trapped in a sexless marriage"
Nooo, run away kitty!

"Skydiving no crazy chicks no crazy chicks I enjoy."
He's really adamant about not liking crazy chicks.

Jackysaurus Rex

If you like my profile I'm just in town for the night Libertarian you're going to be trained to my satisfaction. Bald is sexy my other half I did a lot of modeling work in the mid-80s making people mad extreme, shooting I am a gentleman first and foremost chivalry is not dead wildly attractive doesn't hurt in my birthday suit. Trapped in a sexless marriage no crazy chicks finishing my novel I grow a creepy mustache every February it depends on the night well-built.

LaLoba

@Jackysaurus Rex haha "No crazy chicks finishing my novel!!"

commanderbanana

Well, this is timely since I just posted an OKC profile. I've been on there for four days and am considering moving to an isolated nunnery somewhere on a bleak gray coast.

laurel

Get It Over With return button 4evs.

LaLoba

" . . . Working at a coffee shop I'm a big fan of Murakami whiskey. I'm a big fan of Netflix Kurosawa making lasagna from scratch Catcher in the Rye, I'm pretty laid-back my height and shoulders my dogs degree in philosophy using my farmshare . . . "

I'm intrigued especially by his dog earning a philosophy degree while working at the farmshare.

adorable-eggplant

@LaLoba For some reason, I find this one the most depressing.

bluewindgirl

I appreciate the whimsy of this, but I would straight-up hate on anyone who actually used this for their profile. I have had enough of your stream-of-consciousness text blocks, men of the internet. You are ruining internet dating.

Other people who are ruining internet dating: people who fuck with their stats/claim to be 8'11" and "graduated from space camp" so you can't search by height or whatever (I'M A GIANT DON'T JUDGE ME), people who message you "hey" and them delete their profile within hours/before you receive it (WHAT DO YOU WANT?), people who have no pictures of their face and claim this is because they are "kind of a big deal" (NO YOU'RE NOT), human men.

kallitropos

"Because I am a paradox my alter-ego is giving massages snapchat MFA Libertarian."

katherine

"I'm looking for Neutral Milk Hotel making lasagna from scratch."

rfpgh

This is tailor-made for an @okcupid_ebooks twitter account.

rfpgh

Actually I think what it really reminds me of is the lyrics to "Fitter Happier More Productive." Showing my age here.

mauritia

"I am oddly aroused by crying in my bathtub."

I found this line kind of poetic.

alicia

I am trying to sing all of these to the tune of "It's the End of the World As We Know It".

1684401564@twitter

I quit engaging at shoprite and currently I build $35h - $80h...how? i am operating online! My work did not precisely build Pine Tree State happy therefore i made a decision to require an opportunity on one thing new… when four years it absolutely was therefore onerous to quit my day job however currently i could not be happier.go to this site home tab for more detail .... WWW.JOBS87.COM

kallitropos

@1684401564@twitter *raises hand* Can Lauren do one for spambot copy next?

kallitropos

@kallitropos although now that I think about it that would probably be aiding and abetting the enemy.

premiersh

I appreciate the whimsy of this, but I would straight-up hate on anyone who actually used this for their profile. I have had enough of your stream-of-consciousness text blocks, men of the internet. You are ruining internet dating
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296248062@twitter

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383740544@twitter

I had no social support and your father’s work was taking 200 percent of him, so there was no way I could have balanced children and career. We could make it on one salary. It was also a financial decision. Kosmetik

Nayab Atif@facebook

Crying in my bathtub crying in my bathtub my hobbies include heyyy I starred in my own reality show, you should message me you will love it I'm too honest you will love it if you dress up like a pin-up doll for me.
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Umair Afzal@facebook

if you like my profile clubbing is pretty awesome. Be my partner in crime really only soft drugs I'm kind of a genius chivalry is not dead wildly attractive doesn't hurt if you have an innie belly button..
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bilo rani

I appreciate the whimsy of this, but I would straight-up hate on anyone who actually used this for their profile. I have had enough of your stream-of-consciousness text blocks, men of the internet. You are ruining internet dating
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pinky88

i'm strongly considering filling out my okcupid profile using this. i'll likely get better results.
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pinky88

That reminds me, I need to get back to creating my one-a-day calendar of dudes with beards reading on the train.
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