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Wednesday, August 21, 2013

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How to Politely React to Your Friend's Terrible Engagement


Featuring our favorite comedienne Sasheer Zamata, here are some suggestions for congratulating a friend newly affianced to someone who is, say, "medium racist" or "uses the word 'feminist' as an insult." I am really bad at faking enthusiasm, but I could definitely at least do Step 7: Gestures and Sounds ("BLAAHHHHAHHAHAHHHH!!!!!").



90 Comments / Post A Comment

Jaya

This is a million times perfect

Martha33

Step Three is completely ack basswards. It's the gay men who are being offensive by doing an over-exaggerated stereotypical version of what they think is feminine.@me

Jolly Darling

Be nice to EVERYONE for EVERYTHING Smile Be fast and calm (don't rush but try to be quick) Have a dick customer? Offer to have a manager speak with them. Are being insulted? smile, lean in, and softly tell them whatever you want (I don't recommend this but I give it to you if you want the option) @cook

Tuna Surprise

Is this a guide for the rare instance where "Congratulations, how wonderful." won't do?

Katie Lambert@twitter

@Tuna Surprise Did you miss the "without lying" part?

fondue with cheddar

@Katie Lambert@twitter "Oh, how wonderful for you!"

honey cowl

This is the most perfect thing.

j-i-a

"If you're gonna do save the date magnets, you should use *durable magnets*"

frigwiggin

@j-i-a

Too fucking right. This magnet from three years ago doesn't hold up shit.

fondue with cheddar

@frigwiggin I have a save the date magnet that has lasted longer than most of my relationships, as well as my friendship with the bride and groom.

Judith Slutler

I definitely have been there when it comes to the "excitedly stating the facts" strategem

whimseywisp

ALL OF THIS. YES.

Pompis

Guys, I need helpvice!! A close cousin of mine just announced she's engaged after dating a dude for 5 months! I super love her and I don't know what to do. She has a long history of loser boyfriends and some substance issue. Is it enabling for me to act happy for her?? When is the time for Real Talk?
This video is me, down to the weird noises and stating of facts. Aaaaarghghghghghgh!

Judith Slutler

@Pompis Do you mean "close cousin" as in, the 2 of you are personally very close to each other? Anyway, I don't think it's "enabling" to say congrats. In fact I pretty much agree with the original "congratulations, how wonderful" piece on this issue. http://thehairpin.com/2011/03/dont-do-this-no-1-popping-the-popped-question

Lucienne

@Pompis Well, traditionally you congratulate the groom and say "Best wishes" to the bride, which I think is one way out if you never get to the real talk stage.

Jaya

@Pompis I think "real talk" time is when it's clearly an abusive relationship, which doesn't just mean physically abusive. Otherwise, there's a good chance your cousin is just going to resent you for not being supportive. Even if it winds up being a huge mistake, that's ultimately her mistake to make.

Also this is a good read http://apracticalwedding.com/2013/04/breaking-up-a-friends-wedding/

Urwelt

@Pompis It's probably safest to stick with the "Wow, you must be so excited!" line of comments, but if you really are close, I don't think "Wow, you must be so excited! Are you nervous though? Marriage, wow!" would be too out of line. It gives her a chance to talk about it if she wants to.

Miss Maszkerádi

There are things on the Internet that are funny enough to procrastinate with. Then there are things on the Internet that are outright hilarious and brilliant. This is the latter (and SO relevant to my interests. Stop getting married all over the place, entire Facebook feed!)

Lisa Frank

Can we have a second installment of what to say when he becomes her terrible husband, and she cries to you about their experiences in couples counseling?

@Lisa Frank You just hand her the business card of a good divorce lawyer and offer her some wine.

melissabw

This is a necessary watch.

Ladyface

I've definitely responded to a friend's engagement announcement with "Wow! You must be so excited!" in the past instead of the "Fuck no. Don't do this." I really felt. Focusing on the ring doesn't always work, though, because sometimes you can see your friend's finger turning green as you make your excited noises and gestures.

Scandyhoovian

"You cannot marry someone whose favorite book is The Fountainhead!"

I have definitely gone the way of "state facts and make loud excited noises" to avoid saying "Ew, but he's horrible" before, so. Yay!

Verity

This is fantastic. Taking notes for conversations with friends whose partners I dislike.

hoo:ha

"comedienne" seriously? I prefer "comediette."

frigwiggin

@hoo:ha Comediatrix.

Onymous

@frigwiggin comedieuse

hoo:ha

Funny video though.

beanie

Step six: focus on the ring.

Yeaah...unless you have no poker face and dislike of most engagement rings..then better skip that one too.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

I loved this. These ladies are hilarious. I'm pretty lucky that so far I haven't been in this situation.

Tafadhali

Tooooo real. My college best friend got engaged, and our other best college friend and I had a whole drunken "WHHHHHHY?"-fest about it with each other, but of course we just said "Congratulations, we are so excited for you!" It's really the only thing to do -- we gave her real talk when she asked for it while they were dating, and she made her own choices, and now we just have to hope that he will make her really happy.

Also, it helps if your friend has dated worse people in the past, and you can say to yourself, "Welp, he's not a sort of racist drunk/an ex-con/someone who got expelled from our college and deported for hanging around with those creepy townies who brought guns into the dorms and once followed us slowly through town in their car NOT THAT THAT VERY SPECIFICALLY HAPPENED TO ME OR ANYTHING."

Myrtle

This video's like combat training- it will come back to me in an actual emergency, and I will survive the incident. Also, its bad form to congratulate the bride to be. Miss Manners advises one say "Best Wishes" to her, and the congratulations go to the groom.

selenana

@Myrtle I didn't know that, but why is it bad form to congratulate the bride and the groom? That sounds like gendered nonsense but I'm willing to be corrected.

SaltyAly

Is there a divorce video too? (I'm an asshole)

1971576878@twitter

You are allowed to post names, but not links, unless they are approved and on topic.
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