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Wednesday, August 21, 2013

149

What If Gwyneth Paltrow Is Merely a Mirror of Our Own Obnoxiousness?

It is a given that 40-year-old actress Gwyneth Paltrow—mother of Apple and Moses, wife of Chris Martin, son of Blythe and Bruce—is annoying. That said, reading “Gwyneth Paltrow’s Most Obnoxious Food Quotes” in The Savory this week, all  I could think was how much she just sounded exactly like a lot of people I know.

I wondered: do we all hate Gwyneth because she’s really that horrible, or do we all hate Gwyneth because we are all really that horrible?

Let’s listen to Gwyneth for a few minutes, and, in doing so, listen to ourselves.

“We have great dinner parties at which everyone sits around talking about politics, history, art and literature—all this peppered with really funny jokes. But back in America, I was at a party and a girl looked at me and said, ‘Oh, my God! Are those Juicy jeans that you’re wearing?’ and I thought, I can’t stay here. I have to get back to Europe.”

Granted, “I have to get back to Europe” is obnoxious. The immediacy of it—like if she doesn’t leave right away she could be kidnapped and forced to work at a water park. Also, I would like to know where all these funny Europeans Gwyneth is talking about are, because I never met one. Still, Gwyneth hardly invented Euro-Worship. At least once a day I hear some upper middle class white person between 30-45 talking about how much better Europe is than the United States, and how people are so much more intellectual than they are here, how wonderful it is that French people have authors on television instead of Kim Kardashian and how amazing their vegetables are and they don’t have GMOs there and blah blah blah.

“I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin."

Mostly my problem with this is the crack. Are you smoking crack, Gwyneth? It's a mystery that “I’d rather do x than smoke crack” jokes still exist, and it's even more perplexing that people still laugh at them. As far as the cheese snobbery goes, well, do you eat cheese from a tin? Would you? I highly doubt it. Have you ever said, “Oh my God, who even eats Cheeze Whiz anymore?” I bet money you have. Good thing for you no one writes down what you say and prints it.

“My daughter gravitates toward fresh fruit and raw nuts but will inhale a bag of hot Cheetos at the airport. It’s all about balance.”

Gravitate is not a verb that helps Gwyneth out very much here, but the content is pretty standard. Seriously, have you ever talked to parents of young kids before and heard them talk about, well, anything, other than what they feed their kids principally and what they feed their kids for treats, and how it’s all about …yes, balance. And don’t they love a good self-deprecating giggle about how their adorable and essentially extremely healthy little monsters ate a whole bag of those really expensive potato chips when they weren’t looking or how “Cooper drank orange soda, at some place where there were poor people, and now he wants it all the time, and so we’ve tried to convince him that fresh squeezed orange juice and seltzer are the same thing!” I heard that once. I added the part about the poor people, but that’s basically what the person said. And no. It wasn’t Gwyneth.

Gwyneth on her last meal: “Oysters and cocktail sauce, and then a baked, stuffed lobster and french fries. I would have a baguette and a cheese course for my dessert, and red wine. I drank like crazy [when the kids were babies]. How else could I get through my day?” 

When parents of young children aren’t filling you on what they feed them, they can generally be depended upon to be humble-bragging about how much they drink or smoke pot. And it’s not just parents.  It begins in college and then never stops—upper middle class white people ages 30-45 can’t really think of any way to reasonably funny about the stress in their lives without talking about how much they drink or smoke pot and, if they are not currently doing a lot, how much they used to do, in addition to cocaine. 

I am not sure if anyone thinks her idea of a last meal is annoying. I think it sounds good. The cheese course is a bit precious, maybe, but there are a lot of people who hate Gwyneth who actually think nothing of suggesting a sweetish craft beer for dessert, so, I think they can kind of blow her, right?

"We basically can't live without Vegenaise—it's a little out of control."

The annoying thing here (other than Vegenaise, which, full disclosure, I fucking love, too!) is the idea that the most banal thing in the world is out of control. Gwyneth is a married woman with a lot of money and children, and yet—and I know it’s just a figure of speech, but the implication is there—she is suggesting that somehow, still, there’s something interesting and even subversive and alternative going on in her life, for which the Veganaise is only a symbol.  We could hate her for this if the mythology of every family  (“It’s a little out of control how much our everyone—even my dad!—loves Pretty Little Liars") and friendship (“When we get together, it is so out of control like, how much we party") didn’t place similar dependence on this idea of being somehow weird and quirky even as they do the exact same things other people are doing, in the millions.

 

Sarah Miller is the author of Inside the Mind of Gideon Rayburn and The Other Girl. She lives in Nevada City, CA.



149 Comments / Post A Comment

JessicaLovejoy

I would think her the font from which all White Woman tears flow forth, except that I'm pretty sure her tears would just be some sort of artisanal pesto. Which probably tastes good also, but is not quite as nourishing.

Lu2
Lu2

@JessicaLovejoy She does look like it! Honestly, though, I don't think she is even capable of indulging in White Woman's Tears. She may well think she's above feeling sorry for things she's said, or immune to criticism. I second the idea that there is a heap of basil and garlic essence flowing through and out of her.

Martha33

Sounds like, "So maybe some bacon for dinner, take in a Kevin Bacon movie, then it's back to my place for a little drink, then we'll see what transpires from there."@me

Jolly Darling

The thread blew up and I had a nightmare last night that the store I work at was also my high school and I got a D for not telling a customer about the survey after they were attacked for their merchandise. So there's that. @cook

adorable-eggplant

As a lover/aficionado of fake cheese, I found that one particularly sad. Fake cheese + real peppers + salsa + beans + avocado would be my last meal of choice.

But I think it's hard to talk about food without sounding like a jackass.

fabel

@adorable-eggplant I'm personally a fan of fake egg (like those patties Dunkin' Donuts gives you? Which maybe is actually real egg, who knows) so I'd have to incorporate that somehow into my last meal

adorable-eggplant

@fabel I am constantly saying that textured vegetable protein should replace meat in most fast food settings. I would eat SO MANY taco bell tacos if there were a meat substitute option.

Alli525

@adorable-eggplant I have a low-level addiction to stadium/movie-theatre nacho cheese. It's so good I eventually get caught mopping up the extra, post-chips cheese with my finger, then licking it off my fingers.

fondue with cheddar

@Alli525 I am generally not a fan of processed cheese, but it's not a matter of principle or even health, but flavor and texture. So there are exeptions. I'm with you on the movie theatre nacho cheese. Also, I live near Philly, and every time I get a cheesesteak you can bet I get it with whiz. And Velveeta grilled cheese is the best. And nacho cheese sauce (or Campbell's cheddar cheese soup) with taco and/or chili leftovers thrown in makes a fantastic dip.

itiresias

@Alli525 For me it's the queso in a jar.

I will eat an entire jar of queso in a jar.

or Elsa!

full disclosure: I had to think a bit about what "cheese from a tin" might be. But as soon as I realized it prolly meant Cheez Whiz (which I have never tasted), I jumped straight to "Oh wow, I bet Cheez Whiz tastes great once in a while, especially with Ritz crackers and maybe a cheap beer."

To sum up: I am only half as loathsome as the Gwyneth tulpa we as a culture have generated out of our resentful impulses toward the actual person of Gwyneth Paltrow. "Only half as loathsome" is still not great.

Urwelt

I'm actually charmed by how... pedestrian her last meal is? Like it's someone who's not really into food's idea of what fancy food is. Minus the french fries of course. And speaking of fries, I can't really bring myself to make fun of people for being dopes about food, because I am a dope. I came very close to writing an angry Foursquare review yesterday because the food truck I got lunch from was selling "skinny fries" that were just regular fries. I wanted shoestring!

meetapossum

@Urwelt The only thing worse than that is seeing curly fries on a menu and then the waiter tells you they're out.

muggles

@Urwelt I once excitedly ordered the special curly fries from a restaurant... but when they came out, turns out they were just plain fries that happened to be curly, not SEASONED curly fries as the entire rest of the world would interpret such a menu item. #worst #worst #fryfeelings

Brunhilde

@muggles I would probably have cried.

City_Dater

Well if by "we," you mean "unimaginative and tedious people for whom the world outside their bubble of privilege barely exists" then sure, why the hell not?

adorable-eggplant

@City_Dater I was also not aware that any one hates Gwyneth Paltrow (maybe because I haven't been exposed to her outside of films or places where she's playing a character, which I think she does quite well), but I was willing to play along because I love reading about what other people think about food, regardless of whether I'm part of the 'we' of haters.

Nancy Sin

@City_Dater I think the collected hate she generates has since garnered her a lot of sympathy, so now the hate circle returns to the beginning. But she's infamous for her lack of self-awareness and frequent misguided attempts to be the everywoman.

Personally, I just think she's pretty. Pretty pretty pretty.

adorable-eggplant

@Nancy Sin I feel like the faux pas proneness might be her most everywoman feature: who among us has not said something stupid?

Nancy Sin

@adorable-eggplant yeah but she's on some next-level "this comfy white tee is a steal at $200" obliviousness. Anyway, she means well. I'll direct my shallow celebrity hate at Kris Jenner or whatever.

adorable-eggplant

@Nancy Sin That's egregious! How much does a not-steal white t-shirt cost? No wait, I do not want to know.

Jizzcliner

@City_Dater What if GOOP were one of us?

Lu2
Lu2

By the way, I think this is a great thesis for an article. I enjoyed it. I also own up to whatever commonalities I may have with Gwynnie, though god forbid she has anything as common as a commonality with the likes of me.

Bekki@twitter

I'm confused. What sort of cheese comes in tins?

(I should probably point out I'm English, so assume that's a US thing I've just never encountered).

Edit: Ah! @Or Elsa says Cheez Whiz. Which is what, sprayable cheese? Or like whipped cream in a can? Still confused, must google.

Onymous

@Bekki@twitter Probably cheez-whiz.

Which side note: in the US cheez-whiz (as well es pretty much every thing but sardines and some cat food) comes in 'cans'

which is another reason people dislike Paltrow.

DOUBLE SIDE NOTE: according to wikipedia it's Easy-Cheese that comes in a spray can not cheez-whiz which if true means the US has been maligning Cheez-Whiz unfairly for decades.

Triple Edit: yes like whipped cream.

Bekki@twitter

@Onymous But she's married to an Englishman, tins is normal British English.

I am totally with her on the cheese shouldn't come out of a tin/can/jar thing. But mostly cos it's alien to me. I imagine the French feel similarly about British cheeses.

PistolPackinMama

@Bekki@twitter Cheez-Wiz= like Primula, but runnier. Kind of the texture of golden syrup. Typically not really available in cans any more, more in jars. Vital ingredient in some versions of the Philly cheese-steak sandwich. (Others use provolone.)

Easy Cheese= cheese that comes from a spray can like whipped cream or decorating frosting. Like Primula, but stiffer (so you can get maximum squeezey-ness).

Velveeta= brand of processed cheese that comes in various forms. Most useful in huge chunks, like a small loaf of bread. Key ingredient in various dips for parties. Best one, in my opinion:

Chunk Velveeta melted on low over the stove or in the microwave.
Dump a can of Ro-Tel in with the cheese. Ro-Tel= canned tomatoes that have jalapenos mixed in and also spices. Stir. Serve with tortilla chips. Call it good.

Ms. Paltrow is missing out on perfect Super Bowl/ World Cup Match party food. I don't really eat a lot of processed cheese any more (I think cholesterol + not being a parent so no kids weird cheese products to nab accounts for this). But Ro-Tel + Velveeta is just so very good sometimes.

Slapfight

@Onymous I'm as big a cheese snob as anyone and I WILL ALWAYS LOVE EASY CHEESE BECAUSE IT IS SQUEEZABLE ORANGE PERFECTION.

or Elsa!

@Bekki@twitter I just looked it up and I think I was wrong: apparently Cheez Whiz is a jarred product and Easy Cheese is the processed cheese product that comes in spray-top cans.

Bekki@twitter

@or Elsa! @or Elsa! Weird! In the best sort of things that seem normal to an insider and alien to an outsider sort of way.

Onymous

@Bekki@twitter no no. Spray-cheese is a national joke in the US. It's alien to the insiders too.

adorable-eggplant

@Onymous No no! It is tasty on a ritz.

Onymous

@adorable-eggplant You can't deny it's a national joke. Actual quality be damned.

or Elsa!

@Bekki@twitter I ought to be an insider on this one, but somehow in my middle-class middle-American life I've never handled a can of spray cheeze.

I have eaten Velveeta, which is a shelf-stable processed cheese product. I'm pretty sure it was the budget-friendly secret to my mother's great homemade mac & cheese, and every so often I buy a brick of it to melt with salsa for queso dip.

The dip is extremely salty and typically served with tortilla chips, which makes it all saltier, and you have to eat it rapidly before the Velveeta cools down and solidifies again, and yes I know how unappetizing all this sounds, but every time I have served it, guests have scraped the very last drips and drops out of the bowl and then looked hopefully up at me in case I can make more.

And I do. And then we do it all again.

Snood Mood

@or Elsa! Easy Cheese is actually super tasty, IMO. It's got that cheddar tang that other fake cheeses lack and oh god now I'm actually salivating just thinking about it. Of course I'm too embarrassed to actually buy it, even though I feel a little tug every time I pass the display at the end of the grocery aisle.

mlle.gateau

@or Elsa! Even better way to do Velveeta Queso--use a drained can of Rotel instead of salsa, and add a can of cream of mushroom soup. Also, if you want to not have to eat it super fast, you can get a little bitty crock pot to keep it warm.

I fucking love velveeta queso.

adorable-eggplant

@mlle.gateau Cream of mushroom soup: I'm horrified and fascinated and going to try this soon. I love love love queso, so new variants are always welcome. But cream of mushroom?

or Elsa!

@Snood Mood I KNEW IT WOULD BE. Advise me: on Ritz crackers with cheap beer, or on Ritz crackers with cheap wine?

or Elsa!

@mlle.gateau I prefer it with a smooth salsa and sometimes some black beans thrown in, but any ol' way you serve it, I will scrape it up and then gaze at you with puppydog eyes in case there's more.

Jinxie

@mlle.gateau If you want to next-level that shit, also add some browned/crumbled sausage (or veggie "sausage" if you're into that). In my family we traditionally use a spicy breakfast sausage, but anything that you can easily crumble is good.

Chelsea Kristina Liddy

I think there's nothing wrong with wanting the best in life, even if Gwyneth can probably afford to buy the best more often than others.

Also I can't fault her too much - we share the same birthday, and I love her recipe for buttermilk pancakes.

Michelle LeBlanc@twitter

The "I have to go back to Europe" and "sometimes a man needs a steak" are the only really obnoxious ones here. I can't decide if sending a cookie to her friend that was on a cleanse is very nice or super evil.

Blondsak

She definitely comes across to me as completely out of touch, but also pretty harmless. Honestly, reading this makes me kind of want to split a pitcher of sangria with her now - she sounds hilarious.

spanglepants

Saying that 'sometimes a man needs a steak' is the most obnoxious thing I saw from those quotes. And it's pretty flippin obnoxious, I would seriously berate anyone in my life who came out with that kind of utter horseshit.

Although a lot of the other quotes aren't all that bad, she's just so clueless about how most people live that I can't take her seriously.

nyikint

"...without talking about how much they drink or smoke pot and, if they are not currently doing a lot, how much they used to do, in addition to cocaine."

What the hell, is EVERYBODY DOING COKE BUT ME?

Olivia2.0

@nyikint Not anymore GOD.

But...yes...we were doing coke without you.

lora.bee

@nyikint I still don't know if I should raise my hand

Lu2
Lu2

@lora.bee good lord that's funny

frenz.lo

I feel about assertations that we have met the Gwyneth and it is us the same way I think other commenters felt about the "How many of even have friends who are not constantly doing cocaine???" line in SNP's piece the other day. I am aware of such people, but they are not my friends. Also, anyone would like to join forces with me to overthrow the, and seize their lands and chattel, def pm me. Serious inquiries only.

Ladyface

@frenz.lo I don't know anybody like that. Even the few upper-middle class people with whom I'm acquainted would tilt their heads to the side like confused puppies at the word "vegenaise."

On one hand, I'm tempted to join you on your mission. On the other, I really want to pretend those people don't actually exist.

frenz.lo

@Ladyface Vegenaise is pretty useful if you're vegan. My one associate who best fits the profile given here has never even cinematically delighted me, so I just can't get into hanging out with them.

Ladyface

@frenz.lo I'm sure it is. I just meant that the upper middle class people I've met (with a couple of exceptions) are the kind of conservative Republicans who would list veganism among other traits they'd attribute to liberals and who use the word "liberal" disparagingly. So, I doubt they've heard of vegenaise and would scorn it if they did.

What I was getting at is that no one I know, friend or not (the people I just described decidedly not), fits the profile.

Miss Maszkerádi

@Ladyface I openly admit to coming from a middle-to-upper middle class family, I have lived in both Europe and the US and prefer the former, lean much more liberal than conservative, hate Cheez Whiz, and I still have never heard of Vegenaise before today.

So you know. When you bring the revolution with bayonets and torches, spare a bit of mercy for me, for I had never eaten of the Vegenaise.

Ladyface

"Well, do you eat cheese from a tin? Would you?" Um...duh? Not cheese whiz (which comes in a jar, anyway), but concession stand nacho cheese for damn sure. Knowing that bright, processed slurm comes from a can doesn't even give me a moment's pause.

Processed cheese product is the driving force behind my Taco Bell addiction.

adorable-eggplant

@Ladyface Hi5 fellow fake cheese lover!

Olivia2.0

@Ladyface I am terrifyingly unable to place the driving force behind my Taco Bell addiction - I think it's the cinnamon twists...

Ladyface

@adorable-eggplant High 5 indeed! http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/64/33/39bee4f33728e1f54402d858540d373c-weekend-update-high-five.gif

adorable-eggplant

@Ladyface I should have started with this:

Ladyface

@Olivia2.0 The cinnamon twists also pair well with the nacho cheese (no, really), but I haven't ordered twists since they started selling churros. Hot, cinnamon, legal crack are those.

Ladyface

@adorable-eggplant And I should have responded with this...apparently I can't gif today? At the link: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb8hjxN0bJ1rqe7e5o1_500.gif

adorable-eggplant

@Ladyface Hahaha, somehow the heightened suspense of following the link made me laugh even harder when it loaded. Touché.

PistolPackinMama

@Ladyface Ro-Tel + Velveeta= perfect super bowl party food.

I mean, to each their own. If Ms. Paltrow isn't down with such products, I guess that leaves more for me?

Also, somehow I just can't imagine that crack is ever a better option than Cheez Wiz...

Olivia2.0

The most annoying part of the "rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin" statement is that she says TIN - not CAN. Because she's just that European everyone. I bet she also "rings" people and takes the "lift".

adorable-eggplant

@Olivia2.0 Or knocks them up.

Miss Maszkerádi

@Olivia2.0 I believe that her husband is British - trust me, linguistic leakage happens involuntarily.

Tragically Ludicrous

@Miss Maszkerádi I say "university" and "surname" now because otherwise people wouldn't know what I was talking about. :(

Miss Maszkerádi

@Tragically Ludicrous it happens to me with - well, tragically ludicrous frequency. I have a very fast ear for language, which is awesome because I can learn foreign languages quite quickly, but it also leads to embarrassing shit like the accidental mimicking of accents. I swear I lilted for the rest of the evening when my mom and I watched "Brave" together.

Megasus

@Olivia2.0 But, what kind of cheese comes from a can!?

HereComesTheMetricSystem

@Megasus Cougar Gold comes in a can (tin) it's made by Washington State University's creamery

http://cougarcheese.wsu.edu/

HereComesTheMetricSystem

@HereComesTheMetricSystem Ah shoot, Betsy Murgatroyd beat me to it downthread!

Heat Signature

Who are all of these parents talking about how healthy the food is that their children eat and bragging about their alcohol and drug consumption? This is like the cocaine thing all over again, but with other weird assumptions that the author is using to justify liking Gwyneth Paltrow which really? She strikes me as an oblivious upper-class woman who thinks she's doing a really good job of masquerading as an ordinary, every day person when really she just says shit that reveals her rich and privileged existence.

Story #2

@Heat Signature I was going to say, I hope the author isn't too hurt if I think that the reason Gwyneth Paltrow bothers me is that she makes me all-too-aware of how many upper-, and upper-middle-class versions of her are wandering the earth being awful?

Though actually the reason Gwyneth Paltrow bothers me is that "I am African" ad. Also, there are so many people who could do her job (acting, in theory) better than she does, and don't get a chance because straight-up nepotism has gotten her where she is.

Cliterary Device

@Heat Signature: "She strikes me as an oblivious upper-class woman who thinks she's doing a really good job of masquerading as an ordinary, every day person when really she just says shit that reveals her rich and privileged existence."

That's like a lot of people actually on the privileged side of any axis too. I'm always struck at how out of touch and disparaging the upper-class people are with the common folk when I go to other countries... until I realize that we collectively do the same thing right here (I'm in the USA) at home.

AW@twitter

@Heat Signature see below.
http://www.theawl.com/2012/07/the-40-year-old-reversion

pajamaralls

Pretty sure Gwyneth Paltrow is the actual living embodiment of Veganaise.

Cliterary Device

@pajamaralls: When I think of Gwyneth Paltrow, the meal that comes to mind is buttered bread, that is room temperature. It's appearance has the curated aspiration of finer things, but quietly accepts that it will impart no more than the flavor of beige once out of view, in the mouth.

Can portraits be made out of whipped organic butter and artisanal heritage bread in much the same way as a yogurt medium? Using a paintbrush made from the beards of Parisian squirrels?

pajamaralls

@Cliterary Device Stunned by this perfection.

CubeRootOfPi

Re: "I have to go back to Europe" - wonder how she would feel about the Eurovision Song Contest.

I can't hate on her though. From a distance it's hilarious.

Tragically Ludicrous

@CubeRootOfPi I don't know, as someone who lives in/likes Europe the Eurovision Song Contest is my favorite time of year.

CubeRootOfPi

@Tragically Ludicrous Oh no, I like it too - it's that Paltrow thinks Europeans are all so highbrow and intellectual while the ESC is definitely not.

Queen Elisatits

Euro-worship is the worst. I can't really articulate why, but it annoys the shit out of me. Most European countries are super xenophobic and nationalistic!

sarpmiller

@Queen Elisatits I know. i don't get why people are like oh europe is so civilized. yeah if you like people just saying racist things, to your face

Briony Fields

@Queen Elisatits I can't argue with this but like....so is America? Neither is better than the other in that respect, in my opinion.

Cliterary Device

@sarpmiller: Paltrow shouldn't possibly worry her pretty little head about any of that though, pft! As long as they are sophisticated and funny about it, it's okay right?

I do wonder, what the European elites think of American-born europhile sycophants always trying to invite themselves to their parties?

lasso tabasco

@Briony Fields I don't know... I lived in Germany and they have these chocolates called (N-word)Kisses, and it is perfectly acceptable to call them that and all my German friends made fun of me for being offended. "Oh you Americans and your political correctness!"

Clara Morena

@Queen Elisatits Cosign! I tend to be very cynical about the Euro-worship since it does gloss over colonialism. I guess it comes from having a mother that was raised her daughter to read a lot of Latin American history.

tuntastica

@Queen Elisatits "Most European countries are super xenophobic and nationalistic!"

Just like the US!

Queen Elisatits

@tuntastica & @Briony Fields I guess I felt that sentiment was implied in my original post, my bad. But I totally agree, people set up a false dichotomy about US vs. Europe when really we're all terrible in our own special ways.

Briony Fields

@lasso tabasco That is so interesting! I also lived in Germany, for four years, and I never heard anyone say that word but I've definitely heard people in the US talk about chocolate using that name. I guess it's the same chocolate?

Honestly, I still find it a bit of a wash. Germany does have its problems with racism, but I've also seen and heard things in the US that were terribly racist and ehh, I wouldn't say one is worse than the other. And some countries are more nationalistic in Europe (cough cough, SWEDEN cough) but Germany's not one of them.

harebell

@lasso tabasco
I mean... I would be more worried about how they treat people than what they call their chocolates. Maybe that's what those people meant... let's worry less about words for chocolate, and more about how immigrants are treated, etc.
Also, Europeans who think it's okay to wear blackface bother me a lot more than Negerküsse. Which I am pretty sure means "negro," not "n*gg**". Not that I would encourage anyone to buy or talk about them, but it doesn't seem like my priority for racism-fighting, either.

Nancy Sin

On the heels of #SolidarityIsForWhiteWomen week, it's time for #WhiteGirlProblems week!

(no shade being thrown, just a funny juxtaposition of content in recent days)

Brunhilde

I can't remember the last time I ate Cheez-Whiz but I CAN remember the last time I smoked crack, so I guess we're on the same page there Gwyneth.

frenz.lo

@Brunhilde Gwyneth gets this awesome small-batch crack flown in from Vermont. You have GOT to try it.

Brunhilde

@frenz.lo Is it made with artisinal baking soda? It's been a few years but this sounds too good to pass up!

frenz.lo

@Brunhilde The secret ingredient is smoked paprika!

dracula's ghost

you guys excuse me but I associate vegenaise with crusty political punk rockers, not upper-class fancypantses. I have been eating vegenaise since the early 2000s and for a long time you could only find it at the crazy communist grocery co-op where everyone had the gnarliest dreads and you had to work there 6 hours a week to get 10 cents off margarine or whatever

Gwyneth seems like a dipshit but I think this article is exactly right-on that when a lot of people hate on her they're hating themselves. Any time you are worrying about your acne or that text some boy sent you instead of dying in a refugee camp you're exercising a level of privilege pretty much un-glimpsed by the vast majority of humans who have ever lived on this earth!!! Gwyneth is just the more extreme example of shit a lot of us do/say every day, which is obviously the point of the article, sorry for stating the obvious yet again (my MO). I mean, we are commenting angrily about vegenaise on a feminist website, I mean, he who is without sin, etc

p.s. I have never done cocaine in my life and I am old as fuck

ohbladi

@dracula's ghost "...we are commenting angrily about vegenaise on a feminist website" lololol TRUTH.

skyslang

@dracula's ghost "Any time you are worrying about your acne or that text some boy sent you instead of dying in a refugee camp you're exercising a level of privilege pretty much un-glimpsed by the vast majority of humans who have ever lived on this earth!!! "
Hyperbole and guilt do not help people dying in refugee camps.

Betsy Murgatroyd

Gwyneth Paltrow obviously has never had Cougar Gold. I don't know if she was talking about Cheez-Wiz, or what, but that, my dears, is what I think of when I imagine cheese in a tin.

More for me, I say. It is like crack. Cheesy golden crack.

Brunhilde

@Betsy Murgatroyd Okay, I had heard of Cougar Gold, but living among throngs of Husky fans, the fact that it comes in cans had somehow eluded me. Now I have to find me a can of cheese!

...And they sell it at the WSU store in Westlake Center, conveniently located 5 blocks from work. Looks like I'll be making a stop after work!

Onymous

@Brunhilde Their Dill Garlic is fantastic... well really their whole line is damn tasty. It's a bit expensive vs random block of tillamook from safeway but it's not bad considering the usual price of fancy cheese.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

I'm really glad that no one here got aggravated by the "my kids get their weekly Coke" thing, because I don't understand how it's weird that she limits her kids' access to soft drinks/pop/soda. I grew up in a house where we only got to drink that stuff sometimes, and I didn't turn into a serial killer or whatever.

squishycat

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) Soda was pretty much only in my house for birthday parties or if Dad had done the grocery shopping *and* had been particularly susceptible to "please Papa pleeeeeeeeeeeze". Not having it around is... not weird to me, either.

Apocalypstick

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) We didn't have soft drinks, white bread, crisps that had MSG in, stuff with lots of food colouring, processed lunchable-type-things, or burgers that weren't made of pistachios growing up. Going to other kids' birthday parties was like a glimpse into another world. (Note: neither my brother or I became serial killers, we were not bullied about our healthy-ish packed lunches, and I still became fat, so clearly none of this was a big deal).

itiresias

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) Yeah. I actually drank a ton of Coke as a kid because my mom used Diet Coke as a substitute when she quit smoking, and I was the weird kid who'd go to dinner at other people's houses and ask for a soda and be totally confused when the mom would be pissed at me and answer "We only have water and milk with our dinner." That said, I wasn't allowed to have things like sugary breakfast cereal, Skippy peanut butter, marshmallow fluff, Chewy granola bars ('they're not granola! they're full of crap!") and I was often force-fed salmon and tofu stir fry. Looking back, even though my mom's opinions were ill-informed and skewed, I would totally enforce some restraint and attempt to shove healthy shit down my kids' throats too.

happymisanthrope

@Rookie (not the magazine) I didn't think that was strange either.

mochi

lots of celebrity stuff lately
._________.

harebell

@mochi
yes. a bore.

Emma Carmichael

@mochi Lots? Really?

fondue with cheddar

@Emma Carmichael Sad whale seems to be skipping all the non-celebrity content.

And besides, the celebrity content on here is not exactly Daily Mail.

titsgrande

@fondue with cheddar damn i love the daily mail. I have the app on my phone. keeps me up to date with all the nonsense going on back home the uk. apart from i found out that a girl i know got run over by a taxi in nyc and had her foot amputated. that was very freaky seeing her in the 'top news story', the 'uk & us showbiz' news is nice distraction from the crappiness.

the daily mail is the cheez-wiz of media!

itiresias

@fondue with cheddar Yeah. I love talking about celebrity culture and I love the grain of/entire salt shaker that this website and commentarie adds to it.

itiresias

@titsgrande That's crazy that you know her! And Dr. Oz capitalized on the accident like the total douche he is!

mochi

@harebell all of the other websites cover this stuff endlessly. tearing this famous person down, adulation for this other one, you can read that anywhere (everywhere, all the time)... maybe i'm alone but it just bums me out.

Julianne S.

I love this! So well put.

itiresias

"The maple syrup adds another layer of autumnal yum" is 100% something my wonderful, frequently-out-of-touch-with-reality college roommate would write on her food blog and we would make fun of her for and she'd roll her eyes and go "Ugh, I know, I'm so embarrassing."

Megasus

...cheese in a tin???

happymisanthrope

Most of her statements don't seem that obnoxious to me. The quotes about her life seem pretty balanced or typical vegan and the ones from her cookbook sound like any other quote in Bon Appetit, Savour, the Food Network.

Lo11

Europe really is better than the U.S. tho...

dulich

The "I have to go back to Europe" and "sometimes a man needs a steak" are the only really obnoxious ones here. I can't decide if sending a cookie to her friend that was on a cleanse is very nice or super evil. loi bai hat

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