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Friday, July 12, 2013

628

Friday Open Thread


How was your week? How will your weekend be? Can you predict the future? Wow. Tell us.

First, some things you may have missed this week:

• Great-grandma was trapped in the closet.

• We talked girls and guns with director Cathryne Czubek and glamorous Hollywood with Emma Straub and Laura Moriarty.

• The evolution of Playgirl.

• Tears for Bieber.

• A literary alternative to missed connections.

• Other interpretations for Disney movies.

• 1965. Where were the girls?

• Meet Jane, the queen of Chicago.

This Rosé the Riveter goes out to you, you, you. See you Monday.



628 Comments / Post A Comment

liverwortlaura

Looks like a heat wave is heading for Chicago, so I will be battening down the hatches with popsicles and chocolate pudding pie. Also on the weekend agenda: picking currants and blackberries. Related: does anyone in Chicago know of any abandoned/semi-public plum trees? I have been on the hunt, but have not seen any.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@liverwortlaura
No clues on plum trees, but holy crap it does look like we are in for some heat-related challenges to come.

like a rabid squirrel

@liverwortlaura I can't attest to the accuracy of this/anything in the Chicago area, but you can poke around on http://fallingfruit.org/ - it's a map of edible plants in urban areas.

PennyCentury

@liverwortlaura my internship's garden is just getting the cherries in, and we do have ornamental plums falling off but I think we deduced they are not eating. also protip: lots of free raspberries at Garfield Park Conservatory along the outside of the fence! also shameless promotion of the 61st Street Farmer's Market!

also heat? nooooooo.

iwearaFEZnow

@liverwortlaura Is this the summer's way of punishing me for thinking "Oh, maybe you're not so bad, July. I'd quite like it if you stayed like this"?

Because, seriously, I hadn't checked the weather and now there's a damper on my day...

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@iwearaFEZnow
I know! I used to live in DC and I used to sleep at 95 degrees with just a little fan on me. But I have no idea how I ever did that.

liverwortlaura

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll yeahhhhhhhh it's gonna be bad. AND I have an out-of-town guest all next week (not a euphemism for my period) and I'm stymied as to what to do to beat the heat except nonstop paletas and soaks in the lake.

PennyCentury

@liverwortlaura patios? outdoor pools? night-time lake beers?

also I swear by smitten kitchen's chopped salad with mint. I also have been known to make it sans fresh herbs, but I pretty much lived on this stuff last July (well, and peanut noodles). Take cold vegetables (cucumber, onion, radish, carrot are my bases), chop roughly, add salt, herbs, cumin, olive oil, lime juice, and queso fresco or feta. Eat forever.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@liverwortlaura
When I was studying for my licensing exam in a Rogers Park apartment with no A.C., I spent the worst days in the bathtub with a tabletop ironing board laid across it as a study desk!

liverwortlaura

@PennyCentury Guest is a 14 year old. Maybe she'll be happy hanging out in AC movie theaters. I'm pretty solid on good summer foods, just less so about not wanting to crawl out of my own skin when it is that hot/humid and worried about being a good hostess in the midst of it.

iwearaFEZnow

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll
Growing up in DC has perpetually put me off August. Slate published a piece once about how it was the worst month and I just completely agree. It should go roast in the misery it inflicts upon the rest of us

PennyCentury

@liverwortlaura oh! then movies, definitely! but also some of the pools are really nice if either of you are down with that (my neighborhood one has no chairs or slides but I have seen them at other places). I'm also a big fan of HW library. So, so cold in the best way.

I'm also just fervently hoping it will not be that bad?

Amphora

@liverwortlaura You could always do one of those river tours, or the Chicago Gangster tour (yes I work in tourism)

liverwortlaura

@Amphora oooooooh - in your opinion, which river architecture tour is tops?

Amphora

@liverwortlaura I like the Chicago Architecture Foundation tours - if the river one is sold out, they have a huge variety.

thisisunclear

@liverwortlaura Chicago Architecture Foundation boat tours for the win! (I know you weren't asking me, but.)

Now I'm going to go look at the weather report 'cause you guys are making me nervous.

cxbcbxsdg547

@liverwortlaura Hey~`My Life is so lonely .How about you? I need a man who can love me back , Recently, I join a serious black white dating site on__ MixêdMàtching. ℂoм___ I just want to find my true love. This is the best place for looking for interracial dating, relationship,love or marriage. Specialize in bringing together singles who want to date different races. .)If you are single, take a try.ewtewt--------------------------

Drawn7979

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll
interesting...

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Drawn7979
Wow! How did you get my picture??

iceberg

Guys, @honey cowl came up with a great idea: Ask A Bergy Bit. The BBs actually give great advice! It's so far mostly about things you shouldn't eat, or where you shouldn't piss, but I have faith they will be able to answer a wider variety of questions.
So send me your questions (either here in the comments or emailed to iceberg DOT hairpin AT gmail DOT com), I will ask one of of the BBs the question and report back with the answer in next week's FOT.
xxx
iceberg

And yes I know y'all missed this:
Bergy Bits, why are you crying this week?

My brother touched my foot.

My brother touched the shadow of my foot, on the wall.

You are trying to sit on the couch with me, after I said "Sit a couch"

You asked me what flavor of juice I wanted, and now I want "flavor juice" instead of orange or apple. GIVE ME FLAVOR JUICE, DAMMIT.

Bonus: Bergy Bits translator

Gool = ("school") Daycare

Noo-noos = Vegetable stir-fry with ramen noodles

Mummy's dink = any brown caffeinated soda

Caddapillow = Caterpillar

Nail no getchu = Don't let the snail get me! (for some reason, no amount of soothing can convince them that caterpillars and snails aren't just WAITING to pounce on them and "get" them somehow)

I wah cannies = I want candy

Jelly Behs = gummi bears

Jeh-beens = jelly beans

Fancies = a specific pair of patent leather teal mary-janes.

Fanciiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeees!!! (wailed) = "I, your son, want to wear the patent leather teal mary-janes to daycare."

Caw-neh = corner. Used by The Quiet One to indicate an area of her head, particularly the spot I have so far missed with the hairbrush. (To be fair, if anyone's head has corners on it, it's her. Her nickname in infancy was Beefy Head.)

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@iceberg FANCIIIIIIEEEEEEEEES hahahahaha forever

meetapossum

@iceberg Noo-noos!! Ahahaha

supernintendochalmers

@iceberg Okay this one made me laugh out loud: "My brother touched the shadow of my foot, on the wall." So glad the BBs are back!

TheclaAndTheSeals

@iceberg Oh God, I really want them to address a question I was going to ask this FOT. Not sure how to phrase this for toddlers, but basically: How do you adjust your attitude when your situation is not immediately changeable and your bad attitude is only hurting yourself?

So maybe for kids: When you're grumpy all the time, how do you stop that?

Bittersweet

@iceberg Love it. I'm now singing "I wah cannies" to the old Bow Wow Wow song.

packedsuitcase

@iceberg I love all of these so much, esp. the "Ask the Bergy Bits" idea.

iceberg

@TheclaAndTheSeals Lord I wish I knew that one myself!!! I will ask them though :)

anachronistique

@iceberg BEEFY HEAD

iceberg

@anachronistique at one of their early checkups they were all in like the 80th-90-somethingth percentile for all their measurements except for her head circumference which was in the 30th percentile. I don't know what that means really except she has a giant cube-head.

laurel

I would also like flavor juice.

Whatwhat?

@iceberg Flavor juice ist clearly the superior juice. I need some Bergy Knowledge please!

"dear Bergy Bits,
although I generally enjoy my job and find my tasks interesting and feel like I keep learning and developing a lot every day, I have so many issues at work that are stressing me out (such as my 16-hour day today), and also I'm in a long distance relationship and would like to live in the same country as my boyfriend and am considering moving, but this might mean I would have to settle with any job there at first, which doesnt seem too bad especially considering my stress-level at work at the moment, but I always do this I always run away from my problems and start over and I dont want this to be my coping mechanism for everything, you know? "

Just, you know, in toddler-language.

meowmischen

@iceberg Proposed solution for Flavor Juice = mix the apple and orange juice together.

RNL
RNL

@iceberg Hahaha! Noo noos were boobs (the milk-filled variety) in my house growing up.

EpWs

@iceberg THIS IS FABULOUS. I cannot wait to hear what the BBs have to say. Trying to think if I have any questions that need answering...

up cubed

I am so excited for AABB! Q1: How do you say no to someone politely?Maybe even so skillfully they don't realize you said no?
Q2: What is the best way to end an argument about something, without making the other person think you don't care about their feelings and opinions?
Q3: How do you show someone far away that you love them, especially when you don't have much in common with them (brother!)?

allofthecrafts

NYC PINNERS. I am so, so, so unemployed. I just graduated. I have a degree in Arts Administration and also in French. Help me if you can and I will love you forever.

dj pomegranate

@allofthecrafts I cannot help you get a job but I can meet you and buy you a happy hour beverage? :-/

allofthecrafts

@dj pomegranate Absolutelyyyy. Friends are even better than employment.

dj pomegranate

@allofthecrafts E-mail meeeeee! All one word: cat kaz cat AT gmail!

stuffisthings

@allofthecrafts How good is your French? Translating is not a bad gig until you find something You Really Want to Do.

Jazmine

@allofthecrafts FRIENDS! I will come too.

Jazmine

@allofthecrafts FRIENDS! I will come too.

allofthecrafts

@stuffisthings Not bad....how do you even find a translating gig though?

khaleesi

@allofthecrafts NYC friends sound good!!Would love to come to a happy hour with you guys!

stuffisthings

@allofthecrafts Probably start on Craigslist or sites like ELance and once you have some experience under your belt you can apply at agencies. I'm not really an expert, my wife is applying for a project manager job at a translation company right now is why I thought of it (also we use translators a lot at work and they seem to make pretty good money,~$20/page)

allofthecrafts

@dj pomegranate Emailed!! :D

ach_so

@allofthecrafts I want to hang out, too! And I'll buy you a drink. Lez go somewhere with AC.

allofthecrafts

@rosinator email dj pomegranate, anyone that wants to come! her email is up yonder.

metermaid

@allofthecrafts: hey... if you're not hellbent on staying in the arts and/or french I just quit a job a month ago where I still have a ton of connections, and I know they're definitely hiring. it's more in hospital/cancer research though. it's a pretty great entry level position, if you're interested just reply back! love to help an NYC job seeking sista out.

Plant Fire

@allofthecrafts So I am not the original asker but I know someone who has been unemployed since December who would love the hospital/cancer research job and I was wondering if maybe you could email the details to me? At seaermine at gmail dot com. THanks so much!!

Plant Fire

@allofthecrafts I cannot help you get a job but I can also buy you happy hour drinks. Also for temp agencies I highly recommend temporary staffing by suzanne, it's run entirely by women and while it takes a little to hear back from them the first time (they're selective) the jobs are much higher quality, and a little higher paying and more interesting than other temp agencies. Other good one's are Core Staffing and Atirum (I've also heard good things about Adecco, Green Key, and People Search). The best thing is to apply to like 5 agencies and update them every Friday on your availability for the next week (or Monday morning for that weeks availability), that way if one isn't giving you much there are still other's to work with.

Also, if you want arts stuff I recommend checking out the jobs board on nyfa.org . For non profits and other interesting stuff idealist.org is great, as are the job pages at NYU and Columbia (they have great benefits and interesting work, although they are a little harder for non alumns to get entry level stuff).

ETA For cover letter tips (and interview tips) askamanager.org is AMAZING and saved my life when job hunting post college.

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

i turn 24 on sunday (≖﹏≖✿)

meetapossum

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood You are just a wee lad. (Also, happy birthday! Cancers are obviously the best.)

PennyCentury

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood boy cancers are amazing. You got this.

ETA: I actually like all Cancers, really, as long as we are not trying to date. Because they have so many feelings that I like them to sort of put around me but then I can run away from.

realtalk

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood MY BDAY IS ON TUESDAY! HIGH FIVE

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@PennyCentury why are cancer boys amazing????

PennyCentury

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood I just always find them open in a mostly not narcissistic way (i.e. manipulative? or see through manipulative?), meaning your typical water-sign sweet and full of feelings but not in the somewhat Janus-y way of Pisceses? I worry this will get all gender-essentialist, but it is just one Taurus' opinion. I also have been burned by some lady cancers, but never a boy one, so.

thelittledeath

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood - Wait, is that an image of you crying, with a flower in your hair? No one cries with flowers in their hair. It's a fact.

iceberg

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood happy birthday Pin Son!

semolinapilchard

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood Happy birthday, almost birthday twin! My birthday is tomorrow. I'm turning much-older-than-24.

Bittersweet

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood Happy Birthday! You are not old.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Hairpin: If I make it through today without falling face first into some whiskey, I'll be 100 days sober. Triple digits, what what. Also, I've found some helpful people on The Internet who are going through similar situations, and it has made me feel less alone. Alas, I still miss beer, but am now feeling stubborn about not drinking it. So that's that.

Helvetica

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Briony Fields

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Congrats!!!!

iceberg

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Go you!!!! My favorite non-alco drink for summer is Simply Limeade (brand name and product name in one, I guess?)

phipsi

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Much love to you!

Lily Rowan

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Yeah, you did!

packedsuitcase

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Go you! That's awesome.

Also, on the non-alcoholic drink front, I am nuts for flavoured lemonades. Just make some simple syrup and put different herbs in it while it cools (basil, mint, lavender, etc) and add it to the lemonade. Fancy and refreshing.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@packedsuitcase Oh man, this is a great idea! I've got so many herbs in my garden too!

SarahP

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose That is fantastic! Congratulations!

A. Louise

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose @packedsuitcase brown sugar rosemary simple syrup! So good.

Jinxie

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so proud of you!
And if I may contribute a non-boozy summertime drink suggestion? Give this drinking vinegar a shot. I'm on my third batch, with blueberries; previous batches were strawberry/black pepper and assorted stonefruits. All have been delicious.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Jinxie Wow, this looks great. I mean, my jaw immediately tightens at the thought of willfully ingesting vinegar, but I think I should try it.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose 100 days? I wish I had known about this earlier, because it'd be a great excuse to bake a fancy cake!

Jinxie

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose It does retain a little of the vinegar twang (and your pantry or wherever you keep it while it's percolating may smell a little vinegary for the first few days), but with the fruit and the sugar, and then diluted by soda water, it winds up being just a little sour. Pleasantly/refreshingly sour. It's not at all like sucking down a glass of malt vinegar, more like kombucha, but 85% less assy and 100% less kombucha-phlem involved.

Carrie Hill Wilner

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

That's so awesome. write me if it's rough/would help (full name at gmail)

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Jinxie I think everything should have 100 percent less kombucha "mother" phlegm blobs. Everything. Including kombucha.

PistolPackinMama

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Congrats! That is a terrific achievement. <3

omgkitties

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Chiming in way late to say congratulations! Reading comments from sober pinners (and old Drynuary posts) recently prompted me to rethink my relationship with alcohol, and it's been SUCH a positive thing.

rosaline

Pinners. Favorite camping recipes?

I've camped a million times with my parents, but they're usually in charge of the food, and now I'm taking my boyfriend for his first camping experience next weekend. I want him to have a grand time, so any ideas are welcome! Relevant details: I have a Whisperlite camping stove, I should probably just buy a dutch oven already, he eats a lot more meat than I do, and we are car camping.

phipsi

@rosaline Would you consider investing in a pie iron? Works great over a campfire so you don't have to occupy precious burner real estate. Can make any myriad of savory sandwiches + "pies" (we typically use white bread and some sort of jarred/canned pie filling, but of course you can get as fancy as you like here.) So much fun and a little more versatile than s'mores.
http://www.amazon.com/Romes-1705-Square-Steel-Handles/dp/B000FNLXWG

paper bag princess

@rosaline I'm terrible at camping food and I always defer to others. But recently my friend introduced me to what she calls "hot pockets," which is super easy! You cut up a bunch of veggies and have beans and cheese and whatever else you want, then everyone makes their own little tinfoil packet, puts some butter/oil in it, and fills it with whatever they like and you throw it on the campfire for a while until it's cooked.

I guess if there are only two of you though you could probably go a little simpler. One other tip: if you get sausages, get precooked ones! I feel like camp stoves always take forever and one time my friend bought raw sausages, and we all got really hangry waiting for those suckers to cook through.

Audley

@rosaline My family would always make fajitas while camping. You pack the meat in a cooler sliced up in the marinade and you can pack the veggies already wrapped in tinfoil. The night you're cooking you can wrap the meat up in tinfoil and cook all the little packets over the fire.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@paper bag princess Yep. Hot pockets. Growing up, my parents called these "hobos," but I don't think that's a very PC name now.

polka dots vs stripes

@rosaline Replying to get ideas, because I'm dragging my boyfriend car-camping sometime this fall!

Onymous

@rosaline for car camping I'm a fan of chicken escabeche:

1-2 lbs cooked chicken shredded/diced
1 large bell pepper sliced
1 large onion sliced
~ 1/2 cup olives sliced
1-2 tablespoons paprika
1 teaspoon garlic/salt (or more I like garlic)
1/2 teaspoon pepper
then half and half vinegar (red wine if you have it but anything really) and olive oil until you have enough liquid to coat everything (about 1/2 cup each)

let marinate over night.
no on sight cooking, it's nice and cool for the afternoon, holds for quite a while even at room temp.

sandwiches

@rosaline Tastybites are pretty great for camping. My ex and I took, at various points, the jaipur vegetables, the chana masala, the kashmir spinach, the madras lentils, and the aloo palak to Big Sur with us, and with some boil in a bag rice and beer, they make for a really great campfire-side dinner.

coolallison

As soon as I am done with a conference call, I'm donning my orange one last time and going to the Texas Capitol.

One good thing to come out of this nightmare is that I'm energized. I've been waiting to find my passion (I've been really unhappy with my career choices) and I suddenly feel like I've found it. I want to work somewhere that I can fight back. I'm just not sure how to make the change. How does one get into politics? Not like, running for office, but maybe working for a group that advocates for the issues I care about? Or working for a politician that I support?

hallelujah

@coolallison Volunteer! Call up the office of somebody you like, and say you want to volunteer for them. Specify an area you want to know more about, if you have one! Not a politician in the great nation of ours is ever not desperate for volunteers, especially in campaign season!

ETA: If a staffer or official talk to you/treat your offer as anything less than manna from heaven, THEY ARE NOT GOOD PEOPLE AFTER ALL. Anyone who isn't falling over themselves with gratitude for someone who wants to help is an incorrigible fool, and should be shamed and ridiculed forever.

Diana

@coolallison

Start by volunteering, using your existing skills in service of a cause or person that you support. Once you've done that for awhile and demonstrated your ability to work in the non-profit/advocacy world, you can use that volunteer work to transition into full-time work in that field. Good luck! The world needs more of you! Welcome :)

hallelujah

@coolallison Oof, I got so distracted by my intense hatred for those not grateful for vols I did not get to my point: what @Diana said! A lot, most maybe even, of political staffers started as volunteers or interns, so if that's what you're after that's the place to start.

ThatWench

@coolallison Yes to volunteering, yes to Planned Parenthood volunteering in particular.

One note about volunteering, though: some places get more volunteer help than they know what to do with, or they get the sort of "volunteers" who only want to do one specific thing. Political campaigns need you to work the phones waaay more than they need you to stuff envelopes (at least the bigger ones). Be the sort of volunteer who shows up lots of times, and reliably on-time; when you start at almost anything, the training you'll require means you're taking more time than you're giving.

Which is not to disagree with hallelujah; volunteering your time and talents is an awesome gift... but there are ways for it to go wrong (for you and/or for the organization).

frumious bandersnatch

@coolallison Thank you for going. The women (and men) who have been spending hours and hours in line, waiting and ready to testify, to protest, to cheer until their voices give out... you are all so inspiring. (Including inspiring me in my liberal haven to donate and contact reps in the scarier states.)

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@coolallison I can't offer any advice because I don't know, so can I offer encouragement instead? Because I'm really really proud of you, not just for finding what you've been looking for (despite the insane politically unfair context) but for knowing that you have to stand up for what you believe in and for going to the Capitol and wanting to make a difference, and I wish more people were able to do so in such a determined, balanced, intelligent, and productive way.

Laughable Walrus

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) Just wanted to jump in and say as well that activists like you in Texas have also inspired me in my liberal bubble to look into volunteering as well. Can't thank you enough for doing what you're doing.

hallelujah

Man, I'm too nervous about the Zimmerman verdict to enjoy much of anything this weekend. Every bit of everything, not least the SO RACIST, OH MY GOD SO RACIST commentary is just so terrible and soul-crushing. Especially the "black people are gonna riot!" shit perpetrated by Fox & Asshole Friends. Pretty sure Black folks are gonna be perfectly reasonable and respond in societally appropriate ways. I, however, am gonna have to restrain myself from burning down my own garage if that FUCKER gets away with killing yet another Black boy.

Princess Slayer

@hallelujah I live in Orlando. You can imagine how pleasant everything is right now. :(

phipsi

@hallelujah Omg I almost punched a table full of old people at this restaurant saying racist bullshit about the case. OMG OMG OMG

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@phipsi
Nice of you to only punch their table!

thelittledeath

@Princess Slayer - Me, too. My stomach is absolutely churning.

pajamaralls

@hallelujah I've just not been able to today.

With Gawker putting his pictures of his body right out there on the front. And reading comments on a piece on The Nation about Justice For Trayvon that asks where the consideration for the humility of Zimmerman's family is.

RoxxieRae

@hallelujah The racist rhetoric surrounding this makes me furious as well, mostly because i think it is SO COMPLETELY TANGIENTIAL to why Zimmerman should be punished. I really don't give a shit who he shot, i just don't like dudes that want to run around their neighborhoods playing cowboy with a loaded pistol. Armed vigilantism (sp? did i omit the "e" in error?) is so hideous and scary to me, I wish we could all be more focused on making an example of why that behavior is not ok under any circumstance.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@pajamaralls
Wait, if your family is humble you can get away with murder?? 'Cause my family is humble as shit.

pajamaralls

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll D'oh. I meant humanity.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@pajamaralls
Oh, that makes more sense (not really?)

Haha what if people gave a shit about the humanity of the family members of black criminal defendants?

hallelujah

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll DON'T BE RIDICULOUS

pajamaralls

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Yeah. The comment was "You don't seem to recognize the humanity of his family and friends. Don't they grieve to see his life ruined, whether or not he's imprisoned? Don't they grieve to see him profiled as "the most hated man in America" while they are considered racist by association? Don't you think it was hard for them to hear GZ screaming in pain and terror on the 911 tape? (Because that's who they believe is screaming.)"

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@hallelujah
Seriously, the only person I can think of is Toni Preckwinkle. It's bad enough to have your family member in jail; insult to injury to be gouged by a monopolist just to talk to him.

bocadelperro

@pajamaralls ugh god I saw that this morning in my feedly, and I've been super-upset all day and I can't stop thinking about it and I have work to do that I can't concentrate on and UGH.

Locking my office door and crying is a totally normal reaction, right? Especially because no one is around, since it's a friday afternoon and summer?

pajamaralls

@bocadelperro Man, I feel like locking your door and crying is a totally normal reaction. Sometimes it helps.

RebeccaKW

@hallelujah According to my boss, Zimmerman is getting railroaded b/c of Obama. Something like that, I didn't really pay a lot of attention. But it was something about the liberal media only showing old photos of Trayvon instead of the current ones of him ('you know, he was actually big black guy with no neck not a scrawny kid') because they support Obama. ??

pajamaralls

@RebeccaKW Did you kick your boss off of a building?

RebeccaKW

@pajamaralls It's such a terrible situation to be in. He and several co-workers are always extolling the virtues of Governor Rick Perry (yep, we're in TX), and griping about the 'socialists' that the liberals have voted into government, and of course Obama isn't even a citizen plus he's Muslim. I usually just put my head down and pretend I'm not listening because I'm working so hard.

pajamaralls

@RebeccaKW Ooof. I always loved the fact that Perry looked like Josh Brolin the movie W. That sounds like a rough work environment. Hopefully, there are some cool people who work there to help balance out your boss/co-workers?

iceberg

@hallelujah Yeah I'm kind of afraid of how mad I might get, the words "rage-vomit" come to mind.

RebeccaKW

@pajamaralls No...we're pretty small and most everyone is older and about the same. But, we each have our own office, rather than a communal space, so the the ridiculous chatter can only last a few minutes. I tell myself it could be worse. During my most recent employment review, the only negative he brought up was that I didn't seem very friendly-I didn't really talk to people around the office, beyond work-related things. Me thinking to myself: yea, because I have nothing in common with most of these people aaaaaaand I don't really like them.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@RebeccaKW This is kind of off-topic, but has anyone read any good pieces comparing public reaction to this trial to public reaction to the OJ trial? I've been thinking about it lately and I want to know more about it, what with the Internet being a much bigger thing now, and the race issue literally reversed, and the celebrity factor taken out of the mix.

RebeccaKW

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) I haven't, but that would be interesting. But I do think it's a bit more...toned down? than the OJ trial. Like, we know GZ shot TM. It's just determining the reasons. No one knew for sure it was OJ, he was just the suspect that they tried for it. Plus the celebrity factor, plus the brutality factor. It was sensational!! The white Bronco, etc. And it seems we are just inundated with this stuff now. With OJ, you could only get info when/if the news showed it. Now, we have the internet and social media and all these trials and disasters are streamed directly to us.

Linette

@hallelujah I hope Zimmerman gets shot. I hope his shooter claims self-defense.

Helvetica

Start your weekend with something nice to look at:

Jinxie

@Helvetica Can we just turn this into a Cumberbatch thread?

Jinxie

@Jinxie Weeeeeeeeeeeee!

Helvetica

@Jinxie Oh God, my day is beautiful. And frankly, every thread could be turned into a Cumberbatch thread. I would not mind at all.

Danzig!

@Helvetica I like that gif because it implies that Benedict Cumberbatch had never taken a shower before in his life

Jinxie

@Helvetica I keep watching this gif in the hopes that one day the sheet will slip down just a little further.

Jinxie

@Jinxie Though there is definite Cumberbottom in To the Ends of the Earth so I need to Google for images from that miniseries.

mystique

@Helvetica Hehe so cute when Sherlock is being silly. God next season is taking forever.

Bittersweet

@Helvetica et al: Thank you for making my Saturday. I may have to go to Youtube just to get a little of That Voice.

Helvetica

@Jinxie Not only that gif but also that episode. Hope remains!

eleventyone

Ladies who sew, I have a question for you! What would you all recommend for someone just starting out? Any thoughts/suggestions on supplies (eg where to get a sewing machine for cheap), first projects, or anything else would be mucho appreciated!

rosaline

@eleventyone Bags are super easy! Pretty straight seams and you don't have to fit them to anyone's body, but they're useful and you can make them in whatever style you want. There are lots of tutorials online.

Also, at least where I live, you can rent sewing machines from some local sewing supply stores. It could be a good option if you want to give it a try but want to figure out what you like in a machine before committing to one.

Briony Fields

@eleventyone Sewing is easier than it looks, a lot of cool stuff can get done just by sewing in a straight line. I would recommend looking on craigslist or something for a cheap-ish sewing machine to learn on, and then you can drop more cash later when you've figured out how to use it. I had a singer, which is pretty classic and good quality.
Easy first projects are stuff like tote bags and pillowcases. I think I made a pair of boxer shorts once.

supernintendochalmers

@eleventyone Yay sewing! It doesn't get easier than pillows. Make some cool throw pillows! Then maybe mod some t-shirts? And actually, I've found that a basic circle skirt is much easier to make than you'd think. I just traced one as a pattern.

A. Louise

@eleventyone I'd look at yard sales / Craig's List / secondhand for a nicer machine at a more reasonable price point, if that's an option. I found a brand new Brother sewing machine, still with instructions and it's case, for 10 dollars at a yard sale and it's still going strong. You'll get a lot less frustrated with a higher quality machine early on and be able to stick to it and grow into the machine.

Also, find a local craft store if you have one in your area and talk about the types of things you'd learn to make - and some "getting to know your sewing machine" lessons would go a long way in reading patterns and knowing what to do if you get jammed / you can't figure out why your bobbin isn't cooperating. (It's always the bobbin, I swear to god..)

If you have any friends that are craft-inclined, ask them to give you some tips and basic lessons or teach you how to thread your machine, or ask if you can borrow their machine under their supervision to try it out and see what you like and don't like about their machines before you buy.

Don't underestimate the value in solid cutting scissors and a nice iron - these are more important than the sewing machine in some cases and will make it easier to finish projects well.

Lastly, start with some easy, instant gratification projects! A project like this T-Shirt turned tote bag one require just a small amount of sewing and measuring and would not be as frustrating to a new sewer as trying to dive into clothing or something like that. Then you have fun crafty stuff fast!

Enjoy!

sarah girl

@eleventyone Craftster.org has some great tutorials throughout the site! The purses/bags ones are what I've used most often, with great success.

SarahP

@eleventyone If you can get the book Generation T through your library, I recommend it! It has really simple tutorials on modding T shirts in a variety of ways, and while the "You Go, Girl!" tone is a little cloying, everything is layed out very clearly for beginning sewers.

polka dots vs stripes

@eleventyone Yeah, definitely start out with things that are mostly straight seams that don't need to be fitted to a human body. I made a lot of baby burp clothes and kitchen stuff (placements, coasters, etc) when I was starting out.

As you're learning you're going to make mistakes or you're going to learn something that just a HUGE lightbulb moment and you'll feel like an idiot, but that's learning! I would sometimes get upset because fabric and thread and etc is money, but stick to cheap stuff and Joann's sales and solider through.

(I wish I could use small font to say this, but - I read Mormon Mommy Blogs for ideas/patterns/generally learning skills. Craft Gossip is a good place for crowdsourcing tutorials.)

frumious bandersnatch

@eleventyone I'm not very good/experienced at sewing, but because fabric prices can be really shocking, I will recommend thrift store refashions. It's a different skill set, but depending on how much you take the garments apart you still get to practice. And if you mess up, no big! (Not just tailoring, although that's a good skill, but like - hm I'm going to cut this shift dress in half and add a waist and turn around the top for an interesting back and add darts...)

PistolPackinMama

@eleventyone Yay! Sewing is so much fun!

1) Used sewing machines-- at garage sales. Take it to get it serviced by a pro, though, so you don't have to figure out weird tension stuff or wonder if it's the machine or you. Or check with machine dealers to see if they have show models or unclaimed machines for sale at a discount.

2) Take a class at a fabric store/machine store/ community ed.

3) Who cares if the first thing looks like crap? You made that! YOU MADE THAT! Keep making things. Be patient, listen to audio books and enjoy the process.

4) Make something with a lot of straight lines and not too much pocket/zipper/fiddly stuff action. A bag, pillow sham, wrap skirt.

5) Try and learn one new skill per project. Gathering, pleating, button holes, whatever.

Have so much fun! I love to sew.

I ALSO WOULD LIKE TO SECOND... a good iron, and a really good, fabric only, pair of scissors. And remember, a great pressing job can make an okay sewing job look good and a good job look great. If you don't know how to iron, ask a grandma-aged person to show you how.

planforamiracle

@eleventyone I just made a table runner out of IKEA fabric (which was like $7/metre!) and it was mega-satisfying and the runner is cheerful as fuck. I learned how to make mitered corners :)

Check out Brett Bara's tutorials on Designsponge; they are extremely detailed and clear. I sew clothes as well but I recommend starting with home decor stuff. I also really like the Colette Patterns blog, as well as their patterns. One of my first sewing projects was the Colette Sorbetto tank top; it was simple to do but I found I needed a lot of fit adjustments and I wasn't happy until the 3rd version.

I personally find sewing something from scratch much easier, and a much better learning experience, than refashioning a garment from a thrift store. But YMMV. Thrift store bed linens, on the other hand, are a great way to get large pieces of "experimenting" fabric for cheap. I tend to stay away from remnant bins as a cheap fabric source because they are often made of weird shit that hangs awkwardly on a body, or sews up all funny.

As for sewing machines, I bought myself a basic Kenmore machine from Sears for around $250 and am really happy with it.

Have fun! Sewing is one of the most rewarding skills I've ever learned.

OxfordComma

@eleventyone : A. Louise is absolutely right--it's worth buying a good machine to start. When I first began sewing, I had a shitty ass Huskystar that I bought on the cheap from JoAnn's, and I am *amazed* that I kept sewing after the hell it ran me through.

Take a couple of classes, make sure your machine has a good manual, and have a great time! Sewing is hard work, but it feels so, SO good to watch scraps of fabric become usable and beautiful clothes, pillowcases, curtains, etc.

OxfordComma

@eleventyone: Oh! See if your city has a fabric/garment district. I buy pretty much all of my fabric in downtown LA--hella good selection, and I can often get wholesale prices.

zamboni

Any other 'pinners have hidradenitis suppurativa? Just curious if this is a place where we could Have A Rap Session.

RNL
RNL

@zamboni I don't, but I googled it, and it sounds like a rough go. I had chronic underarm and other boils for a couple of years as a teenager, and that was bad enough.

Thinking of you!

panther

@zamboni Oooh, I was really paranoid for a while that I had that because I got so many ingrown hairs from shaving/waxing my bikini line, but it's not an issue anywhere else on my body so I guess that I don't? Anyway, yeah, it seems like a seriously rough time, I hope that you're able to find help.

zamboni

@RNL Chronic boils? Yeah, that qualifies you for the Gets It Medal for sure. Really glad that isn't happening to you anymore!!! My case isn't as horrific as a lot of the stuff that comes up first on Google (less awful-looking/none of those "blood meatball" kinds of things, haven't experienced anything actually debilitating work-wise) but I am in at least minor pain from it constantly, it obviously fucks up my body image/sexual confidence, and I haven't been diagnosed with it or found a dermatologist who knows what it is despite a pretty cut-and-dried presentation/progression starting at puberty. I have to literally yell at doctors that I don't have folliculitis to even get a referral to a dermatologist, but when I'm REALLY lucky, they tell me it's a hygiene issue! Anyway, THANK YOU, and sorry for the stuff you probably saw on Google.

@panther If you only get it from shaving/waxing, then yeah, you're probably good! There's not enough cultural acknowledgement of how hard those processes are on some people's skin. Though it's theoretically possible to have HS just there (and a lot of people only ever have it in one general area). It's not curable and the antibiotics I was on for several months only helped a little bit before they destroyed all my intestinal flora (despite probiotics), so at this point it's just something I'm trying to manage/live with better. I hope you find a happier hair-removal solution for your body, or magical Don't Give A Fuck powder (or both!).

My favourite HS Fun Fact is that now they think Karl Marx had it!

OxfordComma

@zamboni : Girl, that is *fascinating*! (I love weird medical ailments--probably should have studied to become a doctor)

...And it sucks. Ugh, I'm sorry you have to deal with that level of bodily bullshit. Don't you love it when doctors are all, "But you cannot possibly be experiencing the things that you say you are! Listen to me Dr.splain to you!"

*bleah*

I hope, hope, hope you find a solution that helps, and that you find an unending supply of "Don't Give a Fuck" powder.

zamboni

@OxfordComma "Let me Dr.splain to you incorrectly because I'm too fucking lazy to keep up with developments in my field" - shitty dermatologists

Thank you very much! This summer I am wearing short shorts without tights underneath for the first time (despite the fact I have scarring on the backs of my thighs) so I'm working on the powder.

Briony Fields

You guys, I need help breaking up with my roommate!

I want him out because he doesn't clean. I told him when he moved in that I like to clean the common areas once a week, he has generally cleaned once every three weeks/month and only because I ASK HIM TO. So, goodbye buddy. But what do I tell him now? I realize "the truth" is a good answer, but I worry that he might protest that I haven't been clear enough about my problems with his cleaning. However, I am choosing to kick him out rather than try to improve his cleaning habits because sorry bro, I ain't interested in trying to house train a thirty year old man. I have no energy for that, just clean the damn house or get out.

So....help? What can I say?

thelittledeath

@Briony Fields - I've only had to do it once (cleaning being one of many reasons). Knocked on his door, told him I was giving him notice. Thought he was going to freak out, but he just nodded, shut his door and carried on. If this guy doesn't, just tell him your living styles are incompatible, and you have neither the energy nor the interest in going out of your way to accommodate his needs.

garli

@Briony Fields Are you on the lease? Is he? Do you own the house? I feel like all of these things are important details.

Briony Fields

@garli It's actually mostly in my favour, I'm on the lease, he is not. I actually drew up a little subletting contract but he was all, "I don't need a contract! I am so casual!" Plus, we agreed to just a few months and then see where it goes. I think he'd rather live in a different neighbourhood, too. So I am not worried about any legal problems in any of this, I don't know what to say and I'm so not interested in an in-depth conversation about any of it!

Briony Fields

@empathicalist That is reasonable. How am I so bad at this??? Argh! I worry about an awkward living environment but I'm pretty sure he won't raise a fuss. I swear I can be assertive everywhere else in my life, but this freaks me out.

garli

@Briony Fields Yeah just make it short and sweet. You want him out right? Even if he magically over night turned into a cleaning machine? Or offered to pay a maid or something?

thelittledeath

@Briony Fields - Just remember the way you ask/tell him anything else that's no big deal, copy that tone and delivery, and ignore your stomach:)

Briony Fields

@garli Right. Okay, short and sweet. And yeah, dude snot rockets in the shower, he needs to go cleaning or no cleaning.

garli

@Briony Fields Yeah just be like "This roommate situation isn't working out. I need you to be out by X day."

Blue skies

@Briony Fields Ahh just solidarity - if I get started, I'll write pages of rants - but I feel you on not wanting to confront the roommate. Just be straightforward, it will save trouble later.

RNL
RNL

@Briony Fields Be nice if you can, because legally you may not actually be able to do what you want to do, or at least not simply. Good luck!

OxfordComma

@Briony Fields : Also, I believe you have to give him 30 days notice. It's trickier since he's subletting from you--do everything you can to be nice about it.

phipsi

I seem to have a problem with wanting to "save" people.

Case 1: A friend from college has had no luck finding a decent job in several years. She doesn't drive, bike, and I'm pretty sure she has crippling social anxiety. I'm constantly determined to help her find a better job/make her life less shitty, but all she does is complain, and she's not really able or willing to put forth the work to get ahead just a little bit.

Case 2: A friend is very overweight, and has mentioned to me several times about exercising. I have invited her 1-2x a week to come exercise with me (low impact & accessible to her - she actually suggested it), but she keeps having issues come up or bailing because of headaches or whatever.

These people drive me crazy because I honest to goodness want to help them out - but so much complaining and so many excuses. HALP

yeah-elle

@phipsi I am kind of scared that I come across as Case 1 a lot of the time. For what it's worth, I am employed and work more than full time between my two part-time jobs. I've been on-and-off searching for a long time now and haven't found anything, but if I'm completely honest with myself, I also haven't been putting as much effort into the search as I could be. I've definitely fallen into that sort-of-complacent pit where I dislike my jobs but I am squeaking by financially and looking is hard.

Sometimes, complaining is just a pressure release valve, venting, whatever you want to call it. Don't we all occasionally just like to complain about stuff we don't really have any intent of working on? No? Ahhhh

But also: being the person who has to sit and listen to all this is NO FUN, at all. If complaining about their job is all they do and every conversation turns to work-bummer-story-hour but they don't do anything about it ever, that blows. If they don't accept your help or your advice or anything about it, I'd just take a page from the Classic Avoidance Technique Handbook and just change the subject, stat. To something that they love talking about. Next time the "UGHHH WORK TODAY WAS AWFUL" listen for a max of 1 minute 30 seconds (actually quite long, really) and when they pause for breath, break in with, "OH! I read an article today that _____ is working on a new album!" or "Haha speaking of work, today I saw my coworker had a Tamagotchi keychain on his messenger bag. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT" or "Alexander Skarsgaard's abs: discuss."

phipsi

@yeah-elle Yeah, I can understand that life has been absolute shit for her for a long time. And I know that if she does have some sort of depression/anxiety issue, that you can't just flip a switch and make that go away. (And, of course, she doesn't have health insurance so that she could even see a professional - not that anyone in her family would be supportive of the reality that she has a mental illness). Yes, I usually do try to stay positive when talking to her, and not get caught up in the complaint tornado!

Laughable Walrus

@phipsi Maybe not what you want to hear, but I think you have to let it go. Not let THEM go, but let go of the idea that you can make the change happen for them. That way resentment lies - sure, their lives probably would improve if they would just accept the help you're offering, but it's just going to keep making you crazy if you think you can make those changes happen for them. The complaining and the excuses tell you what you need to know - they're not ready to make those changes happen.

You're clearly a good friend who wants to see their friends happy! To keep yourself from going crazy, though, I would try to step back a bit - maybe tell your friends you'd be happy to help them out/offer advice/invite them to work out if they'd like it, but try not to get attached to the idea of them following through with it. Maybe try asking if they'd like advice or they just need to vent? If they ask keep asking for advice but refusing to take it, maybe gently tell them that you'd be glad to help when they need it, but constantly returning to the same subject is bringing you down. You have to take care of you too!

Honestly, though, I talk a big game but it's hard - I'm trying to be supportive of a relative with substance abuse issues, and it's so tough not to try to swoop in and just solve his problems. Good luck and my sympathy!

phipsi

@Laughable Walrus Yep, this is kind of what I've been trying to tell myself for the last month or so. Like, I have tried to help my Case 1 friend for years. YEARS. I hate to see her struggle, and if she asks for help I will certainly help her. However, I also need to come to terms with no matter how much I love a person, I can't live their life for them, and I can't make them happy. UGH. It sucks as much to step back as it does to have them make excuses/complain, but yeah.

MmeLibrarian

@phipsi Oh, so this is where the "I'm Going to Fix Everyone" support group meets.

This week, I sent a lengthy email to a close relative who is coming apart at the seams thanks to a series of big, converging life challenges. Problem is that relative seems to be, on some level, enjoying it a bit (not really, but you know what I mean). After beating myself up and forcing MLibrarian to listen to me go on about what we could do, I sent an email detailing concrete steps that might be taken to improve the situation and specific things that MLibrarian and I could do to help. It felt good to get it out there and in writing (one of the big life challenges is very possible untreated mental illness which seems to incline relative toward taking messages of love and support from family as brutal, heartless attacks on his/her character, so we must document everything). Next up, I work on accepting the fact that relative will most likely ignore my message and continue on a nasty, nasty path until someone has to put a lot of time/money/effort/all of these things into setting things right.

tl;dr - Who wants a Pimm's?

missupright

@phipsi Oh, I'm in for this support group. I just...why do people ask for help if they don't want me to help them? I'm trying very hard to be zen but it's tricky.

phipsi

@MmeLibrarian @missupright I call this meeting of Fix Everyone Anonymous to order. First order, Pimm's! Or your NA beverage of choice if the person you're trying to fix is in recovery.

PistolPackinMama

@phipsi I've started saying to people "I know you can do XXX, and want to do XXX. But you aren't ready yet, it seems. When you are ready, I know you can do XXX. If I can help you when you decide to, I will."

Meaning... hey friend, kickstart this, and I'll come help. Until then, stop whining, thanks.

Laughable Walrus

@PistolPackinMama That is perfect and basically what I want to say to struggling friends/family but never do quite as articulately. Saving that for later!

In the meantime, I'll be over here at the FEA dedicating myself to my higher power, sweet sweet alcoholic beverages.

RNL
RNL

@missupright Oh they may want you to help them (imagine if I could just get a friend to help me into not procrastinating!) but you can't help them, at least not in a healthy way for you. Just stop! Or offer something SUPER specific. "Oh, exercise can feel like such a chore. I go swimming on X days, and it would be fun if you join me. Let me know!" OR "You seem like you want x, and help with x. Is there anything SPECIFIC I can do to help you with that?" That way you're helping but man is it on her to make the change.

YoungLeafedJune

@MmeLibrarian Oh man "incline relative toward taking messages of love and support from family as brutal, heartless attacks on his/her character." I have a relative whose life I really want to fix, but it's completely impossible when she interprets harmless everyday conversation--or even loving concern--as outrageous insults. I might as well be telling her to go kill herself if I tried to offer anything like constructive criticism, as far as she's concerned. The worst part is she will complain to me about all the terrible things people have said to her, and I have to not say "you are experiencing life through a warped-ass filter. I don't believe anything you say (which is unfortunate, because people are definitely assholes SOMETIMES) and I really wish I had a film of your life so I could see what actually happened when your coworker supposedly told you that no one at the office likes you.

Linette

@phipsi

I have been a member of this club for so long, and I finally just joined the Anonymous equivalent of it, and it's hard.

Basically what I've learned is that there are two times when "helping" someone is possible.

1. When they are just starting out.
2. When they are 2/3s of the way through and have hit a wall.

The first one is just because momentum is hard, and a lot of people who sincerely want to change need a little bit of a boost getting started. Not a problem. But if you've offered this boost multiple times and gotten nowhere, then this person does not want to start working on this problem. They don't want help. They want to live in a magical land where they have already achieved whatever they want without working for it, and they think that whining will somehow get them there. You are not required to spend time with these people. They are HUGE energy drains.

(It's cool if they mention it casually in every conversation - like, hey, I'd like to be in better shape - but never go anywhere. We all have goals like that. It's not cool if they want to bitch about for hours on end and take up all your time and emotional energy to discuss something they will never take action on.)

The second one is much more fun. These are people who have worked hard and actually achieved a big chunk of their goal, but they've gotten stuck. They're tired or ran out of momentum, or they hit some obstacle they don't know to get around, or something catastrophic happened in life, or whatever.

These people are the best, because you know that at the very least, they were committed to this goal once and probably just need a hand to get them back on track. They will also likely welcome your help and actually use it.

Sometimes these people have flagged at the final mile because they have some psychological reason they don't want to finish. They really want to launch the company, but then what if they never spend time with their kids? They want to run a marathon, but will they stop running altogether and get out of shape again once they reach this big goal? That kind of thing. If you try to help a 2/3 person and they resist your help, this is probably what's going on, and you can ask gentle questions about what might be holding them back (usually once they figure out what the thing is, they can solve it on their own) but you may just need to let them work through whatever psychological block is going on there.

If a friend says they want help and resists your help when you give it, stop helping them. It will only end badly for both of you.

If a friend doesn't say they want help, but clearly needs help, don't help them. They'll ask when they're ready.

If a friend is using up all your time bitching about a problem without making any move to solve it themselves, and you hate it, which is why you want to fix their problem so you can get your friend back, for the love of god, walk away. They will be your friend again when they're ready, but you're not going to see your friend until they've gotten past this thing. It's awful. But it is so. You don't need to be mean about it or anything, but you also don't need to suffer a lot of emotional bullshit just to make your friend feel "supported." I guarantee you, that is not a friend who will ever feel supported, no matter what you do - and these are usually the friends who will be FURIOUS at you if you give all the support imaginable and then stop later when you run out of energy. Don't get in that cycle. Just stop up front.

I have a hard time with all of this, but whenever I manage to follow my own advice, my life has been better for it. And, counter-intuitively, the friends I had to walk away from are ALSO better for it. Sometimes helping just keeps them from hitting whatever rock-bottom they need to hit to decide to take action.

thelittledeath

Oh, 'Pinners. The Zimmerman jury is in deliberations as of 2:30p. I have such a horrible feeling about this, and am legit worried for friends that live in Sanford.

dj pomegranate

@empathicalist I have been consciously avoiding the media on this because everyone is awful and I'm afraid it will destroy what's left of my faith in humanity.

hallelujah

@empathicalist So, I know you probably didn't mean anything by this, and I understand being worried about a possible volatile situation close to home HOWEVER A) There have been many cases (the vast majority of them, in fact) of White people getting away with murdering Black folks with zero violence following the verdict, Sean Bell for instance and this "OH NO BLACK PEOPLE ARE GONNA RIOT" is not many degrees removed from some particularly virulent and dehumanizing racism B) I think the more likely and terrifying consequence of Zimmerman's acquittal is that White people who would profile and abuse and murder Black people will be even more emboldened to act however the fuck they want to. So if we're gonna worry, it should be about that.

thelittledeath

@hallelujah - Definitely not what I meant by that. Specifically, I'm concerned for some friends that do the CopWatch thing, and have been hurt before by overzealous police. Friends that participated in the walk, and plan to gather in peaceful solidarity, whatever the outcome, and have been already been targeted by hate groups and police. My concern is the exact opposite of point A. And B? Definitely.

thelittledeath

@hallelujah - Seriously, so alien from how I think that it didn't even occur to me that it could be taken that way.

hallelujah

@empathicalist Cool (I mean, haha, not actually cool, obviously), and sorry for the jumping to conclusions, I'm clearly a liiiiiittle juiced about this today. I hope your friends stay safe!

Roxanne Rholes

Boston 'Pinners are meeting up for hot dogs tonight, and ain't a one of us gonna feel bad about it. MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH.

Bittersweet

@Roxanne Rholes Wish I could join you guys, but my daughter's got a solo in the performance that marks the end of her drama camp session. She is singing part of "Thankful" by Josh Groban, and while I'm highly ambivalent about Josh Groban, the song is Prime Bawling Material, especially with my ridiculously amazing 10-year-old singing it.

All this to say - eat a hot dog for me while I ugly cry and my heart kicks the windows out.

Lily Rowan

@Roxanne Rholes Woo! Pregnant or not, everyone can have a hot dog! Or two.

Lily Rowan

@Bittersweet That sounds amazing, though.

SarahP

@Roxanne Rholes Have fun! I wish I could join you guys, but I "have" to go to a beer festival. Life is hard!

anachronistique

@Roxanne Rholes I'M SO INCREDIBLY MAD AT MYSELF, for my terrible inability to keep dates straight and my previous commitment to go to a concert. (It will be an awesome concert, but it's in frigging Natick.) Everybody have an amazing time and we will TOTALLY have to have a second hot dog pinup later!

@Bittersweet aaaaaaaaaaaah that sounds awesome. Break a leg, Bittersweet 2.0!

Bittersweet

@anachronistique I call her Bittysweet here, but I like 2.0!

AnalogMetronome

@Roxanne Rholes Should I go?! I'm actually free for once but I've never been to a 'pin event and I'm nervous. I do love hot dogs though.

BoozinSusan

@anachronistique Hot dogs! When? Where?

Lily Rowan

@AnalogMetronome Definitely go!!

@BoozinSusan At Spike's on Boylston. After work! I'll be there by 6.

Roxanne Rholes

@AnalogMetronome @BoozinSusan Yessss, come eat with us! Leaving my office in ten minutes, gonna consume so much delicious salt.

A. Louise

Anyone have advice for dealing with a new employee that is FAR too big for his or her britches? I've never met someone with such an ego, not to mention they are straight out of college and only have internship experience.

I'm in a field where a little confidence is certainly beneficial, but my department is more of the grunt work and requires large doses of humility - it's a stepping stone sort of field. It's to the point that nobody can talk to this employee or correct them without them talking so loud to just drown out your correction that they don't hear it - and then having a melt down that you "yelled" at them afterward, and then ranting about how they come "highly recruited" to anyone who will listen, superiors included. Not to mention some off color comments and "jokes" that just didn't land.

I'll chalk it up to youth and inexperience, but either way it's not a productive or at all pleasant way to work and I have no authority to change it, and it's making me a really unhappy person at work. I don't like feeling bullied by someone who I was supposed to mentor.

Thanks guys! On a happier note, I am going yard sale-ing in a resort area this weekend and I can't wait to buy weird old rich people's cast-offs.

Briony Fields

@A. Louise Good lord...I have no advice, but that sounds awful. The only thing I can think of is that when he/she is inevitably fired, make sure you let this person know that this was a problem. Maybe after the third or fourth firing it'll sink in that their attitude needs to change.

districter

@A. Louise I don't know the answer, but we had an admin last year who was like this when she first started. Eventually she just chilled out, and was very productive and nice to work with. I think it just took some adjusting between "where I imagined myself" and "accepting where I am." So hopefully with a little time this person will just accept the situation and chill out and meld into your office culture better. (If not, sorry they suck!)

TheclaAndTheSeals

@A. Louise Is there any reason this person can't be fired? Cockiness and difficulty taking criticism are something plenty of people have going on, but meltdowns and rants are a maturity issue that can only be fixed with time. Maybe a come-to-Jesus talk about workplace norms is in order from this person's manager. I can imagine that an entry-level employee is producing such valuable work that it's worth putting up with this shit.

garli

@A. Louise Ugh, I work with a girl with very similar traits. Not just out of college but...she told the CEO she was going to take his job one day. Her first week here.

She also has a raging case of "I'm better than OTHER GIRLS" syndrome (we're engineers) and spent the first six months here pissing off me (the only other female engineer in the company) and two girls who she has to work with and who are important in other departments.

Luckily she's mellowed a bit, or at least decided that she has to play nice with us because she's stuck with us. She didn't come in and immediately become the engineering manager (She asked for it. She's also 27 - most engineers have been working here for longer then she's been alive.)

We're going to TRY inviting her to happy hour and see if it helps her attitude. Blah.

RubeksCube

@A. Louise Ugh. Sounds like this person needs to have what my dog training mentor refers to as a "Come to Jesus Meeting." Which basically amounts to someone (preferably a superior) having a sit-down meeting with them one on one and explaining, in no uncertain terms, that their behavior is totally unacceptable, unprofessional, unwanted, unwarranted, and will not be tolerated in the office. While it works better with dogs (because you can get in their face a little more, so to speak), it is also effective with people.
Whatever ends up happening, good luck!!! So sorry you have to put up with that!

Linette

@A. Louise I would start cataloguing this person's behavior and bring it to HR, if you have HR, or to your boss if you don't. Having specific examples of the kind of thing you're talking about can go a long way to elevating it beyond the status of "I don't like this person."

If you have other people in the office who feel the same way, I'd have them do the same. And then have @RubeksCube's Come to Jesus meeting, because that sounds like a really good idea. Especially because presumably it would take place under the authority of the person who has the power to fire this individual, and if their behavior doesn't change, they have a pretty good reason to do so.

meetapossum

So that dude wasn't interested and my overthinking brain was right as usual. Forever aloooooooonneee.

RoxxieRae

@meetapossum Naaaaaahhhh, not forever. Doctor Rox says go see some live music and have a couple cocktails tonight. Your relationship with fun times is an important one to nurture.

PennyCentury

@RoxxieRae excellent advice! also if I were doing my aloof alone watching the band/emcee, I'd send you a drink, meetapossum!

Gulfie

@meetapossum So many more dudes! So many more, better dudes.

meetapossum

@RoxxieRae @PennyCentury I will most definitely be getting cocktails somewhere after work, I can guarantee that.

semolinapilchard

@meetapossum Are you me?!

meetapossum

@semolinapilchard Want to go drink alone together?

RoxxieRae

@semolinapilchard Just had to comment on your awesome username/user pic. Because it's awesome.

semolinapilchard

@meetapossum Yes! I love drinking alone with other people.

semolinapilchard

@RoxxieRae Thanks! I don't comment much (trying to start!) but you're the first person who's noticed. :)

hahahaha, ja.

I posted this in the DC FB page but figured I'd post it here too:

Is anyone in the DC/Baltimore area interested in a tutoring job? My friend co-started and co-runs a tutoring service in Ellicott City and they are looking for an English tutor. You would be tutoring elementary to high school kids in reading, writing, and SAT reading/writing prep. The students come in Monday-Friday from 3 to 9 pm, although most likely you wouldn't be teaching the entire time every day (sometimes you start later than 3, sometimes leave earlier than 9), and you can take Fridays off. You may have SAT classes to teach on Saturdays between 9 am and 3 pm. The going rate is $25-30 per teaching hour.

Citizen Christy

I messed up my knee pretty badly so I've been hobbling ala Robert Patrick in Terminator 2: Judgment Day for the past couple days. Anyone have any remedies for such a thing? I was thinking I'll just ice it for the entire weekend and not move from my couch.

Coal Tar Epoxy

@Citizen Christy RICE that shit. If it's getting really bothersome you may want somebody to take a look at it.

PennyCentury

@Citizen Christy What kind of messed up? I have a knee injury sustained by a fall/refusing to let heal correctly that gets wonky from time to time (aka twisting it while dancing, jumping off of a picking wagon and slipping in the grass, the usual) and I find ice + arnica + wrapping it really helps! I've never gotten an actual brace, but just take an ace bandage and sort of help it get into a position where I'm not constantly re-injuring it, if that makes sense.

But arnica. Possibly with other drugs.

RoxxieRae

@Citizen Christy (From my experience hurting my knee in a motorcycle wreck): Ice it for 20 minutes at a time, then a little heat (enter the rice!), take anti-inflammatories to keep the swelling down, try to keep it above your heart as much as possible (if you are like me, this will make you furious, but to be fair my couch at the time didn't have arms to that may have unreasonably increased the difficulty). Just be kind to yourself- it's actually in your best interest to sit on your ass and watch movies, no berating yourself because your kitchen is a mess or whatever.

Coal Tar Epoxy

@Citizen Christy I guess I should explain myself. Care depends on the nature of the injury, and ice should only be left on for 20 minutes at a time. If you've got pain and swelling, take anti-inflammatories, ice on and off, rest and elevate! If it's more on the stiff side, throw some heat on (again, no more than 20 minutes at a time!) to try and loosen things up. My favourite knee icepack is homemade, 1 part rubbing alcohol to 2 parts water in double bagged freezer bag. Love, Permanently on the injured list

Citizen Christy

@Coal Tar Epoxy @RoxxieRae @PennyCentury Thanks, all! It's an overexertion injury... Been exercising more frequently than usual, tried a different aerobic routine (from the usual cardio/elliptical/strength training), and woke up yesterday hardly able to walk. Blurgh. I don't have anything to do at all till Monday, though! Huzzah!

@serenityfound

Anybody heading to San Diego Comic Con next week or live in the San Diego area and want to hang out a little bit/grab a drink/get brunch?

garli

@@serenityfound Have you been before? I went for like 15 years in a row at one point (grew up in San Diego) and let me just say: Bring your own lunch.

muggles

@@serenityfound I will be there! The only day I've really planned so far is Friday (Hall H all day, what!), so I'm not sure what I have going on, but I'll certainly be within that 5 block radius for four days!

SockHopBop

Ahhh I got a job! In NYC! A reporting job! I am excited and nervous and moving there in three weeks.

I lived in Brooklyn from 2006-2008, but I feel like the neighborhoods have changed a lot since I lived there. Where should a 30-year-old lady earning a salary that is OK but by no means big look in Brooklyn these days? In my dreams I could get a tiny studio someplace a little further off the map for $1000-ish, but with budget constraints I think it's more likely that I'll wind up with a roommate or two. Ideally I'd like to be a) close to a park and b) able to get to lower Manhattan in under a half hour.

supernintendochalmers

@SockHopBop Crown Heights, Ditmas Park, and Windsor Terrace are close to Prospect Park and definitely up-and-coming re: restaurants, stuff to do. Clinton Hill is rapidly developing, too, and not too far from Fort Greene Park.

km1312

@SockHopBop The Ditmas Park/Lefferts Gardens/western Flatbush area - basically around the south/east corner of Prospect Park - is great, and fits your bill!

SockHopBop

@supernintendochalmers @km1312 Awesome, thanks! I had been eyeballing Ditmas Park/Lefferts Garden listings but didn't know much about the area...

km1312

@SockHopBop I live right next the parade grounds, technically in flatbush which is cheap, but super close to both LG and DP and all of their cuteness and dining options. It rocks. Anywhere off the B/Q from Prospect Park to Newkirk (I'm off of Church Ave) is a great bet.

amuletum

@SockHopBop

If you increase your 30-minute commute to 40 minutes, you can move to Bay Ridge, live alone, and pay way less than $1000. And not only are there beautiful parks there, but there's the whole OCEAN with views of the Statue of Liberty and everything. Plus great restaurants, shopping, and lots of cultural diversity. Plus, it's one of the safest neighborhoods in Brooklyn.

districter

Mixed bag:

1. Started a new job this week! Still don't know exactly what it will entail, but it is most importantly Not My Last Job.

2. My boyfriend (teacher) is home for the summer and spending his days cleaning and baking bread. He is really enjoying it and I am really enjoying it and thumbs up to summer.

3. My IBS seems to have stopped responding to the medcine I have been taking so YAY back to square one again.

RoxxieRae

@districter While that SUCKS BALLS about the IBS, congrats on the new job... I'm struggling a little with the whole "Devil I Know" syndrome with my job lately... It's pretty annoying/terrible most of the time, but I love my coworkers and I'm terrified of ending up somewhere worse? GOOD ON YA for making the jump! P.S., boyfriend home all day cleaning and baking? YES, PLEASE!!

olivebee

If anyone in the Chicago area (or I guess really any city) is looking for a job, my company (a web company) is hiring a Project Manager. You'd work on the same team as me, and by virtue of being a 'Pinner, I'm sure you'd be cool to work with! If you are interested, let me know, and I can email you the details and job posting.

ETA: Also, that is an adorable pig picture!

PennyCentury

@olivebee oh man. I am just now trying to teach myself all of the development skills to augment the graduate degree I am in the middle of or I would be all over this.

Valancy

@olivebee I am definitely interested! I moved to Chicago to look for a job about a month ago and I'd love to check ouy the job description. I'm new to commenting, but have been lurking 'round the Pin for ages. My email is Valancy.hairpin(at)gmail.com

iwearaFEZnow

@olivebee Oh, hooray, this is awesome. My email is fez dot hairpin [at] gmail dot com
Thanks!

dale

@olivebee I don't know if they'd be qualified, but I know someone looking for work in Chicago, so if you could send me any details I'd love to pass them along in case. tindomiel at the gmails.

bot
bot

@olivebee I am definitely interested! I'm looking to transfer out of my law job (I was worried that'd give me away, but so many Chicago Pinners seem to be lawyers!) into something less... litigious. My email is heather dot aka dot nicole at gmail, but with periods where the "dots" are. I'd love it if you could send me a link!

j-i-a

HI FRIENDS so I've had the virgin series on hiatus for a long time because I am looking for some specific things as not to re-tread territory (not that everyone's story is not individual but you know what I mean). I was looking back over them and the interviews have covered religion, sexual abuse/assault, eating/weight stuff, asexuality, autism spectrum: most people have been 30 or under. If anyone knows, or is, a virgin over 35, or is a virgin for reasons not covered, please send me an email and I would love to talk! HAPPY WEEKEND

Tower of Babble

@j-i-a So I fit the second category and I've loved reading this series, but I'm a little nervous about having my (total lack of) sexual history discussed On The Interwebs, Where Everything Lives Forever. But I also think it'd be cool to cover the perspective of people who haven't had sex because it kind of just hasn't come up yet, not because of any particular decision or past history. Actually, dear 'Pinners, any other lurking just-hasn't-happened virgins out there? I'm really curious!

sydwi

@Tower of Babble ::Raises hand:: Me. Sort of? I mean, I can point to the reasons why, but they don't deal with any bad history or particular decisions - it's just that those reasons have led to my not dating much at all. I'm debating emailing, too, for the same reason - the internet is forever, man. And in a more immediate issue, I think friends/coworkers also read here!

Danzig!

@sydwi When I wrote in, it was Edith's policy to always use an alias and fudge as many specific details as deemed necessary. I'm sure Jia / Emma have a similar policy, as it is a good one. I wouldn't think you would have much to worry about, but then, I was really open about who I was, so take that with a grain of salt. I would love to read your stories, though.

Tower of Babble

@sydwi Right, exactly! It's hard to talk about why I'm a virgin without revealing enough personal info that people who know me and read the site wouldn't be like, "Oh, that's definitely her," and AWKWARD.

That said, most of my reasons are the same reasons a lot of people have for not having sex until later in life (kinda awkward, kinda shy, thinking teenagers are jerkfaces), it's just that my "later in life" has gone, er, extra late.

karenb

@Tower of Babble i was that until i was 27! i met my boyfriend, then, and no longer qualify. but yeah, not for any particular reason, i just hadn't met anyone i wanted to get it on with.

Onymous

@Tower of Babble Yeah I'm a 27 y/o dude and it's pretty much just "I don't make moves, no one makes moves at me, small town life so the numbers aren't doing me favors"

Like I could answer questions but it'd just end up being a slightly beligerent autobiography.

sydwi

@Tower of Babble Ha, yes, exactly!! All those usual suspects, just...extended. Indefinitely.

Which I kind of would like to seen shared, I think. Sometimes there's not a trauma or a meaningful decision or lack of desire. It's just how things played out. Sort of normalizes the experience (or, um, lack there of).

sydwi

@Danzig! That is definitely good info to have, thank you!

Tower of Babble

@Onymous @sydwi Yeah, there's an odd (to me) cultural assumption that sex is somehow the default, and that you have to actively opt out to be a virgin beyond the college years, and that's not been my experience at all.

Blue skies

@sydwi I'd like that too! I think I still qualify as young - aka I am not older than Tina Fey was when she first had sex - but this series was why I started regularly reading the Hairpin (though I've just entered the world of commenting rather than lurking this summer).

This is how it is for me - no real reason, just it hasn't happened for me. Yet?

(Though even if I did fit what I think Jia is seeking, I wouldn't do it, because there is a bad ex in there and I don't know how much of that I could fudge. It was two years ago but ... people know about him.)

anachronistique

@Tower of Babble SUP. High five.

Tower of Babble

@anachronistique *high fives*

Every time virgins high-five, a unicorn gets its horn.

themegnapkin

So I hooked up with this guy, and it was fun!! (smug. . . it's been a while) Only . . . I don't really know him, we've had a casual correspondence for about a year, and I've met him maybe 3 times (he lives across the country). He said something that makes me think he's more invested than I am, and suggested he come out to visit me (and family in the area). I wasn't super enthusiastic, because I'm not sure I can/want to do long distance. He hasn't texted/emailed me since :( . I think he was into me, but maybe isn't now because he could tell I'm so uncertain? So . . . I feel like I'm incompetent at relationships, like I shot this one in the foot (even though I don't know how I feel about it). How does anybody ever get together??! (tiny wails)

Fiddle dee dee

@themegnapkin

A long-distance, cross-country relationship with a guy you've only seen 3 times? That sounds like a total drag. You were right to have and express reservations. Take the hook-up and run.

Inkling

@themegnapkin
HIT AND RUN, BEAUTIFUL LADY! CONGRATS ON THE SEX!

Gulfie

I have spent the entire week near panic attacks about grad school. I probably should have considered whether or not it's a good idea before I put my deposit down and started the apartment finding process and told everyone I was going but YOU KNOW. I was terrified that it was the wrong decision. And then decided at the beginning of the week it was, and spent about an hour sobbing hysterically on the phone with Opposite Coast Guy (who I'm now starting to feel less awesome about? Another story.) And I'm feeling a little better now, but every time this landlord throws up another obstacle or financial aid doesn't email me back or field placement people don't call me I just think

Basically going into six figures of debt for two degrees that will likely never help me to earn more than 60k, and that's optimistic, and OH GOD FOREVER IN DEBT. But I've always valued education/passion-following over money? But oh God forever in debt.

I just kind of want to nervous puke everywhere.

meetapossum

@Gulf of Finland Much love <3 (I'm going to make a double effort to get your Pin Mix sent because I like yours very much and I have been a bad Pin Mix Pal! The mix is made, I just need to acquire the songs and burn it because I made it on Spotify like a dummy.)

coolallison

@Gulf of Finland I'll be paying off my loans for another 20 years or so. After 5 years of making payments, I only just now owe less than the original loan amount. The payments suck (and are like... a luxury car payment), but I couldn't have gone to school without them, so I don't regret them. If this is going to help you follow your passion, then it's probably worth it.

Gulfie

@meetapossum I'm so glad you like it! Yeah I made mine on Spotify and then slowly built it again in iTunes using methods of questionable legality.

SarahP

@Gulf of Finland Can you defer? Is that an option for you? I got into a grad program that had me panicky and anxious, so I deferred a year, and the HUGE amount of relief I felt at not having to go that year made me realize I shouldn't go at all. You may have similar feelings OR you may spend that year getting excited for your new future, which would show you that it is a good path for you.

Gulfie

@SarahP I have a kind of shitty job that I'm sick of and I live at home with parents who are moving within the next few months and I'm not keen on going with them, so it's not a great option for me to defer. Obviously my current situation means I'm probably running away to grad school in a way, but I have been looking at this program for two years and realized in March, after working briefly in a few fields and contemplating several career tracks, that this is a career path that makes a lot of sense for me. Plus one of the degrees is a MSW and you can't really get anywhere in social work without it.

packedsuitcase

@Gulf of Finland I am with you. With you SO HARD. I just sent in my visa application today and I am so excited and also thinking about the debt and the generally horrifying amount of money I'm spending, and, well. Yeah. I get you.

BUT it will be cool and we'll be okay and it's going to be awesome.

SarahP

@Gulf of Finland Ah, so this is that inevitable dread that comes with making huge decisions, even if they're probably the right ones. :/ Good luck!

Gulfie

@SarahP A lot of it is the whole, every few days someone has a new article about how accumulating grad school debt is the WORST THING YOU COULD DO RIGHT NOW. And I don't really have any older mentors in my life who can advise me on whether or not this is financially sound etc. Plus I mean, this economy is so new, who the fuck even knows. It just feels like I'm picking between this expensive program that I love or ever getting a mortgage ever.

supernintendochalmers

@Gulf of Finland You know what? I don't think you're going to know if it's a mistake until you've at least taken a couple courses. This is a stressful transition period in your life. You can be making a good decision and it can still be stressful and making you unhappy in the moment. Good luck!

coolallison

@Gulf of Finland I graduated with ~$55k in student loans, and I've been approved for a mortgage. Student loan debt isn't viewed as bad debt when it comes to obtaining a mortgage.

(Just a little more encouragement. I'm pro-education, apparently.)

Gulfie

@supernintendochalmers "You can be making a good decision and it can still be stressful and making you unhappy in the moment," is something I am going to repeat to myself over and over and over. Maybe carve it into my desk during a panic attack.

@coolallison This is SUPER helpful. I know few people with Actual Student Loan Debt Experience so I'm really glad to hear this.

supernovice

@Gulf of Finland For reals. You'll be okay! Student loan debt is good debt. I like to chant this to myself every night. (Hi, law school tuition!)

ALSO what are you going to do if you don't go?! Do you have another plan that makes you a little bit excited?

Tower of Babble

@Gulf of Finland Oh man, I'm also accruing grad school debt for a not-high-paying career. It can be done! It can be a good thing! I suggest that you try something that I did when I was also on the verge of going to grad school but afraid of the student loan debt:

1. Find the average starting and mid-career salaries for the field you want to work in.
2. Use a take-home pay calculator (easily Googled!) to figure out your average take-home pay.
3. Use a financial aid calculator (also easily Googled!) to figure out your standard monthly repayment.
4. Subtract your monthly payment from your monthly take-home pay, then look at what's left and decide if it's something you'd be okay living on until your loan is repaid. Try it with both your starting salary and your mid-career salary if you know you'll be paying off loans for a while.

Many steps, but if you write them down as you do them and save the doc, you'll have a handy "YOU CAN DO THIS, LOOK, THE MATH SAYS SO" chart to consult whenever you find yourself getting freaked out about the loans. And if you look at the resulting number and are like "HELL NO" then you know this particular program is too expensive, and you can plan your next step.

I hope that wasn't too overwhelming! All will be well.

Coal Tar Epoxy

It's the last weekend of the Calgary Stampede! I plan on drinking copious amounts of overpriced beer and eating everything deep fried and/or on a stick. And marveling at how the grounds were underwater only 3 weeks ago and yet here we are. Hell or high water indeed.

supernovice

@Coal Tar Epoxy Hell or high water. I'm so proud of Calgary right now! And it takes a lot for a BC girl to be proud of Calgary ;)

Coal Tar Epoxy

@supernovice Seriously, it's amazing how this city rallied after the flood. It's definitely something to be proud of.

Diana

VERY IMPORTANT HAIRPIN LUNCHTIME POLL:

I brought leftover spaghetti to work today. It is very delicious. But I just found out I got my paycheck deposited (I thought it was coming Monday). This means I can gorge myself on cheap sushi at the place next to my work. Do I eat the spaghetti for lunch? Or bring it home tonight and eat it for dinner? Important consideration: I love sushi so goddamn much.

SarahP

@Diana Get the sushi. GET THE SUSHI.

dj pomegranate

@Diana SPAGHETTI FOR DINNER; SUSHI NOW!

Helvetica

@Diana When in doubt, always go with sushi. Always.

garli

@Diana I will be the lone "eat the lunch you took voice" but I am cheap.

lookuplookup

@Diana FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GET THE SUSHI.

polka dots vs stripes

@garli Also replying eat the lunch you brought, but only because I cannot go out for lunch and am jealous :( (and I also don't like sushi - ball of sunshine over here!)

garli

@polka dots vs stripes I just feel like the hard part of not spending money on lunch is the bringing your lunch part, and that battle was already won.

Jinxie

@garli But if she doesn't eat the spaghetti for lunch, she can eat it for dinner, so it won't go to waste!

garli

@Jinxie Very true, but then there's the extra step of bringing it home and not leaving it in your office fridge over the weekend.

Or maybe I'm a touch scatter brained.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Diana Eat the spaghetti now and pick up some sushi when you leave work so all you have to do when you get home is open sushi + eat?

Diana

@Diana

THANKS EVERYBODY, GOOD CALL. That's a fresh salmon and mango roll topped with black sesame seeds, fresh mango and more fresh salmon, with spicy mango sauce and tobiko on top. Also a salmon and avocado roll. (Naysayers: Thanks for the contrary votes anyway! I'll have the spaghetti for dinner tonight.)

Lyesmith

I'm so happy, you guys. My part-time administrative job at the university has now become a full-time, unionized position with a raise and significant benefits package. I had a formality of an interview today (since I'm the incumbent) and I'm signing my contract next week. My boss loves me and took me out for lunch, and wants me with the project until 2016, when it ends. She also wants me to take my paid vacation while she's away, which will be two weeks after I sign my contract. This also means I can now afford to move out.

And in two weeks, I'm turning 24 and having my first birthday party - with friends and not just family - in ages. I've always been awkward about my birthday and worried people would turn me down so I never wanted to celebrate it (fear of rejection ahoy), but all my different friends have said yes and are excited to celebrate, and 8-10 of us will be grabbing drinks in a pub of our choice.

Bittersweet

@Lyesmith Congratulations, Lyesmith...or should I say, Captain Awesome? Enjoy your new job, your vacation and your birfday party.

olivebee

@Lyesmith Congrats, and happy early birthday! Have so much fun at your party! (And FWIW, I have the same fears about my own birthday).

Gulfie

@Lyesmith

Amphora

@Lyesmith Congrats! Promotions are the best birthday present!

lasso tabasco

Is anyone else here predisposed to Overthinking and Freaking the Fuck Out during the beginning of a relationship? How do you manage this?
The thing is, we've been dating for two months, and I *know* he likes me because he tells me and he shows me and when I'm with him I feel good and happy. But! When I'm alone I'm distracted and I have terrible anxiety about my Feelings.
A Snippet from my Brain:
"OMG I suck. Why is he taking so long to respond to that text. Why did he only respond with one word. He doesn't like me. I'm so annoying, of course he doesn't like me. Why am I dating him, this isn't going to end well, obviously he's gonna drop me once he finds out how much I suck which OMG is probably today"
Tips? Tricks? Soothing mantras to recite?

SarahP

@lasso tabasco Here is a near-verbatim quote from my journal during my first 3 months dating the guy who would be my husband: "I really love him. I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST WROTE THAT. Maybe I should break up with him before anything goes wrong. Wait, that's crazy. Right? Wait, is it crazy?"

I can so relate. I still panic about little things relationship and non, but one piece of advice I use for other moments of anxiety: every time you catch yourself having brain snippets like that, take a second to talk each one of them down. Imagine you were listening to a friend say these things and imagine the way you would respond.

supernovice

@lasso tabasco ugh I always get this. Catching feelings from someone means you catch the potential to be hurt, too, and it's pretty frickin' scary. If it's any comfort, he's probably doing the exact same thing. Also, I bet you're a total babe so he's probabbbbly just sweating in his boots trying to keep you around.

Jinxie

@lasso tabasco BOY am I ever predisposed to Overthinking and Freaking the Fuck Out in relationships so you are not alone. But I've got no advice for you, because I have yet to figure out how not to be that way myself. I guess try to remember that people who like you will act like they like you? But it's so much more than that, really. I dunno. Part of why I'm afraid to jump back in the dating pool is that I know I will go nuts with the overthinking and I would like to not be like that anymore.

Jinxie

@Jinxie Sorry, that really wasn't very helpful at all!

lasso tabasco

@Jinxie No, it is! Are there people out there who DON'T feel this way, because if so I need a brain transplant.
I, too, didn't date anyone for a little under a year and a half, mostly because it turns me into a neurotic stressed out mess EVERY TIME.
@SarahP Thanks! It's nice to be reminded that maybe these feelings are just in my head... Although I always think that when he dumps me I will think back on this very moment and be like "whyyyyyyyyy didn't I listen to my brainnnnnnnnnnn" even though my brain produces obsessive and pessimistic thoughts about everything pertaining to my heart/vagina.

RNL
RNL

@lasso tabasco No no you're in the vast majority (I hope). I ESPECIALLY struggle with this in PMS time hooray!

I eventually told my BF about it (we're coming up on 9 months), in a fairly casual way. And told him that sometimes I would really love lots of reassurance. And then try to alert him to those times. Like "I would love it if you brought me flowers". And then he brings flowers.

It's harder earlier on. I like to try to distract myself. Yoga, exercise, friends, drinking, etc. Less time with that phone. The phone is the devil.

Linette

@lasso tabasco Dude, my boyfriend and I plan together what we're going to be doing with our lives for the next three years in specific terms (we're moving to Seattle, he's going to school, I'm launching a business, here's what we're doing with money, here's what kind of place we'd like to rent, etc.) and he straight-up makes little castle-in-the-air plans for what we'll do 10-15 years from now ("I'd love it if we took lots of international trips together. I'd like to go back to Japan, I know you'd like to go back to Italy, and I think you'd love Sweden, I want to take you there . . ")

AND I STILL FREAK OUT THAT HE'S GOING TO DUMP ME. Seriously. This is a man who will talk with me in all seriousness about what kind of parenting style we'd like to adopt when we have a kid. This is a man whose MOTHER sat him down to tell him he damn well needs to make this relationship work because we're great together. STILL. EVEN SO.

You are totally normal. And if you have a friend (or therapist) who will listen to crazy-rants if she's forewarned that they are crazy-rants and not, like, actual fears about your partner, you should use that friend for all she's worth. Mine is on constant standby.

lobsterhug

My coworker recently came back from maternity leave and all the shit she is getting fills me with such impotent rage toward the US and the patriarchy and just everything.

I'm starting to feel all the baby-having pressure and it will only be compounded by my neice coming to visit. It makes me want wave my cat in my mother-in-law's face and tell her this is the only baby you'll be getting from me.

Then I think of the awesome baby names I have come up with and I think maybe in a couple of years the world will be less awful.

Hormones, ladies.

dj pomegranate

@lobsterhug Can you give some cats a few of the awesome baby names? That is kind of my plan.

lobsterhug

@dj pomegranate That is more and more where I am leaning. Get a few cats and a dog and just be the awesome aunt.

olivebee

@lobsterhug Have you read I Can Barely Take Care of Myself by Jen Kirkman? It perfectly articulates so many great points/arguments in defense of not having a baby. I loved it.

lobsterhug

@olivebee That sounds great! And true! Keeping my cat alive and well is enough extra work and I still get to sleep as much as I want to.

supernintendochalmers

@olivebee Seconding Jen Kirkman. I also love the chapters in Caitlin Moran's How To Be A Woman about having kids and not having kids. They're really good for calming yourself down amidst YOU MUST HAVE BABIESZS hysteria.

Banana Stand Money

One of my co-workers greeted me this morning with "Hello, Sunshine!" because I've been generally grumpy for the past few weeks.

I cannot stop thinking about this and how much it bothers me, but I can't figure out how to talk to her about it because this is the coworker who reminds me so intensely of my mother. Although, I don't think my mother would say something so vaguely passive aggressive to me about my attitude.

thelittledeath

@Banana Stand Money - Because it's condescending and snarky and totally inappropriate for work. I'd probably do an eyebrow and some comment like "And you think that's going to help the situation, how?" or "Did you have something constructive to say?".

lookuplookup

@Banana Stand Money No helpful advice here, just commiseration. I struggle with these kind of interactions with my co-workers a lot. Sometimes they're attitude based (commenting on how I seem "moody"), sometimes they're appearance based (telling me, "you look really good today, did you do something different?") Why is it so hard to set boundaries in situations where there should be clear and easily understood boundaries? Maybe it's because this week has been really heavy on stressful work situations, but I wish I could just wear a big, flashing sign that says, "Never talk to me." If anyone knows the secret to setting pleasant and effective workplace boundaries, please clue me in.

Banana Stand Money

@lookuplookup Oh word on having no idea where the appropriate lines are at work. I know I have said some cranky things to people, but snarking back at me is not helpful. It knocked my neutral morning mood into "telling myself not to scream or cry" territory.

This job is just starting to suck the life out of me and I can't keep a pleasant demeanor all the time.

camanda

@Banana Stand Money Solidarity. I have coworkers who tell me to smile when I'm obviously grumpy, and they know I hate that. And I can't figure out how to get them to stop, either -- I'm starting to think there isn't one. I'm just not a sunny, smiley person. It's how I am, and even when I tell them flat-out that I have every right to be that way, they just won't let it go. It's intensely frustrating, and even if they mean well, like you said, saying things like that can really make your mood that much worse.

What really frustrates me is when I'm in a good mood, I'm a chatterbox and can be a lot of fun to be around, and they see that side of me a lot -- and never comment on it. I wish they would do that when I'm not as cheerful.

Banana Stand Money

@camanda Yes! All of this! I get along with everyone who doesn't push my buttons. I can't figure out if I've been pushing her buttons and she is just not using her words about it? It's making me feel like a crazy person.

I do have another coworker who talks to multiple people about being more smiley and gets biting when you reply that's not appropriate to tell someone.

RebeccaKW

@lookuplookup Yes, what is this type of comment? Or, "what's wrong with you, you look tired, up late?" I'm sorry, how is any of that your business? And I want to say things to these people, but then I think I still have to work with them and is it easier to pretend not to hear them than to get into some sort of grudge match over a dumb comment from someone I don't like?

thelittledeath

Uncomfortable thoughts/confession time: Did anyone else read the Peggy Paula story earlier? It reminded me of one of my fear/sadness generators. I have stories. I have stories and thoughts and feelings, and no one will ever know. There’s no one to ask how my day was, or care. No one that wants to know where my scars come from. No one that knows what it’s like to let me love them. No one even knows that I dance with the dog. It’s like I don't barely exist. When I'm gone, will anyone notice? It’s not that I don’t talk to others, and I'm not shy or secretive, just no one asks.*

*Yes, this is very melodramatic, and perhaps it’s coming at a low point on my depression scale, but honestly? Legit concerns.

iceberg

@empathicalist darlin' feel free to email me at iceberg DOT hairpin AT gmail DOT com , I can offer you an internet ear, if it will help.

anachronistique

@empathicalist It was just that last line for me. I mean, I have a great group of friends, and a wonderful family, and most of the time I am perfectly content. But sometimes - as a lifelong spinster, one who is trying to reclaim that term and make it awesome - it does ache. It does make me wonder.

But, you know, I still remember and cherish and love my two great-aunts who never married, and they were huge factors in how I've chosen to live my life. But being reassured of this when you're feeling melodramatic and upset is not totally helpful? I don't know. Internet hugs if you want 'em.

packedsuitcase

@empathicalist These feelings are totally real and understandable (I once had a freak out when I went away for a girls weekend because there was nobody back home who would miss me), and the need to be seen and cared for is deeply human. Tons of Jedi hugs for you.

thelittledeath

@empathicalist -

Thank you, all. I don't really feel sorry for myself in general, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth (brain). There's just been a lot of friendship upheavals in the last few years, and lack of healthy romantic relationships in...well...always? It starts carving a groove in your heart, and there's the fear that one day that groove will be so deep that it will become the picture perfect jagged line of a classically broken heart. This isn't the regular "I'm scared to be alone" thing. We're talking 3 (serious) boyfriends in the last 20 years, all emotionally unstable, co-dependent train wrecks that left with me no faith in my own judgment in other human beings. Obviously I could tell it was my fault for choosing what ended up being the same kind of guy, but even time off in between didn't fix anything.

I had a very strong group of close friends, some of whom were truly (I thought) kindred spirits, but that all blew up about 4 years ago, and it was devastating. A poly couple in the midst of the group split, and the group was shredded. People took sides, others made ultimatums, and I lost two of my best friends. I'm still broken up about it, and am having a hard time with the feelings of betrayal, and once again question my good judgment when it comes to other people.

Trying to get back out there, meet with casual friends, meet people on OKC, but it's hard to get past the feelings of hopelessness (hi depression!). As a social introvert, being alone isn't a problem, but being soul-deep lonely is.

[I'm trying to walk that line between oversharing and just being open about not-talked-about-stuff, don't mean to offend.]

mystique

@empathicalist Well, YOU will know all your stories and feelings. That's very important! Like Dear Sugar says, "whatever happens to you belongs to you."

Other than that, I had to hone the skill of making friendships. In terms of good judgement, I promise you have good judgement. I've had those moments of questioning myself before, but the fact that you question yourself is you building better judgment. There's a couple things to do: listen to what your body says around that person (if you get icky feelings, then yes, they are icky), own your truth and don't let anybody make you feel bad for being the amazing person that you are -- and don't question it when they do believe you're amazing, because you absolutely, in no uncertain terms, are.

I'm sorry you lost your group, maybe you can try calling a few of them up and reconnecting though? I've had a few friend breakups but I've revived a couple faded friendships.

thelittledeath

@iceberg - Thank you. Your opening up last week made it easier to admit something like this. Sometimes you just have to lance it, air it out and let it heal.

@anachronistique - I think some of what got me was the pacing. That hurried, frantic, desperate, lost, fumbling bouncing from one thought to another without stop. The feel of it triggered the emotion and the anxiety. All 'Pinner hugs are superior hugs, welcomed and returned.

@packedsuitcase - Thank you, and I repeat my position on 'Pinner hugs: All 'Pinner hugs are superior hugs, welcomed and returned.

@mystique - Oh, Sugar! I miss her so much! While I'm ecstatic she has so much going on right now, she just has such a wonderful soul and the gift of empathizing and expressing that gift.

SarahP

COLLEGE TEACHERS: If you had a 4/4 course load at one school, would it be too hard to take on one more class per semester at a different place? What's the norm? How strenuous that would be?

MmeLibrarian

@SarahP I'd say it's borderline. How many preps do you have for that 4/4?

bocadelperro

@SarahP if your experience is anything like mine, you will be constantly putting out fires and never be able to do any other work except for your classes.

thisisunclear

@SarahP Agreeing with @MmeLibrarian: borderline. Is it a same/similar prep?

SarahP

@MmeLibrarian and @thisisunclear What are preps? (Either way the answer is "I don't know, both positions would be new to me.")

thisisunclear

@SarahP Meaning (non-elegantly) how many of the same courses are you teaching at once? If it's 4 courses in a semester but they're all the same syllabus, maybe adding one more at new place wouldn't be the worst... but if the 4/4 place is a new job I'd be'd nervous about also making time for a fifth course at a new place!

I think I just failed at explaining myself. Friday afternoon brain, MORE COFFEE PLS.

SarahP

@thisisunclear Ah, okay, that makes sense! Of the 4, it's 3 of the same course, 1 different. (The 5th course at the other institution is actually the "same" as the 3, but it's a different syllabus because it's a different institution so I don't think it counts.)

lookuplookup

Well today sure has been a day & by that I mean, please, god, get me away from my desk before I totally lose it.

It rained for 16 straight days in Cleveland it's finally stopped! Just in time for me to head out of town to San Francisco for a week long ~software conference~ (blerg). Any SF pinners have suggestions for things I should do/places I should go during my free evenings?

One of my best pals is in town this weekend for the Cleveland tattoo expo and I'm going back and forth on whether or not I should get (another) tattoo from her while she's in town. Pros: It would be free, cons: I might maybe regret it later? Is this a Tufts college essay "YOLO" situation or should I just be a mature adult and stop getting pictures put on my body on a whim?

Danzig!

@lookuplookup NO REGRETS EVER

Jinxie

@lookuplookup I'm sure I could think of some stuff you could do here, but what do you like? What are you interested in? Food, shopping, people-watching, nature? Are you staying downtown?

Danzig!

@Jinxie seafood! And you can visit all the famous locations from The Room

Diana

@lookuplookup

Oooh girl! What kinds of activities do you like to do? What foods do you like? Lemme give you a whole bulleted list of stuff for San Francisco. Where are you staying in the city?

blushingflower

@lookuplookup I mean, I would say, don't get a face tattoo or anything, but getting a tattoo from an artist you respect and a person you like is something I would vote for. Even if you don't still like the picture in 10 years, it will still be a reminder of that person and your friendship and the person you are now.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@blushingflower

But what if it's a "YOLO" face tattoo??

DO NOT RUN THAT AS A GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH, I AM WARNING YOU!

blushingflower

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll That is not a choice that I would make; other people are free to make their own life choices.

(I am free to judge them from the comfort of my living room)

km1312

Hey 'Pinners! Constant lurker, infrequent commentor here, but I could use some advice from you wise folks: Where should I live??

I've been in NYC for for 10 years, and while I love it (especially Brooklyn & Queens), I'm ready for a change. I want to find another city with culture, diversity, and at least some amount of public transit (although I realize that leaving NYC, I probably will have to break down and get a car (and a license...)), but that is less frantic, crowded, and expensive. Big motivating factors include my love of hiking and desire to get a dog. I work in marketing, so I think I should be okay in the job market of most medium to large cities?

Also, I really hate hot, humid weather but am fine with winter. I've heard good things about Chicago, Minneapolis, Portland, Vancouver?? Where else?

Thanks much!

olivebee

@km1312 I live in Chicago and I LOVE it. You definitely don't need a car here (although I do have one). It's a very public-transit-friendly and bike-friendly city. It only gets really hot and humid for maybe 2 weeks of summer and that's it. And, having been to NYC many times, I definitely find it way less crowded and moderately less expensive. People can live by themselves in a 2-bedroom apartment on a 30,000 salary, for example.

Gulfie

@km1312 I've never been but it sounds like Colorado cities might have what you're after, maybe? Definitely on the hiking front.

phipsi

@km1312 I have a lot of friends in Mpls, and as far as affordability goes, it's probably better than Seattle/Vancouver, and maybe on par with Portland? Great hiking, GREAT canoeing/kayaking if you could envision getting in to that. (p.s. get a dog that likes to swim!) Probably going to be less hot/humid than Chicago, but anywhere West Coast is going to be less hot and humid than the Midwest. Lots of cute neighborhoods, even in the city, that are still fairly affordable. Light rail to the airport so you wouldn't *have* to get a car right away, but you'd probably want to get one if you're driving to Duluth to go hiking for the weekend.

lookuplookup

@km1312 If you're averse to humidity, Cleveland could be a struggle, but I think it's great. The Metroparks are an extensive series of nature preserves that provide awesome hiking trails, the museums here are incredible (full disclosure: I'm probably partial to our awesome museums because I work at one), there are tons of great independently owned/operated music and arts organizations, there are always a ton of amazing things going on, the restaurants are perfect, and the city is becoming increasingly diverse. Our public transit is middling, but doable, especially if you live and work in/around the downtown area. The cost of living is also a dream.

km1312

@Gulf of Finland ooh I didn't even think about Colorado! Any Colorado homies out there?

Briony Fields

@km1312 I love Vancouver, but it definitely lacks culture compared to other big cities I have lived in. Great if you like breathtaking scenery, though.

mangosara

@km1312 totally jumping in on this thread to fuel my moving fantasies, you guys.

polka dots vs stripes

@Briony Fields I think you're the first person I've ever heard to say Vancouver lacks culture! What other big cities have you lived in?

Briony Fields

@polka dots vs stripes Really! When I lived there I feel like everyone complained about it. I guess it depends what you're into.
I've lived in Montreal, Winnipeg, Ottawa, Berlin, and Paris.

I found that Vancouver is good if you are into any specific subculture, and I got involved with some nice grassroots, non-profit organizations there but overall the city felt almost boring sometimes? Nightlife isn't great. I swear almost everyone I met was into visiting fetish clubs and taking ketamine. And people were the least friendly of any city I've ever lived, not rude per se but a bit standoffish and kept to themselves. I did meet a lot of other non-Vancouver natives who had similar experiences, but maybe we were just being homesick, I don't know! Everyone's experience is different, certainly. But that was mine.

Brunhilde

@polka dots vs stripes Well, I've said that about Vancouver, WA, aka "Vantucky".

km1312

@Briony Fields Can you tell me more about Montreal, Winnipeg, Ottawa? Or does anyone know Toronto? Canada, you guys!

Gulfie

@km1312 I dated a guy in Toronto a few years ago and we're BFFs now. I always love visiting. He doesn't drive and has always gotten around really easily with public transit.

km1312

@olivebee Full disclosure: I grew up in a Chicago suburb and still have family and friends there, so Chicago is sort of the default if no other cities sound better. I love it too, but I'm curious about what it's like to actually LIVE there, rather than take the El in for the occasional Cubs game/Millennium Park concert/etc. Thoughts?

Briony Fields

@km1312 Welllll, if you are not into humidity then I would recommend none of those places, hahaha! Winnipeg has a really great underground music scene and is interesting because there's prairie-French culture there. Very different from Quebec! I lived in St. Boniface which is the French quarter, and I loved it. Also, WINTER. SO MUCH WINTER. Same for Montreal. And Ottawa, actually. I wouldn't call Winnipeg super diverse, and also it's a skajillion miles from any other big city.
Ottawa is quieter, but there's a bit more culture picking up there. Also has French influence, being next to Quebec and all. Some people consider it a dull government town, but I had a great time there.
Montreal is the best of the three, in my opinion. Very diverse, international, culture out the wazoo. Tons of events, big and small. Relatively cheap to live in. It can be difficult getting a job if you don't speak French though. Also, beautiful countryside not far from the city. I highly recommend it!

olivebee

@km1312 I live in Lincoln Square/Ravenswood area (and I avoid downtown/The Loop like the plague), and it's great because it feels like a small town within a city. I know all my neighbors, the shops and restaurants are fantastic, it's pretty safe, there are a bunch of theaters and a music/dance school nearby, and a number of large, pretty parks. The downside (for you) is that you can't hike because you obviously know how flat it is. But in a nutshell, that's how I feel about living there.

karenb

@km1312 i can answer toronto questions! it's sort of a bunch of small towns all crammed together, and we've got our issues, but once you find your tribe of like-minded people, it can be pretty great.

Jinxie

@km1312 Well, you don't need a car in San Francisco, and the weather's pretty great here (if you hate hot/humid weather), and there's a lot of awesome shit to do and beautiful nature to admire but it is crazygonuts expensive, so I don't know if could in good conscience say "Yes, move here!".

RebeccaKW

@km1312 Austin! I mean, yea, we have jackass politicians, but if you move here that's one more vote against them. Austin is like this foreign land in the middle of the state. Very liberal, very out there, so unlike the rest of the state. So much to do. The country around there is so beautiful. Within a few hours drive to the beach. I do not currently live in Austin, but I would love to do so.

PennyCentury

@km1312 OOO which suburb!?

south of Roosevelt (Pilsen) here. I think the best (and sometimes worst) part of the city is depending on where you go you can stay in your little enclave. I know folks are still flocking to Lincoln Park/Bucktown/now Logan, but you don't have to necessarily.

I think if you're wanting that burly, big city feel, Chicago's still got you. Also food! and if you bike (like me), you can literally go everywhere pretty much all the time (I commute south for one of my jobs three days a week and it is great). That being said, I think there's a lot of complicated politics about living here etc. etc. but that's normal, no? I would say part of my love for this city is how hard it is-- brutal seasons (I dunno, dude, the humidity is a nightmare sometimes for me) and sometimes pretty crass and grim folks who live in the Midwest and how big the city is and how broken some of our stuff is. But there is the lake and good beer and surviving blizzards, too. Also WBEZ + Vocalo.org. And great music venues.

Also, if you WERE to get a car, you could do some pretty good hikes even though like @olivebee said, it is flat. But I know lots of folks who get out to Starved Rock pretty often. Distance/touring riding, though, I could give you lots of stories.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@PennyCentury
Yeah Pilsen!!

PennyCentury

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll hijole we have to have a 'pin meetup in this city.

Also maybe I should go throw some "Hairpin" tags over all the graffiti for all the Pilsen 'pinners!

Amphora

@olivebee My husband was complaining about his job the other night and threw out the possibility of asking for a transfer to another office - they just opened one in Singapore. My knee-jerk response was "But why would we live there? It's not Chicago!"

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@PennyCentury
If we live in the same neighborhood, we should totally hang out! Email me? I'm always trying to meet people who I can see without leaving the neighborhood.

km1312

@km1312 I'm from Oak Park. Sooo many Starved Rock trip memories...

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@PennyCentury
Also, I think there was a 'pin-up recently that I missed because I was out of town? But let's plan another one, and make it in Pilsen!

(Not to be too forward? but I have met some great Chicagoan through the 'Pin!)

dtowngirl

@km1312 I've lived in the Denver-area for my entire life, and I love it. Denver's a great city with tons of cultural attractions (we have the second-largest performing arts center in the WORLD). And, you can get to the mountains in 20-30 minutes. Plus, we have 300+ days of sunshine a year. The winter can be cold, but it's cold and sunny.

YoungLeafedJune

@km1312 I just moved to CO. I don't like it (too sunny, too scrubby, too aggressively outdoorsy for me), but it sounds like it could be a fit for what you're looking for. Just don't try to live in Boulder. Unless you're rich, in which case Boulder loves you. Otherwise, you can fuck right off as far as Boulder is concerned. It's a cute enough little town (just that; other than the mountains behind it, it's not extraordinary), but they are precious as all get out about it and outlawed growth in the 70s to maintain it's supposedly invaluable character intact, sprawl-less. So now it's a college town Disneyland for rich people, students who are okay living in shitholes, and people who moved there 30 years ago. Hate u, Boulder. Signed, a bitter resident of a Denver suburb who drives for miles through open fields (where she could be living, in an apartment, instead of 40 minutes further away from work in Denver's sprawl) every day.

planforamiracle

@km1312 I will echo what karenb said about Toronto being pretty great once you find your tribe. though I found it very difficult to find my tribe (I've lived here for about 8 years.)

If you live downtown, public transit is mediocre and it's abysmal if you're anywhere else. (IMHO.) The diversity here is truly amazing, and it's definitely got a lot of cultural events. I work in arts admin and would find it hard to get a job like mine anywhere else in Canada. Toronto also loves the everloving fuck out of dogs, so you're covered there.

If you are trying to avoid humidity, Toronto may not be for you. And it is very difficult to get to any wilderness areas—you need a car, and you need to drive for about an hour. (That last factor is one very close to my heart, that makes me want to leave Toronto.)

Valancy

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Please let's have another Chicago Pinup! I just moved to the city and I went to the last one in Millenium Park, which ended up just being a couple of us. It was fun, and I'd love to meet more people too!

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Valancy
I've planned a few, I could plan another! Send me an email and let's figure one out between us: my username (no spaces, no periods) at gmail.

Linette

@km1312 Colorado homie willing to vouch for Boulder and Denver and all the areas in between. Spectacular hiking, and the price of living, while high, is nowhere near as high as NYC and will therefore seem to you quite pleasantly affordable. :)

I (weirdly) agree with @YoungLeafedJune's rant above regarding Boulder and still would recommend it. Stay out of the college areas of town and many of her objections stop being so freakin' annoying. It IS expensive compared to many other cities, but again, compared to NYC (which is where I was before Boulder) I found it quite affordable. And I'm a writer, not a bajillionaire.

Hint to finding excellent housing in Boulder: wait until the college students are done finding their housing in September. Lots of great places open up right after because folks who don't want their rentals destroyed know when the college students shop. The good places for young professionals open up in October, November, February, March, and April.

Hurricanoes

@km1312 I am late to the party, but a former Coloradan (and would go back in a minute)! Denver sounds right up your alley--however, sometimes people from NYC find that Denver doesn't work for them, especially if they get stuck living in the suburbs/borderlands of Denver and have a sense of it as a sprawling, strip-mally place. Stick with central Denver neighborhoods--you will find perfectly affordable housing, especially compared to NYC!

Dog & hiking will make you fit right in. Summer can be very hot, but always incredibly dry. Invest in good lotion and a water bottle you like. I lived in Denver with no car, which is doable--the bus system is pretty comprehensive, straightforward, and reasonably timely; lightrail is slowly builing a usable system. You will want a car (or at least a really good friend with a car) for all the times you want to take your dog hiking in the mountains.

If you like beer, you are in business: craft breweries grow like weeds. If you are not interested in strangers smiling at you and greeting you in the street, you will not like Colorado.

For a bigger change (smaller place), people also seem to like Fort Collins.

Plant Fire

@km1312 So it doesn't fit the 'no hot humid weather' requirement (at least not in the summer) but DC is beautiful, has free museums, a small but very clean metro, and it just all around lovely. If the city is too expensive, NOVA is cheaper, metro accessible, and has much better food anyways.

Also, while I haven't lived here I'd also recommend Savannah, GA mostly because when I visited it was the most beautiful place ever and there is no open container law in the historic district (so you can get a to go cup from a bar and stroll around outside) and SCAD is there so there are fun artsy things and young people as well as all the old southern ladies.

For something less hot/humid my sister lives in Northampton, MA and loves it, it's very liberal and has a lot of fun stuff to do.

km1312

@km1312 everyone who replied on this thread (sorry @-replying all of you seems really daunting right now), thank you! you've been super-helpful and I'm now really stoked to visit at least a few of these places over the next year to get a feel for them - I will absolutely be seeking you lovely people out when I do!

klemay

I told myself I could do another New York summer without air conditioning (yes, I did it last year) and I finally caved and bought one. I'm not even a little bit sorry. What, did I have to prove I was tough or something?! I'm never looking back.

mangosara

@klemay I did the exact same thing--I said to myself, okay, you have disposable income and the cost of that AC is going to be SO WORTH IT for you to sleep in cool air conditioned bliss. and nope, not looking back.

Citizen Christy

@mangosara @klemay Literally installed one (or, rather, watched my husband install one, not because I defer to him, but because he volunteered, OKAY?) the day after we moved into our place in Manhattan last summer. Could not live without it, probably.

Plant Fire

@klemay It is so worth it! And it's not even that expensive. Not cheap either (especially when you add in the cost of buying one) but I have a new machine (bought new last year) and my electric bill went from $50 a month to $75 a month for the whole apartment. And that extra $25 is so so so worth it. I leave it off all day (I don't have pets that need to stay cool) and switch it on the moment I walk inside and keep it around 74 until I leave the next morning.

paper bag princess

I am still addicted to Candy Crush. Thanks a lot, Pin!

But now I am on level 63. What the fuck is up with this goddamn chocolate??? Aarrrrrgh why can't i stop playing this game???

Banana Stand Money

@paper bag princess I think I will never get off of the level I'm on.

Anyone else hear the phrase "Clear all the jellys" as a nanny-ish taunt?

hallelujah

@paper bag princess OOH YEP. Never had any interest until I read the article and then "well, maybe it's not so bad" AND NOW I CAN'T STOP. I was over a week into the future at one point so I could keep playing. It gets less fun as the levels get harder though, so that's nice (I'm at 73).

Jinxie

@paper bag princess I'm stuck on 68 and I'm pretty sure I'll be playing that level until I die.

Scandyhoovian

@paper bag princess I'm stuck on level 65 and have been for a WEEK and I'm just like "ugh ugh this game is making me hate chocolate ugh" about it.

RNL
RNL

@paper bag princess I'm at level like 135 and it never gets any better.

Although I haven't played in 4 days or so, so maybe it does.

allofthecrafts

You guyssssss, I found out my ex is already dating someone new (oh, and she looks JUST LIKE ME). So I re-joined OkCupid. It has been less than 24 hours and I already deem OkCupid like probably the worst thing ever. Is there no happy medium between creepy-online-dating and terrible-trying-to-meet-people-in-real-life?

lasso tabasco

@allofthecrafts Yes! I met my new boyfriend on the OKC. He's neither creepy nor terrible at meeting people in real life- in fact, quite the opposite! Needle in the haystack girl, just keep clicking away and enjoy the hilarity of it all in the meantime :)
Sorry about your ex!

RoxxieRae

@allofthecrafts The unfortunate secret to OKC is volume, volume, volume. If you're not at a place in your life where that sounds do-able, just hang out in public with people you already know you like (i.e., your friends).

Also, i don't know you and this is HIGHLY individual (obviously), but if you are interested in casual sex and don't mind the idea of dating as a hobby, i cannot recommend enough that you indicate that on your profile. Believe it or not, that's when I met the coolest, most interesting people... some of whom are still my friends! YMMV.

supernovice

@allofthecrafts I have met some cute dudes on there! They usually turn out to be at least a little bit strange in real life (or they have bad teeth or weird jeans or something) but sometimes they're worth a few dates! And also it's such a nice ego boost when something like the dreaded ex-has-a-new-girlfriend thing occurs.

allofthewine

@allofthecrafts idk if this will make you feel better or worse, but after joining OKC, my first-- LITERAL FIRST-- message from someone was a dude asking if I wanted to be in a threesome. It gets better, trust me. There are good people out there.

PennyCentury

@allofthecrafts thank you for posting this because I jumped of OKC in the wake of all of the things I needed to focus on that were NOT online dating earlier and have been thinking about going back.

...the other alternative being casual hookups or something from CL? tell me not to, Pin! TELL ME!

allofthecrafts

@allofthewine My like, second or third message was from a 47 year old dude. I am 21. Why would you even think that would be a good idea, old dude??

p.s. I have all of the crafts, and you have all of the wine. WE SHOULD JOIN FORCES PROBABLY

ellochka

@allofthecrafts OKC has ups and downs, but especially if you're in a place with a big enough pool, it can be so great! I am extremely biased, though. The closest Boyfriend and I get to a meet-cute story is that we were a 99% OKC match.

Having people set you up is an option, I guess? I always want to do that and it never happens. But I'd give OKC more time. And then take a break if you need it, whenever.

RNL
RNL

@allofthecrafts OKC is great! Do not judge all of it by the creepy 47 year olds. That's like judging a bar (I guess) by the one creepy guy. Although some bars are terrible.

supernovice

@allofthecrafts ahahahha those are my favourite. Or the one from the guy five years my junior and six inches shorter than me. I almost admire that kind of self-confidence.

zamboni

@RoxxieRae I just want to second the first paragraph here as really excellent advice, and also the conclusion I came to (and I had to go back to the "hanging out with friends" bit). (Not disparaging the 2nd paragraph, just out of my wheelhouse!)

dj pomegranate

My ex liked a bunch of my wedding photos on fb. I thought I had unfriended him long ago, but apparently I did not. On the one hand, it's kind of sweet like, "hey, glad you seem happy!" On the other, dating him was terrible and I would rather not be his fb friend. I am unsure how to feel about this so am choosing to ignore it.

In other news, I am eating a Reese's peanut butter cup right now and drinking coffee, and it is delicious.

allofthewine

@dj pomegranate my exbf was the first person to 'like' my engagement status update, so I feel you on that. on the other hand, i have also unfriended every other exbf because it wasn't worth dealing with unnecessary strife/Emotions/feelings that comes from seeing them on facebook and being reminded that they are living real lives

Jinxie

@dj pomegranate I give you permission to unfriend him, if that's what you want. I'm definitely in the "burn the village and salt the earth" school of post-relationship friendship with exes. I mean, guys I dated in college - we were friends before and stayed friends after, but "adult" relationships? If we weren't friends before there's no reason to stay in touch after. It just causes pain for one or both parties.

Briony Fields

I'm in need of advice this week, apparently...

Can anyone recommend a good email provider? One that isn't evil, aka gmail or yahoo or microsoft?

Audley

I'm moving to Paris in the fall. It'll be my first time living in a big city/ a city where I don't speak the language fluently/ in a different time zone than the majority of people I know. Anyone have any advice or fun/terrifying stories about similar experiences?

packedsuitcase

@Audley YES! Oh, you'll have the best time.

Obviously, a French/English dictionary is your friend. In my experience, Parisians are very happy for you to try to speak French (unless it's the rush hour, in which case, just ask if they speak English and go).

As far as being in a different time zone, the mental calculation comes quick, and then it's kind of fun because you have all of these stories to tell about your day already and they can tell you about the night before, and it'll be great. Pinky swear.

Briony Fields

@Audley Congrats! Will you be staying long term?

I have done this, and truthfully it was not always easy. If you will be working/studying in English, even just 30 minutes of speaking French or watching TV or listening to radio will help you improve. If you'll be more or less immersed, even better! Also, I totally recommend signing up to bewelcome or couchsurfing and just going out to some of the events. These hospitality sharing folks are always organizing cool stuff, and you don't even have to be an active hoster/surfer to attend. They're usually a good mix of international people and locals.

supernintendochalmers

@Audley Ooh, that sounds fabulous! I only did a semester abroad but one challenge was shopping for things like groceries, toiletries, and medicine-- surprisingly hard when you don't know the language. I bet there are all kinds of apps you can get now that help though.

Also, I found a cool ex-pat bar that played current American indie music and that was really nice when I felt homesick. I was in Eastern Europe though, I bet there's less of a cultural lag in Paris.

Audley

@Briony Fields I'll be there for a year. All of my classes will be in French and and I'll be living with a French host mother and singing in a French choir, so I imagine I'll adjust fairly quickly. I'm just anxious about the first couple of weeks. Thanks for your encouragement!

Briony Fields

@Audley Awesome! That's the best case scenario, imo. I did the exchange thing in France too, and it took about 2-3 months of total immersion to become fluent. In the meantime, I was verrrrry tired. Absorbing a new language is hard work, so let yourself rest.
When you get back, you will be a thousand times more confident. I don't know how many times I thought to myself, "If only I could speak English right now!" and when I got home and could speak English freely, I was never intimidated by any situation. Although, I am sure you're already super confident!

stuffisthings

@Audley According to my wife, if you want not to annoy Parisians you should get on and off trains quickly and not talk super loudly. This is my only substantive advice.

ETA: Also my favorite museum, the Centre Pompidou, and the fact that you can buy monthly passes to movie theaters (if you get bored and want to learn how to say "Iron Man" in French).

Audley

@Briony Fields It's funny, I'm a science major and minor so I haven't had much time for humanities classes other than French the past year or so. After a year of writing almost all of my essays in French, I took genuine comfort in saying "at least it's not in French" while writing a 13 page bio research paper that was almost half of my grade for a class.

stuffisthings

Also read this fantastic article. "Better to be miserable than a hypocrite, nauseated than naive — and far better to be morose than a fool."

frumious bandersnatch

@Audley Just always say "Bonjour (/soir) Madame/Monsieur!" when you enter shops and "Au revoir" when you exit and that is like 75% of succeeding in Paris.

AND Paris is big in terms of being major and having a lot of people but so small geographically! It's really easy for it to feel like your own really quickly.

Diana

@Audley

1) EXACT CHANGE is the only thing that yields genuine smiles from shop clerks. I do not understand the cultural aversion to change, but the single best thing you can do is give exact change everywhere you go.

2) Skip the Bastille, it's just a big tower in the middle of a roundabout.

3) Best place to have a people-watching cafe experience is at Cafe des Philosophes in the Marais, which looks like The Three Broomsticks inside. Fantastic chocolat chaud and wonderful house salad with warm goat cheese and pate sandwiches.

I have a LOT of recommendations if you want more. I lived there in 2008.

packedsuitcase

@Audley Oh, awesome! When I did the same in Spain (but only 4 months), I caught on SO quickly. It really comes both more easily than you expect and more slowly, but then one day your host mom will miss her favourite show and you'll have caught her up on the whole plotline without realizing quite how much you understood. Enjoy!

Audley

@Diana I've heard that about change. One thing I've been considering is that I really need to adjust my wallet/purse configuration so that it'll work in a country where coins are actually useful. I'd love to hear your recommendations of what to do. So far most of my "fun outing" planning has comprised of looking up next year's opera season, so it would be nice to cultivate a list of cool things to do.

@stuffisthings I get the impression that 75% of living in or visiting a city successfully is not getting in the way of people commuting.

[sic]

@Audley Yaayy! Soon, we might have enough people for a Paris Pinup!
Where will you be studying?

@stuffisthings Your wife speaks the truth.

Audley

@[sic] I'll be taking most of my classes at Paris VII. I would be very much in favor of a Paris Pinup next year.

Black crow

@Audley Paris has great transportation, and I used to just sit on buses to visit parts of town I never would have gone to otherwise. And if you watch English language movies with subtitles, you get to read the French, and then hear the English, so it can really help you check your language skill. Definitely do what frumious bandersnatch says in stores - confidently and happily - and you will make a great impression

[sic]

@Audley Paris Diderot is pretty great: the immediate neighborhood is maybe a little boring, but I hear the classes there are generally excellent. And you're only a few metro stops away from somewhere more interesting.

luulu

@Audley And if you feel a bit lonely or a bit lost, hang out at one of the amazing art museums, the Guimet and Quai Branly are my favourites. Good luck, you'll have a great time!

liverwortlaura

Fun Things to Do with 14 Year Olds: GO!
Please, suggestions would be appreciated. I'm hosting a 14yo next week, all week, who I've known since she was 1! But I was an atypical 14yo myself and don't quite know what to do with her. Maybe she will sit and occupy herself the whole time with her ipod, but I want to be FUNNNNNNN

packedsuitcase

@liverwortlaura Can you ask her parent(s) what she's interested in? Might be helpful. I remember staying with people around that age and they wanted to show me what they were interested when I would have rather been reading, but had they said something like "Hey, there's a used bookstore that just opened, want to check it out?" or "There's a movie in the park, want to check it out?" it probably would have gone a little better.

olivebee

@liverwortlaura It's summer in Chicago, so there is bound to be an arts festival or some other sort of sidewalk festival going on. Or you could go to a baseball game (Sox fans are probably less vile than Cubs fans because ugggghhhh Wrigleyville, and I think the tickets are cheaper).

Danzig!

@liverwortlaura bowling!

dj pomegranate

@liverwortlaura I feel like museums might a lot of good early-teen options too (if you are a 14 year old like I was a 14 year old)! Maybe she's into dinosaurs or stars or something...?

cuminafterall

@liverwortlaura Depends so, so much on your 14-year-old. I had my 14-year-old sister come visit for her birthday last year, and our activities had two themes: (1) stuff I already knew she liked and (2) stuff to show her a good, nearly-adult time in my city.

For (1), we did a serious amount of browsing (and a little buying) at vintage/thrift stores and tried on fancy dresses in department stores. Also, we made box brownies from the grocery store and did a Netflix marathon.

For (2), what cool stuff is going on in your city? Art exhibits, drum circles, happenings & goings-on? Concerts/movies in the park can be good.

raised amongst catalogs

@liverwortlaura If she's anything like my 14-year old sister, be prepared to have your mind blown at how much time she spends looking at/texting on her phone.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@liverwortlaura
I can always go to the Lincoln Park Zoo again. Maybe she feels similarly, if weather permits?

elissa_what?

@liverwortlaura Crafts and making stuff! When I was that age, my (much) older sister and I would have friendship bracelet making marathons while watching a ton of movies my parents wouldn't let me see. Last summer, my cousin (who was 15 or 16) and I made some decoupage cuff bracelets and it was super fun.

km1312

@cuminafterall batting cages! bowling! laser tag! anything active where you guys can laugh at yourselves about silly you look/terribly you're performing.

liverwortlaura

@all These suggestions are great, keep 'em coming! Basically I know we will be fine and she will be pumped to be in a big (albeit HOT) city and I already have lists of all the movies and concerts in the park. It's just my anxiety rearing it's ugly head so making more lists might keep it calm.

RebeccaKW

@liverwortlaura Is there a water park or some sort of large amusement park around? Like a Six Flags? I know when I was a teenager, I loved going to those places. (Still do, of course) It's a little more expensive, unless you find a deal, but it does take up a whole day.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@liverwortlaura Definitely check deal websites! In a perfect world, you'd get some kind of craft deal (like those cafés where you paint your own ceramics) and a sushi-making class. For some reason, those sound fun to me.

Do you have friends who are involved in any kind of interests you could bring her to? Maybe they could tell you if there are any dragon boat races you could go watch, or if their dance studio is having a free class or something.

I feel like most 14 year olds really like shopping, but instead of just taking her to a mall, you could take her to wherever you shop, or a used bookstore like someone else suggested, or a small record shop (I'm not sure I even saw a non-chain music store until I was about 19), a vintage store, a Goodwill, Chinatown, etc... You could take her to a produce market (farmer's market? what are those called?) and buy awesome fresh ingredients and then make something delicious with them!

OxfordComma

@liverwortlaura : Biggest advice? Treat her like a grown-up. Ask for her opinions on events going on in the world, talk to her like you would any other adult.

See if there is anything that she has always wanted to do or is interested in that you can do together. You're going to be fun! Fear not!

Brunhilde

I'm kind of in a horrible living situation because I broke up with my live-in boyfried but can't afford to move out, so akwardness abounds. But he's been in jail since Tuesday so it's been a lot easier to go home! It's also been a lot easier not to go home so I went home with someone else last night. And I have a date tonight! Which is kind of nerve wracking because I haven't gone on a date in years.

Briony Fields

@Brunhilde Relief! Will he be away for long? Hopefully long enough for you to save some money and get out of there.

Brunhilde

@Briony Fields They'll probably let him out on the 22nd. I just had to go deposit money in his account so that the rent check he wrote clears, though, so bye bye to the little savings that I had.

Briony Fields

@Brunhilde Ah that is awful! Is he on the lease? Can you just replace him with a better roommate while he's away? Or get a loan and move out before he gets out?

anachronistique

Guys, I am the pettiest whiniest friend, but I am so incredibly sad that my two very dear friends (who are roommates) are moving. Not even to another state! Just from an apartment that's a 20-minute walk from my house to one that will require an hour on public transit. It's apparently a gorgeous place in a great neighborhood and their current situation has become intolerable, and I'm happy for them, BUT IT'S SO FAAAAAAAAAAAR.

whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine

SarahP

@anachronistique Start researching bars in their new neighborhood. Find one that is super awesome. Now you have a reason to want to go over there all the time, and built-in friends to meet up with while there, so it won't seem so far!

elissa_what?

@anachronistique Two of my best friends are leaving the state at the end of the summer, and I'm having SUCH a hard time being nice about it. I'm happy for them, they will be so happy, but I keep breaking into tears at like two in the morning on their couch. I feel your pain!

Jinxie

@anachronistique I totally understand your whining, and I share in it, since a good friend just moved from my 'hood to the other side of town (granted, it's a geographically small city so nothing is THAT far, but I don't have a car and transit gets complicated). She was walking distance but is now 2 bus rides and a 6-block walk away PLUS she now lives really close to where my most recent (and still ouchy) ex lives, and most of the bars/restaurants closest to her are solidly in Ex Manfriend's territory. But it's a really sweet place she moved to, and it's big, and she has no roommates now, so I'm happy for her even though I'm whining a little.

anachronistique

Thanks, all. <3 We're already figuring out how to get over to their new place and apparently one of them will still be coming over to this side of the river for their comics, so that's comforting.

liverwortlaura

Anyone else having issues not getting e-mail alerts for comment responses?

Gulfie

@liverwortlaura I just got a flood of them, but before that, yes.

klemay

@liverwortlaura Mine have been going to spam, despite me telling gmail several times that comment notifications from the hairpin are NOT SPAM

Lily Rowan

@klemay Yeah, mine suddenly started going into the spam folder in Yahoo, too.

liverwortlaura

@Lily Rowan yup, there they were!

Danzig!

DENVER PEOPLE hey, hey there, I helped to Kickstart a fundraising thing for the Denver Film Society and in so doing received two tickets to a Big Lebowski showing at Red Rocks on July 31st. HOWEVER during that date I will be en route to a vacation with family, so if there are two of y'all who want to experience it (and it's a blast, I went once several years ago), do hit me up.

Also, if there are more than two of you who want in on this event, tix are here, gotta copy-paste cuz I don't know how the coding on this thing works. - http://ev15.evenue.net/cgi-bin/ncommerce3/SEGetEventInfo?ticketCode=PR%3AFOTR%3AFOTR13%3AKRRA0731%3ALEBOWSKI&linkID=twmt-fotr&shopperC

Alsooooo my long-in-the-works piece looks set to publish soon! I hope it was worth the headaches I surely gave my editors.

Danzig!

@Danzig! Oh and I should note that the two tix I have are gratis. Would just hate to see em wasted u know

Danzig!

@Danzig! Looks like someone bit elsewhere. And the additional ticket sale option is only open to Kickstarter backers :( Next time!

elissa_what?

I am having some crazy feelings, like some tear-down-everything-you've-been-building feelings, and I don't know whether to trust them. Mostly I'm just mad at my own heart for complicating my life. How do you know when to trust your instincts? Just take the time?

Gulfie

@elissa_what? Yes. I think so. I do this a lot. Just wait it out, see if it continues. Write down what you're feeling, write a lot, see where that goes too.

elissa_what?

@Gulf of Finland Thank you :-)

RNL
RNL

@elissa_what? Just take the time. (Hormones make me feel that way. For me it's like a storm that comes. And then goes. The feelings that remain when the storm passes over are the ones I act on.)

stuffisthings

So we have a new "summer Fridays" thing at the office, my boss brought in delicious peach pie (made with basil? yum), and I have a happy hour and two parties ahead of me this weekend (pre-Bastille day/wife getting her green card party tomorrow, and Bastille Day thing at the French Embassy on Sunday). Yay for summer!

stuffisthings

Boo for summer weather! And also being kinda broke until my wife gets a job.

raised amongst catalogs

@stuffisthings Whoa, would your boss share the recipe?

stuffisthings

@raised amongst catalogs Unfortunately I think she's gone for the day. If I remember I'll ask on Monday and report back but with all the drinks planned between now and then I wouldn't count on it.

raised amongst catalogs

@stuffisthings I can respect that. I just Googled it and a few recipes came up, and I think there are worse ways to spend my summer than experimenting with peach basil pie recipes, right?

Onymous

@raised amongst catalogs Pretty much just chuck however much basil you feel comfortable with at peaches, they go well together.

Rosemary and Strawberries are also a winning combo.

Jinxie

@raised amongst catalogs Between this and the ice pops post, I think there are boozy peach/basil ice pops in my immediate future.

supernovice

@stuffisthings Bastille Day at the French Embassy sounds impossibly glamourous.

lobsterhug

I'm going to continue my Negative Nelly streak and say that I hate hashtags on Facebook. It's just the worst on top of every terrible thing about Facebook.

Briony Fields

@lobsterhug I'm going to join you in the grumpy corner and say that I hate hashtags, period! I guess I'm an Old or something, but I find them terribly obnoxious and so, so unnecessary.

liverwortlaura

@Briony Fields and the whole graph search freaks me out, AND a new interface as of today. I just need to quit.

rangiferina

@lobsterhug oh, they're terrible. on the plus side(??) it gives me more hate-read material...

Helvetica

@lobsterhug I don't get hashtags. Or "moods".

lobsterhug

@liverwortlaura Ugh, I hate when they change the interface and then I can't find anything. Also, what is with the little emoticon status update things? If I wanted that, I'd still be on livejournal.

I want to quit Facebook so bad, but I feel like I need a support group because it is my go-to timesucker.

pajamaralls

@lobsterhug It just makes me think of people having cat eyes as emoticons and setting their mood as 'quixotic'

FB should just go ahead and add the "What music are you listening to?" feature.

panther

@pajamaralls omg guilty.

mystique

Pinners! Any recommendations for novels -- classical or contemporary -- about self-absorbed jerks letting go of their jerkiness? Because I honestly want to believe that people get better as they get older. Also because I can read Ask Polly columns and Heather Havrilesky only so many times. Give me some hope, Pinners!

SarahP

@mystique The Magnificent Ambersons? I feel like people letting go of their jerkiness in novels only happens after a Transformative Experience, which maybe jerks don't get enough of in the real world...

mystique

@SarahP I will check that out! Also thank you for responding, I always get nervous about non-responses on the Hairpin, like "this isn't clever enough! damn!"

Yeah, transformative experiences, definitely. A movie version of this is may be Chihiro from Spirited Away, who was a brat before the movie and soooo much better after.

Roxanne Rholes

@mystique SPEAKING OF POLLY. I was totally horrified to read the comments on this last one, because people were saying "you know, Dan Savage would give this guy the green light to cheat on his wife," and I don't really follow Dan Savage so I wouldn't know, but the guy I'm dating adores him, and now it's like, ugh, is this a red flag, is my boyfriend secretly a juicebox?

Laughable Walrus

@Roxanne Rholes Just jumping in to defend Dan Savage! (which is not something I ever really thought I'd do.) I get that a lot of people have a problem with him, but I feel like all those people who were saying he would have given the green light don't listen carefully to what he says. I actually felt like if Dan Savage got that letter, he would have also smacked the guy upside the head, because that dude seemed like a dick! He does occasionally give the green light to cheat, but only in situations that are completely hopeless (partner has unilaterally ended all sex, will not accept any honest degree of openness after discussion) and leaving would be the far crueler thing to do - like if the non-sex-wanting partner is permanently ill and completely dependent on the other partner is one of the examples that springs to mind. To be fair, that also sounds shitty when written out like that, but less shitty perhaps than leaving/the curdling resentment that would build up over a lifetime of no sex. In situations like the one in the letter, Dan Savage has actually given pretty much the same advice that Polly did.

Long story short, I don't think liking Dan Savage is a red flag. I think his podcast has actually improved my emotional intelligence, because it makes me think about relationships and what I want out of them/what goes wrong/right in others at least once a week, so maybe that's true for your boyfriend too?

PistolPackinMama

@mystique

Nick Hornby: About a Boy

Ian Banks (not sci-fi): The Crow Road (one of my favorite novels of the 1990's)

PistolPackinMama

@PistolPackinMama

Margaret Elphinstone: Voyageurs (My favorite novel of the early aughts)

YoungLeafedJune

@mystique Does Emma qualify as that? Silas Marner is about a guy learning not to be a lonely miser. This isn't really the same but one of my favorite books, The Uncommon Reader, is about the (semi-fictional) Queen being transformed late in life by becoming a reader. It's very cute.

KatieBarTheDoor

I got a job, y'all! Finally! It's by far the best one I interviewed for, and the people are so nice, and it's in downtown Boston with ridiculous 20th-floor views, and I'm going to have money again, and I don't feel like a loser anymore yaaayyyyyy

raised amongst catalogs

@KatieBarTheDoor Congrats! I'm so happy for you. I just had an awesome interview with the nicest people and I hope next week I can announce triumphantly on the FOT that I am gainfully employed!

KatieBarTheDoor

@raised amongst catalogs Ohhh, I hope so too! Good luck!

olivebee

@KatieBarTheDoor Congrats!! Sounds awesome!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@KatieBarTheDoor Congratulations!!! This new job sounds wicked awesome and you were never ever a loser.

one cow.

You guys! I just had the worst thing happen. New guy going down on me, says awkward question: is it that time of the month? Blood. Everywhere. Where is the Seventeen Say Anything column when I need it??

supernintendochalmers

@one cow. Traumarama!

Danzig!

@one cow. well at the very least the dude has gained a new appreciation and reverence for the human body

Jinxie

@one cow. Whoa.

mystique

@one cow. "Yes, wait, why did you stop? Aren't you a vampire? WERE YOU LYING TO ME?"

Briony Fields

@one cow. Was his name Edward?

Girl Named Jack

@one cow. That happened to me once, except the guy just mumbled something and ran to the bathroom, leaving me to discover the blood on my own. I panicked with shame for about five minutes, until he came back from the bathroom. Turned out he had a bloody nose. Which is possibly the least sexy thing, ever.

Quinn A@twitter

@one cow. @Girl Named Jack If it's any consolation, my ex once asked me if it was that time of the month, and I very calmly reached down, checked, and said "no, why?".

"Uh. Because there's a lot of blood on this condom."

"Um. On it, or...in it?"

"OH MY GOD IN IT."

He tore his foreskin inside me. I don't even know.

Jinxie

@Quinn A@twitter What? OMG ow ow.

Quinn A@twitter

@Jinxie Yeah, I'm really not sure how he didn't just KNOW it wasn't my time of the month without having to ask.

Jinxie

@Quinn A@twitter Willful ignorance. If you were a guy in that situation, would your mind automatically jump to "OMG my dick is bleeding"? Or would you try to convince yourself that it was just your ladyfriend doing her bleeding thing.

Quinn A@twitter

@Jinxie I think that would depend on how much tearing one's foreskin hurts! But yeah, I would probably try to convince myself it was harmless ladyblood.

Girl Named Jack

@Quinn A@twitter Judging by the fact that I just puked in my mouth a little, I think that your story is even less sexy than mine. Ugh. And ow?

Quinn A@twitter

@Girl Named Jack Oh, no, I'm sorry! If it helps, he was absolutely the kind of guy who deserved it.

one cow.

@one cow. Also, sorry for the poor grammar in the first post. I was typing this while he was in the bathroom at lunch right afterwards because I was SO DESPERATE to share with the FOT. I forgot to mention that I also managed to cut his pee pee with my tooth, because later he asked for salve for it. I'M THE SEXIEST WOMAN ALIVE!!!

JanieS

My weekend will be GREAT because I will be watching kaiju-mecha battles in glorious IMAX 3D in T minus 6 hours.

My glee is unquenchable!

shalalas

My shoes have started squeaking. I'm driving myself (and likely everyone else in the office) crazy by just walking around. Ah!

ThatWench

Hooray FOT! Two thoughts:
1) I've done the "shop retail" thing, I've done the eshakti thing, and now I'm basically wondering if there's a way in this modern world to go full "dress custom-made by local professional" in the $100-$200 price range? I have a friend who is new to sewing who has offered to make me something simple, but I honestly would love to find someone whose instinct for other women's bodies I trust, who'd be willing to work with me to get me into a half-dozen work-appropriate dresses that I love. Does anyone have an etsy person they love? I'd be willing to try and establish an online-only relationship, but it seems like a few folks should exist locally, and yelp has only provided folks who do this in high-fashion versions (ie, out of my price range).

2) Aaaargh, realized today that Newsroom is coming back. Last season, I only survived by knowing smart, hilarious 'pin commentary was waiting for me the next morning. What am I going to do to get through this?

blushingflower

@ThatWench I would say start by looking for someone who does alterations/tailoring and asking them if they can do it/know someone who does.

ellochka

Dear everyone who advised me about future-family-in-law crazy insane wedding planning before we're even engaged:

THANK YOU. I feel way, way less crazy about it all now, and Boyfriend and I had a long talk about the many ways in which he may need to rein in his family over the coming year or so. I know it'll still be a battle sometimes, but I'm feeling SO MUCH more optimistic now.

Jinxie

@ellochka That's great! And, I think, bodes well for how you and your dude will handle conflict throughout your marriage.

Amphora

So you work in a relatively small place, right, a big area with not that many people, and there's one coworker who's maybe a little more senior than you, and when you see her in the morning (or any time of day) and you wave or say hi, she Totally Ignores You. Maybe she'll give you a glance, but that's it. And everyone else says hi to each other or at least waves. Is she being rude? Or are you being overly sensitive and paranoid?

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Amphora (are you sure she's really there?)

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Amphora (are you sure you're really there?) (what if we're ghosts)

mystique

@Amphora She is being rude, and awkward. I would say "HEY GIRL WHAT'S UP?" and attempt to high-five her next time, but I'm a mean kind of silly.

Amphora

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose If she's a ghost, then everyone else must be one too......

Amphora

@mystique Thank you! I consider this stuff Basic Office Protocol (especially in the midwest) but since she's full-time and I'm part-time I'm paranoid she doesn't like me.

JanieS

@Amphora Maybe she's super-shy and awkward? Does she talk to other folks in the office?

Amphora

@JanieS Yes, she's totally normal to other people! that's why I'm so bothered by it!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Amphora Maybe she likesyou-likesyou. Like, maybe she thinks you're foxy and can't handle the shine of your diamond.

Laughable Walrus

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose "can't handle the shine of your diamond" is my new favorite thing

amuletum

@Amphora

strange... are you fairly new (within 2 years) at the office? If she acts normal/friendly with everyone else, she might be one of those slow-to-warm-up people who isn't fully comfortable with you yet. (Or maybe she's just a meanie who looks down on anyone with less seniority but I hope not!)

Jazmine

HAPPY FRIDAY Y'ALL.

A few weeks ago, the mail guy in my office (young, covered in tattoos, probably about 10 years older than me, definitely way too cool for me) stopped me and told me how I beautiful I was. I would've blushed but black people don't blush so I stammered and said thank you. Did I go home and masturbate to the thought of someone besides my live-in (and totally wonderful) boyfriend wanting the V? Of course. And then I ate some thai food. And then I went to a Pin-Up!

Just now, I get a call from the mailroom. It's him. He tells me that I'm "very beautiful, and I shouldn't sound so surprised that he's interested in me," and wanted to have my number. I explained, IN THE MIDDLE OF MY OFFICE, that I was flattered and I have a boyfriend.

WHAT I SHOULD'VE SAID INSTEAD:
"Dude, I'm, like, twelve." (I'm the youngest person in the office.)
"Dude, I'm, like, married." (Boyfriend is now my official emergency contact.)
"Dude, I am getting over a case of vaginitis." (This is true.)
"Dude, yesterday I almost threw up after only ONE gin and tonic!" (But I didn't, because I paid 14 bucks for that shit, 16 after tip. That's all I'm drinking for the next month.)

Any other ideas of what I should've said? (Should note that he doesn't intimidate or disrespect me in the least, and I'm perfectly fine with what happened.)

mystique

@jazzloon I dunno, "and I shouldn't sound so surprised that he's interested in me," indicates some jerkiness on his part. I think what you said was fine.

Danzig!

@mystique yeah, calling in the middle of the office (during work hours?) is a little audacious, I would think. But there is no bigger hint to get than "I have a boyfriend", so. That sounds like a charmed life, all things considered. See how it plays out and you could get an essay out of this!

Diana

@jazzloon

I don't quite understand the problem? Did he hit on you after you told him that you have a boyfriend? Otherwise it sounds like a cute guy asked you out and you turned him down because you're not available.

Khrushchev

Hello. Let us say there is a hot-button topic involving race in the news currently, and you are a glutton for punishment, so you just spent an hour reading (the. most. fucking. racist) comments on CNN and now you are literally shaking with rage and despair and you need to calm down. How would you accomplish such a thing? Asking for a friend.

ThatWench

@Khrushchev
As someone who hates exercise, my first choice would be to hop on a treadmill and start running. The only time in my life I ran with any regularity was fighting off panic attacks about so. many. papers. due. in college.

Jazmine

@Khrushchev write something! Share your thoughts with some of us. Find like-minded people to talk to to calm you down. Find people who's opinion differs but they are respectful, so you can have a decent debate.

See also: http://www.dailypuppy.com/

Briony Fields

@Khrushchev There are a few good calming techniques that I know of, such as Jameson, red wine, gin, and Baileys. One dose to start, and repeat as necessary.

Or maybe....youtube cats?

ThatWench

@ThatWench Technology fail=no edit. I want to clarify that what I meant was that for me, at least, high-intensity exercise re-aligns high-intensity bad-feeling-brain-chemicals faster than any other method. Even just a barefoot sprint down a hallway in my office building, if I could get away with it.

Khrushchev

@all These suggestions are all great. So far I've brought my blood pressure down just slightly by cleaning my bedroom furiously while listening to the Newsies soundtrack.

Laughable Walrus

@Khrushchev During the SB5 filibuster, I rage-baked the chickpea brownie recipe that was posted here a while ago. I had to mash the chickpeas mostly by hand, and it was REALLY satisfying to imagine all the beans as the tiny heads of the douchey legislators. Plus, then I had delicious snacks for days!

mystique

Did anyone see the post on the Awl about the upcoming book, "The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P."? No one really commented on it, what did you guys think?

polka dots vs stripes

Ladies ALLLL I want to do is go camping! It's all I think about, all the time, even though until about a month ago I didn't even own a sleeping bag (tangent: I camped as a child, I just haven't gone in over a decade).

Anyway, I am slowly accumulating gear for a trip in mid-October but that's soooo far away! Mr. Polka Dots got a hiking book for our area so I think in August and September I'll get some of my outdoor-willies out with that, but August! So far away!

I'll stop whining now. 'Pinners who camp (car or backpacking!) tell me your stories/favorite campsites/best or worst gear ideas!

Mae
Mae

Pinners! I have a job-hunting dilemma I would like to crowd-source with you all.

Background: I am gearing up to start looking for another job, but I want to stay at my current company until the end of the year because if I do, I will receive a bonus. I'm not sure exactly how much it will be (depends on this year's profit), but it is going to be substantial enough for me to make a big dent in my student loans.

Dilemma: Yesterday, a former co-worker I was friendly with at a previous job posted on FB that her current company is hiring for a position I am VERY interested in. As in, it is exactly the kind of job I hope to find when I leave my current job. While I'm not willing to take a new job now, I want to communicate my interest in the hopes that I might be considered for any positions that open up after the the end of this year.

Should I go forward with the interview process, and let them know I wouldn't be able to start for several months? Or should I explain to my former co-worker that I am very interested in the position and in working for her company, but since it isn't quite the right time, I'd love to reconnect at the end of the year/have her keep me informed about any new openings?

SarahP

@Mae I would talk to your former coworker. Say that you're hoping to leave your job at the end of the year, but won't be able to before that (maybe leave out because you want a big bonus), and ask her what she thinks.

SarahP

@SarahP (And if she says "sorry, we need someone right now," then ask to be kept in mind/informed because her company is so great, etc.)

City_Dater

@SarahP

Yes, this. It is kinder and more respectful to the people you hope will one day be colleagues than applying, interviewing, and then saying, "psych, can't start for MONTHS!"

Mae
Mae

@SarahP and City_Dater: This was my inclination, too. Thank you!

vunder

@Mae I would just apply. If you move forward to a second round, then reveal that you wouldn't be willing to leave until the end of the year. (But, depending on some factors, you might reconsider that. Even with a big bonus, the right career move can make a bigger difference in the long run.)

paper bag princess

@Mae I think you should apply for sure. Consider the terms of your bonus -- a lot of employers would be pissed if you left immediately after getting a bonus. Is it worth burning those bridges and potentially not getting a good reference from your current employer? If this new job really is what you want to do, it might be worth taking before the end of the year.

But if you're 100% sure you will not leave your current post until the end of the year, you should definitely disclose that when you apply to the new one. If they have to hire someone now, they won't appreciate their time being taken up by a candidate who they can't hire. If there's a chance you'd change your mind and leave earlier though, I think it's ok not to mention at the very beginning.

14150580@twitter

It's my birthday! I went sky-diving for the first time to celebrate it on Wednesday!

geek_tragedy

You guys! My friend wrote a novel!

http://www.amazon.com/An-Unexpected-Affair-ebook/dp/B00DV0WSKQ/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1373661919&sr=1-6&keywords=Jan+ellis

Let's all read it now.

Hot Doom

I have a question about resumes and/or CVs (American in England here so US/UK conventions may vary but I'm sort of desperate). What sort of format do you use? I am applying for museum jobs here and I received my MA in January. Thus far, I have always put education first in line, recently because of the MA, and in the past...I'll be honest, I've listed education first because my college has a tight and far-reaching alumnae network, and it's been helpful in the past when interviewers have also gone to the same school. However, it's been over 5 years since I graduated, so I don't have a whole lot of excuses to keep it at the top.

After that, I put my work experience in chronological order, with quick bullets describing what I did, such as :
Intern, Museum U.S.A, June-August 2010
-Cataloged and repacked new acquisitions
-Was trained in object handling, with emphasis on costume and textiles
-Initiated ongoing archive of exhibition "X"

etc.

My next question for you is, is there a way I should be doing this differently, or better? I have heard about resumes with skills sets listed before experience but I am not clear on the sort of thing to write in my area. If this is done, does one also list their accomplishments/responsibilities in former posts if they reiterate what the skill set area says (such as "object handling skillz")? My other concern is that I am 28, I have an MA in a specific area, and I've basically just had intern positions in that area, but I've never been in a position in which I've lead anything or done budgeting or coordinating (because of museum insurance liability, mainly), or any of those other key skills/buzz areas that are essential criteria. This doesn't look so hot on CVs. Is there a way I can balance this out with other evident skills or try to convince the hiring managers of taking a chance on someone with unproven leadership (for the record, I'm not going for a management position, but leading and having "taken charge" or being in charge of a project shows up a lot in person specs).

Halp! Any ideas are heartily welcome!

Amphora

@Hot Doom Cool, was your MA in museum studies? I got my first museum job out of school a few months ago, after several internships, and had the resume organized with work at the top, in reverse chronological order, then education. No objective. Skill lists should be SUPER short if you use them at all (really you only need that for highly technical specific work like web design). And then just be REALLY enthusiastic in your cover letter. Though that might be tricky to do in the more formal UK work environment.

Good luck!

Hot Doom

@Amphora Yes! Museum curating, to be exact (sheesh, it's niche). Good to know about the skill sets! Congrats on your new job! I feel confident that I'll get something *eventually* (I hope?) but yeah, so many internships in the meantime. I feel like I pour my heart and soul into statements sometimes, and it just gets emotionally exhausting after a while, you know? I would love to feel confident in the proven skills I can offer while making it clear to the hiring folks that I'm capable.

Amphora

@Hot Doom Niche but really interesting! My dream is to manage collections without having to get a PhD first. It's a challenging market, but there are lots of quality places further out from the cities in both countries.

vunder

@Hot Doom As a person who looks at resumes a lot, my main suggestion is the following:

Make sure your resume passes good skim test. It sounds like your strengths are that you have actual training from real museums plus education and training. Make sure that when you scan the resume, these are what you most notice. Often this means using formatting strategically and taking out a lot of random expository text.

I would do something with headers like:

Related Work Experience
Other Work Experience (this may be small, highlighting areas of interest)
Education
Related Training & Skills

In the example you give above, I think the training you had from Museum USA in object handling, should go under Related training & skills, because I think it will be valuable and will be better highlighted here. This allows you to be more specific in the job responsibilities and accomplishments, like, I handles these object for this type of exhibit (or whatever).

Hot Doom

@vunder Great, thank you for that! I feel like my CV is bordering on too wordy, so I like this breakdown.

Thank you for the input so far!

chewtasm

Longtime lurker, first-time commenter here. Just wanted to give you a heads-up that state troopers at the Texas Capitol have been ordered to confiscate feminine hygiene products (but not guns) from visitors to the Senate gallery today. More here: http://www.theatlanticwire.com/politics/2013/07/tampons-banned-texas-senate-gallery-guns-are-ok/67137/

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@chewtasm Saw that. I have many, many angers about it.

Scandyhoovian

It's monsooning out right now, which is making me want to sit here on the couch and not go anywhere, rather than trek through the downpour to the gym. If it keeps monsooning like this I will have to do the gym tomorrow. I'm in an "I'm proud of myself but need to keep it up" phase with going to the gym in that I'm actually seeing progress but I am someone who needs to force myself to go. Every day. Gymgoers, does it ever get easier? Does it ever become a thing you don't hate doing?

Also, tomorrow I am going out to IKEA to buy shelves, and perhaps we can then finally stop storing things like books and DVDs on the floor (we ran out of shelf space. We have a lot of shelves already).

Laughable Walrus

@Scandyhoovian I'm also of the force myself to go variety, but as soon as I get into a kind of zen endorphin state that makes the rest of my day so much better. Do you hate all of it, or is it just the getting yourself there that's the problem? If you're cool with group exercise and your gym offers classes, I like trying to go to a class regularly because it offers some accountability and following orders makes me push myself harder than I would on my own.

blushingflower

@Scandyhoovian Yesterday there were various reasons that I didn't get to the gym (including that I was just too hungry and tired) so I just did bodyweight exercises at home. I've worked out every week day in July and I didn't want to lose my streak.
Put on a movie and do some jumping jacks or burpees or something (assuming you have space in your home where you can do this)

Scandyhoovian

@Laughable Walrus I tend to be pretty OK once I actually get there. It's getting dressed for it and heading over that seems to be the big obstacle. It's kind of weird how THAT is the part I don't like...

@blushingflower I would do this except I think my downstairs neighbors wouldn't appreciate the sound? Our building is super old, I can hear normal footfalls from the upstairs people, so I am assuming the downstairs people can hear us just as well.

Laughable Walrus

@Scandyhoovian ah, same! I've started planning to go right after work, so I either have to bring my stuff to the office or change and leave right away when I get home so I don't have time to lazy myself out of going.

Laughable Walrus

My weekend is looking more interesting than it did five minutes ago, since I just got asked out by a couple on OKC and I think I'm actually into it. Whaddup, unicorn adventures! I've never done anything like this before - any tips, O Pinners?

supernovice

@Laughable Walrus let us know how it goeesssss! A few couples have gotten in touch with me one the internets and I'm always kind of tempted but have never gone.

RNL
RNL

@Laughable Walrus This sounds so fun! No tips, and it's out of the card for me (for now at least). Good luck! Keep us updated!

missupright

New job Monday. First ever office-type job. So, so nervous. Also, I am super dissatisfied with my body and my constant untidiness and laziness and oh dear. This has not been a good day. Somebody bring me a stiff gin.

Roxanne Rholes

@missupright I hope your first day is going beautifully! Have so much fun, and don't forget that your body is awesome and is making it possible for you to go to and perform at your exciting new job!

Jenn@twitter

I cried for the first time ever at work today, and not for the reason I thought I would! I didn't get yelled at or anything (boss is way too chill to yell, I <3 him and we have a good rapport!), and it wasn't anyone's fault...just one of those times where nothing's going right in the lab and no one knows why and one of the ways it's not gone right results in a product that's very tricky to dispose of (shock-sensitive compounds are awful to try and get rid of).

...sooo...now I'm sitting in my office ostensibly reading papers but actually looking at cat selfies, because fuck today.

plumb-bob

@Jenn@twitter Thank you for the cat selfies link.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

What's a good thing to do when your friends are supposed to be good friends, but are also really good at not being your friends?

I'm starting to get tired of being cancelled on/rainchecked/forgotten about/left aside in favour of whoever else/not invited to begin with. This has happened to me more than once, and I'd feel like a bad person for confronting my friends about it (especially when they cover with the kind of excuses that you can't confront.) Usually I just give those friends a break and see what happens. But that's more or less like giving them the silent treatment, and that's not a good way to go about this, right?

tl;dr How do I people?

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)
Adding: what happens when this applies to siblings sometimes?

TheRisottoRacket

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) No advice, just came to say I know how ya feel. I stopped drinking and now people forget to call me all the time when they're going out.

Maybe you just have to accept that you are the initiator in your relationships (if that's the usually case)

Fodforever

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) So, it's Monday, but I wanted to comment on this based on my personal experience with this type of person. The way you are being treated is not okay, and obviously not okay with you. You are tired of it, and it is hurtful.

This is exactly what you should say to your friends. It doesn't need to be some dramatic confrontation, just tell them the truth, and cite a few recent examples. They will do their best to deflect, or tell you you are being too sensitive etc. Just calmly restate that it is not okay and that it hurts you. If they do not care, or still try to ignore the issue... this is really scary, but it may just be time for new friends.

It terms of when it is a sibling: same deal. Calmly confronting people with the truth is hard, but it is worth it. People 9 times out of 10 will respond, and maybe even realize what they have been doing and change. Because I am assuming you can't just drop your sibling, it may be a matter of you telling them how you feel and waiting it out. Keep trying with them, and the next time they blow you off or act like a jerk, tell them. Wash, rinse, repeat. If nothing changes, maybe consider that the relationship you want with your sibling simply isn't in the cards, and focus your energy on the rewarding relationships in your life!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Fodforever It is Wednesday, I know, but thank you.

No, seriously, thank you, I think you said exactly what I needed to be told, and now I just need to put on my big-girl boots and actually do this. (I'm bad at confrontation.) Thank you.

lora.bee

Nothing at work makes seeeense and I have to finish these reports before I can go home and all I want is a damn drink.

lora.bee

@lora.bee Whining over now.

semolinapilchard

Thank you to whoever recommended "Top of the Lake" a while ago, and to whoever recommended "The Fall" last week, which I marathon-watched last weekend. Now I want more! What next?!

frumious bandersnatch

Does anyone have any experience with short-term therapy (particularly CBT) to help deal with extreme motivation/fatigue issues? No self-directed 'sad depression (although occasional state-of-the-world-paralysis), no harmful thoughts, generally happy, generally like job and life, just big disconnect between what I want and how I behave.

Never been in any sort of therapy but trying to be proactive and fix this! Generally of a scientific bent, very stable, doubt I would get much from psychoanalysis-leaning therapy.

ellochka

@frumious bandersnatch I do CBT (like, I provide it, and also have been a consumer of it) and think that in this kind of situation it is generally very useful. I'd go for it!

I always like to mix in some talk therapy, though. Are you averse to that generally, or just psychoanalysis (Freudian nonsense)?

frumious bandersnatch

@ellochka Haha, probably more the Freudian nonsense... It's not that I'm averse to talk therapy, just that I don't think it will do much for me? I'm very reflective and feel in touch with myself; I've had a very happy and stable life; I have wonderful support systems; etc. I don't have any trauma or lingering issues to work through, except maybe a pathological lack of motivation (which is, like, the modern condition but which I'd also like to overcome). So it's partly the "don't know how much it would do" and partly being aware of the fact that not thinking it would do much helps make it not do much. But I'm not staunchly opposed! And if people have experience/feelings suggesting that it could be helpful, I'm certainly open!

hurts

@frumious bandersnatch am going to sound like I'm shilling this but I swear I'm not! - Get it Done While You're Depressed by Julie A fast might help as well. It sounds like what you're after-help with stratagies for when you have no motivation and feel like you're wading through sewage all damn day (also 'brain fog').

'riel

Lo and behold, I have a happy cop story!

Yesterday I got pulled over IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE. Cute cop walks up and must see my face looks like I'm about to be frog marched to a gulag, reassures me I have nothing wrong (it's 1:40 am, why are you pulling me over then) but my licence plate light is burned out. Asks to see my licence. I do not have it, because I was only driving a half-mile away and am a moron. In the middle of taking down my name, sees my finger and asks what's wrong (in a splint).

I proceed to tell him the story of how I got beat up with a tire iron a month ago, his eyes get the size of saucers and he looks very concerned for me. Asks if I am okay, repeatedly, and then says you know what, you can go, just...drive with your licence.

I thank him, park my car, think for a second, and hop the fence to see him again. There is another cop magically behind him now, I blush. He says what's up Riel and I kind of drop my voice and go, do you want to have coffee some time, he blushes and says he's not on duty and not allowed to talk but I'm a nice person.

I go to bed all gleeful.

Happy little incidents for anyone else?

RNL
RNL

@'riel Adorable.

Inkling

@'riel
Cops are generally evil but maybe you can bang that booty around before he gets corrupted?

AuntAgatha

I've had carpal tunnel syndrome since late last year and it hasn't been responding to physical therapy so my doctor thinks I need to get it treated surgically. Has anyone had this surgery before? What was it like? I've never had any kind of surgery before and I'm pretty freaked out.

I'd especially love to know what the recovery process was like -- how long it took and whether you were still able to use your hands. I'm a researcher so I can't do my job if I can't use a computer.

whimsy

@AuntAgatha
Hey - I used to work in Orthopedics quite a bit and this is one of the most common surgeries we performed.
As from a doctor stand-point, it is one of the lesser complicated surgeries, but it's still surgery, albeit if it is someone that does quite a few of them, you should be in great hands because they do not require too much technical work, just good understanding of anatomy.
As far as recovery? It's actually not terrible, you should still be able to use your fingers, however they may be in a brace, making it mildy uncomfortable. Everyone heals at slightly different rates but most of our patients felt around 100% by week 6? And make sure you do the PT/Exercises they give.... I know it feels stupid and ridiculous but it does help!!

ElaineBenes

You guys, many years lurking, first time commenting. The pin ya'll! My 'rents are in town and I was hoping you could give me some tips or perspective into how you navigate your interaction with your folks. How does one successfully do the adult child-parent relationship?

My parents aren't especially horrible. They love me, always did their best, etc. It's just that it's like...they were scientifically engineered to drive me nuts. We seem to have so very little in common besides the fact that I'm their spawn. They are both getting really new agey as they get older (they visit psychics together, mom's always giving me sort of harmless/sort of horrible metaphysical books, they're anti-medicine, etc.). There's also sort of a weird class divide-I'm the first person in my family to go to college, and I moved across the country from their rural town to a major city to go to college (I'm 25 now). Ugh. Our interactions are so strained and weird and in my head I sound like a 14 year old about it--why can't you guys just be normal, like ask me about my job and take me out to dinner and talk about, I don't know, normal stuff!! *stomps foot and slams bedroom door*

PistolPackinMama

@ElaineBenes I always ask for stories about dead/older relatives, or from their childhood.

Tell me about your first job.

Do you have any wedding photos scanned? I'd like to see them.

Do you know the family immigration story?

How did you meet?

Did you go to prom? What did you wear?

How did [grandparents] meet?

What was your neighborhood like when you were growing up?

First concert?

(pretend to be an oral historian, and ask questions)

RNL
RNL

@ElaineBenes I'm a newly converted boundary fanatic with parents.

"Oh, great to see you mom! I'm leaving now, as I need some alone time before I got to bed."

Mom: "Let's just go for a walk together while I drink you a bit more nuts."

"No, sorry mom, I have to go now."

I

jasonwaterfalls

@PistolPackinMama I just wanted to say I think this is really good advice! I alway find that people can really start to surprise you when you talk about stuff you'd never normally talk about.

Jinxie

@ElaineBenes I have the same relationship with my folks (Though mine are conservative/Republican and not new-agey. God, if ONLY.) and I think, for a lot of people, that's just how parents ARE, you know? No one else can push your buttons like your parents because no one else knows you quite how they do. I have a few years on you, and I've been living faaaar away from my family for a long time, so I've just gotten better over the years at deflecting. It's a difficult skill to teach; I just started to learn, over time, how to subtley change the subject from those that could spark arguments to those that are totally safe. (Not safe: my love life or lack thereof, my career prospects; safe: celebrity gossip, new British tv shows, this recipe I tried, etc.). Occasionally, I will take the tack of "leaning into the skid". If they want to baby me...ugh. Fine. OK. I'll just sit back and let Mom do her mom thing and remember that it makes her happy to baby me sometimes. Sometimes it's best to take the path of least resistance.

OxfordComma

@ElaineBenes : Same here. It's so frustrating. My mother just sent me a detailed email regarding my dad's flight to Washington. For no reason. Except to make me roll my eyes like a 15-year-old.

...Clearly.

jasonwaterfalls

Hi everyone! I just created an account to ask for some advice (I promise next time I'll contribute something interesting haha). People like giving advice anyway right?? I booked a therapy appointment for the first time yesterday, and it's next week. I have no idea what to expect, I don't know anyone in therapy, and it's quite an out of the blue thing for me to do. I don't really want to go into why, but it's to do with some issues I've been living with for years, which I just feel have come to a head now. It's stupid, but my main concerns are that a) I'll feel too awkward to open up to a complete stranger during an hour's appointment, and b) that I'll seem/be too... normal and well adjusted, if that doesn't sound too obnoxious? I don't think I'll know what to say. Also, how do you know if they're a good therapist or not? I picked one with lots of qualifications, because I am apparently blinded by letters after names. Any advice/personal experience gratefully received! Sorry for the rambling!

vunder

@jasonwaterfalls I'm sure you're not as normal as you think you are, or rather, you're just as normal as everyone, and everyone has something to talk about and work through. I also think that people who are relatively normal and well adjusted might can actually sometimes get a ton more out of therapy that people who are not. Or rather, that your life can go from functional to way better, rather than a mess to functional.

I wouldn't expect that you'll open up everything during your first session. As for how you can tell if it's a good match, that might take a little bit of time, but trust yourself to know.

As for knowing what to say - trying to explain what motivated you to go in in the first place. Try to avoid fill in all the silences with lots of chatter. If there's some awkwardness, that's ok. It helps to identify and say what you're feeling. Like if you feel awkward, you can say "This feels awkward to me right now." and the therapist will probably say something like, "Ok, can you tell me an example of something that is making you feel awkward." and can go on from there. Good luck!

ElaineBenes

@jasonwaterfalls Meeting with a new therapist is always nerve-inducing for me, even though I've done it a few times. It definitely kind of feels like a date-you're wondering what they're thinking of you and judging about you, etc. I'm no therapy expert but I would just say not to worry too much about getting super into the meat of your problem and just seeing how it feels interacting with the therapist. Are you comfortable in their presence? Do you click or interact naturally? Do you like their vibes? For me, personal chemistry with a therapist is hugely important. They don't have to be my bff, of course, but I have to be relaxed enough to get over myself when I'm in their office.

I would also ask the therapist about their approach and consider how this jibes with what you want. Sometimes I've gone into therapy needing a lot of space to process feelings/the past/a giant muck of stuff I can't seem to get my head around. Other times when I've sought out a therapist, I've just been looking for something a bit more action-oriented--like concrete strategies for living daily with anxiety. Some therapy modalities work better for different people/issues--CBT versus psychoanalysis, etc.

Laughable Walrus

@jasonwaterfalls ooh, giving away advice is the most fun!

But seriously, this could have been written by me a month ago. I just started going to therapy, partially because of dramatic family stuff, but also because I just want to be able to deal with my emotions better, even though I also fall on the seeming very well-adjusted side of things. Basically, if it's bothering you to the point where you're thinking about getting help, go for it! I think therapy gets a bad rap, in that people tend to think if you're going there must be something wrong with you, which is totally not true. I see it more as like emotional tutoring that helps provide tools for dealing with whatever life throws at you.

As for choosing the right therapist - I'm not really sure? I lucked out and really liked the first therapist I visited. I used this to find therapists in my area, then read through until I found one that deals primarily with what I wanted help for and whose description resonated with my idea of what I want out of therapy (and was on my insurance plan). One thing I read before I went that helped is remembering that if you don't like the first therapist you go to/it doesn't quite click, you can always shop around a little!

Oh, and I wouldn't worry too much about not knowing what to talk about - the first time I went, my therapist had a lot of kind of "getting to know you" questions that were very good for getting things rolling. They're used to people who are new to therapy, so they're used to helping people over that hurdle. Good luck!

paper bag princess

@jasonwaterfalls Good for you for being proactive and making an appointment! I have never been to therapy myself, but I have many friends who have gone and some who are therapists themselves. They all always say that it's really important you feel a rapport with the therapist. Don't be afraid to try a few different people until you find one that you feel comfortable talking to -- it'll feel less awkward if your communication styles mesh. Also there's no such thing as "too normal!" Therapists talk to all kinds of people and there's no such thing as a "you must be X screwed up to talk to me" thing like on roller coasters.

Also I bet you do know people who are in therapy, you just don't know about it! :) Good luck, I hope it's a positive experience for you.

jasonwaterfalls

@paper bag princess Thank you all for taking the time to reply (I am not as computer literate as I probably should be so not sure how best to "reply all"!) I haven't spoken to anyone I know about going, so talking to you about it has "normalised" it for me somewhat, which makes it a little less nerve-wracking. Some really good points, especially about filling silence with chatter (do you know me??) and the importance of feeling a good rapport, and asking about their approach- I've done some research but there's still so much I don't know, and think I'll just need to ask about when I get there... Aaah I'm still really nervous but you've definitely helped a lot!

Li'l Sebastian

@jasonwaterfalls My dad is a therapist, and when I was having bad fit with a therapist, his advice was that "therapy is in the one time in life where you don't have to worry at all about hurting the other person's feelings. If you need the interaction to be different, or you don't think it's working out, be as blunt as possible." That may be more anxiety-inducing than useful for you, but it really helped me.

TheRisottoRacket

The Good and The Bad

The Good: After about three weeks of radio silence, I rewrote my cover letter and sent that and my resume out to about 12 places and got four calls for interviews the very same day! And from some very amazing places. My original cover letter glossed over a period of time with nothing on it because that was time I was at the worst of my depression and just could not work. I rewrote it to include the full facts and have received a lot of compliments on my candor. I was kind of freaking out about not even hearing anything back from anyone, so I'm just happy I'm getting out there.

The Bad: My bf is leaving for a little over a month for a foreign country for his new job. Originally he wasn't supposed to be leaving for a couple of months, but now it might be next month! I'm being super supportive and just helping him get ready, and this new job is an amazing opportunity and I'm truly happy for him, but I'm kind of freaking out internally about this month away from one another. I know it's not that long, and there's skype and email and such, but does anyone have any tips for a LDR, even short term?

laurel

@TheRisottoRacket These both seem like super positive developments to me. I think you're doing the right thing in re supporting BF's time oversea--it is, after all, a vote of confidence from his employer. Perhaps continue to be supportive and ask for his support when you get interviews for the positions you've applied for. As appropriate, maybe have a chat about your needs/expectations regarding communication/fidelity/mutual support while you're apart?

Briony Fields

@TheRisottoRacket I agree with Laurel. It's important to have check-ins often, and it sounds obvious, but don't forget to truly keep in touch and stay updated! Let him know how things are going with you, ask him for advice if you need it, or support. Ask him about how things are going for him, let him talk to you about it.

My partner and I have had small periods of separation like this, a month here, six weeks there. Despite skype and all that, it's normal to feel a bit alienated when you are reunited. You've been living without them for a while and sure you missed them, but a part of you will also kinda get used to him being away, and that's normal. It doesn't mean you're not happy for him to be back. That's something to keep in mind. I felt it every time, but it never caused any weirdness between us.

TheRisottoRacket

I was kind of having my freak out moment, and am feeling better now. We've already talked about everything, even the logistics of talking and it's going to be ok :)

Now I'm hoping we can have an awesome next few weeks together.

Plant Fire

@TheRisottoRacket Do you have any tips for someone who is looking to do something similar to her cover letter (also for depression issues) but who is afraid of alienating employers?

As for the LDR, I recommend skype, frequent phone calls and texts, making an effort to think of interesting things to say to each other (rather than just a rundown of your day, try to think of something interesting you did, or something you want to try, or something you read, even if you have to go out of your way to read/do extra stuff to find things to talk about), and doing internet dates (like dinner and a movie over skype. And as many visits as you can afford (but not anything that will hurt your budget because it will be stressful and then you'll be sad).

TheRisottoRacket

@Sea Ermine I would take my advice with a grain of salt because in my profession depression, anxiety, etc. are more common than others so I think I was given a lot of sympathy because of that. I was very honest, but made sure to underline that I've have been on a routine that works for me for the last six months and that working does me more good than bad so as to illustrate to them that I most likely wouldn't have a random meltdown.

I do think most employers would appreciate candor over a glossing over of events because it shows to your character that you accept what you are and what your life is rather than trying to forget everything.

I hope some of that helps!

Atheist Watermelon

I just know there are some people on here who will go absolutely nuts for this podcast. You're welcome. :-)

Matilda D'Ephemera

Hairpinners! Do any of you have thoughts about vegetarianism/carnivorism to share?

I have been vegetarian, with a greater or lesser level of commitment, for the last 20 years or so. I started at about age 11 because I wanted to be cool like my best friend (she comes from a vegetarian family; I do not) and every time I thought about it over the years, vegetarianism still seemed to align with my ethics.

Over the last few years, though, I've been less and less bothered with the idea of killing animals for food, so long as those animals are treated well in life and not subjected to needless suffering (I still believe factory farming is an abomination and will not support it if I can help it). I'm fortunate enough now to live in an area where I have access to (and can afford) meats from animals that were raised and slaughtered in a way consistent with my ethics, so I'm kind of feeling like, why not? Also, lately I've been feeling like maybe vegetarian food is not filling me up anymore, like my stomach gets full, but it might as well be full of wet cardboard for how satisfying it is, so maybe meat is what I'm missing? Also, no matter how committed of a vegetarian I've been, meat has never stopped looking/smelling delicious to me.

The main reason I hesitate is that vegetarianism is a pretty big part of my identity, like, everyone knows that I'm a vegetarian, so if I start publicly eating meat again, I'll sort of have to "come out" as a reformed vegetarian or something, and that just seems exhausting to me. Especially if I'm only eating meat that I believe meets my standards of humanely-raised, which seems like it could lead to all sorts of exhausting and tedious discussions about my diet/principles, with a hefty side of implied judgement for others' dietary choices. I really don't care what other people choose to eat, but it seems like just finding out that I don't eat meat is enough to make some people get weirdly defensive. I imagine this would only be magnified by me saying, essentially, "well, I only eat meat from animals that haven't SUFFERED HORRIBLY!"

I suppose I could only eat meat at home or around trusted friends, but that just seems sneaky and hypocritical. I guess what I really want is for it not to be a big deal, but in my head (and I'm afraid, to other people) it's a huge deal!

If anyone has any advice/experience with this kind of thing, I'd really appreciate it.

planforamiracle

@Matilda D'Ephemera I was also a vegetarian teen and have been non-veg for the past 6 years. My beliefs are similar to yours; my reasons for being veggie were always related to food safety, ecological impact, and humane raising and slaughtering of animals.

I can't remember why I started eating meat again, but one reason was definitely related to my low iron levels (I was not a very good vegetarian and got worse in university!) I still eat fairly little meat, partly because my grocery budget doesn't allow for it, and also because I STILL get nervous cooking it! People who don't know me well or haven't seen me in a while assume I'm veggie and I correct them if the situation calls for it.

Personally, I don't feel the need to make everyone aware of my food principles at all times, and I find it pretty obnoxious when people do (not saying you do this! just stating my own stance) so if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be in a rush to "come out" as an omnivore. If someone invited me to dinner, I'd probably mention that I wasn't veggie anymore, and I'd discuss my reasons openly with anyone who asked.

I think for dealing with other peoples' defensiveness, just emphasize that it's your choice to eat how you eat and it is what works for you—you are not judging their choices! I have in the past defused these kinds of situations by framing it as a health thing, specific to my body ("I don't often eat meat so I sometimes have trouble digesting it")—that can be a good excuse that takes the focus away from your ethics-related reasons for eating what you eat.

What works for me is...
- eat what I want at home (my diet at home is varied; I eat meat and fish a few times a week mostly for cost reasons because I try to buy organic/local/ethical meat and fish as much as possible)
- always eat, or at least taste, whatever I am offered in someone else's home, and comment kindly on it
- choose, whenever I can, to eat in restaurants that use local and ethical suppliers (in Toronto, this is pretty easy but the trendiness of local/organic makes me wary of "greenwashing")
- never discuss my values and ethics of food while eating or at table—if someone REALLY wants to know where I stand on a food-related issue, surely it can wait until we've all savoured the meal together.

Good luck!

supernintendochalmers

@Matilda D'Ephemera I was vegetarian for 5 years and then pescatarian for another 5 and only recently started eating a little meat again (maybe twice a week, and small portions-- my stomach still can't handle much of it). I was hungry ALL THE TIME as a vegetarian and ate way too much processed soy, and I've just felt healthier since I've been eating a little meat. Like you I mostly try to do organic, cruelty-minimized, etc. Anyway, it was a big freaking deal with my family when I went veg and pretty much everyone in my life knew I don't eat meat, so I was nervous when I started again. And honestly? It has not been a big deal at all. People cared way more about why I stopped eating meat than why I started again. Even my Dad, who "forbid" me from being vegetarian when I was 15 (yeah, that didn't stick) was just like, "Oh. Huh," when I ate pepperoni in front of him for the first time.

So I think, don't worry too much about it. People probably won't care as much as you think. And honestly, you logged 20 years as a vegetarian. It's not like you went through a phase and everyone is going to be rolling their eyes like, "Yeah, I knew that would never last." Twenty years is awesome!

Hot Doom

@Matilda D'Ephemera I've been a public pescatarian for about 15 years now, but I also love the smell and taste of some meats. It's even harder since my husband is a die-hard omnivore who likes things heavy on red meat. The temptation is everywhere! However, I tend to only eat meat that I can trust came from an animal who had a decent life (ie. not crowded in a cage/had some grazing space, water and shade), so that limits options for me most of the time anyway. In that respect, I am, for all intents and purposes, still a pescatarian in my friend group, because I usually order veggie or fishy stuff in restaurants.

I tend not to 'out' myself as an occasional meat-eater because yeah, when I have, I've been called out as hypocritical and the worst vegetarian ever. I also get asked why I became a vegetarian. In that case, I just explain that I am not opposed to eating meat occasionally, but I do my best not to support industrialized farming. If asked further about my reasons, I say the truth: driving through factory farm country in California and seeing the conditions in which cows are kept was sickening enough to make me never want to support that again. I mean, they asked! 95% of the time, people have said something along the lines of "oh that makes sense" or "that's cool" and not said another thing about it. The only people who don't let it go are ones who (like you say, get weirdly defensive) can't understand how vegetarians can actually like meat substitutes, because "if it looks and tastes like meat, just eat meat!" they say, and that argument is just too stupid for me to deal with.

So anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about what people ask or say about your choices. You might have to explain your choices, but when people do ask prodding questions (because, Jesus, they do), I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "I only eat humanely raised and slaughtered animals". It's entirely their own problem if they feel like your choices to eat what you want are bothering them or a judgment upon them in some way.

Matilda D'Ephemera

@Matilda D'Ephemera Thanks for the thoughtful comments, everyone!

Looks like I'm just overthinking it, and if I don't treat it like a big deal it really won't be.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Matilda D'Ephemera
If you want to think about it more, Safran Foer's 'Eating Animals' is really good. I don't know that you're overthinking it; I think it's an important thing to think about and I found that book helpful.

mooseketeer

@Matilda D'Ephemera I was a vegetarian for 10 years before I went back to the meaty way. It was a big decision for me to make, but it was largely for mental health reasons. Turns out any kind of dietary restriction was bad for my mental health and got slippery slopey when my anxiety got bad.

ANYWAYS, dealing with other people's expectations was mostly just annoying at the time, and some times people I haven't seen in years are still surprised when I prefer some steak to eggplant (which I've never liked), but the big thing is that everyone got over it after a short time. You can still MOSTLY not eat meat (I only eat meat about 2-3 times a week now), and be as judgey as you want about factory farmed foods. Just do what you need to do to feel healthy. Diets fluctuate and maybe you'll go back to vegetarian after some meat experimentation. If you have friends a year from now that are making comments about how you gave up on being vegetarian and whatever that may mean about you, then you can also give up on those friends. They are terrible people.

Good luck with your food choices!

planforamiracle

HI LADIES,
I had to come down here and tell you I learned how to make flower crowns last weekend, at an awesome neo-pagan-ish solstice celebration. We all frolicked around on the beach in white dresses with flower crowns on, it was basically my childhood fantasy of being a fairy, come to life. I'm kind of still on a high from it!

Chareth Cutestory

@planforamiracle Oh my god! That sounds incredible. Flower crowns are the best.

Jinxie

@planforamiracle How wonderful! I am deeply jealous of your solisty weekend.

Chareth Cutestory

Does anyone have recommendations for where I can buy cute, mildly professional-looking clothes? I just started my first full-time job (!!!) a few weeks ago, and I'm realizing my wardrobe is sorely lacking.

I work a desk job at a small business, and it is super casual - people wear jeans and t-shirts to work. It seems like anything should go in that sort of environment, but I'm actually having a lot of trouble deciding what to wear! I'm not really a jeans and t-shirt girl.

I'm pretty confident in my sense of style, but I'm realizing that the quirky vintage dresses that I felt so comfortable wearing to undergrad classes are kind of...out of place here. I feel conspicuous dressing in my usual feminine, Modcloth-y style, and I'm worried I won't be taken seriously, which sucks. A LOT of my wardrobe is made up of sundresses and skirts that show too much skin for work. On the other hand, I also feel like my office is way too casual for more traditional office wear (e.g. pencil skirt and blouse).

What should I wear???

panther

@Chareth Cutestory would a wrap dress work?

Chareth Cutestory

@panther A wrap dress is a great idea!

Hot Doom

@Chareth Cutestory So, I only just saw this site yesterday, but http://www.peopletree.co.uk/ has some really cute dresses and, apparently, is fair trade. Not sure what your budget is, but they will ship from the UK and it seems like it has a more sophisticated ModCloth-y look to it. I defs want some items they have in their sale!

Chareth Cutestory

@Hot Doom Aaah, thank you, this is perfect. I need that cat dress in my life.

frumious bandersnatch

@Chareth Cutestory I think a good general you-can-totally-break-it-but-it's-a-nice-start rule is: either "professional" colors/patterns or silhouettes, and you can have more personality in the other category. So at least for me, given my face and body type, a 50s-ish dress printed with a cutesy pattern is just too young, and a traditional blouse and pencil skirt is too formal for my office. BUT a (moderately) 50s-ish dress in a plain/conservatish-ish color with a cardigan and cool (not cute) jewelry? Yup. A brightly-colored pencil skirt with a striped short-sleeve blouse? Yes please! (Obviously you need to observe modesty rules, but it sounds like you get that.)

I also have really been liking skinny jeans with button-downs and necklace collars and oxfords or tucked in, blouse-y nice "tees" and pretty flats, but it helps that my desired silhouette just sort of moved to "sleek."

I do this wardrobe with a lot of thrifting for weirder pieces, J. Crew or Madewell, etc. for more staple-y pieces at varying levels of formality, and my old Modcloth mixed in where possible.

PS Don't feel weird about being slightly "better" dressed than other people in your office, especially if you have a coherent sense of style. People will just like it.

frumious bandersnatch

@Hot Doom oh my god this site is great. pretending pounds are dollars right now.

metermaid

@Chareth Cutestory: JCrew factory or JCrew sales (there's some going on this week!) are always great, especially for not-quite-suit-and-skirt wear but something still really fun and professional. They are really my go-to. Also, if you find something that you love but can't afford yet (we've all been there), there an awesome website I just discovered called hukkster. It's basically a thing where you can browse websites and if you see something that's too expensive for you now, you can just flag it and ask to be alerted when it goes on sale. AWESOME, no!? This has been my go-to for new work pieces from JCrew and Banana Republic (who have sales so often you should never buy full price). Check it out!!

also... love your username. holy shit.

Chareth Cutestory

@frumious bandersnatch Thank you, this is supremely helpful advice! You hit the nail on the head with the colors/prints and silhouettes tip. I have this awesome dress I got on sale from Anthropologie, but I couldn't quite figure out why it felt WRONG for work, since it's totally modest enough and I was even wearing it with a cardigan. But you're totally right: because it has a 50s silhouette AND a print, it's just a little too much all together (at least for work - it's still great for other situations!).

I really like the sound of those outfits, especially the sleek-silhouette ones!

Chareth Cutestory

@metermaid I will check out Hukkster for sure. I don't own any J.Crew items, but I've always loved their look. Stocking up on "business attire" seems like a pretty good excuse to justify buying their stuff...especially if it's on sale!

And thanks! :)

themegnapkin

@frumious bandersnatch these are my rules, too. And, they're how I can justify wearing my t-shirt from Anthropologie with French bulldogs on it, as long as I pair it with a pencil skirt and conservative cardigan.

polka dots vs stripes

@Chareth Cutestory You got some great advice here, but I'd also like to chime in and advocate for J Crew/Banana/Gap factory stores too. I'd also second the advice for taking a standard "business" dress item, like a pencil skirt, and pairing it with something less formal, like a t shirt (I got a couple really nice ones from Ann Taylor Loft recently), or vice versa - a blouse with skinny jeans. It sounds like you're on the right track!

Amphora

AND ALSo THANK YOU to Leah the 'Pinner who took care of my cat last weekend!! let's have a Chicago Happy Hour soon!!

Valancy

@Amphora Seconding the request for a Chicago Pinup! I just met Leah at the last one and she was awesome and I'd love to meet some more awesome Pinners!

susurrus of dismay

So I've been seeing hints in the comment section about an Ann Arbor FB group and an Ann Arbor pinup- can anyone direct me to the former and give me deets on the latter?

siniichulok

I have a baby! Actually, I had him almost two weeks ago but was too unhingedly busy to check out the FOT. We are in love! Now if only I could solve the pediatrician-recommended-formula-supplementation-and-all-lactation-consultants-said-that-is-unnecessary-and-I-am-practically-abusing-my-baby-and-then-my-idiot-endocrinologist-insisted-I-go-off-synthroid-because-I-am-no-longer-pregnant-but-she-is-denying-my-underlying-condition-and-now-my-milk-dwindled-drastically problem. But even though I haven't slept in ages and I'm perpetually stressed because I don't know the best way to feed him, I just want to cuddle him all the time. He is awesome.

Briony Fields

@siniichulok Congrats!!!!!!! That is so exciting! But....oh man, that sounds stressful. How horrible of people to make you feel guilty about formula. A fed baby is a happy baby. Good luck!

Valancy

@siniichulok Congratulations! Cuddly babies are the best! I hope you've got a good support system that'll help you with the stress and sleep.
Related: if anyone in Chicago needs some one to hold their baby for awhile, I volunteer! That sounds creepier typed out than I mean it to, but I just moved here and I miss my friend's babies!

RubeksCube

@siniichulok Oh wow I have just recently gone through a similar thing. Different details, but the gist of it is the same: I had been breastfeeding my little girl for almost 2 months, and it just was.not.working. She fought me constantly, and was really, REALLY rough on me. So, after a lot of deliberation/guilt/shame/getting over shame, I decided to pump. And then pumping didn't work, because my body decided if there wasn't a baby attached, it wasn't going to produce milk. So I switched to formula. I still haven't told my mom, because despite her own experiences, she is kind of militantly pro-breastfeeding and I have an irrational fear that she will give me a guilt trip. She wouldn't if I explained things, but I still feel judged. But you know what? I have a happy baby, who is MUCH happier feeding from a bottle than from me, so it's all worked out in the end.
TL;DR - Don't doubt yourself. You know what will work for you and what won't, so listen to your gut. If you need to feed him formula, that is what it's there for (yay science!). Chances are, most of us were formula babies (my mom only breastfed for 6 weeks), and we turned out pretty okay. :)
But cuddling is really the best - congrats!!

liverwortlaura

@siniichulok Yay for you and your happy healthy baby! Ditto what everyone else said, you are making your best choices, even if they don't look like what everyone else thinks or wishes they should. And, if it's a fit for you, milk banks are a very real thing, if breast milk is still a high priority and you're not skeeved out. Best of luck! And big hugs, mama!

iceberg

@siniichulok Congrats!!!

If formula didn't exist, the Bergy Bits would be dead. Whatever you can give Baby is awesome, but DON"T feel bad! When my milk started to go, I found that fenugreek tablets helped a little, if that's of interest.

sophia_h

@siniichulok Ahh, I skipped the FOT and then just remembered I should check to see if you'd posted. Congrats!! And arg, sympathies on the milk situation, this is why I keep telling people "we'll breastfeed if it works" because you never know, and I've heard lots of stories. Good luck!

cxbcbxsdg547

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royaljunk

I don't know if anyone's still around but if you want a fun weekend movie and want to support sci-fi/action that doesn't objectify women, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GO SEE 'PACIFIC RIM.'

leylusha

Does anyone still use Livejournal? Lately I haven't had many outlets for expressing some stuff (including sharing lame storyoids I like to write), so I went back to my abandoned LJ only to discover that the spheres I had access to are now totally dead. I think Hairpin journal circles could be cool? I know I love reading updates on 'Pinners' lives in FoTs, so why not have a steady stream of that stuff available? (my username is amerex; please consider adding me!)

whateverlolawants

@leylusha I used to, from 2001 to about 2009, and then I forgot my password and didn't try to get it back. I should. I think my sister still uses it. It was great!

veritas

@whateverlolawants can you email me back veritas4321@hushmail.com...random i know and yet...

Onymous

GUYSGUYSGUYS

This like a month old but fuck https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LZThmCjb7c Cibo Matto did a set with 3 new songs and there's a new album coming out and holy shit!

iceberg

Ok I'm posting this here too, (posted it in The Toast's Cocktail Hour already):
So Saturday while the kids were napping, some lady calls me because my first name and phone number were in her husband's phone, and she wants to know how I know him! She was like "did you meet him in a bar downtown???" Only problem is, I don't even recognize his name. So now I can't explain how I know him, because I DON'T, so she's still worried and now I'M freaking out too because how did this dude get my number?! I don't even GO to bars let alone go out without my husband let alone give my number to random dudes.

ANYWAY eventually after thinking about it for a while and checking some dates I figured out he probably responded to a Craigslist ad I had, and that's why he had my details and I didn't remember him because I spoke to a lot of people. So I called her back and asked if he had been looking for a new place for them to rent, and she said yes, and I was like, thank god we can BOTH stop worrying!!!

aaahhh.

Plant Fire

@km1312 So it doesn't fit the 'no hot humid weather' requirement (at least not in the summer) but DC is beautiful, has free museums, a small but very clean metro, and it just all around lovely. If the city is too expensive, NOVA is cheaper, metro accessible, and has much better food anyways.

Also, while I haven't lived here I'd also recommend Savannah, GA mostly because when I visited it was the most beautiful place ever and there is no open container law in the historic district (so you can get a to go cup from a bar and stroll around outside) and SCAD is there so there are fun artsy things and young people as well as all the old southern ladies.

For something less hot/humid my sister lives in Northampton, MA and loves it, it's very liberal and has a lot of fun stuff to do.

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