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Monday, July 8, 2013

74

Bottom Shelf Nail Polish Names

Escaping Ennui

Hot and Melty

Target Gift Certificate

You're Simply Punderful

You're Going Out Tonight

Open-Toed Shoes

Closed-Toed Shoes but Your Friend's Apartment Has A No-Shoe Policy

Vacation

Staycation

Leaving the House to Get the Mail

Okay, Cupid

You Go, Girl, Interrupted by Cat—Plus Fur

Why Did I Do This

Why Do I Do Anything

Snazzy Swazzy Yazzy Shabam!

 

Dayna Evans is a writer of words and a player of music. You can find her writing here, her music here, and her tweets at @hidayna.



74 Comments / Post A Comment

Anne

Fuck Pinterest
Together Lady
Teen Vogue Said So
Tooty Fruity (Toot like Fart)

xcbxcreueru547

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fondue with cheddar

@Anne Tooty Booty?

Scandyhoovian

You're Gonna Drag a Hair Through This One So It Makes A Line
Put A Thing Between Your Toes Or This Will Get Everywhere
It's Thick and Goopy And Old But Try It Anyway
Maybe This Will Distract Looker-Downers From The Leg Stubble

laurel

@Scandyhoovian I believe that's "...Lookers Down..."

Scandyhoovian

@laurel Is that like Culs-de-Sac?

Bittersweet

@Scandyhoovian Maybe This One Will Cover Your Gross Toenail That Fell Off Last Month
Oops Nevermind It Just Looks Like a Serious Digit Injury

SarcasticFringehead

@Scandyhoovian One of my earliest grammar memories (nnnnnnnnnnneeeerd) is overhearing an argument over whether it's Burrito Supremes or Burritos Supreme - is Supreme a modifier or part of a brand name that makes a compound noun?

pandaonaplane

@Scandyhoovian But which one is it? This is causing me anguish -fellow nerd who used to do extra grammar exercises for fun

Verity

@SarcasticFringehead I'm with @pandaonaplane - we must know!

SarcasticFringehead

@pandaonaplane @Verity It was so long ago that I don't even remember! If I had to choose, though, I'd go with Burrito Supremes because it's a brand name that makes a compound noun. Actually, since the Taco Bell in my neighborhood is also a Pizza Hut, I'd probably go with a pizza instead.

Slutface

Did He Get My Text?
I Guess Meeting For Drinks Wouldn't Hurt
Why Did I Meet That Guy For Drinks?

*this is obviously a boxed set

milenakent

THEY'RE SO PERFECT.@n

iceberg

Hey, I Didn't Remember I Even Owned Nail Polish!

I Look Fierce Tonight (But This Glitter Is Going To Be A Bitch To Get Off)

Job Interview Neutral

cminor

@iceberg

Hey, I Don't Remember Buying This! Oh Wait it's Dried.

Glitter Herpes

Won't Show When It's Chipped

iceberg

@cminor I definitely have the first & the third one of those.

cminor

@iceberg :) Just different names for your already clever ones.

large__marge

You Applied this Exact Shade When You Went through Your Outcast Phase in Eighth Grade and Here It Is Suddenly in Style and Twice as Expensive

Jenivere

@large__marge Got a pedicure this weekend - went with a shimmery navy blue and immediately realized it's all I wore in middle school. And if you count the pedicure it was about 8 times as expensive.

JessicaLovejoy

Target is the only place I can find Sriracha peas, so a gift certificate would be juuust fine with me.

up cubed

@JessicaLovejoy: what is this? tell us more!

gigglefest

@JessicaLovejoy Also: Sriracha Peas is a great color name

fondue with cheddar

@gigglefest Sriracha Peas Thank You

olivebee

I would buy You're Simply Punderful in a second because I love puns, and it's obviously the glitter kind.

supernintendochalmers

I Brought My Own Bags
Hey Look, Dollar Pizza
Laundry Day
Nothing Can Help Your Cuticles

cminor

@supernintendochalmers

Dollar Pizza Boyfriend

(You know the one that gives you extra napkins.)

Bittersweet

@supernintendochalmers #4 is my Fingernails Life Story in 5 words or less.

cminor

@cminor Weird I came here to respond to Ginger Snap@facebook, because it showed up in my email but now it's not here. Anyways the following is my response, though it will sound weird out of context.

God I do NOT need another LUSH product to ad to my currently all LUSH routine. I fing love it, the people who work there are the nicest and least pushy sales people ever, and the products last forever and every man I've been naked with (and most ladies (non-nude)) ever complement my scent.
However. SO EXPENSIVE. *grabby hands*

*Goes to buy cuticle cream*

RubeksCube

This Will Only Last 2 Hours

Perfect Manicure, Nowhere To Go

Meh, Good Enough

mabellegueule

@RubeksCube
"meh, good enough" is all my colours :)

SarcasticFringehead

@RubeksCube

No One's Looking That Close Anyway, Probably

LacunaKale

Kardashian (k)Collection

Bittersweet

@LacunaKale Qream Qollection?

LacunaKale

@Bittersweet Alcohol infused nail polish, brilliant. I'll have a kaluha and qream

fondue with cheddar

@LacunaKale It smells like strawberry and peach!

JessicaLovejoy

Sunburnt Neck

RNL
RNL

Chips Ahoy

iceberg

@RNL Dorito Dust - a flaming neon orange
Dorito Dust (Cool Ranch) - white with a faint blue-green shimmer

supernintendochalmers

@iceberg Those sound beautiful!!

Lily Rowan

@iceberg Isn't that touring manicure lady into Cheeto color?

Lily Rowan

@Lily Rowan I mean: http://thehairpin.com/2013/06/interview-with-a-woman-who-is-driving-across-america-giving-free-manicures

iceberg

@Lily Rowan Yes!

reburkel

OPI has a nailpolish called Uh-oh Roll Down the Window.

No joke.

http://www.amazon.com/Uh-oh-Roll-Window-Touring-America/dp/B005F286MC

iceberg

@reburkel That color is pretty appropriate.

frenz.lo

@reburkel Ok, you laugh, but I bought Uh-Oh Roll Down the Window from the reject bin at a hair show, and it is a killer neutral. Not too green, not too gray.

TheLetterL

Sunday Night Reruns

Am I Too Old for Glitter?

EZ Peel Nerve Soother

mabellegueule

You Will Have To Pee Immediately Upon Finishing Your Hands

SarcasticFringehead

@mabellegueule You'd Think, Since It Happens Every Single Time, That You'd Remember How Much You Hate Waiting For Your Nails To Dry, and You'd Plan For That

frenz.lo

Nice Things: Can't Have 'Em
Bus Station
Less Nice Bus Station
Bus Station Dumpster

iceberg

@frenz.lo you are KILLING me today!

victorian rose

That's Not Nail Polish; My Diva Cup is Leaking
I.U.Daaamn That Hurt
One Line is No, Two Lines is Uh-Oh

The "All In My Uterus" boxed set.

SarcasticFringehead

@victorian rose

No Waiting Period (quick-dry formula)
Plan B (for smoothing out mistakes)
Pink Running Shoes

The "Stay The Hell Out Of My Uterus" boxed set

victorian rose

@SarcasticFringehead We could package both sets together for a Costco multi-pack.

amitygardens@twitter

@victorian rose I want all of these.

bevrockin

Nothing is funnier than the actual names of Spoiled nail polish, available at your local CVS. I own "Cougar Bait" which is actually a pretty awesome brown-copper chunky glitter. Many are listed here:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/joannaborns/the-25-most-depressing-nail-polish-color-names-of-8tij

"I Only Eat Salads." You can't make that shit up.

apples and oranges

@bevrockin I have so many bottles of this brand... I like the colors and it's so cheeeap. but oh my god, how it chips

rayray

@bevrockin Most of these I thought were fair enough, but 'Gone Grey' and 'Grey Area' had me rocking with mirth at my desk.

All Essie's color names are pretty off the wall, as far as I remember. Oh yes, look.
'Starter Wife' and 'Trophy Wife' are easily as depressing as 'Black Star'.

matilda wormwood

The Learn from a 30-Something's Mistakes Box:
Sparkly Crap That Looks Like A Bowling Ball
You Are Too Pale For Neon
Pay a Professional (Manicurist, That Is)
Yes, They Are Disparaging Your Leg Hair In Vietnamese

Bridesmaid Special Edition:
Overpriced Chiffon Dress
Seriously, I Can't Believe I'm Paying For A Manicure For This Wedding After Buying A $50 Trivet From Pottery Barn
I Never Get The Hot Groomsman
Bustle A Move
F-ck The Bride, Paint 'em Black

fondue with cheddar

@matilda wormwood Bustle a Move!

Incidentally, I would totally let a bridesmaid paint her nails black for my wedding. Ooh! How pretty would it be if they all wore a different brightly-colored dress of their choice with all black nails and accessories to bring it all together?

matilda wormwood

@fondue with cheddar it MIGHT look like a crazy circus wedding, which I would love to attend.

matilda wormwood

@matilda wormwood also I'm pretty sure I really saw "Always a Bridesmaid" but it was back when I was a teenager and thought that bridesmaiding was glamorous

fondue with cheddar

@matilda wormwood There was definitely at least one crazy circus wedding featured on Offbeat Bride. I love it. :)

TheMissus

Hey, Moooooooom!
This Blanket Works For Wiping Away Blobs
Ew
15 Coats - At Least
Why Do I Bother?

rathermarvelous

Keyboard Cobalt
Cubicle Cuticle
This Office is Totally SCDP and You Are Totally Joan

matilda wormwood

@rathermarvelous the Mad Men collection!
Dry Cleaning Bag
Purim at the Menkens'
Rizzo's Revenge
Trudy Will Destroy You
Distracting Decolletage

matilda wormwood

really, Joan and Sally could each have their own lines.

Wookiee Hole

The worst part about this is, I'm definitely imagining the colors to go with all these names. Anyone want to Kickstart a Hairpin Nail Polish Collection with me?

Hellcat

"You Go, Girl, Interrupted by Cat—Plus Fur." I just got two long-haired kittens and was pondering the other day about how long it will be before I can realistically attempt a pedicure.

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat I have a long-haired cat whose hair is really fine and thick, so I know what you're going through. You could always lock yourself in the bathroom. Rinse out the tub and put your feet in there so you don't get floor hair. That seems like a pain, but it would probably work.

matilda wormwood

sounds like you all need Pay a Professional. I cannot do my own nails anymore. I don't think I ever could. I will do my toes because I'm Not Made of Money (another good name) but they will look stupid and have floor-detritus in them.

matilda wormwood

Here's the boxed set from my 20s
Champagne Taste, Beer Budget
The GOOD Ramen
Free Drinks & Fake Names
Merch Table Girlfriend
Out of Quarters, Wearing Period Underwear

owen123

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