Tuesday, July 2, 2013


Ask Baba Yaga: Why Do I Keep Getting Drunk on Weeknights?

Previously: A Significant Life Change

Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others. 

43 Comments / Post A Comment


Oh man, I definitely need to keep my feareye on the fire. Is it weird that this answer made a lot of sense to me?


@iceberg It might be weird but you're in good company. I was just thinking "Yr foot is hopping into the fireplace but you look out the window at yr lover" is the story of my life.


@iceberg made a lot of sense to me, too, even though I read it at first as "mind is burning, tend the fire" which, YES, totally explains weeknight drinking.


@iceberg Definitely made sense to me, too.


@SarahP the baba, she is wize


@iceberg also, Bergy Bits have been giving us advice lately -highlights include
"dog poop... no eat it!"
"no piss a [on] floor"
"no piss in hand!"
"no milk in bed! no cannies [candies]!"


@SarahP Mine too. This answer totally applies to my life right now >.<

fondue with cheddar

@iceberg Seriously, this one is completely relevant to my life, and each time I reread it, it is more so. But when will I see the real question? Will I see it with my feareye or my regular eye?

And the tags!

fondue with cheddar

@fondue with cheddar Except I don't drink, I play Xbox. And it's most weekdays and weekends. While I sit on the couch and literally look out the window at my lover.


@iceberg Like all of BY's advice has seemed straightforward? Though I have read almost half of Gravity's Rainbow and once owned an unread copy of Ulysses /humblebrag.


@j-i-a "ask me the real question when you see it peering"

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

"Yr, feareye is askance" is exactly it. Drinking to drown what? That's the question.


Oh my goodness, this is a regular feature now! So perfect.




Are we... not supposed to drink on weeknights? Shit. I'm doing life all wrong.


@Brunhilde It was a big enough accomplishment for me to avoid the discount gin at the liquor store and go for the beer instead.

RK Fire

@Amphora What? I'm trying to go the other way and drink liquor instead of beer... am I doing it all wrong? I better mind the burning.


@RK Fire The way I mix drinks, it's safer to use units of beer bottles.

February Revolution

@Brunhilde Drinking on weeknights is a bad sign, Prudie says. Have you ever had a drink more than once in a week? More than three drinks at a time? You are probably a secret alcoholic. To ensure your drinking is not problematic or interfering with your life, you should meticulously track your liquor intake. Keep a list and note down every drink. Hide the list in your kitchen cabinet so your fiance won't find it. Practice sneaking into the kitchen every time you have a drink so you can add to your secret list without him seeing you. Think about your drinking. Fill your mind with it. It's the only way.


@February Revolution Shortcut, keep a sharpie in your pocket and draw hash marks on your arm. Only bathe once a week. If you run out of room on your arm, continue onto your ribs, then if needed your leg.


@Brunhilde on a more serious note, we are definitely supposed to drink on weeknights.

lucy snowe

The advice was well-timed, as you might expect. Still. What does it say about my feareye that I drink on weekends, too?


Dear Baba, why do I give in to all my temptations, everyday, every night, and only go into a shame spiral once every two weeks or so after really over doing it?


@whizz_dumb I would also like an answer to this.


@meetapossum Shame Spiral is the name of my new band. We will be introduced by a loud emcee, "SH-SH-SH-SHAAAAME SPIRAAAALLLL"

Cat named Virtute

@whizz_dumb I've managed to postpone the shame spirals to two or three times a year. Is that good because I'm overdoing it less or bad because I have no incentive to change? :(


@whizz_dumb Can I be a part of it? I can play the tambourine by smacking it on my forehead while wearing sunglasses and drinking a large Irish coffee at the same time.


@Cat named Virtute Definitely the former, you're doing great and you let yourself have fun. Stress relief. Don't change (unless you get motivated then I support being more healthy).

@meetapossum You just made the band with that idea. How did you know that I was thinking we'd be an obnoxious performance art collective with absurd made-up stage names? --all with different over-sized booze drinks. I will be "A Dude On Fire" with Gin and Campari (no vermouth, maybe tonic) in a huge to-go cup with a straw.

Cat named Virtute

@whizz_dumb Aw, you're sweet. But just know that by fun you mean coming home from work and collapsing in front of an episode of Hannibal with a campari and soda. Maybe two campari and sodas! Maybe a glass of wine if I'm not working an evening shift and home in time to make dinner.

Damnit, now it's not even 1:30 and I have to go to work in two hours and I really want a campari and soda.


@whizz_dumb It's the only thing that Shame Spiral could ever be. I'd like to be called Devil-Bug.


I'll play the cowbell app on my iphone until about my third wine & fruit juice, at which point I'll decide that singing is a really excellent and important idea... it might take me a while to realize that the mic isn't even on.

I'm not sure what my name will be.


@ThatWench hmm how about a play on your username. WhatStench? Wait no, how about FakeBlock?


Only if I can be "The FakeBlock". It sounds cooler.


@ThatWench Done. I changed mine to "The Dude Aflame" for similar reasons.


Baba Yaga!!!! I never thought I'd see it here, but I love it! I read all about Baba Yaga in "Women Who Run With the Wolves," a book that, hokey new-agey as it can be, changed my life!

maybe partying will help

In about five hours I will be drunk on a weeknight. I will try to remember your wise words, Baba Yaga.


LW, I think the fact that you don't drink on the weekends suggests that one of your coworkers may have put a hex on you. Try daubing some goat blood on a copy of your company's HR manual and nailing it to the wall of your cubicle.

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