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Tuesday, July 2, 2013

41

Ask Baba Yaga: Why Do I Keep Getting Drunk on Weeknights?

Previously: A Significant Life Change

Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others. 

41 Comments / Post A Comment

iceberg

Oh man, I definitely need to keep my feareye on the fire. Is it weird that this answer made a lot of sense to me?

SarahP

@iceberg It might be weird but you're in good company. I was just thinking "Yr foot is hopping into the fireplace but you look out the window at yr lover" is the story of my life.

omgkitties

@iceberg made a lot of sense to me, too, even though I read it at first as "mind is burning, tend the fire" which, YES, totally explains weeknight drinking.

meetapossum

@iceberg Definitely made sense to me, too.

j-i-a

@SarahP the baba, she is wize

iceberg

@iceberg also, Bergy Bits have been giving us advice lately -highlights include
"dog poop... no eat it!"
"no piss a [on] floor"
"no piss in hand!"
"no milk in bed! no cannies [candies]!"

martinipie

@SarahP Mine too. This answer totally applies to my life right now >.<

fondue with cheddar

@iceberg Seriously, this one is completely relevant to my life, and each time I reread it, it is more so. But when will I see the real question? Will I see it with my feareye or my regular eye?

And the tags!

fondue with cheddar

@fondue with cheddar Except I don't drink, I play Xbox. And it's most weekdays and weekends. While I sit on the couch and literally look out the window at my lover.

Onymous

@iceberg Like all of BY's advice has seemed straightforward? Though I have read almost half of Gravity's Rainbow and once owned an unread copy of Ulysses /humblebrag.

TARDIStime

@j-i-a "ask me the real question when you see it peering"
OMG :O

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

"Yr, feareye is askance" is exactly it. Drinking to drown what? That's the question.

stonefruit

Oh my goodness, this is a regular feature now! So perfect.

Brunhilde

Are we... not supposed to drink on weeknights? Shit. I'm doing life all wrong.

Amphora

@Brunhilde It was a big enough accomplishment for me to avoid the discount gin at the liquor store and go for the beer instead.

RK Fire

@Amphora What? I'm trying to go the other way and drink liquor instead of beer... am I doing it all wrong? I better mind the burning.

Amphora

@RK Fire The way I mix drinks, it's safer to use units of beer bottles.

February Revolution

@Brunhilde Drinking on weeknights is a bad sign, Prudie says. Have you ever had a drink more than once in a week? More than three drinks at a time? You are probably a secret alcoholic. To ensure your drinking is not problematic or interfering with your life, you should meticulously track your liquor intake. Keep a list and note down every drink. Hide the list in your kitchen cabinet so your fiance won't find it. Practice sneaking into the kitchen every time you have a drink so you can add to your secret list without him seeing you. Think about your drinking. Fill your mind with it. It's the only way.

Brunhilde

@February Revolution Shortcut, keep a sharpie in your pocket and draw hash marks on your arm. Only bathe once a week. If you run out of room on your arm, continue onto your ribs, then if needed your leg.

redheaded&crazy

@Brunhilde on a more serious note, we are definitely supposed to drink on weeknights.

lucy snowe

The advice was well-timed, as you might expect. Still. What does it say about my feareye that I drink on weekends, too?

whizz_dumb

Dear Baba, why do I give in to all my temptations, everyday, every night, and only go into a shame spiral once every two weeks or so after really over doing it?

meetapossum

@whizz_dumb I would also like an answer to this.

whizz_dumb

@meetapossum Shame Spiral is the name of my new band. We will be introduced by a loud emcee, "SH-SH-SH-SHAAAAME SPIRAAAALLLL"

Cat named Virtute

@whizz_dumb I've managed to postpone the shame spirals to two or three times a year. Is that good because I'm overdoing it less or bad because I have no incentive to change? :(

meetapossum

@whizz_dumb Can I be a part of it? I can play the tambourine by smacking it on my forehead while wearing sunglasses and drinking a large Irish coffee at the same time.

whizz_dumb

@Cat named Virtute Definitely the former, you're doing great and you let yourself have fun. Stress relief. Don't change (unless you get motivated then I support being more healthy).

@meetapossum You just made the band with that idea. How did you know that I was thinking we'd be an obnoxious performance art collective with absurd made-up stage names? --all with different over-sized booze drinks. I will be "A Dude On Fire" with Gin and Campari (no vermouth, maybe tonic) in a huge to-go cup with a straw.

Cat named Virtute

@whizz_dumb Aw, you're sweet. But just know that by fun you mean coming home from work and collapsing in front of an episode of Hannibal with a campari and soda. Maybe two campari and sodas! Maybe a glass of wine if I'm not working an evening shift and home in time to make dinner.

Damnit, now it's not even 1:30 and I have to go to work in two hours and I really want a campari and soda.

meetapossum

@whizz_dumb It's the only thing that Shame Spiral could ever be. I'd like to be called Devil-Bug.

ThatWench

@meetapossum
I'll play the cowbell app on my iphone until about my third wine & fruit juice, at which point I'll decide that singing is a really excellent and important idea... it might take me a while to realize that the mic isn't even on.

I'm not sure what my name will be.

whizz_dumb

@ThatWench hmm how about a play on your username. WhatStench? Wait no, how about FakeBlock?

ThatWench

@whizz_dumb
Only if I can be "The FakeBlock". It sounds cooler.

whizz_dumb

@ThatWench Done. I changed mine to "The Dude Aflame" for similar reasons.

carolita

Baba Yaga!!!! I never thought I'd see it here, but I love it! I read all about Baba Yaga in "Women Who Run With the Wolves," a book that, hokey new-agey as it can be, changed my life!

maybe partying will help

In about five hours I will be drunk on a weeknight. I will try to remember your wise words, Baba Yaga.

rfpgh

LW, I think the fact that you don't drink on the weekends suggests that one of your coworkers may have put a hex on you. Try daubing some goat blood on a copy of your company's HR manual and nailing it to the wall of your cubicle.

BBOM Center

Great article! You may also like BBOM

TallBrooke

These give me nightmares. I love them, but they give me nightmares.

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