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Thursday, June 13, 2013

186

Ways in Which Hashtags Will Further Ruin Your Facebook Feed

"Facebook, Inc is adopting the 'hashtag,' one of the most recognizable features of its younger rival Twitter, in a move to position its Web service as an important complement to television, sporting events and breaking news." -Reuters, 12 June 2013

• Thanks for the birthday wishes! I'm officially the luckiest girl alive #thanks #birthday #wishes #officially #luckiest #girl #alive

• #HERE #WE #GO #BLACKHAWKS #hockey #sports #NHL #superfan #chicity #herewego

• What's up with all the new #hashtags? #Hashtags are only funny on Twitter and then only when you use them ironically. #Boo #Facebook #your #hashtags #suck

• I always wonder who's gonna really step up & be a man & make me happy & be about their shit... only God knows #independenttypeshyt #SkewlTomorrow

• M. Night Shyamalan ghostwrote She's All That. #omg #daymade #morelikeMNightOMyGodUGhostwroteShe'sAllThat

• #DCA -> #JFK -> #LHR -> #HKG -> #SYD

• There simply aren't words that adequately describe my need and desire to be out in the world again, #traveling, #participating, #doing, #creating, #healing. Now that I've reached the end of #gradschool, I'm so ready to #takealeap. This gal wasn't designed for #strictboundaries. #letsgetit #blessed

• #Great #night with #friends, good #redwine, #NinaSimone on the #stereo, #roastpork on the #grill, #caramelizedonion and #goatcheese #tartlets to #snackon while we #wait and #Amy's #famous #flourless #darkchocolate #cake

• #Roses from my #boo #roses #boo

• Up early at the parade with Cooper! He loved the #firetrucks. #kids #joy #family #beingamom #rememberhangovers?

• My #creditscore went up 27 points! Now that's something to brag about! Forget #newshoes or a #fancycar! #winning #killinit #humblebrag #orjustabragidk

• Kyle and I just finished our first #triathlon. So #dead but feeling awesome. And it's not even 10AM! Time for #brunch with my #babe.

• Picking up my #bestfriend from the airport tonight for #weddingweekend. I can't believe we are old enough to be getting married!!! It was just yesterday we were swimming in her pool, playing on her tire swing, watching #TGIF, camping out, and driving Missy's Jetta around town with the bass turned all the way up. #weddingweekend #timeflies #lovemygirls #isntitcrazyhowlike literallyeveryoneismarriednow #everyone #literally #everyone #literallyeveryone

186 Comments / Post A Comment

themegnapkin

M. Night Shyamalan ghostwrote She's All That????!

yrouttasight

@themegnapkin I know, right?!

Judith Slutler

@themegnapkin #omg

katiemcgillicuddy

@themegnapkin #reallycouldanyoneelsehavewrittenthathackysackscene

yrouttasight

People already put hashtags on their status updates on Facebook, and...I don't get it? It doesn't do anything. Does it just mean "hey, file this under-", or do they actually think they are hashtagging something? Modern technology is weird.

Judith Slutler

@yrouttasight Yeah I was kind of thinking hashtags already existed on Facebook judging by my feed?

packedsuitcase

@yrouttasight I think sometimes they just import their Twitter feed. And other times people are just being annoying.

iceberg

@yrouttasight I don't even have a twitter, but I use hashtagged words as punchlines on FB statuses (and Hairpin comments TBH) occasionally. It's just a quick way of making a point or changing the meaning of something for humorous effect. I also use #babystuff as a leading hashtag sometimes, so that people who aren't interested can scroll on by, because FB is a good way to keep the family updated on the BBs.

I might be a bit annoyed that I'll have to stop doing it.

PaperbackLady

@yrouttasight I do the same thing! Now no one will know how clever I think I am :(

RK Fire

@iceberg I actually like it when people use hashtags to make a joke, but unfortunately most people don't do that.

stuffisthings

@yrouttasight People also still use hashtags on Twitter even though you've been able to search for just words for like... years now.

fondue with cheddar

@yrouttasight You keep using this hashtag. I do not think it means what you think it means.

robotosaur

@yrouttasight It's largely people speaking their subtext. It's kind of jarring.

Lily Rowan

@RK Fire Totally used hashtags on FB just the other day, and only as a joke. And I think it was funny?

fabel

@robotosaur "speaking their subext" YES. That is a brilliant way to put it, for real.

#forreal #impressed #neverthoughtaboutitthatway

fabel

#sorry

:(

#ican'thelpitnow

red pen

@yrouttasight i kind of like it! i feel like it's a new part of syntax that, as you say, is basically a shortened version of "Categorize this under...". language! evolving! etc!

colbeagle

#BLACKHAWKS #TRIPLEOT #OMG

yrouttasight

@colbeagle #GOBRUINS #IFELLASLEEPONMYCOUCHDURINGDOUBLEOT

smidge

@colbeagle Seriously, can we finish up a little earlier on a school night?

yrouttasight

@smidge This is going to be a very long series if they can't. I will count the games using the number of bags under my eyes.

whizz_dumb

@colbeagle #DOUBLEDEFLECTION #TRIPLEOT #ENDEDAT10:08PST #WASDOINGLAUNDRYANYWAY #MYTVDOESNTGETANYSTATIONSSONBCSTREAMINGRULES #HAWKSRULE #RUBBINGITIN (Yep, I'm annoying myself now)

triplea

@colbeagle LIKE FOREVER, LOVELY INTENSE CAPTAIN

Nutellaface

BUT on the plus side, I'm a community manager and now when I use HootSuite I can just do EVERYTHING AT ONCE instead of having to do a separate twitter post and (hashtagless) facebook post. #LazyAss

victorian rose

@Nutellaface I hate HootSuite. And hate being a community manager for a company who provides me with NO CONTENT TO POST. They run banquet halls. You'd think taking pictures of an event and giving them to me would be a no brainer.

Nutellaface

@victorian rose Whaaaaat how can you hate HootSuite? I have, on more than one occasion, contemplated using it for my personal account. I love my job, but then again I generate my own content while sitting around in my jammies eating nutella out of a jar with my hands. #workingfromhome #mycatsaremycoworkers #hashtags4lyfe

victorian rose

@Nutellaface I *never* get any of the push notifications from hootsuite. And don't get me started on the facebook pages app. I'm not being paid enough to generate daily content, so I basically just post what they send me. I was told "the bar is low" for this client.

Nutellaface

@victorian rose Is this where I mention that I have no idea what standard pay is for a community manager? I stumbled into the job mostly by accident with no frame of reference whatsoever.

victorian rose

@Nutellaface Ha! I stumbled into the job too and have no idea what general pay is either. I'm being paid a flat monthly fee for weekly blog posts, monthly newsletter, and social media. If I subtract out the portion of the rate for the writing assignments, I'm left with about .5 hour per day of social media "work".

stuffisthings

$52,000 according to Indeed.com ($67k in New York)

victorian rose

@stuffisthings yep, underpaid. :)

Nikp

#Roses #boo yessss

stonefruit

gah there is someone on my feed who already posts status updates like that grad school one. I am preemptively cringing about what it'll look like with hashtags and my face is stuck in D: D: D: mode.

theharpoon

@stonefruit its #timetohide #annoyingpeople

stonefruit

@theharpoon #butshe'snotalwaysannoying #that'stheproblem

theharpoon

@stonefruit ugh why can't people just be consistently annoying or not annoying, #amirite???

stonefruit

@theharpoon #soright #comeonpeople #howamIsupposedtotellwhichofyoudrivesmecrazy #whoathatgotlong

par_parenthese

I mean, hide all those assholes, amirite?

meetapossum

@par_parenthese The hide feature has been the best thing that ever came into my Facebook life.

stonefruit

@par_parenthese Oooh, let's talk about our hide-lists!

- Friends who post nonstop about their weight-loss journeys
- Friends who post about potty training their kids (does not extend to other kid-related posts for me)
- Friends from grad school who are Republicans and don't argue in good faith with non-Republicans

j-i-a

@par_parenthese Emma and I had this discussion today. My verdict is hide, her verdict is too lazy. Either way though.... HASHTAGS

RK Fire

@stonefruit Apparently I can't stand:
- people who are unendingly upbeat about how magical the world is and how blessed they are
- people who only post self portraits of themselves in their latest hairstyle or new clothes
- people who go on about libtards

...I think I'm a curmudgeon (except for that last point). HARUMPH.

packedsuitcase

@stonefruit

-Super religious aunt who reposts the "1 like = 1 prayer" shit
-'Murca speaks ENGLISH ONLY even though I have a rudimentary understanding of it at best' family members
-People prone to political ranting on either side of the aisle
-Vocal anti-choicers

meetapossum

@stonefruit
- Friends who uploaded their stupid photos from Instagram and #hashtagged every #other word #even if #they weren't #important

Judith Slutler

@stonefruit

- Relatives who post nonsense about how Obama is ruining America
- Relatives who proudly post about chewing out a woman who came up to offer them a pro-choice petition to sign
- High school friends who post nothing but fundamentalist Christian claptrap (If they also post cute pics of their kids, I will make an exception)
- That one girl who had a painfully passive-aggressive, monologuing meltdown spanning several status updates, because she "wasn't prejudice!!!" just because she likes to eat at Chick-Fil-A

Nutellaface

@RK Fire You are not a curmudgeon. #soblessed is an instand HIDE FROM FEED.

Also, people that post in earnest about their juice cleanses. When I attempted one, I only wrote things like "DAY 1: I AM DYING" "DAY 2: I AM DEAD"

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@par_parenthese & @stonefruit WORD. A great way to get hid for life is to post about your kid's poops or wees. Also the people who post twenty pictures a day of dogs that need to get adopted (I KNOW, I SUCK. But it just makes me too fucking sad).

I constantly waffle about whether or not to hide my high school friend's younger sister, who had four kids before she was 22 and is basically insane. She posts lots of heavily misspelled "OMG being a mom is cray" sort of shit, but it's also kind of... entertaining? Like I feel like you could make a party out of getting drunk and reading her posts to your friends. But that would be mean, right?

Judith Slutler

@Judith Slutler OK, one more:

- the girl who announced that she was celebrating 10 days of her "unbirthday" and then posted daily about all the things she was eating and the things she was buying herself in the course of her "unbirthday." You do you, but, FOR REAL, there was a silent cry of help aspect going on with it.

paper bag princess

@Oliver St. John Mollusc Those adopt-a-dog posts are an automatic hide from me, too. If I was going to adopt a dog, I'd have done it already, and looking at pictures of really sad puppies is not my most favorite thing.

I have hidden the couple of "being a mom is cray" people on my feed, because they were SO prolific I couldn't take it. I do sometimes check in for a laugh, though.

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@Oliver St. John Mollusc Oh god, I just reread this and I am the meanest ever. Sorry guys.

robotosaur

@stonefruit I ovaried up and unfriended all racist relatives and high school friends. Now I just hide:
- the guy who only posts bible verses, sometimes captioning pictures of him camping
- the lady who constantly posts "inspirational" quotes and memes
- the people who think everyone is super interested in their running habits

par_parenthese

@Judith Slutler WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT UNBIRTHDAY WHAT. Seriously she needs a hug and a get-a-grip friend YESTERDAY.

@j-i-a Sweet tapdancin' Moses why would you not hide. I have <500 "friends" on FB and ain't nobody got time to deal with constant rage blackouts from "mandatory background checks for assault rifles = COMMUNISM" guy, or "my bb is tha bessssssst luv him so much" girl, or "constant flood of unfunny eCards" lady or "ten pictures a day of me obviously naked in bed with the lover I chose more for how much s/he pisses off my family than our compatibility and affection" dude. It takes less than ten seconds to hide a person. #WORTHIT

@Oliver No way not mean at all. I mean, I've hidden people I like who don't post offensive/stupid/annoying/manipulative things just because that's not what I want to use fb for, you know?

TheclaAndTheSeals

@par_parenthese Self-promoters.

YOU ARE NOT A REAL FREELANCE BUSINESS CONSULTANT. YOU ARE 25.

AND YOU, YOUR ETSY SHOP IS CUTE AND I LIKE YOU, BUT YOU'VE CLOGGED UP MY FEED SO MUCH THAT I CAN'T HELP BUT RESENT YOU.

kamikaze

@Judith Slutler agree with you on the kids exception. One of my HS friends constantly posts stuff about how #blessed #praiseandworship was this morning at #church, and how we need to #prayforAmerica. But her kids are probably the cutest kids in the Northern Hemisphere and I can't bring myself to hide them. I think it's a net positive.

On that note, I will hide:
--Christians who constantly post reminders to #prayforIsrael #pray #supportIsrael #praysomemore #praywithoutceasing because when God turns his back on Israel, He turns His back on AMERICA.
--people whose feeds have been taken over by wedding planning ("I am so excited to be marrying my best friend and cannot wait to be Mrs. xx! #marryingmybestfriendsohappy" closely followed by "omg I just found the PERFECT table toppers totally in my budget #meanttobe #weddingisgonnabeawesome #shoppinghigh")
--people who post evo-psych articles about how men are "hard wired" to be MANLY and women are "hard wired" to be WOMANLY and variations thereof.

meetapossum

@robotosaur I unfriended a comedian ("comedian") who I went to high school with who spent weeks ranting about Lindy West. One of his friends commented about misandry, so I just wrote "lol misandry," unfriended him, and MY LIFE HAS BEEN GREAT ever since.

par_parenthese

@kamikaze I love that the hide feature now means you can sort out what you want to see from them -- I've hidden everything but status updates from some people, everything but links from some people, everything but pics from some people.

And dude as a Christian person, those Pray for Israel people make me want to tear my hair out. I'm all hmmm please tell me more about how a not-even-80-year-old nation-state is exactly the same as a bronze-age kingdom because they have the same name.

kamikaze

@par_parenthese Also a Christian (although pretty sure my conservative friends would disagree, but #whatever) and I have gotten into so many lengthy, infuriating facebook debates about this. I decided that it's better for my sanity, health, and Facebook reputation to just eliminate the temptation to engage. So I hide/unfriend. See also: "America is a Christian nation."

Scandyhoovian

@stonefruit My hide list includes:

-girl whose posts are 90% drivers-seat duck-face selfies from directly above her head that come with self-loathing commentary like 'feeling ugly this morning'
-older white dude who thinks snopes is liberal media and the onion is real
-fitness guy whose every single post is '3.5 miles this morning' 'shakeology remix!!!' or 'it's core day EVERYBODY GET DOWN'
-that broken-up couple who have to see each other because of a shared child that argues with passive-aggressive facebook posts
-that guy who I added because we're on the same trivia team relatively frequently who was very good at hiding his inner nice guy manchild in person but cannot help but spew it all over facebook, much to my surprise
-my old high school bff who 'retired' at 25 because she realized being a nascar girl/car show model paid her enough to buy the house she wanted and posts nothing but home remodel things like 'omg loving my new laundry rooooom!!!!!!' and racist things about the people she sees at home depot
-this one girl that spends all her money flying around the country going to sxsw and bonnaroo and coachella while also whining about how she can't make rent or eat because she's poor

robotosaur

@meetapossum lol misandry! You are an example to us all.

par_parenthese

@kamikaze #hulksmash

Amphora

@par_parenthese Last girl I blocked was an old coworker who posted a series of status updates starting with "ugh drama get out my life" to "newly single and LUVIN IT" to "I want a boyfriend who doesn't play games" to "OMG GETTIN MARRIED HELL YEA" in FORTY-EIGHT HOURS. Calm down, damn!

Amphora

@Amphora Pretty sure she's marrying her 50-year-old boyfriend who once hacked her Facebook account and flooded it with "IM A DUMB LYING BITCH" status updates for a weekend when he thought she'd cheated on him, too. #MFEO #DoKidsStillUseThatOrWasItJustASleeplessInSeattleThing

Scandyhoovian

@Scandyhoovian Oh also! The high school friend who is trying to become a movie star and keeps getting bit parts in indie films and then posts 500 pictures from every possible event she goes to. Also she is an aspiring singer and posts 500 pictures every time she is on stage. Also selfies from backstage. Also links to other people's pictures of her. Also sometimes selfies that were obviously intended to look like someone else took them but you can see her neck muscles responding to the fact that she's extending her arm all funny to get the shot.

Scandyhoovian

@meetapossum 'lol misandry' + an unfriend is hysterical! My last unfriending was a dude who, in response to Obama getting named Time's Man of the Year, posted "You know who else was Time's Man of the Year? Hitler." and I just commented back with "You know who else has a mustache? Tom Selleck," and then unfriended. I'm hoping the unsaid "this is how stupid you sound" got through.

Hello Dolly

@par_parenthese Wait, I can hide specific things from people on Facebook? I don't have to just unfriend them? I did not know this! This is fantastic!

meetapossum

@Scandyhoovian Hahaha, that is the greatest. It was so satisfying. I don't have time to engage with idiots who think they're funny. I'm glad Facebook makes it possible for my to ignore them in all sorts of ways.

par_parenthese

@Spicy Bubbles It's hard/sometimes impossible to do on a phone, but yeah, you just click the little arrow by their name, hit "hide" and then hit "change what you see from this person." Then check or uncheck the boxes to your heart's content!

Heat Signature

@Scandyhoovian Totally going to start saying "It's Core Day EVERYBODY GET DOWN", but not because it's actually "Core Day" but because I enjoy being obnoxious.

packedsuitcase

@Heat Signature Oh, I totally just hid threee people that do something I didn't even realize was a thing - they posted a picture of a delicious looking dessert asking people to talk them out of it. Fuck no, I'm not going to talk you out of it, that shit looks delicious. You, sir, in addition to the obvious compliment fishing and fat shaming, are disrespecting a pastry. Two of them I could have allowed on their own, but you hit the trifecta of food disrespect.

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@TheclaAndTheSeals FREELANCE CONSULTANTS. Me and my friend were just talking the other day about how literally every dude in New York is like "yeah, I do some freelance consulting on the side" and we're like "WHAT IS THIS KNOWLEDGE BASE THAT QUALIFIES YOU TO CONSULT AND WHERE DID YOU ACQUIRE IT?"

iceberg

@packedsuitcase Oh noooo why would someone do that?! I've never posted food pics but if i did thwy'd be hashtagged #jealous? or similar!

Kikimora

@stonefruit Currently hiding:

- Person from high school who *daily* writes in variations along the lines of "ONLY BITCHWHORES FUCK OTHER GIRL'S BOYFRIENDS."
- Person who shares a horribly unfashionable/tacky page's clothing in hopes of winning said clothing.
- Person who only ever posts sad animal stories (I've written about this in a FOT, certified animal lover and rescue volunteer..just can't handle that shit 24/7 in my news feed).
- Obligatory constant Jesus/prayers statuses.
- New Yorker who CONSTANTLY complains about living in New York but thinks New York is the center of the universe.
- People who post constantly about a certain university child rape scandal and seek the former glory of a sports coach.

Whew. I need to unfriend some people.

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@Heat Signature & @Scandyhoovian I was JUST coming down here to post the exact same thing! WOOOOOO it's CORE DAY BITCHES!

TheclaAndTheSeals

@Oliver St. John Mollusc Yep, every guy is a freelance consultant and every girl is a lifestyle blogger.

Let's get some synergy going and consult on lifestyle blogs.

par_parenthese

@packedsuitcase Man. Awful. Food-shaming gets people kicked out of my feed pretty quickly. Oh man, that reminds me of an exchange I saw where one friend told another friend that her weight-loss trick was to take two bites of a dessert and then put the rest in the sink to "ruin it" so she wouldn't be tempted to have any more. And I was like D:

I post food pics semi-regularly but it's always from a kinda psyched/amazed/you-need-to-make-this place, like, "YOU GUYS here is a picture of these GRAIN FREE MUFFINS that I just made and they WORKED AND ARE DELICIOUS and I'm pretty sure I am actually Hermione Granger because grain free muffins are not possible EXCEPT THEY ARE and you should make them because believe it or not THEY ARE EASY. Y'ALL. COME ON." (NB I have many friends with celiac so I am extra pumped about grain-free stuff especially grain-free baked goods.)

honey cowl

Wait a second why do y'all hide them? Instead of just unfriend them???

packedsuitcase

@honey cowl They can tell if you unfriend them. This way I can ignore them and not ever have to deal with drama. And some of them are relatives that like to feel included/informed about my life and it makes my mom happy to see me be "friends" with them.

paper bag princess

@honey cowl Also I will admit that I am a nosy sonofabitch and sometimes I like checking in on the terrible people to see if their lives are worse than mine.

par_parenthese

@honey cowl Yeah, less drama and also I am fine with most of them posting on my wall to ask me a question or sending me a message when they have a baby or whatever, I just don't want to see their daily stuff, you know? It's also a way, honestly, for me to avoid starting to hate people I genuinely DO enjoy seeing once every six months but can't take much more than that, or people I like in person but have revolting spelling/grammar on fb, or people like my students who I see every day anyway and don't NEED to be all up in their business on fb. Different levels of friendship/acquaintanceship/cordiality. (Also some of them are family/in-laws which adds a whole different level of dramz.)

olivebee

@Scandyhoovian Re: the exercise nut. There is a girl on my instagram feed who posts pictures of herself working out at the gym, like on the weights machines (who takes these photos?? no really, who?) and then her "caption" is, no joke, a full 250ish-word, like, essay about her workout. It boggles my mind. She is also a "#blessed" user, so.

par_parenthese

@olivebee What?? Man, crazy. I don't hate when people sometimes post about their workouts (especially if they're training for something specific) but that is fully bonkers.

Scandyhoovian

@honey cowl For the most part the "hide instead of unfriend" stuff comes from that bizarre thing where people just assume that if you're not facebook friends, something is missing or broken about your friendship, or you secretly hate them, or something. So if it's someone I see in person occasionally and like in that distant-acquaintance "don't need to know every detail of your life" kind of a way it's easier to add them as a friend and then hide them, because then there's none of that "Aww, why aren't we FB friends? Boo frown!" stuff, but you also don't have to see their nonsensical right-wing grammar-is-a-waste-of-energy vote-santorum status updates.

Scandyhoovian

@olivebee omg. I have TWO OF THOSE PEOPLE on my instagram feed. Full screeds about the work they're doing, followed by a second screed made entirely of hashtags. And all the pictures are picframed multi-pic things with words like 'Beast mode' and 'let's get this!' written over top of them. I'm like... ok it's great that you're so into your health and fitness but ho. lee. shit.

Hellcat

@ALL OF YOU This is making my day; I am awful but I love to read about what everyone gets annoyed at on FB, etc.! I know I'm mean and awful for bitching about these things myself but I don't often hide or unfriend; on good days, I scroll on by and on bad ones, I mock them to my likeminded friends. But on all days, I love learning what gets under other people's skin!

My list:
* Yeah, the pet posts. I understand you're trying to help but I also feel terrible and the skeptic in me wonders exactly how much you are helping at all. Also, please verify when posting outrage over a supposed act of animal cruelty that was revealed as a hoax back in 2002.
* "I'm such a geek--tee-hee-hee" posts.
* Anti-duckface rants... by girls making the same face in their own pictures.
* The same photo (you know the one, arm up and outstretched as one looks up yet down at the same time with a smile that appears to have been held for 36 rejected shots. Sometimes there's an oh-so-accidental perfectly staged bit of cleavage too).
* "Don't judge me for my tattoo"... often hypocritically followed by, "Ugh, only losers get tribal tats." (Also, it is 2013; who in the hell is persecuting someone for having a tattoo?)
* "God, I feel so fat" (sometimes in conjunction not-fat photo).

I'm guilty of outfit "selfies"--I'm sorry; I love clothes and get over-excited sometimes! I know it can be annoying...

par_parenthese

@Hellcat Confession: I actually love outfit selfies. I have some really stylish, creative friends who are really fashionable on a budget, and I kind of wish they'd post more of them so I can steal/copy all their cool looks. The ones I hate are the "MY HAUL/Look at all the money I just spent on these additions to my already-absurdly-massive wardrobe!" ones just because I think it's so classist and show-offy.

Hellcat

@par_parenthese I like to think the former is me; I am an awesome budget-shopper (though I have gone overboard on occasion with Jeffrey Campbell shoes... and then proceeded to be a neurotic guilt-riddled crazy for days afterward). When I find some vintage miracle, I just can't contain myself (Also, and this feels embarrassing to say, I think I like proving that a woman in her 40s doesn't have to sacrifice certain styles just to adhere to societal wardrobe rules).

Knows The Spanish Panic

@par_parenthese Word. One of my FB friends CONSTANTLY has passive-aggressive emotional breakdowns on FB (in person too). Hid her after the fifth "OMG I'm going to be homeless please help I need a place to live because I don't like my landlady." (longer than that, but no more informative).
Also blocked: The hardcore Israel Warhawk. I'd unfriend him, but I honestly don't think he's a bad person except on Facebook.

Emmettalie

@meetapossum Oh my goodness that drives me straight to the asylum. I have a couple of facebook buds who post their instagram pics not only with a practically every word hashtagged, but every COMBINATION of words. Compound word? Hashtag each part and then the whole thing together. Several word phrase? Better hashtag it with the words in every possible order combination. I would block her, but I quite enjoy her other posts. Still, she has me on the brink. THE BRINK!!

RK Fire

Here's 20 pictures of the 4d ultrasound of my baby! #OMGsocute #ithasmynose? #amorphousblob #mybabyisthefirstEVA #ultrasounds #firstof9034292348908234pictures

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

OMG there are exactly 147 days until I #marry the #loveofmylife! Cant wait to spend #4ever with you, #ChadSmith!!! <3 <3 #countdownhasbegun #love #marriage #happy #me #chadsmith #getreadyworldwearegonnacrushit #lol #sohappy

packedsuitcase

Can't believe this happened #again. I really thought I could open up and #trust you, but I guess I was #wrong.

packedsuitcase

@packedsuitcase Aaaand it deleted my hashtags at the end. Because the 'Pin knows what's up.

katiemcgillicuddy

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose If there is any chance this is real, please direct me to this person so I can punch them with a roll of quarters in my fist.

Amphora

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose The more one gushes about one's relationship online, the less likely it is that one has a relationship worth gushing about. Then again, I had a friend who would post pictures of the flowers her boyfriend would send to her office every other week and they FINALLY just got engaged, so what do I know.

Linette

@Amphora Exceptions: couples who post genuinely funny stories about something that happened to the other, or proud stories about something the other has accomplished. I have two pet couples whose relationships I obsessively follow on facebook because they make me believe in marriage = good times.

packedsuitcase

@Linette Oh, I have a few of those. I just love the way one girl in particular talks about her husband, and the way she just embraces their life together. Makes my heart happy.

EpWs

@Amphora This is a truth. [picture of flowers] look what #mahhubby got me #hesthebest #solucky #3months

#puke

olivebee

@katiemcgillicuddy Oh, I don't know if her person is real, but I have a person in my facebook feed whose posts are all exactly like that. She has two main hashtags that she uses in conjunction with all the others. One of which is an amalgam of their two last names (e.g. if you and I got married, it'd be #beecuddy) and the other is #summerof[new, married last name]. Every. Single. Post.

katiemcgillicuddy

@olivebee Oh, I'm sure that @IROTOTR is just being hilarious and on-point, but oh man was it an accurate example. Also, #omg #beecuddy #imdown

meetapossum

My eye is twitching.

RK Fire

@meetapossum This should be filed under "Why do we feel old?"

flimflannery

@meetapossum brb drinking a shot of #clorox

RubeksCube

@meetapossum My brain shut down trying to read the Nina Simone one. Yeah I have no idea what else was included there. Thank goodness I am not the only one! #feelingold

Lily Rowan

I swear, the ones from the airports through the credit score came directly off my #newsfeed #lovinlife

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

"There simply aren't words that adequately describe my need and desire to be out in the world again, #traveling, #participating, #doing, #creating, #healing. Now that I've reached the end of #gradschool, I'm so ready to #takealeap. This gal wasn't designed for #strictboundaries. #letsgetit #blessed"

These are the ones I hate-read because damn, shut up. #Shut #up

par_parenthese

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose That person pisses me off.

Vague new-agey "not religious just spiritual" women who are "really into yoga" and "just feel like you get back what you put out there, you know?" who maybe also have a five-figure annual clothing budget are probably my least favorite people alive. #cynic #getoffmylawn

yeah-elle

#boo #roses #boo

Okay, who's dating A Ghost? Fess up.

stonefruit

@yeah-elle Or Tom Haverford.

yeah-elle

@stonefruit Tom Haverford would use the tiny ghost emoji, which means "boo," obviously. I mean, #obviously. #.

stonefruit

@yeah-elle #fair

Judith Slutler

I feel like this is severely missing a #bibleverses #ilovejesus #godisgreat type of entry. Anyone?

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

#jesusisthereason #soblessed #iknowwhereiamonsundaymorningwhereareyou

RK Fire

#nogreaterlove

packedsuitcase

#nojesusnopeace #knowjesusknowpeace

stonefruit

@packedsuitcase that one makes me think to myself, "NO JUSTICE, NO PEACE / U.S. OUT OF THE MIDDLE EAST," which I'm pretty sure isn't what they were going for.

Dancercise

#PraiseTheLamb

kamikaze

@kamikaze But guys for the BEST examples of this, you have to see Stuff Christian Culture Likes Twitter feed

She goes on re-tweeting sprees by #hashtag and topic. Recent examples include: #homeschool #Timtebow #rockinworship #datenight #hotwife. It's gold.

j-i-a

@Dancercise LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Dancercise

@j-i-a
I wish I were kidding, Jia!

I wish I were kidding...

BoozinSusan

@kamikaze OH my goodness! Amazing that you follow her, too! She is kind of an idol of mine.

katiethegreat

My boss runs our company's social media, and frequently posts multiple lines of hashtags on a facebook status. At least now that will vaguely make sense?

That said, there is nothing funnier than a hashtag used incongruously, and this is limiting the potential for found hashtags (wild hashtags).

#hashtags #semantic saturation

meetapossum

@katiethegreat A wild hashtag appears!

#

katiethegreat

@meetapossum #supereffective

frigwiggin

I could go the rest of my life without ever seeing the word "blessed" again and be perfectly happy.

theharpoon

@frigwiggin and then you would be... #blessed

enic

@frigwiggin Do you pronounce it #bles-id or #blest, though? In hashtag form it's not clear if it's the former (adjective, meaning holy) or the latter (verb, past tense).

yeah-elle

Okay but really, hashtags, sheer annoyance factor aside, are kind of fascinating linguistically. I wish I had a basis in linguistics in which I could study how they're used.

Like on Tumblr, a lot of people use tag space as their personal commentary room, with long rambling tags that aren't even remotely viable as organization tools. Why?

frigwiggin

@yeah-elle I'm not on tumblr so I can't speak to that, but I definitely use joke tags on my blog sometimes--I backed off recently because it's kind of out of control--because it's like a hidden funny message to the people who bother to look at the tags.

Judith Slutler

@yeah-elle I like the Tumblr thing, it's kind of like breaking the 4th wall or adding footnotes?

planforamiracle

@yeah-elle Yes, super fascinating! I really enjoy them as a humour tool. So many of us on here love to point out how they're used to comedic effect on Hairpin posts. tags, not precisely hashtags but they read the same way. They almost function, like you said, as a personal commentary room, or another form of a parenthetical aside.

I love making up ridiculous ones for my tweets and instagrams, and have even found myself using them in text messages (with friends who share my sense of humour, don't worry!)

yeah-elle

@Judith Slutler I like it too, mostly because often the content is so interesting—it's where most people seem to air their fandom thoughts, etc. And no matter how many times I see it, I still think it's funny when someone posts a picture of an attractive dude and tags it with #gross #i beg your pardon #go away, etc.

But also, I wonder why people choose to post this commentary as tags (especially the comments that border on essay-length commentary on tv character development) instead of just as...captions? I think there's an element of self-deprecation there, like, the fact that they are tags adds a sort of jokey element, plus the footnote element, so that no one takes them too seriously, because that might be embarrassing?

RK Fire

@Judith Slutler That is exactly why I like tags/hashtags when done properly!

katiethegreat

@yeah-elle They are so fascinating! As asides/irony markers/statement underminers etc.

rangiferina

@yeah-elle yeah, I definitely see them used a lot as asides/footnotes. Also as a way of adding your own comments without them being officially "attached" to the original post - they won't necessarily be reblogged/immediately brought to the original poster's attention.

Lily Rowan

@yeah-elle YES. Also, I saw a whole post about "why are people adding their commentary to my post -- don't they know that's what tags are for????" And I was like #getoveryourself

Elsajeni

@yeah-elle I think that's definitely part of it -- like, don't take this seriously, I'm not trying to claim that I'm an expert or that I know a lot or put a lot of thought into this! Which I think is partly because sometimes it really is something that you didn't put much thought into and don't really want to get into a debate about, and partly because of socialization that it's unladylike to admit that you know stuff or to have strong opinions (not that everyone on Tumblr is ladies or cares about being ladylike, but especially in fandom circles, I think it does skew young and female). Although when it's on a reblogged post, it may also be partly because people don't want to bother the folks higher up the reblog chain with their fandom thoughts. Tags don't show up in the notification you get when someone reblogs your post, but the first few words of any comment they add do.

yeah-elle

@Elsajeni Yeah, I definitely get the non-rebloggable commentary aspect of it, but I also see it all the time in original posts, especially in fandom. Like, someone will make a photo-set or a gif-set or a graphic of a character or a scene, and then will expound with actually really great commentary about that character or scene. I mean, commentary that would not be out of place in media studies, it's not "my feels! his face! pretty colors!" blather. But they hashtag it and it gives the writing this sort of blase, throwaway, "haha look at me, caring about television" feel to it.

Scandyhoovian

@yeah-elle I tend to use hashtags either for legit sorting with mild commentary (#Thor #Chris Hemsworth #Yes Good) OR as the place where I attempt to make funny jokes. If I hit, people copy the tags into the actual post and they make their way around (infrequent) but if the joke is awful (frequent) it gets left behind while others are reblogging, so my awful joke isn't going around for everyone. Win-win!

Elsajeni

@yeah-elle It also occurred to me after I made that previous comment that people probably do this partly because it gets them more notes -- people are more likely to reblog a pretty gifset with no commentary, or just a line or two of dialogue from the show or citing which episode it's from, than one that has a whole long paragraph of commentary and analysis below it. (Or at least, this is my impression, based partly on my own reblogging habits.) So if you've put a bunch of time and effort into making a beautiful gifset, and you want as many people to see it as possible, maybe you put your thoughts in the tags instead of in the post with the goal of getting more people to reblog it.

saywhatnow?

@yeah-elle OMG, I am going to check myself into a nursing home immediately because I am so old I have no idea what a gifset is. I did manage to figure out reblogging at least. #old #getoffmylawn

steenie

"while we #wait"

Anecdotally but notably, I was walking the dog on a city trail and two college-age girls in sorority shirts were walking the other way, deep in conversation. (Absolutely no judgment about the greek system here; I was definitely in a sorority and also maintained that odd srat star meter of speech for quite some time.) As they passed, I heard one of them say, "Uhhhh, hashtag no-one-likes-her-boyfriend!"

!!!!!!

Perhaps the gravity of this event is not coming through in the "post comments" medium, or perhaps I just really love slang and re-upping my lexicon, but this really floored me. I breathlessly await the spread of the use of HASHTAG into our spoken language.

iceberg

@steenie it's already here girl I do it.

fondue with cheddar

@steenie Hashtag is the new air quotes.

katiethegreat

@iceberg "hashtag swag" is one of my friendship group's most commonly used phrases

katiethegreat

@fondue with cheddar Complete with the hastag finger gesture (two fingers of each hand crossed over each other...)

mysterygirl

@steenie : Hahaha, I'm 34 and my boyfriend and I do this in conversation all the time! I even put a hashtag in the card I made for him yesterday. I say that I'm doing it as a joke, because I'm so far out of that culture that I don't even have a personal Twitter, but by engaging at all I guess I'm also PART OF THE PROBLEM. I'm also That Old Person who's trying to be hip to the lingo, heehee. I knew it would happen eventually!

iceberg

@katiethegreat OMG doing it (and teaching the BBs to as well)

"hashtag potty!" *throws up hashtag sign with tiny fingers*

#swoon

RK Fire

@katiethegreat THERE'S A HASHTAG FINGER GESTURE?!?

TheLetterL

@iceberg "Hashtag I eat your food!"

angelinha

@RK Fire Yes! Barney did it on How I Met Your Mother!

nonvolleyball

@steenie I also do this, mainly with a particular friend ("so-&-so was having trouble with [work thing] hashtag because they're incompetent" etc). & sometimes I say "hashtagHASHTAG" but the other day I saw a college student wearing a shirt that actually said "#HASHTAG" on the back so I guess that's probably something I should stop perpetuating.

also, I may or may not be #theworst.

Oliver St. John Mollusc

That last one... #donotwant #gettinstabby #barfmetodeath #nothankyousir

TheclaAndTheSeals

Blergh. Now my friends of friends can make non-funny hashtag jokes on another social media outlet, not just Twitter and Instagram.

I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it does. It's not a joke just because you put a hashtag in front of it!

smartastic

I think Facebook already ruined Facebook, it's cool.

paper bag princess

What I really can't get behind is pronouncing "hashtag" aloud in conversation, except in sarcasm-related jokes. (Example: "hashtag-YOLO!" is one that I have used on occasion to make fun of someone.) But non-ironic verbal hashtagging is just unacceptable.

Does anyone else hatewatch The Bachelor/ette? There was one guy early on this season who did it. He was kicked off in short order, I think.

par_parenthese

@paper bag princess My friends and I verbally hashtag first world problems, but it's absolutely only to make fun of each other.

anachronistique

@par_parenthese My friends and I are big fans of "hashtag why we're friends" and "hashtag all your friends are jerks," but we're also assholes who don't care if people thing we're funny or not.

charmcity

#blessed should trigger its author's painless but instantaneous demise

Miss Maszkerádi

My Facebook feed is usually evenly split among:

"I am just so happy and blessed and so full of blessings and positive energy for all the wonderful people in my life and the incredible joys I have just in small things every single day. The Law of Attraction really works so SMILE everybody, angels really watch over us and want us to be happy, and every breath we take is a BLESSING!"

and

"my honey is so perfect and wonderful i literally cannot remember life without him, omg he's my everything and my entire world and i would have absolutely no reason to live if we weren't together, ONLY 624 DAYS TO GO TILL OUR WEDDING and i'm counting down every second of every one, i love you so much bby"

"Friendly reminder to PLEASE back our Kickstarter campaign to go spend our summer digging wells and building schools for impoverished women and girls in Africa, while all of you selfish twits spend your few weeks of vacation sleeping and traveling and taking "mental health days" WE are going to MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!! If you can't be bothered to do any actual work at least give us money lol. ;-)"

"o well wat was i supposed to think lol. ppl suck lol. guess u can't ever count on anyone lol. sigh. just gonna go sit here alone in the dark now. Lol."

and instagrammed organic food.

So basically, if a real hashtag system were implemented, and taken a step farther, Facebook would suddenly disintegrate, breaking down into its component elements, and we would see nothing on our news feeds but: #smug and #passive-aggressive.

par_parenthese

@Miss Maszkerádi I'm laughing so hard right now.

iceberg

@Miss Maszkerádi oh man imagine if an algorithm or a robot or whatever (like the one that chooses the ads to show you) added hashtags for you automatically (e.g. #food, #kids, #juicecleanse), and then it attained sentience and started being cruelly accurate and putting, like #fishingforcompliments or #attentionwhore...

#yikes

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@Miss Maszkerádi Sweet baby jesus, I think I just busted a blood vessel trying to contain my laughter at work. "ONLY 624 DAYS TO GO TILL OUR WEDDING"! I am dying.

Miss Maszkerádi

@iceberg Well now I'm going to spend the rest of the week writing that satire/sci-fi comedy.

par_parenthese

@Oliver St. John Mollusc That was the one that just made me howl! 624 days!

EpWs

@Miss Maszkerádi Your feed=my feed

Emmettalie

@iceberg Yes! I would pay for a facebook that did that... (and I would never ever post again)

martinipie

I hide/ask Facebook to only show "important" events from basically anyone who just posts too damn much in general about useless shit. But I have also hidden:
--a Lululemon worker who constantly posted pictures of #paleo meals and #lulus
--A kid who had his Flickr, Tumblr, and Twitter all linked to Facebook so every damn thing everywhere was all up on my feed
--My friend's absurd ex-boyfriend who is "trying to make it as an actor in LA" and constantly posted namedroppy shit
--A kid who only linked or talked about his hometown and home state politics, constantly
--A girl who always made cryptic posts like "guess u can't really trust people #smh"
--A gross couple who always talked about their "amazing love" to such an extent I had to believe they doth protested too much
--Various ex-boyfriends and their new girlfriends

i am merciless

par_parenthese

@martinipie Cosigning on merciless. I read a great article I wish I could find now that was basically about how, if you don't have a personal social media "policy" it's so much easier for it to have too much control over your life/emotions, and that you should decide what you want to use social media FOR, and cull the herd accordingly.

My policy is, if you regularly post funny, interesting, cool, and/or delicious things, and rarely or never use fb to bitch, rant, or politick, you're staying in the feed. If fb is the only way for me to keep up with your life because we live far from each other and I really care about you, you get a little leeway. Otherwise, you're out of the feed and I don't feel the slightest bit of remorse about it.

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@martinipie Oh girl. Exes and their new gfs are OUTSKEES. I once kept an ex and his new girlfriend in my feed by kidding myself that they were both my friends (which was technically true but still). Then one Valentine's Day she posted the following: "Did YOU get a hand-drawn card featuring a T-Rex playing the guitar? No? That's because YOU'RE not dating the best boyfriend in the world, [name redacted]." I moved straight to De-Friend.

TheclaAndTheSeals

@par_parenthese Jealous that you know people posting funny, interesting, cool, and/or delicious things. I have three of those. My other friends who live funny, interesting, cool, delicious lives are off living those lives and never post to FB. I hid nearly everyone, and now I know a whole lot about three people.

par_parenthese

@TheclaAndTheSeals I do have really cool friends, I have to say.

steponitvelma

One of my facebook friends is addicted to hashtags already. This is a real-life update, with even fewer hastags than some of her updates:"Remember your goals and make the right choices today! #health#fitness#discipline#goals#pt#trainhard#workhard#eatclean#healthychoices#dotherightthing#finishstrong#behealthy#behappy#bekind"

She's a nice girl, but I finally just hid her updates.

dj pomegranate

#isntitcrazyhowlikeliterallyeveryoneismarriednow #everyone #literally #everyone #literallyeveryone

bahahaahha but for real I think this person is in my feed.

KeLynn

Facebook, no. If you try to please everyone, you will please no one. Didn't your mother ever read you fables when you were growing up??

Oh, squiggles

I do use hashtags, but that's because facebook and twitter won't let me italicize. Sometimes I need emphasis more subtle than all caps, you know? But I usually keep it on twitter.

When people first started using them pointlessly on FB, my friend and I would snarkily type the word hashtag instead of actually using a #.

Oh, squiggles

@Absurd Bird But also, I've had to unsubscribe from so many of the people who post the most inane, annoying, or outright offensive stuff, so right now most of my feed is blogs and companies that make products I like. Ugh, facebook is lame, but I don't know how to quit it yet.

Emmettalie

In my effort to be a better person (I struggle with it every day), I try my hardest not to make snarky comments on friends facebook statuses (stati?)that overuse the hashtags. What I WANT to do is comment "You forgot a hashtag sweetie #toomuch#overload#dyin'here"
Instead I grind my teeth and keep scrolling. #willpower #thiswayIcanfeelsmug #dontencouragethem

383740544@twitter

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