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Thursday, June 6, 2013

212

The AARP Pie

Previously: The Over It Pie

Ann Friedman is relieved to report that at least she's never had a sex dream about Gerard Butler.



212 Comments / Post A Comment

iceberg

INCORRECT. Hugh Jackman sex dreams would be extremely welcome. Hello, Wolverine?

feel old when realize music that touched soul in high school is now TWENTY YEARS OLD, also when realize nephew is driving, voting, drinking adult (also twenty years old).

ETA: also feel old when have to calculate age based on year of birth rather than just remebering own age.

royaljunk

@iceberg I would be 100% okay with a Wolverine dream but that's the only situation in which I find Hugh Jackman attractive.

OhMarie

@iceberg Yes, when I go to the liquor store or someplace that sells cigarettes and the plaque that says "you must be this old to buy" has a date that's in the fucking 90s.

bevrockin

@iceberg I just saw the Breeders in Atlanta a couple of weeks ago on the 20th anniversary tribute tour of their release of "Last Splash." It was an incredible show, but reminded me of my age.

Chareth Cutestory

@iceberg I agree, sign me up for that 10%.

calamity

@iceberg I'm only 26 and I have, more than once in the 4 months since my birthday, forgotten my own age. And with a birth year of '87 I have to do semi-complicated subtraction to figure it out ... whyyyyy.

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

im 23 so im just gonna shut the fuck up on this one

beecaveroad

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood Hey me too! But I think Hugh Jackman is hot. Actually I might just think Wolverine is hot. Hm.

Judith Slutler

@margaret_r Turning to my boyfriend during the previews for the new Star Trek flick and saying "Damn, hasn't Hugh Jackman been Wolverine for like over a decade?" = Old.

Gwdihw

@Judith Slutler I still think of Hugh Jackman as a newcomer in Hollywood.

@Josh: humblebrag!

royaljunk

when someone calls me "ma'am"

iceberg

@royaljunk "MA'AM?!" *glare*

OhMarie

@royaljunk Oh god, I was on a plane with the West Point Triathalon team a couple of months ago and I got ma'amed like 97 freaking times. GET OUT, YOU POLITE WHIPPERSNAPPERS.

SuperGogo

@royaljunk WORD! I was so traumatized the first time someone called me this. Ladies and (especially) gentlemen, please take note: Unless you're addressing a woman who is clearly a septuagenarian or older, DO NOT call her ma'am.

fondue with cheddar

@royaljunk I felt old when I realized I'm actually old enough to be called "ma'am." I mean, I'm not a septuagenarian but I think I'm too old to expect to be called "miss." Most people my age have been married for awhile, and I'm technically old enough to be a grandmother. (!)

harebell

@SuperGogo
Yes. Plus ma'am just sounds...ugly.

I would take "madam" over that any day.

SuperGogo

@fondue with cheddar Ugh, it's as bad as the Ms./Mrs. thing. Is it so much to ask that women have a term of address that has absolutely nothing to do with her age OR marital status?

AnalogMetronome

@SuperGogo But...what if you're southern and it's culturally inappropriate NOT to call a stranger ma'am? Addressing people as "ma'am" and "sir" was drilled into my head since I was old enough to form complete sentences. I suppose I could use "miss" for younger women, but it feels condescending, especially since there's no equivalent for "sir."

NOTE: I avoid doing this now that I live in Boston. It took a while to get to the point where it wasn't automatic though.

SuperGogo

@AnalogMetronome Can't you just call them all honey? ;) j/k Southerners get a pass with ma'am.

par_parenthese

@AnalogMetronome Yes to all of this, especially the "miss" part. It seems so... like calling a waiter garçon or something.

ach_so

@par_parenthese Yes! "Ma'am" is not an old thing, especially if you were raised in the South. It's very polite! I hate "miss," on the other hand. I find it very condescending.

enic

@par_parenthese Sorry I call everyone ma'am and sir. I don't like being called miss and am not weirded out when people call me ma'am (I'm 23). And I feel like people can't be addressed solely as ms.? If someone drops something, I'm like "Sir/ma'am, you dropped this," because isn't the alternative, "hey you!" which, rude.

AnalogMetronome

@par_parenthese @rosinator The only time I tolerate "miss" is when a much older Southern man uses it, because then it reminds me of my dad, who is the most respectful human I know.

par_parenthese

@enic @rosinator Agreed! The students at my school are required to say "ma'am" and "sir" all the time and it is the cutest freaking thing ever.

fondue with cheddar

@enic I just say, "excuse me" instead of addressing them with some sort of name.

Audley

@royaljunk I'm perfectly fine with ma'am even as a college student. The only times it bothers me is on those rare occasions when I have to call my college's public safety because I locked myself out--then it just feels like they're making fun of me.

testingwithfire

@royaljunk I am in my 40's and still occasionally get addressed as "miss" especially if I'm informally dressed. Trust me, I don't look young and cute, so I find it patronizing, ESPECIALLY if it comes from a younger person. I would rather hear "ma'am" any day of the week.

Mae
Mae

@royaljunk There is a guy I pass by on my walk to work every morning who always yells: "GOOD MORNING, MA'AM." at me.

MilesofMountains

@AnalogMetronome I call people "ma'am/sir" and I'm not even southern. There really just isn't a good alternative if you don't know someone's name, and I'm too Canadian to say "hey, you!" to strangers.

Beatrix Kiddo

@royaljunk I LOATHE being called ma'am. So far, I haven't actually yelled at anyone for doing it, but I've been close many, many times. How old do you think I am??

swirrlygrrl

@SuperGogo Oh god yes. Recent visits to Texas and North Carolina have not been good for me. I don't care if it's a sign of respect in teh South, I'm too young for that! (Also: as a Canadian I cannot comprehend how you can call me ma'am while you ask for my ID).

puncturedbicycle@twitter

@royaljunk What about 'dear'? I don't love ma'am but I Iike dear (as said by a woman half my age) even less. This was in VA. Should I give her a pass?

allendaniel

Such a good song!!@a

Emby

It's actually probably for the best that the youngins don't know from Van Morrison yet. Teen pregnancy is high enough.

flimflannery

@Emby Yessss. I've loved Van Morrison since college, when I would drink to him with Arbor Mist.

meetapossum

@Emby Would you kiss-a my eyes?

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@Emby Van Morrison is the Speed Buggy version of the lead singer of the doors right

hallelujah

100% opt for underwear entirely on the basis of comfort, rather than sexiness

olivebee

@hallelujah I started doing that when I was about 19, hah.

Judith Slutler

@olivebee wait black boyshorts are sexy, right???

oh who am I kidding

fondue with cheddar

@hallelujah Cotton only, and cover my ass cheeks, thank you!

yourpretendfriend

@hallelujah
transitioning to all granny panties all the time and feeling great!

olivebee

@Judith Slutler Oh yeah. All-cotton boy shorts are my favorite.

Lily Rowan

@hallelujah The good news is, then you get to find men who think cotton panties are sexy (or will tell you they do).

DandelionTacy

@yourpretendfriend Yup, I buy them in packs now and am not ashamed.

KeLynn

@hallelujah - One of the dumbest things I do is continue to hang on to thongs that I haven't worn in YEARS. I dont' want to wear them, I cannot imagine a situation in which I would want to wear them, and clearly haven't hit upon an important-enough situation in the last 7 years or so, but I suppose I don't want to actually admit that I'm the sort of person who is never going to take a break from the grannies.

fondue with cheddar

@KeLynn For me it's also the fact that I can't throw away a perfectly good pair of underwear.

ThatWench

@hallelujah My partner's favorite pair of mine are black boyshorts, no kidding.

I worked in a lingerie department when I was 18, so I got to buy a million pairs of super-on-sale undies, in all shapes and patterns and things. Within two years, I figured out that all I wanted to wear were the bikinis and the boy shorts, and almost all in cotton. But it's SOOO easy to find cotton pairs that come in cute patterns and colors and things, so for me it's not really an either-or.

That said, I do imagine it's a bit harder to find full-brief in cute patterns, although if you're willing to spend some time in a large department store, you should be able to find some colors beyond the whites and pinks.

olivebee

When do I feel old? Errryday. I am basically an octogenarian in a 25-year-old's body. I don't know if it's my love for oldies music, reluctance to embrace technological change, or general "kids these days!" griping, but I'm pretty sure I am going to start needing Centrum Silver in, like, a year.

royaljunk

@olivebee I already watch a lot of Golden Girls and Murder She Wrote, maybe I should be worried.

Judith Slutler

@olivebee Actually embracing oldies music may just be a normal phase of youth? Starting when I was like 24, my roommates and I listened ONLY to the oldies station in our kitchen.

Judith Slutler

Second hand shopping and legit picking out a purse from the "90s vintage" section.

I don't care, I bought it anyway and I will pair it with my Dr. Martens because I am An Old.

teaandcakeordeath

@Judith Slutler
Last time I went to Urban Outfitters I started getting a sneaking feeling that their vintage section was the stuff I threw out in the 90s ...

Jocasta Carr

When I realize I've started saying "I wanna be [X] when I grow up" as a joke. Or when it occurred to me that I think "Number" when I see this sign: #, while the young'uns think "Hashtag."

(Though I should qualify this as being a relative feeling of oldness since I'm 23.)

fondue with cheddar

@Jocasta Carr Or "pound."

itiresias

@fondue with cheddar i think it'll always be pound the name of the symbol, hashtag in context. to me.

until the next generation just does something else totally crazy with it.

cowgirlinthesand

Re: Telling friends about a commercial you saw! I recently had a conversation about how I cry every time I see the Budweiser Clydesdale commercial with Fleetwood Macs "Landslide" playing.

mangosara

@cowgirlinthesand oh my god that commercial! THE HORSE! HE REMEMBERS!!!!

Katie Walsh

God, these pie charts always speak so deeply to my soul.

katiemcgillicuddy

When the AARP continually insists on inviting me to join their stupid club despite me not being even remotely near the required age. STOP SENDING ME MEMBERSHIP CARDS.

katiemcgillicuddy

@katiemcgillicuddy OH. MY. FUCKING. ACTUAL. GOD. I just got the mail, would anyone like to guess who just sent me a fourth membership card????????

katiemcgillicuddy

@katiemcgillicuddy /joins AARP

Blushingflwr

@katiemcgillicuddy The first time I got an AARP card in the mail I seriously considered going down to the DC office and holding it up next to my face. I was in my late 20s, but apparently I give money to AARP friendly causes or something (also I have a very uncommon name for my generation)

Scandyhoovian

@katiemcgillicuddy My husband gets those! Which makes me feel old because I am older than he is!

katiemcgillicuddy

@Scandyhoovian Dude, I live at home right now (whoa whoa, don't everyone high five me all at once!) and my eligible parents get nothing from them. It's unsettling.

meetapossum

@Blushingflwr I consider signing up so I can get senior citizen discounts.

pajamaralls

@katiemcgillicuddy Not gonna lie, I loved reading AARP magazine when my mom got them.

Beatrix Kiddo

@katiemcgillicuddy If it makes you feel any better, I got a letter in the mail recently inviting me to purchase a funeral plot. I'm 31.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Beatrix Kiddo Well I do believe you just won this game.

swirrlygrrl

@Beatrix Kiddo Maybe they know something?

sophia_h

When the most exciting thing to happen to me all month was finding a freestanding counter left outside by the neighbors, just when we were considering dropping $300 on one at IKEA, that has doubled my kitchen's workspace and also given me a place to put silverware and Tupperware that I don't have to squat down to reach, and then raving about it to everyone I know.

Also, running into a guy I went to high school with at childbirth class last night and realizing that was 14 years ago.

Also, childbirth class.

TheLetterL

When I realized I have more to say about favorite grocery stores than favorite bars.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@TheLetterL And going home to my person and saying, "You'll never guess which song the grocery store was playing over its speakers while I was in the produce section! It was awesome!"

Judith Slutler

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose The music of your youth becoming Muzak is just a whole category in itself.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Judith Slutler What's most embarrassing was the time I felt moved by hearing Hilary Duff's "Let the Rain Fall Down" while I was shopping. (ETA: I think it's actually called "Come Clean," which, ew.)

lora.bee

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose But seriously, the grocery store is ALWAYS playing the best music.

frigwiggin

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

I was in Safeway one time when "I Won't Say (I'm in Love)" from Hercules came on and I was ALL ABOUT IT. I wish that happened every day.

TheLetterL

@frigwiggin The Belinda Carlisle cover?

frigwiggin

@TheLetterL Nope, definitely the movie version!

TheLetterL

@frigwiggin Just as well.

testingwithfire

@Judith Slutler Whole Foods is particularly diabolical with their Muzak with regard to people in my age bracket. Playing Billboard's biggest from when you were in eighth grade - one after the other - is just evil genius. But I'm on to them HAHAHAHA (oh, wait, I keep going back in and BUYING THINGS)

bevrockin

When I realized I make a noise whenever I sit down or stand up. Especially when I put weight on my left knee.

RK Fire

@bevrockin My knees creak all of the time. :( I'm 29.

whizz_dumb

@bevrockin I have been a groaner for a while now, but now I actually have a reason what with the achy joints and whatnot.

Faintly Macabre

@bevrockin Ha, I've been that way since high school. Sometimes I turn a little bit and hear two clicks--one for each hip socket!

supernintendochalmers

When people younger than me are more successful.

fondue with cheddar

@supernintendochalmers When the experts they bring in on the news or in a documentary are younger than me.

Sam I am

@supernintendochalmers yes. this.

itiresias

@supernintendochalmers anecdote: so, my favorite band is rilo kiley. i am 23, it's left over high school nostalgia, i just still really love them. yesterday, the lead singer tweeted an article where someone had interviewed a bunch of "music journalists" from things i recognize (pitchfork, stereogum, spin) and had them write their favorite rilo kiley-related moment. i went to read it, and found that a) the girl that wrote it was 23, b) over half of the people on the list were near that age as well. all of the nostalgia was about loving them in high school. they all had what i would have said was my dream job when i was in high school. i hated everything.

Tammy Pajamas

@supernintendochalmers The first time I felt old is when I realized my MD was younger than I was.

MoxyCrimeFighter

@supernintendochalmers When you're only a few years out of college and still living at home because of brokeness but friends/colleagues your age and younger are buying houses.

hahahaha, ja.

When I realized that my requirements for bars these days are 1) comfortable seating and 2) reasonable noise levels.

olivebee

@hahahaha, ja. Truth.

eiffeldesigns

@hahahaha, ja. Oh yes. Although that's been me since I was 21.

hahahaha, ja.

We are all kindred spirits.

ach_so

@hahahaha, ja. Not super crowded.

eiffeldesigns

@rosinator also key.

Bittersweet

@hahahaha, ja. When I realized that the only time I've been in a bar recently was waiting for a table in a restaurant, and the last time I went out just to drink at a bar was over a year ago.

Kikimora

@hahahaha, ja. And no smoking...ever. Sorry, smokers.

City_Dater

I recently reached the age when "let's go somewhere we can dance" becomes "let's go somewhere we can sit down." However, I would have to look at my driver's license and do math before I could tell you exactly how old I am, and this is what makes me feel old.

olivebee

When I started answering "what do you want for your birthday/Christmas/etc.?" with home goods instead of clothes & makeup.

katiemcgillicuddy

@olivebee My mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday at one point and I said "Ooo, an immersion blender!". And then I thought...what did I just say?

Linette

@olivebee My mother has not quite grasped the idea that she can consolidate the $200ish bucks she used to spend a bunch of small gifts like CDs and clothes into one awesome $200ish present like a bread maker. She still somehow thinks I will be sad that I don't have as many presents under the tree as I used to. It's kind of precious, if wasteful.

sophia_h

@Linette My dad makes me request one large appliance-type gift a year. So far I have gotten a toaster oven, fancy DVD player, microwave, digital camera, and fancy BluRay player out of it. It's working pretty well!

MoxyCrimeFighter

@katiemcgillicuddy I bought myself an immersion blender because I wanted to be able to have hearty homemade soup to eat under an afghan with a book, whenever I felt like it. I'm 24.

puncturedbicycle@twitter

@katiemcgillicuddy How old will you feel when you start telling people how you can't live without it? Like someone I know.

meetapossum

100% when I have to look up acronyms on Urban Dictionary. (Looking at you, YOLO.)

frigwiggin

@meetapossum I spent part of yesterday googling the origins of "bitch I might be" because I missed that meme entirely. That doesn't make me feel old so much as just out of touch, though.

meetapossum

@frigwiggin That's what happened when I went to England for a week and completely missed the "Harlem Shake" phenomenon. I came back to Tumblr like, "What is going on??"

aphrabean

@meetapossum I had to do this yesterday while conversing via email with a 25 year old! HA.

iceberg

@frigwiggin Haha I did that yesterday with "you ain't 'bout this life"

itiresias

@frigwiggin if it helps, i don't think that would have ever crossed my realm of understanding if i didn't have one friend who was really into Gucci.

sophia_h

@meetapossum I was living in Yolo County, CA when that started, which made an already annoying meme completely unbearable. Local teens loved it, though.

Neve Garrett

Ahhh Saturday night hahaaa!!!! Oh I love this. But, sweeping the front porch?? I just feel so lucky to have a porch to sweep! Then again, I hardly ever sweep the front porch.

fondue with cheddar

@Natalie Eve Eh...the wind and rain sweep my front porch just fine.

fondue with cheddar

When nostalgia extends to things that happened after you graduated college.

Amphora

YES to Saturday night, especially during Pride/baseball season when my whole neighborhood goes nuts on the regular.

While I sit on the couch looking at real estate listings on the computer and soaking my feet.

adriana

90% still not knowing what I'm supposed to do with the Twitter account I created in 2006
10% the fact that I created a Twitter account in 2006

eiffeldesigns

I sweep my back porch daily during porch sitting season. It does not make me feel old. But I love my porch more than a reasonable person probably should.

In fact, the more that I think about it, I rarely "feel" old. Although I'm horribly dreading my 35th birthday in January. I do, however, feel "adult." Mostly when I make my mortgage payments.

par_parenthese

When all my celebrity crushes violate the "your age divided by two plus seven" appropriateness rule. (Looking at you, Hot Neville.)

teaandcakeordeath

@par_parenthese
Oh. God. This. Sigh.

But then these 'young men' that I say are too young for me aren't all that young themselves.

Sam I am

15% Turning 30 in 3 days

dotcommie

Wait. What era Van Morrison are we talking about? I refuse to concede that Astral Weeks is oldmaking.

adorable-eggplant

@dotcommie Yeah, I put Astral Weeks on the record player and time just melts away. It's like a concept that doesn't even hold meaning anymore.

Kikimora

@dotcommie Word.

Setec Astrology

100% On the L train to Williamsburg

RK Fire

15% When whippersnappers talk about designing apps for a college/hs/whatever class

45% when I realized I don't like drinking so much anymore because I hate how bloated/full/hungover I'd feel later on

20% when people talk about having a livejournal when they were 13 while I was using livejournal during the same time period in college

20% realizing that you were in high school when Cowboy Bebop was made (1998) and that was 15 years ago, even though you still think it looks good

RubeksCube

@RK Fire I think we have the same pie chart. Wow.

RK Fire

@RubeksCube We do? That is impressive and weird, all at the same time.

RubeksCube

@RK Fire Agreed! I don't think we would, but all of these things came up recently in my universe, so they are all recent/relevant. Haha, it's just uncanny.

TheLetterL

When you realize that -- strictly age-of-fertility speaking -- it is biologically possible that you could be a grandmother.

...Yeah. Let that one sink in.

par_parenthese

@TheLetterL If we're talking pure biology, a girl in my graduating class brought her four-year-old and her newborn to high school graduation. The girl's mother was a grandmother for the first time at age 28. ;)

iceberg

@TheLetterL Figuring out how old your oldest child COULD be if you'd had one at say 20, like your sister, even though 20 isn't even that young oh godddddddddddd.

KatieBarTheDoor

@par_parenthese Wait, wait. The girl's mother had her when she was 12?

Linette

@iceberg ah dude I could have a frickin' 9 year old HUMAN BEING THAT I MADE by now. I need to lie down.

par_parenthese

@KatieBarTheDoor The girl I graduated with was 14 when she had her first child; her mother was 14 when she had the girl I graduated with.

pinniped

Enjoying that single glass of red wine - and feeling tipsy right away! Ditto to feeling pretty schwasted after a mere one or two drinks at happy hour.

Oldness leads to --> lower tolerance now that I'm no longer binge-drinking weekly --> being a cheap drunk --> reveling in therefore saving money --> oldness.

hallelujah

@pennylaner Ugh I wish I had this problem! Since I had a baby, I've been a TANK. It's terrible!

EpWs

@hallelujah My brain is translating this as: 1. Fill uterus with baby, 2. birth baby, 3. uterus gets turned into booze storage. Yes/yes?

whizz_dumb

50% Pitch 3 innings of baseball, limp for a week.

40% Glance at back of hands.

10% Oldest person at party. (There's still a couple olders who show up a lot, so that's good.)

par_parenthese

@whizz_dumb OLDEST PERSON AT PARTY YES. Gah, so depressing.

itiresias

@whizz_dumb I furiously sunscreen the back of my hands and my neck/chest area every time i enter sunlight. thanks, mom complaining all those years.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

Texting. In particular, the very idea of having conversations by text message.

cowgirlinthesand

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll It's exhausting if we have to get past one sentence each!

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@cowgirlinthesand
Though my parents apparently maintain running text conversations, so perhaps it's just me. (It's always just me.)

blueblazes

When college athletes started looking like children.

JessAndNo21

@blueblazes first it was just when college athletes were younger than you. now THIS. so, so apt.

meetapossum

@blueblazes When some professional athletes start looking like children :(

Heat Signature

Upvoting all of these because YUP. Also, when you see a car from the 80s and the license plate says "antique automobile", when eighties music is on the "oldies" station, and when your physician's assistant/nurse practioner is younger than you.

Heat Signature

@Heat Signature Also when you're at a strip club thinking not "OMG!! I AM SO DRRUNNNKKK!!!" but "I am a 35 year-old mother of two sitting in a strip club."

City_Dater

@Heat Signature

I have an actual doctor who is younger than me! Granted, she's my dermatologist, which irrationally seems less scary than having a primary care doctor who is significantly younger.

Hello Dolly

@Heat Signature What is with 80s music being considered 'oldies'? It blows my mind whenever I hear an 80s song on the oldies station. Play music from the 50s, not the 80s, dammit!

Slutface

When your favorite tv shows are all murder mysteries.

par_parenthese

@Slutface I was apparently old at the age of 13, then. Born old.

Girl Named Jack

@par_parenthese Me too. I only started to feel "old old" when I realized I was looking at Miss Marple's shoes and wondering where I could get a pair like that.

ETA: And then realizing that her heels are too high, anyway. Anything over 1/2", I'm out.

Linette

@Slutface . . . you just made me start watching Murder, She Wrote again, and, um. Thanks.

smidge

@Girl Named Jack I totally bought some Miss Marple shoes because of Miss Marple and am not sorry at all.

entangled

Reminiscing about the people I remembered from elementary school and realizing that some of the teachers I thought of as really big grown ups back then were younger then than I am now.

Linette

Long conversations with friends about mortgages/parenting/salaries/switching jobs, realizing these are conversations my parents used to have that I found so boring I would start lolling all over the table in an effort to be excused from dinner conversation, glancing over at godchildren, seeing them do same, excusing them from table, pouring more wine.

royaljunk

@Linette Also long conversations with friends about medical problems/doctor's appointments and both of you are sincerely interested.

EpWs

@royaljunk Talks about job benefits/car insurance/etc./yep I'm there

KeLynn

@Linette - This!! Having conversations about such mundane topics, but being genuinely interested in having these conversations. When did I become my dad?

Scandyhoovian

Getting on Tumblr makes me feel old 'cause every now and then the whippersnappers on there will send out "reblog if you're over 20!!" as if it's supposed to be a rare and mysterious thing to find an Old on Tumblr.

Also generally speaking whenever I hear high school aged people talking about their life plans and how they're all set and they know everything, I get a bit of the Olds then as well. Some of that "you know nothing, Jon Snow" feeling just leaks right out.

Lisa Frank

@Scandyhoovian It really freaks me out when there are posts about Blink-182 as if they were some amazing classic rock band.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Scandyhoovian
50% the very existence of Tumblr (what is it? what does it do? I don't understand)

A. Louise

- Going to 401k meetings, and then distrusting the whole process and just wanting to put my savings in a coffee can under my bed.

- Spending exorbitant amounts of online shopping time not looking at dresses or shoes or jewelry but drawer pulls, shelving options, and some sort of tiny cabinet I could put my toilet brush in.

- Being relieved that I don't have any plans on a Friday night so I can go to sleep that much sooner.

- My mom threatening to throw out or shrink most of my pants because they aren't form fitting enough.

- WANTING TO HOLD BABIES

jilt

15% Excited about recent purchase of new "Clinical Gum Protection" toothpaste.

KeLynn

@jilt - Or having an entire collection of sunscreens on the vanity, on the sink, at the door, in the car, because YOU CAN'T GO OUT WITHOUT SUNSCREEN ON LITTLE LADY

Apocalypstick

Getting genuinely excited over kitchen storage solutions.

When policemen and athletes are all younger than you.

charmcity

Oldest person at a Monday night show (25%). Leaving show before encore because feet hurt (75%).

EpWs

This WOULD show up on my birthday, even though I am not very old at all, and all the perks of this birthday involve automobiles (I am of legal car rental age, and my car insurance now magically trusts me enough to drop my premiums by $500 a year).

meetapossum

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher *POOF* You're responsible!

(Also, happy birthday!)

iceberg

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher whee happy birthday! (I'm only just seeing this now)

EpWs

@iceberg @meetapossum Thanks! I'm gonna go rent a van!

(Not really gonna go rent a van.)

EpWs

@TARDIStime EEP

DandelionTacy

When I realized today that one of the other interns at my new job is the same age as the 5th graders I student taught, and the other one could be my kid.

Statham

This entire post with all comments included.

Kikimora

10% Haven't been able to exercise for the better part of about 8 months due to extreme fatigue and aching joints. I mean, it's illness, but is this what "old" feels like?

90% Other people's parents dying, panicking in the middle of the night about my own.

RebeccaKW

When you wake up in the morning and your shoulder/neck/hip is sore from sleeping in the same position for too long.

When Friday/Saturday rolls around and you are excited that you can go to bed at 9:30 and sleep until 8.

Professor Zero

100% reading the comments written by people for whom this is a NEW experience.

KeLynn

Sleeping schedules! Young, naive KeLynn thought people with bedtimes, early risers, and people who needed more than 4 hours of sleep were boring schmucks. But now, if you invite me to anything that starts after 8pm on a weekday, I can't go because that would mess with my bedtime. And even on the weekends, around 10 or 11, if I'm even out of my house at all, I start looking at my boyfriend with the "let's go home and pass out to How It's Made on Netflix" eyes.

does it need saying

@KeLynn I love passing out to How It's Made, especially for a nap in the middle of the day.

rekabeka

Going to the grocery store with my 10- and 7-year-old and being mistaken for their grandmother! Granted, I'm about to turn 40 and I started going gray in my teens and I don't color my hair AT ALL - but come on!!

miss buenos aires

This is less "I am old" than "other people are too young," but:

October 2012 -

me: My Halloween costume is Rosemary from Rosemary's Baby, and my husband is going as the guy whose chest the alien bursts out of in Alien.

20-something co-worker: What's Rosemary's Baby?

other 20-something co-worker: What's Alien?

swirrlygrrl

@miss buenos aires Being young is no excuse for being culturally illiterate.

Megasus

100% "When my bones hurt." (Which is often. Like right now! Thanks super early onset arthritis!)

Helen Frasier

Sunday in the garden rather than at a local restaurant. Realizing you haven't taken the washing out of the machine and it will need rinsing again
But my worst experience occured only yesterday. Something that aged me overnight. After helping out a friend with a video for their website, I was told by mny daughter that "I looked like nana" - which she thought was a good thing. (Bless her) It's here (remove the link if you don't like it - I certainly won't mind:) http://www.slipperyseo.com Yes - that's me aged 28 looking 55

kileysmith52

Victoria. I see what you mean... Nicole`s postlng is something... last thursday I got a great new Audi Quattro from having earned $8227 this - four weeks past and-a little over, 10-k last-month. this is really the easiest job Ive had. I actually started 10-months ago and immediately was bringin in minimum $73 p/h. I work through this website,, Bow6.com

Maryaed

Reading Hairpin commenters angsting about their age makes me really want to start wearing plastic hair-kerchiefs around or something. Good lord you all are young.

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im 23 so im just gonna shut the ba bau thang thu 4 nen bietfuck up on this one

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@meetapossum I was living in Yolo County, CA when that started, which made an already annoying meme completely unbearable. Local teens loved it, though.
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@royaljunk I felt old when I realized I'm actually old enough to be called "ma'am." I mean, I'm not a septuagenarian but I think I'm too old to expect to be called "miss." Most people my age have been married for awhile, and I'm technically old enough to be a grandmother. (!) fiverr backlinks

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