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Tuesday, June 4, 2013

144

Marry Your Computer

Today in news clippings that will confuse your grandma:

More than a third of recent marriages in the USA started online, according to a study out Monday that presents more evidence of just how much technology has taken hold of our lives.

[...]

The research, based on a survey of more than 19,000 individuals who married between 2005 and 2012, also found relationships that began online are slightly happier and less likely to split than those that started offline.

*Makes online dating profile.* *Immediately deletes it.* *Makes online dating profile.* *Immediately deletes it.* Lather, rinse, repeat.

144 Comments / Post A Comment

Inkling

*thinks lovingly of OKCupid boy, rolls around in glee*

It says social media and not specifically dating sites, so you think this includes "He's cute, I'll add him on Facebook" situations as well?

Noelle O'Donnell

@Inkling I bet it does, I know a couple that met through that way through Myspace, dated for five years and got married this past February.

iceberg

@Noelle O'Donnell My sister met her girlfriend through some kind of forum - they're not married, but their relationship "started online". I think it counts! Seems like the success lies in taking it offline ASAP.

Inkling

@iceberg
It's just a good way to talk to people, when everyone has a space to talk and a lot of time to talk in and no distracting environmental influences. Oh, and you can pepper you conversation with endearing links instead of "Have you heard of this humorous/interesting thing?" "No." "Oh." The internet can provide a perfect medium for conversations.
Maybe the success itself isn't stimulated by taking it off the internet, but taking it off the internet right away correlates with higher interest and therefore higher success.

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

im too Weird Weird and not enough Cute Quirky 'I Like British TV Shows and Tumbl Soft Grunge Pictures' Weird to find internet love

Inkling

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood
Mmmm, delicious male tears.

Mira

@Inkling "Tastes like sad."

Amphora

In two weeks it'll be the seventh anniversary of my first date with my husband. We met on OKCupid. The trick is he asked me out almost immediately - we didn't spend weeks messaging back and forth.

MrsTeacherFace

@Amphora I don't know if that is the trick. My husband met on OkCupid 6 years ago, and we spent a few months chatting before we met in person. It's a good thing we did, because I make a TERRIBLE first impression. I was able to fall back on his perception of me as "online awesome" to get a second date out of it.

Smallison

@MrsTeacherFace I'm marrying my OKCupid match in November. We also chatted for a while before meeting in person.

SarahP

@Amphora My husband and I met on OKCupid, too! We messaged daily for 2 weeks before we had a day we could both meet up, and since we're both introverts, that worked great for us.

Urwelt

@Amphora I always followed this advice, but then some dum dum decided to message me when he was on a cross country road trip, so we had to exchanging messages, IMs and phone calls for a month before meeting. Almost a year later to the day we are planning a cross country road trip together.

large__marge

@Amphora My man-friend and I sent 200 long, essay-ish messages to each other before we met up. That was almost three months ago, and we still talk on OKC on the days we can't see each other. We've reset the message string four times.

Amphora

@large__marge Okay, maybe I was a bit quick. And it's nice to have a record of your early days down the line ;)

piekin

@Amphora I'm marrying a guy from OKC in December! We talked online for like, a week, and then our first "date" was meeting at a bar at 11:30pm on a weeknight, getting super wasted, and sloppily boning on his air mattress. True love!

large__marge

@Amphora haha, looking back that number seems a little ridiculous, but I do love rereading them!

QuadrophonicSound

@Amphora My fella and I are in the process of laying out an engagement-and-marriage timeline for the next year or so, and we met on OKC about four years ago. We might have gone out sooner if I had not had a panicky "aaugh I'm not opening this website for a week" spell and missed the first time he asked me out, then he was in Alaska for a while spending Christmas and New Year with his family. We had our first date in January of 2010 after a couple of months of OKC messaging and then MSN messenger conversations, because I am skittish like a deer and was terribly nervous about meeting anyone.

taco-salad dot com

@Amphora Same! It was the trick for me too, anyway. Met my boyfriend the day after he first messaged me. I had never met up with anyone that quickly before, I had always thought you had to have lots of exchanges to make sure there was something there and it would be worth it. The main reason I agreed to it was because we lived just 10 minutes from each other, which also never happened before. I figured what the hell, why not? And there weren't immediate fireworks, but we continued to see each other daily after that first night because it was simply enjoyable. I think the relationship grew really organically that way. That was 2 years ago, and he recently moved in and we are talking marriage and babies and all that. I think there is definitely something to be said for just getting together and seeing what happens vs. a lot of back and forth - though I can understand why the latter works better for some people.

C_Webb

Over Memorial Day weekend, I married a guy I met on Nerve 5 years ago. It wasn't until we had all our friends and family in the same room that we realized how many non-internet meeting stories we'd made up, back when that seemed like the right thing to do. Now we just tell people, because, you know, INTERNET WIN.

MrsTeacherFace

@C_Webb Yeah, my husband told his family we met at a bookstore, but the first time I met them I set them straight. "Oh, no, we met on OkCupid. Our first date was at the Renaissance Faire. We are giant nerds."

par_parenthese

@MrsTeacherFace OMG, I love that. That settles it: wearing my Ravenclaw badge and carrying my sonic screwdriver pen with me on 100% of future dates. Giant nerds FTW.

RNL
RNL

@C_Webb My OKC boyfriend and I have a running contest to see who can come up with the best "how we met" story when asked by someone who doesn't know. I LOVED when I convinced my buddy that we had met at a cat show.

empathicalist

@C_Webb - Totally forgot about Nerve. Reactivated my OKC profile a couple of weeks ago, and just now started a Nerve profile. Thanks for the reminder!

lora.bee

@C_Webb What is Nerve?

Noelle O'Donnell

I was almost gonna bail on my okc date today because it's the first day off I've had in awhile, buuut maybe this is a sign?

...it's a sign. yes. i'll go.

iceberg

@Noelle O'Donnell do it! go on the date! name one of your grandchildren OKCupid Dot Com (ok maybe scratch that last one)

fabel

Okay, kind of related, but not really---I made a profile the other day on "Girlfriend Social" because I decided I had no friends & would like some? & now the site has been down for almost an entire day. I guess I can't have friends after all.

But anyway, has anyone else used a site like that? It's to find platonic lady friends. I thought something like meetup.com would be too group-oriented for somebody introverted like me. Sorry to threadjack? Post-jack? or whatever.

fondue with cheddar

@fabel I had never heard of this and am intrigued! I also need platonic lady friends but I'm like you. Meetups sound kind of scary. I deal better with one-on-one or small, intimate groups. I will keep checking Girlfriend Social to see if it comes back!

Angry Panda

@fabel Ooh, the site is still down, but is it only for US-based people? I'd never work up the nerve to try online dating, but I am desperate for platonic lady friends, and would totally try this.

JessicaLovejoy

@fabel Ugh, YES, can somebody please tell me if anyone actually uses OKC for friends? I'm currently in a place where the only platonic Craigslist ads are from ladies wanting to meet other young mommies.

fondue with cheddar

@JessicaLovejoy I did but didn't have much luck with it. I went out on exactly two friend-dates, and both were with guys. One was a disaster and the other turned into a very enjoyable long-term FWB situation. My profile wasn't geared specifically toward friendship, though.

Gulfie

@fabel Platonic lady friends! I think this is the real challenge, and I've realized at this point I want lady friends way more than a dude. I hope sites like this gain in popularity and work!

I've tried to reach out to ladies on OkC in friendly ways and it's never worked, and I have a friend doing the same in a different city with similarly bad results.

fabel

@Gulf of Finland it is hard! I found that site by desperation-googling "platonic girl friend finder" or something similar. I was messaging a few different ladies back & forth with okay results (like, they seemed cool?) so I also hope it works! (I also hope they aren't reading this right now! I'm stupidly using the same username)

iceberg

@Gulf of Finland Pin-ups, guys! (unless you're like me and pretty sure no one lives where you live)

iceberg

@iceberg also, just FYI, I consider you all my friends (I include all Pinners in this), and I find online friendships very convenient to my lifestyle because I can conduct them in my spare time: my lunch hour, scant moments throughout my work day, a few minutes before bedtime and maybe a half hour during weekend BB naptimes.

Gulfie

@iceberg I'm hoping to move to a Big City soon and go to ALL THE PIN UPS

fondue with cheddar

@iceberg I went to a couple Pinups, and although everyone was nice, it wasn't really conducive to making friends (for me). The first one had like a zillion people and I don't do well in large crowds, and the second one was smaller but everyone there was so much younger than me and it was really hard to talk anyway because it was so loud. I felt like I was missing most of the conversations, and those I didn't miss I couldn't really relate to so I just listened politely. Not that I wasn't interested, because I was! I just couldn't contribute so I just felt sort of awkward. There have been a few more since but I haven't gone. They're always across the river in Philly, which is sort of a pain in the ass to get to, what with the bridge and the parking. I mean, it's not THAT bad, I just don't much feel like leaving the house these days, so the harder it is the less likely I am to do it. All the New Jersey people are up north.

I consider all the 'Pinners my friends, too, and this is a much more convenient way to do it. Fitting it all in while I'm at work is sometimes difficult, but it will be even more convenient when we get a new computer, which should be soon!

fabel

@iceberg In my imagination, Pin-ups would involve me walking into a place where everyone is all friends with each other already, mysteriously, & side-eyeing my very presence (in other words, I'm too scared. Haa)

fondue with cheddar

@fabel Everyone was really open and friendly at the ones I went to. You've seen how cool everyone is on the site—they're that cool in person, too!

iceberg

@fondue with cheddar Oh god too-loud places! I'm already half-deaf anyway.

fondue with cheddar

@iceberg Me, too! I can hear just fine in normal situations, but when there's a lot of background noise, forget it. Bars are not a good place to socialize.

RubeksCube

@fondue with cheddar SHUT THE FRONT DOOR you're in South Jersey??? WHATTTT???? Me too!!!
ETA - sorry, loud voice was not meant to be scary. I just got excited, that's all...

fondue with cheddar

@RubeksCube YES I'M IN HADDON HEIGHTS WHERE ARE YOU <-- equally excited!

RubeksCube

@fondue with cheddar Um, RIGHT DOWN THE ROAD! I'm in Haddonfield!!

Gulfie

@fondue with cheddar Philly's where I'll hopefully be moving! Come out, come out! I'm also awful in big crowds and we can stand around looking quiet and awkward together.

discombobulated

@everyone HI SOUTH JERSEY PEOPLE! I'm in Wilmington and also can't quite make it to Philly meet ups. I don't really want to drink a lot before a 45-minute drive, and the Wilmington trains stop running pretty early. Let me know if you have low-key meetup ideas/plans?

fondue with cheddar

@RubeksCube NO WAYYYY that's where my boyfriend is from! Maybe we've totally seen each other before. MAYBE WE'VE ALREADY MET. How old are you? Please don't be college-aged, because that would mean you went to school with his kids and that might be a little weird. I'm only 39, but he's older. We should get together for drinks or lunch or something!

@Gulf of Finland Yay! You're going to love Philly. There's a Philly Pinup group on Facebook you should join! I can't link it now because I don't want my boss to see my status as logged in, but if you can't find it let me know.

fondue with cheddar

@discombobulated I'm all about low-key meetups. Maybe we could do something that's in between you and Philly? I don't really know that area very well.

RubeksCube

@fondue with cheddar OMG HOW WEIRD WOULD THAT BE?? Haha, no I'm 30, so decidedly out of school! And yes! We should definitely meet up!!
@discombobulated Low-key meetups are awesome. Yay meeting new people!!!

fondue with cheddar

@RubeksCube Here, I created an email address that is safe to post online: fonduewithcheddar.hairpin@gmail.com Email me and we'll make a friend date!

noodge

@Gulf of Finland
https://www.facebook.com/groups/201617763231377/?notif_t=group_r2j
(lazy linking - sorry!)
and we had a little pinup two weeks ago? or so? it was really fantastic! small group, not too loud environment, some younguns, but some oldies like myself too. so yeah! hope to see some great pinups soon!

discombobulated

@fondue with cheddar I don't know Delaware County that well either, but Linvilla Orchard in Media that has pick-your-own fruit this summer and fall. I think it would be fun for a small group of us, like ~5-10 people, but we might want to wait until the fall when it's cooler and it's apple season!

My only other meetup ideas are in Chester County, Center City, or here in Delaware, I'm afraid. :(

fondue with cheddar

@discombobulated That sounds nice! It's worth throwing out there. I'm sure some people would be willing to travel a bit, especially if it's accessible by public transit.

Emby

My girlfriend and I have decided to tell people we met on ChristianMingle, even though we met in a bar.

fondue with cheddar

@Emby Haha, that's great. My stepbrother and his wife met on JDate, but as it turned out they knew each other when they were kids.

hallelujah

@Emby UGH my husband does this and it drives me nuts. He thinks its HILARIOUS.

par_parenthese

@Emby ChristianMingle! That is amazing.

Emby

@hallelujah IT IS, HE'S RIGHT!!!

whizz_dumb

@hallelujah Yeah I bet your husband, Emby, and I would get along sitting at a bar telling self-deprecating joke-lies.

supernintendochalmers

I think it's interesting that despite how common online dating's become, I still know a lot of couples who don't like telling people they met online. Some of them have made-up origin stories. Often they say meeting online doesn't seem "romantic," but who really meets cute anyway?

ETA: There seems to be a stigma, but I'm wondering if anyone here's gotten a negative response when they said they met their partner online?

fabel

We met through our mutual friend, The Internet.

(but for real, I've heard advice like, "say you met through mutual friends...the internet is like a friend..." given to couples who've met online. Is there that much of a stigma that you need to lie? No, I don't think there is. But maybe there is?)

C_Webb

@fabel I think that those of us who dated online pre-Facebook, pre-"social media," felt slightly shadier than folks now. Back then, the Internet was where you talked primarily to people you didn't know IRL.

Judith Slutler

@fabel "the internet is like a friend" is seriously one of the weirdest things I've ever heard.

MrsTeacherFace

@supernintendochalmers My now-in-laws thought it was weird that my husband and I met online, but they live in the middle of nowhere. I started dating people I met online in 2000 (hs), so I've never thought it was weird or embarrassing. The "stigma" only matters if you let it.

C_Webb

@C_Webb Also, YOU KIDS GET OUT OF MY INTERNET. SEE THIS IPAD? IT'S MINE NOW.

charmcity

@supernintendochalmers It's generational, too. My parents would think that meeting online was super weird and suspect. Every single person my age, however, has an online dating profile.

par_parenthese

@supernintendochalmers Definitely a stigma still in a lot of places (and among folks who've always had an easy time with dating, those assholes). A ton of people my parents' age that I've met think it's the sad last resort of the desperate over-30 who can't find someone on their own steam. Although they all know people who are really happily married because of online dating, so. Cognitive dissonance ahoy.

Linette

@supernintendochalmers My friend who met her fiance online actually turned it into the cutest origin story ever. She made an animated video showing the two of them on their computers receiving letters, becoming enchanted with one another, writing furiously, waiting longingly for replies, and then meeting in person.

I suspect acknowledging the internet meet cute in the general populace is on its way.

discombobulated

@supernintendochalmers My boyfriend does this! He tells people we met at a party, but the party was a small meetup for a sci-fi forum where we both posted at the time. We're a couple of nerds; I don't know who he thinks he's fooling.

I don't think we've ever gotten a bad reaction. His sister is engaged to someone she first met online some fifteen years ago, so it's not like it's considered weird in his family.

Lily Rowan

@charmcity My parents know that I make all of my friends online, so they would not be surprised if I met my partner there, too. I think people just need to start talking about it more! (It took me a while to get there, but still.)

Gulfie

@supernintendochalmers ALL of my friends managed to partner off with mutual friends in college and immediately enter deep meaningful multi-year relationships and I'm the only one who's been OkCupiding since I was old enough to make a profile (or maybe a year before that...) So they all can't help but kind of side-eye my shit and give me "Just be careful!" and the friends who have since become single or haven't been as lucky all feel awkward about internet dating because they're surrounded by people who got weirdly lucky but it comes off as normal, and man. It's getting easier and easier, fortunately, but still like... if you want to date, don't just wait around sighing like a princess in a castle. Getcha man.

Amphora

@charmcity I didn't tell my parents we met online until two years into our relationship because my mom still thought people "lived in the computer."

MissMushkila

@Amphora My mom is a probation officer and as a result of her job thinks that it is strictly sexual predators who use the internet to look for dates. My dad still types one key at a time.

I met my boyfriend on the internet (OKC) a couple years ago and we live together. His family knows the real story. My family thinks that we met through friends, because after we met it turned out we DID have a ton of mutual friends. It was mainly a lie of convenience, because I'm fairly certain that if my family knew I had been dating online they would have staged some concerned intervention.

missupright

@supernintendochalmers Saying "We met on Twitter and talked for a year before we met" definitely, definitely gets a weird response, a sort of "..oh...that's...er....great?" response. And then I always feel like I have to explain that a mutual friend introduced us (on Twitter) to try and regain some ground.
To most people I just say "X introduced us" and leave out the Twitter part, because there is absolutely a stigma.

C_Webb

Also, three guys I, um, dated on Nerve (went out with more than once, woke up somewhere with more than once) married their very next Nerve dates after me, so I am apparently overflowing with online dating luck.

C_Webb

@C_Webb Of course at the time that made me feel like the UNLUCKIEST girl in the world ("COME ON!"), but it all worked out, so yay.

Slutface

It all started with, "hi :)"

fondue with cheddar

@Slutface When I was on OKC I never answered people who just said, "hi :)" Well...unless it was followed by something more substantial.

C_Webb

@fondue with cheddar Like a dick/boobie pic?

Slutface

@fondue with cheddar I don't either. It's the laziest email you could possibly send.

iceberg

@C_Webb "Granny, how did you and Grandpa meet?" "Well, Timmy..."

fondue with cheddar

@C_Webb While that's pretty substantial, that wouldn't work for me, either. I've got no problem with no-strings sex, but it's gotta start with conversation. Then if I like you I will totally hop into bed with you on the first date. ;)

C_Webb

@fondue with cheddar I never really understood the "Hi. Here is a picture of a random wang" approach to courtship.

iceberg

@C_Webb but (to them) it's not a random wang! It's their HUGE impressive wang that will lure you into their arms/bed purely by the sight of it. Because that happens. *snort*

MrsTeacherFace

@C_Webb I think they are confused and think women are the same as gay men. For many (not all) of my gay guy friends, that would work. For many dudes, a picture of boobs would work, so why *wouldn't* you want a picture of his junk? Ew.

fondue with cheddar

@iceberg Looking at a picture of a random wang is about as appealing as looking at a picture someone took of their half-eaten meal at a wedding.

C_Webb

@iceberg But in the pictures it's never attached to a body. It could by Anywang, really.

MrsTeacherFace

@fondue with cheddar Yes, disembodied wangs are not sexy. Wangs need context for sexiness.

Gulfie

@MrsTeacherFace That's the exact wording I use! It's all about context.

iceberg

@MrsTeacherFace Haha. I think dick pics should be met with a polite "No thank you" and BLOCK, much like street harassment
"hey baby can I have your number" "
*chirpily, with friendly smile*"No thank you!" *keep walking*

Justine Garrett

I'm bad at flirting but good at writing, and so online dating was my metier from 2003-2004. I met my husband on the interwebs! If any of you need help with your online profile, I LOVE editing them.

MrsTeacherFace

@Justine Garrett I've tried to do that for my younger brother, to no avail. He's 25 and single, ladies, if anyone is interested. :P

empathicalist

@Justine Garrett - I'll totally accept constructive feedback on my profile. gmail me: embryoconcepts

packedsuitcase

I find internet dating fascinating. I tried it for a month at the same time as one of my friends, and it was this really cool experiment. On paper we are a lot alike and want similar things. In person, you couldn't meet two people that behave more differently. Extrovert vs introvert is really only the start of it, but we are just vastly different people. And yet, we'd get the same emails from the same guys, or be interested in the same people. It got to the point where we were emailing each other, "Did you see this profile? Have you heard from him? Oh, you did? Well, which of us should respond? Oh, you went on a date with that other guy? You think I'd like him? Okay, I'll respond to his message..."

Because of that it's amazing to me that there are sites like eHarmony where you don't actually meet until you pass however many levels of compatibility. In-person meeting tells you so much, including if you really think my jokes are funny. I mean, let's be honest, if you don't realize how hilarious I am? This shit ain't gonna work.

Slutface

@packedsuitcase I've met so many people that on paper should've been perfect for me, but then we meet in person and just...no.

packedsuitcase

@Slutface Same. And they were cool, interesting people, I just couldn't connect with them in person.

On the other hand, I would have completely dismissed Dudefriend had he messaged me on Match. The boy can't spell to save his life, and he mixes up your/you're all the time (well, he did - he's getting SO much better!), which definitely turned me off in when done in online dating profiles/messages.

par_parenthese

@packedsuitcase "if you don't realize how hilarious I am" or if you're put off by women who are funny because women should only LAUGH at jokes not MAKE jokes. /bitter

MrsTeacherFace

@packedsuitcase My OkCupid profile specifically mentioned "You should message me if: You know how to use homophones correctly," which is the first thing my now-husband commented on when he messaged me. The way to an English teacher's heart....

fondue with cheddar

@packedsuitcase Yeah, my boyfriend is a wonderful guy, but if he'd messaged me online I would have said no because of his grammar and spelling and sloppy typing. Fortunately for us, my first impression of him was his smile. :)

packedsuitcase

@fondue with cheddar I am just thrilled he is willing to learn. There have been some hilarious misspellings, though. I think my favourite is when he tries to spell "definitely" and autocorrect changes it to "defiantly." So I have gotten messages like, "I defiantly want to see you," and "He defiantly likes that one better."

fondue with cheddar

@packedsuitcase Haha, I've seen that and it makes me laugh every time.

My dude has taken to using the voice recognition feature, but he doesn't take the time to proofread afterward. So I end up with one rambling, partially nonsensical blob of text devoid of punctuation.

Smallison

@MrsTeacherFace Ha! My fiance's profile said, 'message me if you know the difference between there, their and they're.' Love it.

grizzle_bees

@Slutface YURP. My ONE-HUNDRED-PERCENT match on OkC was ONE-HUNDRED-PERCENT not attractive to me.

Deanna Destroi

@packedsuitcase Excellent point. I met a whole bunch of perfect-on-paper guys on eHarmony, after one million levels of compatibility testing, and had zero spark with any of them in person. Dudefriend and I met on a different site where there was no compatibility testing and we just started messaging. In person? All The Fireworks.

Also, when people ask how we met, I'm all direct in saying that we met online, but my defensive tone and aggressive eye contact suggests I'm probably not as confident about that as I pretend to be. I know it makes no sense in the modern context.

hallelujah

Pshh, my husband and I did marriage old school. Met in person, got pregnant accidentally, shotgun courthouse wedding. The way God intended! No, but really, online dating sounds great! I'm sad I didn't get to try it, kind of.

MrsTeacherFace

@hallelujah It is both awesome and terrible, and makes for many interesting stories.

Bittersweet

@hallelujah I'm even less exciting. My husband and I met in college, dated for 5 years and then got married. Yawn. Even my dad is more with it than I am, having met his 2nd wife on Match.com.

large__marge

Can we also talk about the deebags whose Most Private Thing on OKCupid is that they're on OKCupid? At least it lets me know right off the bat not to bother. Especially if it's punctuated with an lol.

MrsTeacherFace

@large__marge That is definitely one sign. Another is a main picture that features the dude shirtless. If it's one of his follow up pictures and he was out swimming with friends, maybe. If he is flexing in front of a mirror, no.

Roxanne Rholes

@large__marge Oh my gosh, YES. Some guy I didn't respond to got all pissy and sent me another message like "I deserve an explanation!" and so I told him the truth: if he was embarrassed about using OKC, he was way too worried about what other people think, and I didn't have time for that crap. Then I blocked him.

Gulfie

@large__marge "I hate writing about myself lol"

Gulfie

@Gulf of Finland "I'm a really down to earth guy who likes having fun"

Gulfie

@large__marge "I'm not filling this out message me if you want to know more"

I could go all day

Roxanne Rholes

@Gulf of Finland "not appropriate to write here lol, message me to find out"

Roxanne Rholes

@Gulf of Finland Also, your avatar looks to me like a redheaded lady wearing a turquoise dress!

large__marge

@Gulf of Finland Each section has fewer than five words in it
"you should message me if we think we have a lot in common"

Gulfie

@Roxanne Rholes I unfocused my eyes and I see it now! I like it.

Gulfie

@large__marge Oh I forgot this one
"I work hard and play harder"

Linette

@Gulf of Finland I didn't even make the connection between your username and profile pic until @Roxanne Rholes said that. I totally also thought it was an unrelated redheaded lady.

Linette

I was just getting started in internet dating and had a date set up with a cute guy who teaches jiujitsu when the boyfriend and I decided to stop being friends and give this a go. I am pretty sure there is a terrible name for people like me on dating sites: string you along for 2 months of online conversation and then blammo, sorry, can't meet up, I acquired a boyfriend.

Imma go find my circle of hell now.

hahahaha, ja.

@Linette: AHHHH, this happened to me once in a while. I mean, not really THIS, but I would be messaging with a guy back and forth and he'd say "hey let's grab a drink sometime" and I'd say "sure, when is good for you?" and then SILENCE, so I'd have to put him in my "bitches be triflin'" pile. Because sometimes they really be.

Linette

@hahahaha, ja. I feel slightly redeemed by the fact that I did TELL him, but I felt like a dickweed because the reason we talked for two months was that I was out of town, so I finally get back and he's like, yay, date, and I'm like, um, no, I'm dating someone who lives four blocks from you. I am the worst.

I couldn't even give him the full story, because who wants to hear that? I think he thinks I met someone else on OKC that I liked better and just decided to Boyfriend him on sight. I'M SO SORRY JIUJITSU GUY YOU SEEMED REALLY GREAT.

Though, to your point: Silence = Bitches, who do indeed Trifle like no others.

Hopeyglass

i have found that i am p good at being like the first person that someone meets on okcupid, like right before they meet their ~tru luv~

so, good job me, i think

Rubyinthedust

still waiting for a report of a Tinder marriage

angelinha

I bet in the future there won't even be this "online/offline" dichotomy. And really, should there even be now? Isn't it kind of like saying in the olden days that a courtship started by speaking in person vs. by writing a letter? It's just two different ways of communication that we use all the time anyway.

Lily Rowan

@angelinha It is part of family lore that my grandparents were penpals before they met in person, but it's not like there's any stigma to it.

ellochka

@angelinha Totally agree. My parents met on a blind date, and I don't really see how that's too significantly different, either.

Apocalypstick

@ellochka A blind date is just "someone thinks you'll get along", and if "someone" happens to be made of algorithms, well, what does it matter.

ellochka

@Apocalypstick Exactly!

whizz_dumb

Thought I was fed up with online dating, then realized I'm just fed up with dating in general. (Recently hooked up with a long-time acquaintance/friend. We both agreed that we have no expectations of seriousness. It's helping.)

iceberg

@whizz_dumb oh, the grass is always greener! I think dating is super fun, but then I guess I didn't actually do that much of it, and really it was a long time ago!

MrsTeacherFace

@iceberg I always hated dating and I'm terrible at flirting, but I loved online flirting. It's a constant ego-boost to be a moderately attractive lady online. And even the horrible emails were pretty entertaining. I almost miss that part of it, but not the actual dating part.

whizz_dumb

@MrsTeacherFace Dating is actually, usually, fun for me. I prefer flirting in person, mostly because online flirting makes me feel like a creep if I haven't met the person and then it's like...just text flirt at that point. I've found it only takes 1 major, or 2 to 20 minor/moderate disappointing potential romances in a row to need a break. Regardless of whether I did the letting down or I was let down, you can only try so much and then it's like, "okay let's chill and regroup." (addressing my plural self)

grizzle_bees

Boyf and I knew each other IRL, and he wanted to ask me out but I was living with someone at the time. He found out I was newly single through OkC. Does that count? (We don't tell people the OkC part.)

dracula's ghost

Yeah, my old man and I met on a certain independent record label's online message board in like 2000. Not a dating site! Just meeting somebody like in IRL, based on you both liking a type of music and, more coincidentally, having a shockingly extensive history of oral surgery (shared interests)

I definitely recommend this method of ensnaring a mate

ellochka

Lately Boyfriend has taken to calling me his "novia cybernetica" after a patient of his described her online boyfriend that way. Not sure yet how I feel about being a cyborg, but we'll see.

But in all seriousness, we met 2 1/2 years ago after OKC's magic algorithms decided we were a 99% match, and he stuck with me through my diagnosis of late-stage Lyme disease six months after we met (and the year of hellish treatment and recovery that came after), and we moved in together in last year and are planning for weddings and babies and all that good stuff.

I feel like I couldn't be luckier :)

Hella

@ellochka Novia cybernetica... that's really cute! :) Congrats!

Megasus

I would not recommend marrying your computers, since they become almost obsolete every few years. OR MAYBE YOU SHOULD (teehee men are lame).

gaslen my

In two weeks it'll be the seventh anniversary of my first date with my husband. We met on OKCupid. The trick is heba bau thang thu 6 nen biet asked me out almost immediately - we didn't spend weeks messaging back and forth.

robertgerman

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