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Wednesday, June 5, 2013

151

Beauty Secrets: Human Tears

One can be overwhelmed by the sheer array of skincare products available to ladies with disposable income who have not given up on the quest for beauty and youth.

My personal recommendation for a great product that will leave your skin looking fresh and fabulous is human tears. I had a great time testing these out last weekend between the hours of 1 and 5 a.m. on Sunday. Here are a few simple steps to get the most out of this amazing beauty treatment!

1. Become extremely drunk. I used almost half a bottle of Fireball cinnamon-flavored whiskey, which genuinely tastes like candy and will put you out of your right mind.

2. Hide your iPad from yourself, accidentally or on purpose.

3. Pick a fight with a close personal friend. It works best if you have some sort of sexual or romantic history with this person.

4. Demand that he or she tell you all of their feelings for you, and insist on sharing, with absolute honesty, your feelings for him or her. Together, recount the story of your friendship from the moment you met until this very moment right now, thoroughly chronicling your feelings, fights, and sexual encounters. Make sure to include a lot of hypotheticals about ways that you could have ended up happy together. Convince yourself and your friend that your only real human connection in this cold unfeeling universe is with him or her. One of you should propose marriage to the other, who should accept for about thirty seconds before calling it off. Make sure to touch on both of your parents’ marriages and how they have inhibited your ability or desire to be in a functional relationship.

5. At this point the tears should be streaming down your face. Wipe them away in a beautiful, tragic, circular motion, using the back of your hand to spread them over your entire face (including jawline, neck, and décolletage if desired).

6. Once complete, send your close personal friend home. Decide to watch a slow-paced BBC detective show on Netflix; stumble through your apartment looking for your iPad, which you will not be able to find. This will send you into a spiral of self loathing and the tears will resurface! Repeat Step 5.

7. When you wake up the next morning, your skin will have a healthy, pink, detoxified glow to it! If you need another fix, you can always call your friend and ask to rehash last night’s conversation sober. If you’re worried you won’t cry without the whiskey, ask to meet in a 24-hour IHOP and sit a few booths away from a homeless man dining alone. Wonder if your waiter has a family and friends. Decide that he doesn’t. Here you go again.

Julia Meltzer is a New York-bred, Los Angeles-based writer-performer who has her shit 100 percent together. You can follow her on twitter here.

151 Comments / Post A Comment

laurel

8. Rinse and repeat.

HereKitty

@laurel And/or admire the spiderwebby decorations your erstwhile mascara has created all over your damn face.

Bittersweet

@HereKitty And if it's extra hard sobbing, those little red burst blood vessels around your eyes really set off the mascara spiderwebs.

Emby

You uh.. doing OK there, Julia?

iceberg

@Emby Why do some men get so nervous when women cry? They turn into hummingbirds, all hovery and afraid to touch you in case it makes things worse, occasionally swooping in to pat you briefly on the shoulder.

Emby

@iceberg Personally, I melt like the Wicked Witch of the West when I come into contact with tears, so for me, it's just pure survival instinct.

Emby

@iceberg Actually, I do get nervous around crying (from either gender, really), and I'm not totally sure why. I'm sure it relates to my own pretty much nonexistent ability to deal with negative emotions in any other way than ignoring them. Which is how my dad handles negativity, as well. So, there's that.

robotosaur

@iceberg Snot reasons, probably.

Linette

@iceberg My experience with men who are uncomfortable with tears is that in their lives, whenever tears existed, it was their job to fix the tears somehow. Tears = Quiz On What Is The Right Thing To Do Here = 90% Chance of Fail = Discomfort.

Not all dudes, natch, but this is what I hear from the dudes who get squirmy.

Emby

@Linette *nodding my head*

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Linette Also, I've heard from dudefriends that they are sort of scared to be around a crying woman because other people might assume they've made said woman cry somehow.

City_Dater

@Linette

Also, Guilt. 75% of the time a man is in the presence of a crying woman, he has done/failed to do something and she is crying with sadness/rage/disappointment over his behavior.

Linette

@City_Dater

In my experience, the kind of guy who is used to being that dick who intentionally or carelessly causes tears is, somewhat ironically, the kind of dude who is totally at his ease when tears occur. "Oh, yeah. Women do tend to cry when I tell them that I've been cheating on them. I'm going to just grab a beer and wait you out."

Whereas the guy who is uncomfortable is more likely to have dealt with lots of manipulative-style crying, someone crying at him because he didn't anticipate a completely unrealistic demand. "Why are you crying?" "I can't believe you ever want to spend time with anyone other than me, you heartless caaaaaaaad."

Again, my experience, caveats, etc.

par_parenthese

@Linette Years and years ago BroPar and I were fighting and I was crying (because my tear ducts are just where all my emotions come out, you guys!) and he got really frustrated and snapped that he felt like I was turning on the waterworks to "win" the argument. I wasn't, of course, but his last couple of girlfriends had been really emotionally manipulative and used tears as a trump card to ensure they never got overruled.

Judith Slutler

@par_parenthese That is just really sad.

tactfactory

@par_parenthese for serious, feelings have nothing to do with the heart, they are all tear duct. any feeling you can name, it begins and ends in my tear ducts.

Linette

@par_parenthese I'm with you. I cry at everything. Happy, sad, whatever. It took my boyfriend quite a while to figure out that this was not something that needed fixing and/or that he would be blamed for. 90% of the time, it's just tears. You don't have to fix it, but a hug would be nice. Thanks.

Some folks ruin crying for the rest of us, yo.

par_parenthese

@Judith Slutler Totally. I hasten to add that BroPar was about 17 at the time and is now a model of non-gender-stereotyping awesomeness.

@tactfactory I love that description. Definitely me.

Statham

@iceberg This is slightly off topic, but over the years I have taught self-contained classes of teenage boys. My secret weapon for when they really misbehave is tears, because albeit they like to be "bad", none of them want to be the one that made their nice teacher cry.

Whereas this might not work all the time, I've found it incredibly effective given my current job situation. Most think it might be showing weakness, for me, crying on demand is definitely one of my strengths.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

Crying women are easy! "Oh, I'm sorry," (i.e., sorry to hear that), followed by the appropriate level of physical contact. Crying men, that's the hard one. Came up last week, and hence is on my mind.

hahahaha, ja.

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll: My first instinct whenever anyone is crying is to hand them a tissue and some food. "Here, blow your nose. Do you want a cookie?"

like a rabid squirrel

@tactfactory Yup. Angry crier here. Makes for some awkward arguments.

par_parenthese

I love that the picture is Claire Danes, Best Ugly Crier In the Biz.

TheLetterL

@par_parenthese Don't sit there, Beth...

fondue with cheddar

@par_parenthese Seriously, she is amazing. How does she do it?

par_parenthese

@fondue with cheddar So amazing. I just rewatched Romeo + Juliet and it's like a perfect storm of Ugly Crying. Snot and everything. I bow before her sad-acting.

fondue with cheddar

@par_parenthese I think it's that she's not acting. Those are some Real Feelings right there.

Linette

@par_parenthese Drew Barrymore takes some prizes in this category, too. You're the best, Ugly Criers.

katiemcgillicuddy

No one cries like Emma Thompson. I would link the scene from "Love Actually" that proves this tenfold, but I can only find it in Spanish/I'm rushing out to get pizza because...now I need pizza.

par_parenthese

@katiemcgillicuddy "Do you mind if I just absent myself for a second? All that ice cream..." And then Joni Mitchell.

Or do you mean the "sex and a necklace" scene? Either way, <3 u Emma Thompson.

katiemcgillicuddy

@par_parenthese I suppose, truly, I mean both, but I originally meant the Joni Mitchell scene. Oh, Ms. Thompson, how I love you.

Beatrix Kiddo

@fondue with cheddar She always kills it. I think it's because she's one of the few actors who isn't ashamed to look hideous for a few minutes.

Lucienne

Bonus: crying turns your eyes pretty colors. (Aquamarine, in my case.)

TheLetterL

@Lucienne Lucky! Mine turn a really creepy shade of silver when I cry.

Being pissed off, though, makes them an awesome green.

iceberg

@Lucienne Haha I thought I was the only one who noticed this! Mine go emerald green (from olive-y hazel) although on reflection it's probably just a trick of contrast because the whites of my eyes and most of my face go tomato red.

Lucienne

@iceberg I wonder how brown eyes change? Vain brown-eyed weepers, we need your two cents!

packedsuitcase

@iceberg Well, you just saved me the time of adding my description.

fabel

YES my hazel eyes go from (insert how iceberg described her eyes) to clear, definitive green (& yes, I think it's the contrast from the bloodshotness that makes the green pop)

fondue with cheddar

@Lucienne I have brown eyes, and I don't think they change. I'll pay closer attention next time and get back to you. Maybe tonight!

fabel

on the downside, crying for longer than 5 minutes makes my eyelids puff up like they both got stung by a bee.

CinnamonSwirls

@fabel Me too! I wish I looked lovely the morning after crying all night. My eyes puff up; my face is red and splotchy; and there would be traces of snot from when I tried to rub my tears all over (step 5) and picked it up on the way.

lora.bee

@iceberg Saaaaaame, and then my face takes forever to return to a normal colour after I am done crying. Oh crying, you so weird.

iceberg

@lora.bee Puffy nose and splotchy face! Oh, to be a pretty crier.

SarahP

@Lucienne My eyes don't change color, but my lips get redder and puffier. I'd say "in a good way," but most of the time I'm simultaneously drool-sobbing so...

Lucienne

@SarahP My lips get redder too (salt?!). I don't cry prettily, but some of this stuff hangs around after I've stopped. I, somehow, get paler and my skin looks a bit waxy. It's very Victorian.

smidge

@iceberg and All of the Snot

Madeline Shoes

@iceberg Same here, I actually told my boyfriend (of three years, who is a sweetheart and never makes me cry) "Can't you OCCASIONALLY say something mean? My cry-eyes are so green!"

This is a change from my previous boyfriend who made me cry so often my eyes were puffy for like... a year straight. College is a terrible time for dating.

lora.bee

@iceberg It's worse if for some reason I am trying to mask the crying, or hold it in. Then my head turns into a giant red balloon.

meetapossum

@iceberg Yeah, I always assumed my eyes got super green because my face was so splotchy. So beaaauuuutifullll

fondue with cheddar

@CinnamonSwirls I don't look at myself in the mirror when I cry so I don't know if my face gets red (I'm sure it does), but I do know I don't get snot all over my face because it skeeves me out too much. No matter what kind of state I'm in, I will get up and get myself a tissue.

Now I want to look in the mirror when I cry!

CinnamonSwirls

@fondue with cheddar Or for me, a box of tissues... it's never just one. lol

fondue with cheddar

@CinnamonSwirls The worst is when someone tries to kiss you while you're snot-crying, but instead of cheering you up it makes you feel worse because you snotted on them.

Amphora

@fondue with cheddar Looking at yourself in the mirror when you're crying just makes you cry even harder about how pathetic you are.

smidge

@Amphora Oof, yes. And then eating and crying at the same time just makes me want to give up on everything.

fondue with cheddar

@Amphora Yeah, that's why I haven't done it since I was a teenager (having melodramatic exhibitionist fantasies about some boy I liked watching me from the window, pining for me and wanting to kiss my tears away).

CinnamonSwirls

@fondue with cheddar Agreed! That is the worst. Hugs are better in this situation.

totallyunoriginal

@Lucienne Yeah, my skin looks disgusting after I cry but my eyes? I won't lie, my eyes look so pretty. They go from a navy to blue to SO BRIGHT BLUE IT'S INSANE.

They also do the same thing when I'm angry. Like the Hulk but just my eyeballs.

Linette

@Lucienne Me too me too! Oh, thank god. I had a drama teacher once who informed me I should cry more often, because it does great things for my coloring. This . . . may have explained our working relationship.

hahahaha, ja.

Wait, you guys, your eyes change color when you cry? Because mine start out poo brown and they stay poo brown.

gtrachel

@iceberg I look gorgeous after a couple minutes of crying -- big eyes, wet, dark lashes, lots of color in my face -- and then after, oh, twenty minutes or so I start to look like an alien, especially with the major eye and tip-of-nose swelling, and if I go to sleep with cry-face I'm hideous in the morning and it takes HOURS to look normal again.

jilt

@hahahaha, ja. Yeah, same here. I don't get puffy-eyed or blotchy though, so there's that. If I've only been crying a little, the effect can be pretty - wet lashes, pale skin etc. But when I sob, I can feel my face distorting into a horror mask. So I try to only do that alone. You know, in the shower, or while drinking...

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar Me too with the brown, and I lost my beloved cat last week. Had I known about this eye-color cry-changing, I'd have had ample opportunities to research this (like, seriously, every 15 minutes or so with seemingly nothing specific setting it off. (Good god, pets--why, why, why?)

MissT123

@all I'm so glad to hear I'm not alone in all this! I can't look at myself at all when I'm crying; I cry harder because I look so dreadful. When my mom died, I covered all the mirrors in my apartment with towels, because who needs the constant reminder of how terrible you look, on top of everything? And my eyes also swell almost shut; it's awful.

@Hellcat Sorry to hear about your cat! It's hard to lose a pet. :(

Hellcat

@MissT123 Thank you. Ugh, it's just awful.

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat Oh no, I'm so sorry about your cat! Why do pets have to be so wonderful but live such short lives? :(

Both of mine are getting old and I'm trying to mentally prepare myself, but I know I will be a wreck when it happens, too.

@MissT123 That's what Jews do! They know how to handle death.

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar Thanks. I've got a tattoo appointment today to immortalize her little self, so that's good. My BF was good enough to go pick up her ashes from the vet and, when I got home, I saw that he had placed the box in her bed knowing that I would have done the same.

On a less maudlin note, I did not cry last night so I have nothing to report about my brown eyes possibly turning purple (which would be pretty cool, actually).

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat Aww, that's sweet of your boyfriend. I love the tattoo idea, that way she'll always be with you.

I'm glad you didn't cry last night! I really want to cry again soon so I can see if my eyes change color. I don't think they will, but now I have to check. Purple would be awesome.

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar Maybe we can cry hard enough to get purple... with glitter! Though I doubt I want to be that sad, no matter how tempting glitter is.

eiffeldesigns

Why I love The Hairpin: subthreads on crying snot and eyes changing color while crying (my eyes are already crazy, intense blue- they turn almost turquoise when I cry- but my face also turns red and splotchy and my eyes puff up, and dear lord, it isn't pretty)

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat Ooh, glitter bursting out of our eyes with every sob! Only...a clogged tear duct is painful, but imagine having a piece of glitter lodged in there. Ouch.

@Kirs There are so many reasons to love The Hairpin. So many that it makes me want to cry glittery happy-tears. :)

MissT123

@Hellcat That is so sweet of your boyfriend! I hope the tattoo comes out lovely. Internet hugs to you!

@fondue with cheddar I found that out later! It was neat to discover I'd made an accidental connection with a custom entirely separate from my own background (I was raised Catholic). And a very sensible custom, too, to help mourners avoid being distracted by vanity at a solemn and spiritual time. Makes all the sense in the world to me.

(A friend also suggested a possible connection with older beliefs that mirrors could be doorways into the spirit world. Do you happen to know whether there's any truth to that?)

fondue with cheddar

@MissT123 It does make sense! America doesn't have enough death-related rituals, I think.

I've heard the spirit world thing, too!

MissT123

@fondue with cheddar Agreed; it seems we try to avoid thinking and talking seriously about death, to the point where we no longer seem to have realistic expectations about it--about the process of aging and dying, the issues surrounding death, and the process of grieving for survivors. (Witness the manufactured hysteria over "death panels," which were really just practical discussions with doctors to help plan end-of-life issues. Gruh! Makes me so mad, still!)

Glad to have some support for my friend's thoughts! It's a fascinating idea.

Cheers!

cinnamonskin

@Lucienne brown-eyes weepers just need Visine, a cold compress, and a porch swing.

fondue with cheddar

@MissT123 Ugh, the death panel thing. Rage.

Yeah, death is a normal part of life and we do ourselves (both the living and the dying) a great disservice by avoiding it. It's something we all experience from both sides, and it's difficult enough as it is without it being taboo.

And geez, why is it that we put our pets out of their misery when they are suffering, but we don't extend that same courtesy to people who want to do it for themselves?

People used to take photos of their dead loved ones. People used to have memento mori (mementos mori?) in their house and even carry them around with them. People used to wail. What happened?

MissT123

@fondue with cheddar Like many, I expect, I naturally have some strong mixed emotions about assisted suicide, but I can't say I'd be completely against it in all cases. It's definitely a big problem, though, when people start to see death as something to be staved off at all costs and no matter what the odds, the future quality of life, etc. As difficult as it is for us to let go, sometimes it's so important to realize that it is time.

One of the best things I've found about the funerals of, at least, my elderly family members has been that people seem to do at least as much laughing as crying. They really have been celebrations of the life of our loved ones. Wailing and allowing ourselves to fully mourn is healthy--and so is laughter and allowing ourselves to enjoy good memories and being alive with the other people we love.

The traditional mourning period used to be a year, at least in America and Europe in the 19th century, right? And it's funny, but almost exactly a year after my mom's death--just a little bit after the anniversary--without any conscious effort, I felt myself come out of mourning. Not that I wasn't/am not still sad to have lost her; I miss her a ton. But something just changed, like a curtain lifting. The first year was the hardest--going through the holidays and birthdays and the different seasons and feeling her absence so acutely. After that, you've done most things at least once before. So again, those old death customs really have good sense behind them.

fondue with cheddar

@MissT123 Agreed, totally. I've never lost someone very close to me, but I can definitely see how the second year would be easier than the first. Actually, my parents divorced when I was a teen so that was a death of sorts.

MissT123

@fondue with cheddar And it's good to realize that metaphorical deaths like divorce exist also, and to be able to mourn them as well.

Nikp

@Lucienne Mine are pretty dark to begin with, but they go black when I'm angry. I won't look at myself when I cry because it just makes me mad (so I guess they're black then, too.)

AnalogMetronome

Does anyone else get those tiny purple spots under their eyes (like broken capillaries) when they cry really hard? No? Just me?

Lucienne

@AnalogMetronome I get them, but usually from head colds.

A. Louise

@AnalogMetronome still have a broken blood vessel in the little valley where my nose and cheek come together from about a decade ago. Not a very happy time in my life.

Valley Girl

@AnalogMetronome YES. I've found them to be easier to trigger as the years pass, too. Used to be I needed a real crying jag but now a sad commercial is practically enough to do it.

(It's called petechia if anyone is curious)

AnalogMetronome

@Valley Girl PETECHIA! I had no idea it had a real name and apparently is a similar thing to a hickey. That makes so much sense.

And yes, I find mine are becoming easier to trigger the older I get...I don't recall getting them at all before I was 17 or so.

Count Chocula

@AnalogMetronome Yep, I got them from 24/7 crying after a breakup, which made me feel super-ugly, which fed into the lather-rinse-repeat cycle of sadness.....

pinniped

@AnalogMetronome Yes! But they're red. Always scares me a little - physical proof I was crying SO HARD I exploded parts of my face!

noodge

@AnalogMetronome JUSt started getting them about a month ago. This last month I've been struggling emotionally, and I've had a number of crying spells that made them happen. Like GoT on Sunday :-(

ghechr

For those of you following this beauty routine, for Step 6, may I recommend The Bletchley Circle? It's real real good.

ironhoneybee

@ghechr It is, as is The Fall. And it's not as slow paced, but Utopia is good too, although not terribly tear-inducing.

Lucienne

@ironhoneybee God damn it, I like Utopia so much except for the stupid soundtrack/sound design. That aspect annoys me so much that I can't even be creeped out effectively, and I'm worried about what it means for my enjoyment of the second series.

A. Louise

Kudos for managing to keep a half a bottle of Fireball down, it's serious business. Every time I've done one measly shot of it I wind up puking in my shower at the end of the night. Could be more acid reflux than intoxication related, though.

But I do love a cinammon toast crunch shot (equal parts Fireball and Rumchata).

CinnamonSwirls

@A. Louise That sounds like the best thing ever!

A. Louise

@CinnamonSwirls very apt username! They are so good and when people get a round of Fireball now I just ask for one so I can be part of the crew without getting dragon breath, as I like to call it. YUM

CinnamonSwirls

@A. Louise DRAGON BREATH! That's the perfect name for it!

hallelujah

@A. Louise That sounds amazing. I love when the internet provides great alcohol related advice!

SarcasticFringehead

@A. Louise I had a boilermaker that was fireball and apple cider, and it was soooo good, and there were no adverse effects.

honey cowl

@A. Louise Put it in some Strongbow, that shit fuuuucks you up.

ETA: I see this has been said. I stand by my assertion.

A. Louise

@SarcasticFringehead @honey cowl hnnnnng it is so cold and rainy here this morning and I promised myself I wasn't going to drink tonight in the attempt to get many things done... but hot mulled apple cinnamon drinks have to happen now.

honey cowl

@A. Louise Where are you that it is cold & rainy TELL ME NOW because I am just not built for this weather. 80* it kills me. #seattleite

honey cowl

@A. Louise Your other comment isn't showing up here but that video is GREAT

bitzyboozer

@SarcasticFringehead Also known as a Wilford Brimley because that shit will give you the diabeetus.

Gang of Thor

@A. Louise Are you from Baltimore? EVERYONE in Baltimore drinks some combination of Rumchata and Fireball (neither of which I had even heard of before visiting) whenever I'm there. It's my favorite regional phenomenon.

fondue with cheddar

I wish this were true! I've been doing a lot of crying lately and my skin is breaking out like a teenager.

packedsuitcase

@fondue with cheddar As with any new skincare routine, this is called the purging phase. Stick with it.

(No but really, I hope things are okay. Or will be soon.)

fondue with cheddar

@packedsuitcase I guess I just have to cry more, then!

Thanks, I'll get through it. Being able to make jokes about it is a good sign, right? :)

Lucienne

@fondue with cheddar (((((fondue with cheddar)))))

But not too much because I need to know if brown eyes change color.

smartastic

@fondue with cheddar And on the flip side I'm pretty sure the nights I've spent crying recently have aged me 10 years.

bessmarvin

@smartastic I have been crying nonstop because I am going through first love breakup which honestly feels like the most miserable thing. I've been wondering about this exact thing! Is all of this misery going to give me great skin, or is it aging me so I will look 10 years older?

Judith Slutler

@bessmarvin you will have beautiful skin and a steely look of resolve in your shining eyes. For sure.

fondue with cheddar

@bessmarvin Okay, here's my logic. We know that:
• Stress ages you.
• If you hold your emotions inside it's stressful.
• Crying is a release of emotion.
Therefore, crying helps keep you from aging!

smartastic

@bessmarvin Aw, I'm sorry. Feel better soon. Break ups are the worst. I'm going through a much more minor one and it still sucks. But it gets better. Let it out, eat some chocolate, go for a run, hang with friends and don't worry about your skin. I'm sure you're gorgeous, and yeah, steely looks of resolve will shine through.

hallelujah

I love cinematic drunk crying episodes. Once in college, I found out this dude I was sleeping with was still with his long distance girlfriend, and I started crying at a party because I felt bad for her. He took it to indicate that I wanted to wife him, and really dramatically took my face in his hands and wiped away my tears, and my friend has pictures, and they're the greatest thing I possess THE END.

RK Fire

@hallelujah ...did you slap him afterwards and laugh in his face?

.abbey

I recently wept on a rooftop over some serious family stuff to a guy i'd been kissing for about two weeks (very cool of me, one of my most highly recommended tactics is to appear both damaged and insecure early on in a undefined relationship) and at the end I asked him, dramatically, "Do I look like I've been crying?" hoping the answer would be "You look like a rose after the rain" or similar but instead he was like "Yes, you should definitely get downstairs and wash your face, try not to let anyone see you" which he was absolutely correct about because I looked like a wet, scrumpled up bit of paper with the ink running.

Also important: is the show the BBC version of Wallander

honey cowl

@.abbey This comment is perfect.

cmchammer

@.abbey WALLANDER

I hope the show is Wallander. So many feelings, Netflix instant!

marilla

@.abbey
I hope it's Miss Marple. Miss Marple sees all my flaws and loves me in spite of them. Look into those eyes.

You can't hide from those piercing eyes. None of us can.

Oh, squiggles

Yes, but what do I do with the buckets of snot that come pouring out of my nose when I cry? Hair conditioner? Should I just blow my nose into my hair directly? Will it mend my split ends?!

Ugh, crying is the worse, more liquid comes out of my nose than my eyes. I guess my nose is just very empathetic, and can't stand to see neighboring eyes cry without joining in?

Also bloodshot eyes, what shade of eyeshadow goes best with that feverish look?

fondue with cheddar

@Absurd Bird I'll bet it's good as a lip balm. And it's right there!

lemonadefish

Ah, that's why I'm crying at my desk for the second time today! I just want to look nice for my yoga-and-tacos time this evening.

noodge

the fate of the fair-skinned: red eyes from crying that ESPECIALLY won't go away when you really need them to. For example, at work.

mymymyriah

Do the tears have to be whiskey-infused? I don't need whiskey to cry.

LauraLasher14

Avery. if you, thought Clifford`s story is impressive... on saturday I got a top of the range Chrysler from having made $7109 this - five weeks past and-just over, 10k this past month. without a question it is the coolest work I have ever had. I began this seven months/ago and almost immediately startad bringin home more than $76 per-hr. I follow this great link, Bow6.com

Jinxie

@LauraLasher14 Well, that's certainly nothing to cry over.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Jinxie Maybe LauraLasher is crying because neither Avery nor Clifford are part of this post, and she misses them. Maybe she'll drive her top-of-the-range Chrysler to visit them.

Angry Panda

I don't know if it's growing older or if life has finally just broken me down, I cry at the drop of a hat these days, at any damn thing, like stupid cat videos. It's a good thing I'm an expert in quiet crying. No one even notices anymore, and I've cried in every form of public transportation and ever kind of public space there is in the last few years. Yay me?!
Also, it hasn't done anything good for my skin so far, if anyone's curious.

foxbat91

Gah. Crying women are the worst. Just FYI if yall haven't noticed: we (men) have no idea how to deal with a woman who either is or visibly recently was crying. We do become filled with a desperate need to make them stop doing it though, which is usually counterproductive. Downward spirals, etc.

yourpretendfriend

@foxbat91
yeah women need to just shut up about their emotions already jeez it's so inconvenient for men to deal with human feelings.

SarcasticFringehead

@foxbat91 I'm so sad for you that I might cry. Sorry!

par_parenthese

@TARDIStime I love this and you.

par_parenthese

OK, people, did @TARDIStime's awesome Harry Potter gif just disappear for EVERYONE? or just me?

hahahaha, ja.

@foxbat91: What would you do if one of your guy friends was sad? Do that.

hahahaha, ja.

@par_parenthese: Whoa, I didn't see it, but I just got an email saying TARDIStime had responded to one of my comments but when I clicked there was nothing what is going on o.o

ETA: ... a new comment by TARDIStime appeared for like a second but then it was gone when I refreshed.

par_parenthese

@hahahaha, ja. @TARDIStime seriously this happens to me with your comments 100% of the time, and has been happening for WEEKS now.

MODS. EMMA. HELP. SOMEONE.

par_parenthese

@TARDIStime phew OK. (Also I look like I'm talking to nobody right now, whoooooooooooo)

solaria

@foxbat91 Thanks for making us about you! It feels just as good as the first time!

Faintly Macabre

@foxbat91 I'm a girl who cries occasionally and also can't really deal with crying people. Should I go jump off a bridge to end this paradox?

bitzyboozer

@foxbat91 Can we just say that it's often strange and uncomfortable to be around another human being who's in distress without knowing what to do to make it better? I really don't think this is ALL about gender.

solaria

@bitzyboozer you might even be right, unless we take into account that OP made it about gender.

Regina Phalange

This is incredibly late, BUT...I can't cry. I've never been a big crier, and I recently stepped up my SSRI dose (irony?), but it's probably been a year since I've cried. And I always feel much better after a good cry. Help?!

Oh, squiggles

@Regina Phalange I noticed that when I was on SSRIs I couldn't cry, even if I really did feel sad and wanted the relief. Which is one of the reasons I'm no longer on them, but you need to do what's best for you, and I'm certainly not recommending stopping your meds. But maybe look into finding an activity that will help you express that feeling but won't require tears? Exercise possibly? Or maybe just telling someone that you are sad, and that you need someone else to know that and acknowledge that(which may be the biological reason for crying)?

VDRE

@Regina Phalange I'm the same, sometimes if I'm very, very sad I'll cry for maybe 30 seconds and then it's over which is never enough. I find that already being sad + alcohol (margaritas) + very sad movie (steel magnolias?) helps. I'm not on SSRIs though so I don't know if this still works in that case. It's worth a shot?

EastsideAphrodite

Wow. I, seriously, I do all of those things almost EVERY night.

solaria

FIREBALL!!

So delicious. So, so, the start of crazy.

nina

WARNING: If you do this every day for a year, you get terrible puffy eyes that won't go away.

Having trouble crying? I can give you the number of a guy.

sycofan

I just logged on to say how much I dislike Bad Actress Clare Danes.

Mary Kings@facebook

I want to thank Dr. PAUL for helping me through the worst times of my life, for being such a great spell caster, and for giving me a love spell that has brought me so much joy by bringing my boy friend back to me. If you need his help, trust me. You should take a chance. It pays off in a ways you could never even imagine. email him at altimatespelltemple@gmail.com .....

lolyly

@Emby Why do some men get so nervous when women cry? They turn into hummingbirds, all hovery and afraid to touch you in case it makes things worse, occasionally swooping in to pat you briefly on the shoulder.

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