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Tuesday, June 18, 2013

61

Ask Baba Yaga

Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative MagazinePoetry International, and others. 



61 Comments / Post A Comment

Amphora

I LOVE THIS Baba Yaga is the stuff of nightmares, who wants to talk about DEAD SOULS for a minute??

smidge

This is the best thing I have seen on the internet all day.

Jocasta Carr

Could this be a regular feature? Teach me how to salt my bones with glory, Baba Yaga!

j-i-a

@Jocasta Carr YES I HOPE SO

j-i-a

@j-i-a If anyone has questions they would like to ask Baba Yaga feel free to email me or leave them here!

smidge

@j-i-a Dear Baba Yaga, my mortar and pestle won't start in cold weather. How do I get them to work consistently? P.S. Don't bullshit me, Baba Yaga, or you'll wish you were a hangnail on a plague-ridden rat.

Jocasta Carr

@j-i-a Dear Baba Yaga, How can I entice a devil to copulate with me? And how do I make sure he's really a devil and not just a douchebag? I don't want my heathen spawn to have douchegenes after all. P.S. Don't bullshit me, Baba Yaga, or you'll wish you were a moderator on an MRA website.

JohnnyMothra

@j-i-a Dear Baba Yaga, I once hid my heart in a needle...that I put in an egg, that was in a duck, that was in a hare, that was in an iron chest, that I buried under a tree on the island Buyan. I recently dug up the chest and, well, it's in pretty bad shape, having been buried so long. How can I restore it so it looks like new again (before I rebury it). P.S. Don't bullshit me, Baba Yaga, or I'll just go Ask A Clean Person. I really should be doing that anyway but I figured we're kinfolk of a sort and so I thought I'd give you a break.

-Koschei

PistolPackinMama

@Jocasta Carr My thoughts exactly. Also Jocasta= best name for a person interested in Baba Yaga's advice.

Also this is just plain A Great Thing.

Dear Baba Yaga,

I am hoping for some insight from a lady with occult understandings. Last night, as I was crossing the heath, I came upon three wyrd systers. They claimed I should become the thane of Glamis and Cawdor, and king of all. My father always said I should beware women on heaths who had just been out killing swine and wrecking ships. But these witches are so awesome, and are usually really sweet. It's only when they make dire predictions that I become concerned.

But this opportunity would be so good for my career! And I've known I would be a great thane, ever since I was at the university of Wittenberg with Hamlet. My wife seems to think I am destined for greatness, too.

Should I listen to their prophecies? The pay increase would be massive.

--Scottish Lord In State of Confusion

PS: can you please ask A Clean Person how I can get out these damn spots? My linens are getting really grungy.

milenakent

KING this post!@n

JanieS

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME TODAY WAS DARK ARTS DAY ON THE HAIRPIN.

(today is the best day ever brb need a cauldron)

Amphora

@JanieS My Russian Lit teacher in undergrad was totally channeling Baba Yaga all the time.

par_parenthese

@JanieS WHERE THE FUCK IS FAITHFUL COMMENTER NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM WE NEED HIM AND HIS SWORD NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM PLEASE REPORT TO THE DARK ARTS THREAD

(ETA: I'm pretty sure Pin!Neville is actually a lady but it's a character, come on.)

Spaghettius!

@Amphora As a moderately Russian person, let me tell you that this was probably unintentional. Unavoidable, even.

iceberg

*googles Baba Yaga*

iceberg

@iceberg Wikipedia says: "Particular emphasis may be placed by some narrators on the repulsiveness of her nose, breasts, buttocks, or vagina."

Amphora

@iceberg One of her legs has a chicken foot and the other is MADE OF SHIT

Cat named Virtute

Excellent work, witch hotel.

Lisa Frank

Does anyone else watch Lost Girl? I think the Baba Yaga episode was one of my favorites. I love when Kenzie speaks Russian.

omgkitties

@Lisa Frank Yes! How about the body swap episode? OMG, Dyson.

iceberg

Dear Baba Yaga,

How do I get my 2.5 year old triplets to put on their fucking shoes without a fight?

ETA: PS, don't bullshit me, Baba Yaga, or I will doom you to change all the diapers forever. Cloth diapers.

frigwiggin

I honestly can't tell if Baba Yaga is bullshitting or not.

plumb-bob

@frigwiggin You won't know until you've gone and given the small plump beast a goodly stick and seen whether your body parts are still flying off at night :-/

stonefruit

a. Really excellent surname on this author.

b. who else grew up with nightmares from the Baba Yaga stories read by their grandmothers and then learned that their (whitebread) classmates were mostly reading Mother Goose and thus had no such trauma?

Plant Fire

@stonefruit Not Baba Yaga but I did get Struwwelpeter and Max und Moritz stories. Didn't traumatize me but it did made all my elementary school creative writing work super weird.

siniichulok

@stonefruit Me! Me! Though honestly, I really wanted her house.

[sic]

@siniichulok She has a really shitty voice-activated home security system, though.

stonefruit

@siniichulok Well, sure - it had chicken legs!

Kikimora

@Sea Ermine Yes, it was Struwwelpeter for me too!

johnliker

only proper thing is to tell him to read the story. The meaning of fiction is not abstract meaning, but experi­enced meaning, and the purpose of making state­ments about the meaning of a story is only to help you to experience that meaning more fully lucas duplan

Mayor of Butt City

As the proud owner of a Baba Yaga chicken-leg-hut tattoo, I can verify that this particular witch marking keeps said limb securely in place and out of the Death-Hole.

Homestar Runner

@Mayor of Butt City PICTURES PLZ

kickupdust

HOLY MOLY THAT IS GOOD.

Linette

Taisia is now the name of my imaginary child.

commenterman

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Azaz the Unabridged

I was adopted, and when my big brother was going through a weird, "You're not my real sister" phase he told me that Baba Yaga had walked out of the woods behind our house one night to leave me on the porch. The other part of my origin story was that she would return on my tenth birthday to take me back and make me like her.
I LIVED IN A STATE OF CONSTANT FEAR. When my 10th finally rolled around I worked myself into such advanced terror that I spent half the day stress vomiting and the other half drafting a makeshift will.

iceberg

@Azaz the Unabridged Oh nooooo - I hope you use this against your brother to procure free food/drinks at every opportunity because damn.

JohnnyMothra

@Azaz the Unabridged So was it true?

PistolPackinMama

@Azaz the Unabridged Yeezus. Please tell me there was some Comeuppance for brother-person here?

Kikimora

A post where my username is remotely/sorta relevant! Ha!

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If anyone has questions they would like to su phat trien cua thai nhi thang thu 9ask Baba Yaga feel free to email me or leave them here!

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