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Thursday, May 9, 2013

232

Minor Tragedies on the Internet: A Yearly Diary

We are all scarred. We are all damaged. Life sometimes feels like a cycle of Internet horror stories coming at us furiously, one after the other. Year after year. It’s enough to make you want to start a diary of Internet disasters. I write this diary from the second person point of view because I want to make clear that none of this stuff has actually happened to me, in particular. I just happen to be the one who’s written the story. It could be any one of us. It could be you.

1999

You get into trouble for fingering people in your junior year at college. “Fingering” is the actual name of the program where you could find out exactly which computer your crush was using, and in which building on campus, simply by typing in their email address. Glorious! You finger a wide and diverse array of your classmates, willy-nilly. Often. You don’t realize that some enterprising engineering students have invented a program for “reverse fingering.” Can you guess what that means? This is the first time that being an Internet stalker has resulted in mortification, but it is far from your last.

2000

You attempt to download a bunch of Rage Against the Machine tracks on Napster, hoping to impress the cute but angry guy in your 19th Century British Lit class. You open the file and instead of “No Shelter," you realize you’ve downloaded “The Hardest Part of Breaking Up (Is Getting Back Your Stuff)," the hit song from the MTV parody boy band 2Gether, featuring Chris Farley’s older brother Kevin. Even worse, you realize you that this song is better than any Rage Against the Machine song. 

2001

You check your very first boss’s email, as laid out in your job description. He is a very important literary agent who does not have time, particularly after a three-martini lunch, to thoroughly check his email. But you are thorough. Among the emails you find is a reply to your boss’s email: “Do you know anyone who’d make a good assistant for me? This current one doesn’t seem to be working out.” You mark the email as unread, go to the bathroom, lock yourself in a stall, cry quietly, wish you were back in college or high school or your mother’s womb.

2002

Your Craigslist roommate seemed like such a nice, down-to-earth Midwestern girl in her ad. She is actually a deranged lunatic who is some unholy combo of Jennifer Jason Leigh in Single White Female and any role ever played by Meredith Baxter-Birney in a TV movie.

2003

Friendster tells you that your former high school boyfriend is now married.

2004

Oh, wow! Your high school boyfriend is now a father.

2005

An event that you can still only refer to as The Great Friendster Debacle of ‘05. It’s like reverse fingering all over again. For one afternoon, Friendster allows you to see all the people who’ve looked at your profile. And vice versa. You actually have to leave work early because you suddenly feel “sick.” Amid all the stalker shame you’re feeling, you allow yourself to a tiny moment to gloat because your married high school boyfriend — who’s now a father — has been looking at you. You sign up for MySpace immediately.

2006

Wrong window on AOL Instant Messenger. You’d meant to complain about the putrid color of a bridesmaids dress to a fellow bridesmaid. You did not mean to send it to... the bride. This is horrifying, but not as horrifying as you look in that tangerine ruffled nightmare.

2007

Your Uncle Max comments on the first post you’ve written for the blog at your brand new job. This may or may not be what it said, verbatim:

[NAME REDACTED], My Love-

HOW WONDERFUL TO SEE THIS!!!

Dad just sent this to me. Unbelievably creative. I loved it!!!!

What can I do to support this?

Just tell me what would help you to ascend the corporate organization and become President! Hope to see you soon sweetie. Happy Chanukah!

All my love,

Uncle Max

You get teased mercilessly about this for two weeks, and then your co-workers mostly forget. You write about it six years later.

2008

It’s OK that you don’t remember what happened on New Years because there’s a fantastic YouTube video that’s captured the whole thing!

2009

You do a Google image search for Buffy and Angel. You discover that Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanfiction is disturbing in ways you couldn’t have imagined. Here’s just one word related to this terrible discovery: tentacles. Tentacles! There’s copious art that goes along with it. You can’t unsee it, ever.

2010

Your former high school boyfriend is now the father of three. Thanks, Facebook!

2011

Guy you went on five dates with from OKCupid last year just asked to link to you on LinkedIn. Because you really want to recommend this guy to future employers. You can totally endorse his skills in many pertinent areas of business, including drunk texting, makeout music playlist curation, and disappearing off the face of the Earth without returning three of your books he borrowed.

2012

Your best friend from seventh grade just “liked” Paul Ryan on Facebook. Your number two BFF from junior high just “liked” Chick-Fil-A. Further investigation shows that the majority of your graduating class from high school is racist, misogynistic, homophobic, and just really into guns and Charlie Sheen.

2012 part 2

Your ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend are hosting a DJ night together at some bar in Williamsburg and Facebook thought you’d like to know because all of your friends are going! So many of your friends are going! All of your friends! Going!

2012 part 3

You think you’ve defriended your ex on every social media platform in existence but then you realize that you are still connected on Netflix. You begin to analyze what it means if he’s watching The Big Lebowski again.

2013

You do a Google Image search for “young Paul Newman” and one of the first images to come up is a photo of Paul Walker. Unacceptable.

2013 part 2

You discover a blog on which approximately 4% of the posts involve derogatory comments about your blog. You do not care at all. You do not have time to worry about this nonsense. You check this blog approximately 37 times a day.

2014

There’s no doubt technology will provide brilliant new ways to do the 2014 version of reverse fingering people. The future is unknown, but surely ample opportunities will abound on the Internet to horrify your employers, bring shame to your families, and lose whatever little bit of dignity you have left.

Maris Kreizman is the creator of Slaughterhouse 90210, a blog that combines her love of literature with her appreciation for crappy television.



232 Comments / Post A Comment

sarah girl

You open the file and instead of “No Shelter," you realize you’ve downloaded “The Hardest Part of Breaking Up (Is Getting Back Your Stuff)," the hit song from the MTV parody boy band 2Gether, featuring Chris Farley’s older brother Kevin. Even worse, you realize you that this song is better than any Rage Against the Machine song.

TRUE

Ophelia

@sarah girl 2Gether 4EVA.

zamboni

@Ophelia @sarah girl YOU! PLUS SIGN! ME! EQUALS SIGN! US!
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meetapossum

@Ophelia If there's five of us, we should be called 5Gether.

HeyThatsMyBike

@sarah girl That movie was quite possibly the best thing MTV has done since The Real World: San Francisco wrapped.

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Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

2010: after a girl i know from the av club and videogum messages me on facebook to tell me she has a crush on me because she stalked my tumblr and saw that i made a post about zenon girl of the 21st century i decide to date her online and then fly to see her in atlanta only to be dumped 2 days later in a waffle house at 2 AM after meeting joanna newsom

Danzig!

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood what was your AVC handle?

MoxyCrimeFighter

@Danzig! Focusing on the important parts.

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@Danzig! its the same one as the one i have here.....

stonefruit

You don’t realize that some enterprising engineering students have invented a program for “reverse fingering.”

... are you me.

PomoFrannyGlass

@stonefruit YES. Only, I was friends with nerds, and as such one of the few people on campus in possession of the knowledge that reverse fingering existed and how to do it (which only showed me that those very nerds were stalking me. Sigh.)

jams

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jams

Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anyone else expects of you. Never excuse yourself. Thank You. French Press Reviews

DullHypothesis

MARISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Love Slaughterhouse 90210, love you, love this post.

BosomBuddy

I did not know that fingering had more than one definition. Unfortunately, I cannot read this article without visualizing, you know, actual fingering.

laurel

@BosomBuddy Fingering everyone. Willy-nilly.

BosomBuddy

@laurel And then in REVERSE. Kids those days.

fondue with cheddar

@BosomBuddy ...and wondering what reverse fingering would mean.

Miss Kitty Fantastico

@laurel WILLY-NILLY!

hallelujah

@laurel I've giggled at every single instance of finger-as-verb in this thread. FINGER FINGER FINGER.

jams

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aeroaeroaero

I saw the Bad Boy from 2Gether on my sister's 21st birthday in 2005. We played patty cake and it was the highlight of my year.

whizz_dumb

A truly disturbed person showed me a "tentacles" video and it would be very generous to call what I now regret watching "art".

redheaded&crazy

@whizz_dumb that's why it's called hentai

iceberg

Maris?

sorrysorrysorry. This was great. Oh MySpace. Ohhhhh Facebook.

Slutface

I came for the fingering, but stayed for this delightful article!

laurel

@Slutface She was wise to begin with that vignette. Attention: grabbed.

redheaded&crazy

@Slutface I read: I came from the fingering

and I was like yep well, *nods head musingly*

hallelujah

Personal Not At All Minor Internet Tragedy: my horrible exboyfriend, who is a DJ in Shanghai, had one of his mixtapes posted HERE by Jane. ON THE HAIRPIN. I'm still recovering.

iceberg

@hallelujah I remember you talking about this before! OHHHH my god I can only imagine the horror at having the Pin compromised in such a way. I'm so glad you stuck around though!

hallelujah

@iceberg Hahaha I'll be talking about it forever, I suppose. SUCH VIOLATION.

antipretty

@hallelujah I have this same reaction every time someone on Twitter RT's my exboyfriend. These people don't know that we dated. He now lives in LA and is married and I'm assuming (because I haven't stalked his Facebook or Twitter NO SIR) that he's making a go at being a comedian.

sox
sox

@hallelujah Oh god, oh god, I had a equally major Hairpin tragedy in 2011 when I co-organized a Pinup in my city and then there were these two girls who were from a suburb of this city and the only two people I knew from the suburb were the guy who I was unrequitedly in love with and his best friend. For background, the night before the Pinup, I had given him this insanely elaborate birthday gift and he responded with "look Sox, this is never going to happen." And I was [far too] devastated by it. So anyway I ask these girls if they know him AND IT TURNS OUT SHE WAS HIS HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART... Who, uh, still seems to carry some baggage over 10 years later. And she was so consumed with talking to me about him that I didn't really get to meet the other Pinners and drank 4 beers instead. And then she emailed him the next day and told him all about it. :(
It was very awful, like WTF this is my safe place why are you heeeeere?!?!

frigwiggin

UNACCEPTABLEEEE

fuck fuck fuck

@frigwiggin A LEMON GIVES BY TAKING
AND LOVES BY YELLING

frigwiggin

I didn't even know you could connect with friends via Netflix. I'm still undoing the damage my college roommate wrought when she spent five hours one day rating movies on my account, which opinions I MAY NOT agree with and which continually skew the recommendations I get.

pajamaralls

@frigwiggin Ugh. That made me uncomfortable with anger for you.

frigwiggin

@pajamaralls Haha! I'm not actually that angry about it because we were all sharing the account, it's mostly just funny to me because it's such a HER thing to do.

TheJacqueline

@frigwiggin I didn't realize that either, and it is horrifying to me because I definitely have the most embarrassing Netflix queue of all time. That is not hyperbole.

QuadrophonicSound

@frigwiggin That functionality was discontinued sometime in.... 2011, probably? Before I got fired from the 'Flix, and that was in April 2011. There was a special page where you could scroll through your friends' queues (and a not very easy to find place to hide movies you didn't want them to know you were renting.)

Miss Kitty Fantastico

Personal Minor Internet Tragedy: drunk, cyber-stalking the girl my shitty ex-boyfriend cheated on me with; accidentally hitting the "add friend" button.

iceberg

@Madeline Shoes noooooooooooooooooo

hallelujah

@iceberg My face literally looks like this D:

Jinxie

@Madeline Shoes {gasp} Noooooooooooooooo

Miss Kitty Fantastico

@iceberg UGH YESSSSS this was in 2008 and I am still mortified thinking about it RIGHT NOW. *buries head in hands*

juksie

@Madeline Shoes accidentally hitting the the add friend or like button on facebook: #1 reason not to facebook stalk people on your phone, sober or not. touch screens are tricky.

hallelujah

@juksie Real talk. I accidentally liked a post that was directly attacking me a few days ago (being in the middle of a very nasty election). My partner saw it and was all "uhhhh," unsure if it was an accident or I was being meta-snarky. Thank God you can unlike now.

leonstj

@hallelujah - OMG no, you need to do this. Sarcastically liking FB posts or Fav'ing tweets that are explicitly designed to piss you off is SO FUN.

RNL
RNL

@juksie Recently liked a 5 year old profile pic of my emotionally QUITE unavailable FWB by accident on my phone.

terrific

@Madeline Shoes oh GOD.

I accidentally added a friend-of-a-friend I was messaging about referring me for a job but it was nothing THAT bad! (she didnt ever respond)

juksie

@RNL All I want to know is this: if you unlike something really fast will the notification go away?? I assume yes, but sometimes they're online and YOU JUST KNOW they saw it and the shame is there forever.

Hellcat

@Madeline Shoes Facebook keeps recommending my BF's ex* to me as a new friend. We have no friends in common so I do not understand this. A terrible day at work made me look at her profile (that's as reasonable an excuse I have, anyway...and I found out that she lives in the same town we just moved to). Anyway, I quit my (thankfully uncharacteristic) stalking because I was paranoid I'd hit the "Add Friend" button by mistake.

* This is the ex that he wrote many a blog entry about, back when he wrote a blog. It's more or less defunct now, as in he hasn't added to it since before he met me, but those stories about her awesomeness are still there! Ugh. And I swear I only know that at all for a completely legit reason...that, in hindsight, I should have left alone once I realized those entries were there.

RNL
RNL

@juksie I think so? But I didn't notice until the next day.

I took the "head on" approach and sent him a message like "whoops! Sorry about that - but what's FB for if not deep creeping while you wait on your stoop for your ride?" and he was like "ha lolz letz bang" and we did.

We're not banging anymore, which is great news. I chose my loving BF, who is better in bed and much much nicer. My FWB's new girlfriend threw up in my sink at my birthday party, which was kind of funny and appropriate in some poignant way, considering I had unknowingly slept with her boyfriend while they were dating.

Blue skies

@Hellcat I found my exboyfriend's livejournal from when he was 15 but luckily do not really understand LJ, and therefore nothing happened. I was drunk though so the next day it was up when I opened my laptop and my roommate saw it. :(

HoliandIvy

@Hellcat
Having received friend suggestions from fb, of people that I know and with whom I do not have friends in common, I have come to believe that fb suggests as friends people who search for you.

Hellcat

@HoliandIvy Oh. Oh, no, no! Whoops...though if I pop up like that for her, she doesn't know me or my name from a can of paint (but she probably might, if she has ever looked up my BF, which she probably has and I don't care because that's "normal" enough to do with FB, I guess). But, again--whoops!

Sam Maguire

Personal Minor Internet Tragedy: messaging my crush on Bebo (did America have Bebo?) asking if he would like to go see a movie. Thinking it was a private message, and in the spirit of all great CRINGE pages from magazines of my youth, accidentally sending it publicly. Following up with "haha sorry that was my cousin being funny. haha"

(I was very young.)

Gulfie

@Sam Maguire I ALWAYS used the "Oh sorry that was my brother!" line when I did something stupid.

jonacon

The terror of having to relive a break up a thousand times as you unfollow/unfriend etc. an ex on EVERY social media made the last two years particularly interesting. Even better are all the micro fights that occurred even weeks/months after the break up. Thanks technology for taking me from the world of successful dating to successful breaking up (a break up longer than the actual relationship). #SINGLE4LYF

Ophelia

It is shocking how much this aligns with my own life/experiences. I suppose we must be the same age, but still.

Lu2
Lu2

OMG, I had the "analog" version of the 2001 mishap. I was in the office of my nightmarish boss while she was out of town, working at her desk (as was the accepted custom among the assistants). I opened a file drawer and saw a file that for some reason I realized was about me. (It was a long time ago and my memory, honestly, is foggy about the sequence of events.) I opened it and found a list of things I'd done wrong and other things she was holding against me, which alerted me to the fact that I was on my way out, too. I quit soon after. ("you can't fire me, I quit and plus I hate you also too" being the general idea.)

ETA: So I guess what I'm saying is, there is nothing new under the sun. Humiliation comes in many forms.

City_Dater

@Lu2

Most excellent! I had a semi-analog version: my now ex-boss, drunk and no doubt speeding on the West Side Highway, must have sat on her phone which called me, resulting in a 4-minute voice mail of her slurringly deriding all of her employees (including me) while her long-suffering partner made noncommittal but supportive noises in the death seat. Priceless.
Fortunately we were all on to less humiliating jobs within months.

kateek

My senior year of college, we were switched from a VAX based email system to webmail, and everyone thought it was the END of the world because we couldn't finger each other anymore.

highfivesforall

All of your friends! Going!

This is extremely great. Uncle Max sounds wonderful.

olivebee

@highfivesforall I couldn't believe I made it this far down the thread before someone mentioned Uncle Max. I want to have Uncle Max as my own uncle/dad/mom/every family member.

xxAnniexx

I cannot stop awkwardly giggling in my office over "reverse fingering"!! And like, I've never been subjected to the mortification of reverse fingering, but I feel as though I have. It may be a universally-felt shame.

City_Dater

Uncle Max!!! Love this very much.

lora.bee

Ughh, Facebook events. My coworker invited me to a show recently and when I looked it up on Facebook, an ex-complicated-person-in-my-life was going TOO. I couldn't decide if being alerted to the possibility of seeing them there was better or worse than just bumping into them.

Apocalypstick

@lora.bee What's worse, being ambushed by someone's presence unexpectedly or quietly dreading & hiding from them all night? Both options suck. Technology just sucks in more complicated ways.

highfivesforall

@Apocalypstick The consensus in my local group of friends which has... splintered... lately, seems to be that they'd rather know who is invited/going so that they can make the decision of whether to attend themselves, with full knowledge of the consequences. Making the info publicly available also prevents having to contact the organizer and ask who is going (if it really is important to you that you not be in the same room, which in many cases is totally reasonable), which could be embarrassing.

Michaela D@twitter

@lora.bee This is basically my life right now. We have soooo many mutual friends. I haven't bumped into him yet, but it is somehow worse to know what he's doing all the time.

Atheist Watermelon

@lora.bee oh jesus. a few months ago i was going to my favorite bar with a friend of mine and of course this being the only time i ever posted my location on facebook, my ex (who is friends on facebook with said friend, whom i tagged in the location) showed up two hours later at the bar. he does not live in this location, lives, in actual fact, thousands and thousands of miles away, in another country, and just "happened" to show up at that particular bar at that particular time. and just had to come over to say hi. shock of my life. i'm not sure what would be worse, knowing he was coming or not knowing. as it was it was fucking horrible. i cried in front of him. oh god. ugh. the only excuse is that i was three margaritas in. cringe. fucking technology.

Kikimora

Personal Minor Internet Tragedy: I have a few friends on fbook that I keep around not because we are actually truly friends anymore, but because I still find their "life" (it's fbook) interesting. Or I wish we had spent more time together in college and I think they are cool. Every now and then lately I realize, oh hey I haven't seen any updates from so and so...look for them, and realize they have unfriended me. Aww man! Evidently they no longer found me interesting. Or maybe I've always been uncool.

The latest tragedy is that my very dear friend's mother friended me and she is not sane. I know people through that around lightly, but the woman has serious mental issues. We have been friends on other social media, and any time I'd update or post she would write embarrassing messages all over it. If I don't friend her, she will manipulate her daughter into telling her and my friend will be miserable, in short. So right now I'm hiding all of my updates from both of them. WHY AM I DOING THIS, AGAIN? This is not a real issue. Like, at all. But somehow it is.

polka dots vs stripes

@Kikimora Nope I have some grown up crazy friends on facebook (mother of some guy my sister is friends with whom I've met once? okay) and there is absolutely a "you can't see anyyyyy updates" friends list I put them on.

TheJacqueline

@polka dots vs stripes HOW DO YOU MAKE THAT LIST??? I have tried to make that list, and my non-threatening but way too into my facebook coworker constantly chats to me about things he sees on my facebook all the time anyways. Whyyy.

polka dots vs stripes

@TheJacqueline Honestly, I have no idea. I made it once upon a time and now just add people to it as needed. Whenever I want to do something on facebook I just google "limit facebook profile friends list" or something - they make so many changes I can't keep up with it.

Michaela D@twitter

@TheJacqueline Currently, it's a "+Create List" button on this page: https://www.facebook.com/bookmarks/lists
Just throw on the people you want to block, (or conversely, the people you trust the most. I have a "The Chosen" list for truly personal stuff I only want close people to see.) and then filter your next post "custom" and exclude the list. Generally, facebook will keep your filter setting until you change them.

happy go lucky scamp

@TheJacqueline I can't remember how i made that list, but I called it Real Friends.
One day someone was looking over my shoulder and saw that every post I made was set to Real Friends and wondered why she could never see any of my posts.
Now I just keep it to 10 friends and never go on it.

Verity

The only problem with this is the title. These are not minor. (I am laughing out loud at the Uncle Max thing.)

antipretty

Personal Minor Internet-Adjacent Tragedy: being 13 years old and seeing a cute boy on the bus every day for six months. Being a quiet, shy, weird 13 year old who hasn't yet learned that Seventeen does not have actual advice and isn't meant to be taken seriously. Reading an article that says "a great way to ask out your crush is to drop a note on his desk with your email! Avoid in-person rejection!"

Write email address on paper. Spend all of bus ride with your heart in your throat. When you get off at your stop, walk casually up to Cute Boy (with his friends, natch) and drop the sweaty wadded-up paper in his lap. Run off the bus.

Check email (on dial-up) before bed. Find a rejection email that says, "that was weird and I have a girlfriend and she has bigger boobs than you and you're weird".

Take a wildly different bus route home for the next 5 years, until your family moves to a different part of town.

TheBourneApproximation

@antipretty Even at age 13, a bullet dodged!

Slutface

@antipretty I would think a guy would be flattered to get a note from a girl asking him to email her. This guy should've been the one to change buses. He's the one who sucks!

Danzig!

@TheBourneApproximation right??

Danzig!

I had to google Maris to make sure she wasn't on Jezebel and the blog frequently dissing her blog wasn't the HP.

I mean to be fair, anti-Jez rage seems to come up a lot less lately, but you never know.

iceberg

@Danzig! I wouldn't describe either HP or Jez as "blogs" but there you go. If I had a blog and found another one where someone just bitched about it I don't know whether I'd be flattered I'd gotten noticed, or gutted someone was hating on me.

Danzig!

Oh and I guess my minor internet tragedies all include chatting up a cool lady on OKC and then getting abrupt radio silence and intensely trawling all aspects of my messages / profile for obvious flaws

Gulfie

@Danzig! life

Alli525

Excuse me, where is the Xanga in this article? It seems to be missing. Perhaps this article is actually HOSTED on Xanga and some sort of strange internet magic has spirited it over to the 'Pin. Technology is weird.

Michaela D@twitter

@Alli525 Ohh man, I wish I didn't delete my xanga. I still have a livejournal floating around, and it is the most beautiful/hilarious/angsty time capsule I ever could have made of adolescence.

packedsuitcase

@Michaela D@twitter Xanga! Oh man. I think I deleted that (I hope not). I did do my bi-annual LJ log in to see what 18 year old me was up to.

formergr

Fingering!! I had completely forgotten about having that in college--it was awesome! And now I'm also feeling nostalgic for Pine email, and for Unix commands.

cupcakecore@twitter

Uuugh 2006 happened to me bad, but in reverse. The bridesmaids and I had a small issue and in response the bride had a long-ish, unkind rant about it on social media. I checked my phone at lunch and felt ill for the rest of the day. I got an apology but it was done in a very casual way, in a setting where I wasn't going to get support if I did try to address my side. Feelings are still hurt tbh.

Nancy Sin

1. 2gether! :( :( the young one

2. I ALWAYS do that thing in which I almost message the subject of my shit talking instead of whomever I am shit talking to. I only went through with this once and it was via email to a high ranking account exec at my first job. OOPS. WE ALL HAD A GOOD LAUGH ABOUT THAT.

Roxanne Rholes

Personal Minor Internet Tragedy: When my mom found out I was using OKC, she thought it would be hilarious if we looked up my horrible, racist cousin who I haven't seen in like, 10 years. Of course, I forgot to put it on internet-stalker-setting.

Neither of us ever acknowledged it.

packedsuitcase

Minor Internet Tragedy 2003/2004: You have a beautifully angsty teenage Xanga full of inside jokes and long entries about your ex-boyfriend when somebody randomly comments on it and says they've seen your posts before. After some sleuthing, you find that somebody in Xangaland is copying your posts word for word and claiming your internet as their own. Write a very, very angry, self-righteous comment that ends "And if you're wondering what so-and-so will be up to next week, check out my blog! I can tell the future!" Spend 2 weeks in gradually less heated email conversation with the blog copier that somehow turns into you comforting them about their lack of friends and insecurity.

packedsuitcase

@packedsuitcase Claiming your internet life as their own***

The 'Pin hates me lately. Can't edit, can't see new posts...boooo

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@packedsuitcase That is super strange! But glad you guys worked it out, at least!

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Lyesmith

Not a tragedy, but my mother still has my crappy ex on her LinkedIn.
She has also called his cell a couple of times to ask my whereabouts when I was still dating him (apparently, if you borrow a boyfriend's phone to call home once, your mother will never forget it).
The conclusion is that she doesn't really understand boundaries.

Lurkasaurus

"Minor" Internet Tragedy 2009: improperly protected ancient Xanga account I had been using to process a deeply fucked up life situation is discovered via random Google search by a friend of the other party in said situation. They both read EVERYTHING before telling me they've found it and I need to take it down. Eternal mortification does not begin to cover it.

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Minor Internet Tragedy 2013: Guy I went on a strange and argumentative OK Cupid date with last week added me as a GChat contact BEFORE our date (I mean WHO DOES THAT?/WHY DID I ACCEPT?), so now I have to be invisible on GChat all the time to avoid him. Because apparently I worry about hurting the feelings of dudes who spank on the first date (this was OUT IN PUBLIC, PEOPLE!).

toastercat

@Oliver St. John Mollusc Just block him! I was always invisible because I was avoiding people, and then I realized--if I block them, they won't know, because they already think I'm never online! He sounds terrible. You can do it!

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Minor Internet Tragedy 2013: Guy I went on a strange and argumentative OK Cupid date with last week added me as a GChat contact BEFORE our date (I mean WHO DOES THAT?/WHY DID I ACCEPT?), so now I have to be invisible on GChat all the time to avoid him. Because apparently I worry about hurting the feelings of dudes who spank on the first date (this was OUT IN PUBLIC, PEOPLE!). sbothai

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