Tuesday, April 16, 2013


If SkyMall Did Gift Registries

"... even housewarming gift." (With video.)


Highlights from the Zombie of Montclaire Moors Statue Customer Ratings & Review section:

"Everyone who passes by remarkes on the Zombie."

"Thanks, tax refund!"

"I ordered this for my husband's birthday and set it up as a surprise for him."

"We have had a lot of interesting comments about our GLEN ... and he looks very handsome against the red wood chips in the garden."

"Got it to scare the grandkids. And it did. The kids stay clear of it."

"For the holiday season, he is now sporting a jaunty Santa hat!"

"I've been setting it up in unexpected places for my husband to find. So far, having the Zombie crawling out of a gym bag in the closet got the funniest response."

"I'm afraid to put it in my yard because someone will steal it."

"I bought this product as a wedding gift for my son and his wife after they were married by a Grim Reaper impersonator."

"I thought that it moved, like the other skeleton I bought from Sky Mall, but it doesn't."

"... the birds that once made the railing surrounding my terrace their own personal home are now suddenly avoiding it once I put my zombie on my outdoor dining table."

"Unpacked and set up on the dining room table. My son (12) walked by and screamed."

"It never fails."

"My grown daughter covered its face with a towel while I was away and she was cat-sitting so she didn't have to look at it. Great purchase – it will be a mainstay around my house."

65 Comments / Post A Comment


You can go ahead and buy me the entire 'sexual aids' part of the SkyMall catalog, just make sure it all arrives in plain white wrapping.


@parallel-lines wait, I have EXTENSIVELY perused the SkyMall catalog & NEVER noticed this. or am I just being to literal with the "personal massagers" section?


@parallel-lines I like my 'sexual aids' to come from Carol Wright, because I'm classy like that.


This is beautiful@m


"Grim Reaper impersonator" is one of the greatest phrases I have ever read in my entire life.


@meetapossum I actually know someone to whom that applies. Well, the getting married by part.


@meetapossum I laughed at that, because...of course it's an impersonator? Definitely not the real actual Grim Reaper (I hope).


I'm iffy on GLEN as a zombie name.


@Loz You're right,it's a terrible name for a zombie. I'm not exactly sure why.


@Loz I don't know, I think it's kind of perfect. It reminds us that even zombies are human beings with the same mundane lives as the rest of us, just trying to get through the daily grind. They get woken up in the morning by that same goddamn car alarm, they stumble through the streets trying to get some exercise before work, they spend most of your day looking forward to your next snack break, they stumble home again without even the energy to go out with their friends, and they do it all over again the next day. Zombies: they're just like us.


@SarcasticFringehead Please tell me you've seen "AAAAH!!! ZOMBIES!!" If not, I cannot recommend it enough. It's kind of (ok, it's really) amazing.


@Loz Glenn is pretty much one of the only reasons I still give The Walking Dead any attention, so I agree with you. No to zombie Glenn.


@iknowright Glen is the best.


I needed this* today.

*The compilation of comments. Well, maybe the zombie, too. But mostly the comments.


"I thought that it moved, like the other skeleton I bought from Sky Mall, but it doesn't." Perfect.


"Got it to scare the grandkids. And it did. The kids stay clear of it."

SkyMall Zombie: a critical tool for keeping those damn kids OFF MY LAWN!

oh! valencia

@TheBourneApproximation Something tells me "And it did." is a hilarious understatement.


Oh man. This made me guffaw. I want to be the woman who keeps hiding it to scare her husband. Plus think of all the jaunty hats you could buy it!

Matthew Gordon@twitter

@flimflannery I'm thinking bunny ears for Easter.

Nicole Cliffe

Someone just tweeted SkyMaul at me: http://kasperhauser.com/sites/default/files/skymaul/FlipBook.html


@Nicole Cliffe I bought that for my husband a few years ago (mainly because I wanted it, but also because our joint MST3King of the SkyMall catalog is a tradition on any airplane trip we take together)...it was worth every penny.

rachel the k

@Nicole Cliffe that link didn't work, so I hunted around a bit: http://www.kasperhauser.com/skymaul_site/html/home.html



"These shirts are great for a night on the town, frat parties, bachelor parties, stag parties or any other time you want to stand out in a crowd...Because these shirts are a piece of art, the color and pattern is not revealed until the package is opened."



"Cleverly printed with a photorealistic set of tools, gadgets and a tough leather toolbelt, these soft lounge pants are just the thing for handymen -- or as a gag gift for not-so-handymen....Elastic drawstring waist."


Holy shit, they just get better and better! (I swear, I'll try to make this the last one.)

"Hand-painted and polished, this cold-cast resin sculpture depicts a love that knows no boundaries, even those of the grave."

Trinette Magoon

Is this now officially the Skymall image & copy open thread?!?

Trinette Magoon

A personal favorite:


"This person is able to sleep comfortably in any Seat! Can you say the same? Probably not, unless you have SkyRest. "

Trinette Magoon

Because why go for a walk/run when you buy a thingy?


"The Ultrabreathe Lung Exerciser strengthens the respiratory system and helps reduce shortness of breath. The device restricts airflow as you breathe through it and exercises the muscles in your lungs that weaken with age or due to asthma, bronchitis or emphysema. The exerciser adjusts to different levels of resistance to gradually improve the lungs."


Can we just get some love too for the Photoshop hackjob they did on the guy in the Self-Identified Douche ShirtTM? Look at that nipped-in waist!


@SuperGogo ilu skymall


@SuperGogo Goddamnit, even dead people are getting more action than I am.


@Trinette Magoon I would think this lap pillow sleeper thing was stupid, except that I use my backpack for the same purpose on plane rides. It would probably be good not to wake up with zipper lines all over my face.

rachel the k

@Trinette Magoon actually... that looks awesome, and actually useful. HMMMMM


Guys, NO ONE has reviewed the "Rejuvenating Oxygen Bar" - what kind of shoppers ARE these?



I never would have thought to use this with red wood chips!! I just assumed it would look nicest next to more of a bronzy, burnt sienna hue. Guys, this product is a chameleon and I am loving it.


I was sooooo sad when they took the Hot Dog Toaster out of skymall.

fondue with cheddar

@christonacracker I BOUGHT THE HOT DOG TOASTER FROM SKYMALL! I lost it in the divorce though, because it was a gift from me to him. :(


@fondue with cheddar Treat yo self.

fondue with cheddar

@dinos Thanks! I actually did buy another one but it was also a different model and not as good as the first one I had. I actually left it with my ex boyfriend when we broke up because he didn't clean it and it got all gross. I feel like maybe I wasn't meant to have one. That's okay though, because my boyfriend and I are seriously considering major home downsizing, and if we do we won't have room for specialty appliances.


@fondue with cheddar I really love that you've had not one, but two hot dog toasters in your lifetime.

fondue with cheddar

@christonacracker They're awesome. Get one! I think I bought my second one at Best Buy.


A friend of mine bought that zombie lawn ornament for her friends when they got married. I don't know if she got it through Skymall or if it's sold somewhere else. They haven't changed up Skymall in a while. I feel like I know all the current products by this point.


@kellyography I've seen it online, at a different site. I can't remember which site, though, I just remember I wanted it.


I read through these thinking "these are real reviews...no, it's a spoof...no, they're real reviews!".


I am in love with all these people who are just using this to fuck with their kids.


@TheBelleWitch Seriously. I want to be all these folks' friends.

279th District Court

"0 stars

Officially the worst way to find out that your father-in-law killed a guy and buried him in the back yard. Me: pranks? Never again."


@279th District Court are you saying that son in law planted this zombie in the backyard and father in law saw it and thought it was the skeleton he buried in the backyard rising from the dead and admitted the killing? If so, this would make a great short story


@drunkennoodle Or maybe when the son-in-law planted it as a prank, he coincidentally dug in the same spot his father-in-law had buried the body.


@MoxyCrimeFighter I think you wouldn't have to dig down so far to plant the zombie as you presumably would to bury a body you wanted to remain undiscovered...but perhaps i'm putting too much thought into this!


@drunkennoodle Maybe he subconsciously wanted the body to be found! ...I am also thinking too much about this.

Chareth Cutestory

"...brings the flesh-hungry undead to your daffodil bed!"

fondue with cheddar

He looks more ghoulish than zombie, though. Look how intact he is! Zombie lawn gnomes are so much cooler.


this gives me faith in humanity once again. that GLEN is soooo handsome

the angry little raincloud

The Sky Mall catalogue is without a doubt the single best part of air travel today.





@cherrispryte I have seen it and am blessed by its light, do not fear.


@cherrispryte. And now I'm going to have that song in my head all day! "Incarcerate your kitties and take them out for aiiiiir"


OMG so hilarious. That thing would scare me for sure!

Matthew Gordon@twitter

Anyone else seen the $1000 Easter Island statue? It was about 6' tall, too. Thing wouldn't have fit in my apartment, sadly - otherwise it'd pretty much be the perfect party trick.


@Matthew Gordon@twitter There's a house in a nearby town with a six foot bronze(?) owl on their lawn. I love driving past.

Jolly Farton

Truly, these are my people.


I love how people write how "realistic" it looks. Oh really? Looks just like one of those "real" zombies, does it? Also, look for the reviewer who posted a picture of it under her Christmas tree. Priceless! (Although a zombie is more Easter appropriate than anything else)


My personal favorite SkyMall memory is all of the lovely multi-purpose dog crate/furniture pieces. My roommate looked at me from the next seat on the plane and said to me, "I think it's sad when you have to hide your dog in an endtable."

I laughed for about three years (and counting). To be fair it was like 6:30 AM and I think I was on cold medicine?

Jonas Ruess

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