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Tuesday, April 2, 2013

70

Good Recent Questions From Discovery.com

Answers here.



70 Comments / Post A Comment

VerityStandingStill

Hairpin, you are killing it today.

oh! valencia

@VerityStandingStill Totally!

whizz_dumb

@VerityStandingStill I opened the Hairpin tab and within one minute I resigned myself: there is no way I'm getting any work done today.

vittoriama

Haha loved it@v

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

im not high enough for this

hallelujah

@PatatasBravas You are KILLING it in the GIF game today. Bravo.

sarah girl

Well, why DOESN'T coffee go in your butt?

allofthewine

@sarah girl I love that that one is the only one with alt text.

DoMark

Drunk apes are part of my immediate family tree.

TheclaAndTheSeals

@DoMark That was my exact reaction, just a gut "Yes, the answer to that question is yes."

PatatasBravas

It is unsettling that this post didn't go up yesterday. Am I to believe that these are all real?

atipofthehat

Finally, lady otters get a break.

OhMarie

Is the invasive species one about Snakeheads/Frankenfish in the Chesapeake? Because I had a Snakehead taco a couple of weeks ago and it was pretty good. Kind of like swordfish.

Amphora

@OhMarie My family used to camp along Lake Michigan when I was a kid and there were signs everywhere warning us to look out for sea lampreys. I do NOT wanna eat a terrifying vampiric nightmare eel!

TheLetterL

@Amphora NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE. Not clicking that link.

circular jaws

RK Fire

@OhMarie I can get behind eating snakeheads, but I don't think "let's eat them" is a great tactic to deal with invasive bamboo stands, the Emerald Ash Borer, or ailanthus altissima... although it's kind of a hilarious thought!

OhMarie

@RK Fire You mean you would not care for some brown marmorated stink bugs on your salad? They provide a lovely crunch.

Miss Maszkerádi

oh my god, it's turning into the History Channel!

Lily Rowan

The answer to all of them is no, right???

atipofthehat

Edith, you left out "Male Bats Perform Oral Sex on Females".

Edith Zimmerman

@atipofthehat THEY forgot to phrase it in the form of a question. DID These Male Bats Perform Oral Sex on Females?

Emby

@Edith Zimmerman Or: Did THESE Male Bats Perform Oral Sex on Females?

Lily Rowan

@Emby Did These Male Bats Perform ORAL Sex on Females?

Gertrude

@Lily Rowan Did These Male Bats Perform Oral Sex on FEMALES?

fondue with cheddar

@Lily Rowan These Male Bats ALLEGEDLY Perform Oral Sex on Females

atipofthehat

@Edith Zimmerman

Well, if you're guano be that way about it....

hallelujah

@Edith Zimmerman It's ok, sometimes you just have to wing it.

atipofthehat

@hallelujah

I don't think she's going to cave.

hallelujah

@atipofthehat I'm not gonna stop hanging around here either way.

atipofthehat

@hallelujah

I've tried, but echolocate another pun.

atipofthehat

@atipofthehat

"Sonar on it already!"

fondue with cheddar

@atipofthehat I must be batty to waste another workday with these puns.

hallelujah

@fondue with cheddar I could do this furever!

atipofthehat

@fondue with cheddar

Maybe it's time to bat tongue down the hatch.

fondue with cheddar

@atipofthehat I think we can just wing it from here.

atipofthehat

@fondue with cheddar

I'm down with that.

"The tube-lipped nectar bat (Anoura fistulata), has the longest tongue of any mammal relative to its body size."

TheLetterL

@fondue with cheddar After yesterday's eggstravaganza of puns, I vam pired.

(No? Too much of a reach? Take this bat fact from Wikipedia instead: " Bats do not flap their entire forelimbs, as birds do, but instead flap their spread-out digits" Jazz hands. They fly by JAZZ HANDS.)

fondue with cheddar

@TheLetterL Jazz hands! This is the best news I've heard all day.

mrs psmith

I love these. It's like on cable news--"Tune in at 11 to find out whether the government is USING OREOS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD GAY/the secret to a healthy life is BATHING IN BUTTER/your neighbor is ACTUALLY OSAMA BIN LADEN!" And then if you are so foolish as to tune in it always turns out, nope, haha, our bad, false alarm.

Punk-assBookJockey

@mrs psmith "What it means for your weekend! At 10."

iceberg

who on earth is out there squinting at otter penises and going "waaaaaaaaiiiiit a minute."

PatatasBravas

Where's the Kendragon at these days?

Emby

@iceberg What did you think they meant by junk science?

fondue with cheddar

@Emby ALL THE LIKES

redheaded&crazy

@PatatasBravas fighting fires, busting skulls, breaking hearts! is where she's at. I'm pretty sure.

meetapossum

Actually had a conversation at the bar last weekend with a dude who thought that aliens must have planted humans on Earth because...I don't know? And then he said, "What, do you think we evolved from apes?"

And I just turned to my friend and said, "Aw, someone doesn't know how evolution works." I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR ALIEN SHIT.

Blackwatch Plaid

@meetapossum Must be weird to get one's entire worldview from mediocre Ridley Scott films.

SarcasticFringehead

I'm not entirely convinced that these don't just come from a random headline generator

sarah girl

@SarcasticFringehead Baahaaha I'm loving these:

"How Did We Not Know That Instagram is Stifling Gorilla Habitats?"

"Is Your Casual Ecstasy Use Pillaging Future Generations?"

"Did Eric Cantor Just Ruin the Manatee?"

fondue with cheddar

@sarah girl
Who Gave Joe Biden the Power to Slowly Kill the Monarch Butterfly?
Can DIY Animal Husbandry Torpedo Our National Parks?
Will Excessive Facial Hair Starve Healthy School Lunches?

fondue with cheddar

Is Comic Sans Slowly Killing America's Coastline?

Yeah, probably.

SarcasticFringehead

@sarah girl

Why Is Ryan Gosling Pretending to Endanger Baby Whales?

...I knew he was too good to be true

frigwiggin

Who Is This Woman, and Why Is She Demolishing the Vegan Lifestyle?

fondue with cheddar

Is Justin Bieber's Hair Flip Trolling Your Liver?

EpWs

Is Your Guitar Solo Shredding The Rainforest?

TheclaAndTheSeals

@fondue with cheddar My favorite:
Does Friending Your Exes Quietly Devastate Old-Growth Forests?

oh! valencia

Will the New 'Hobbit' Movie Handicap the Polar Bears? (this is very funny and will keep me entertained for quite a while.)

stuffisthings

"Are Mansplainers Crushing Organic Tomatoes?"

Yeah, but they're probably doing it wrong. I mean first you have to hold the masher like this... wait, didn't you used to work in restaurant?

TheLetterL

Who Let Rick Santorum Starve Bighorn Sheep?

Will Kate Middleton's Baby Slowly Trash the Organic Brussels Sprout Supply?

Is Your IKEA Bookshelf Unfairly Maligning the Manatee?

fondue with cheddar

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher If you play air guitar in the rainforest and nobody is around, does it make a sound?

fondue with cheddar

Is Your Vinyl Collection Eviscerating Small-Batch Brewers?

My guess is quite the opposite.

mynamebackwards

this reads like the google search history on my laptop after my husband and I smoke a little too much weed. one of our recent searches was simply "fabio bird face."

Edith Zimmerman

@mynamebackwards I know what you were doing. The goose and the rollercoaster

stuffisthings

"Why coffee doesn't go in your butt" is not a question, Edith.

It is, however, one of several of these where the full text of the article could just be "Because."

(ETA: Sorry just saw the alt text. WAY AHEAD OF ME.)

mollpants

this was wondrous, but I demand a return of the Daily Mail subhead series.

TARDIStime

@mollpants OMG this was before my time as a 'pinner - LOVE IT!!!
+1 bring this back, plz!

kingstitcher

"...next, on Sick Sad World!"

and it's not even my birthday

I would love to answer an overeager philosophical-type college freshman who asks "Are we living in a hologram?" with "IS POLLUTION SHRINKING OTTER PENISES?"

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